10 Celebrity 911 Calls

Posted by Michael | Wednesday, October 6th 2010

If you’re calling 911, things are probably about as bad as they could possibly get. This holds true for celebrities as well. Some funny and some sad, these 911 calls serve as a reminder that celebrities are people too—not superheroes immune to disaster.

1. David Hasselhoff

Newest David Hasselhoff 911 Tape sound clip

How bad off are you if you’re daughter has to call 911 for you because your suffering from alcohol poisoning? Such is the plight of David Hasselhoff. You have to feel sorry for his daughter. How many times do you think she’s witnessed this exact same thing? We know of at least one other time. She caught it all on tape and then posted it online for the world to see. Apparently it didn’t stop him.

2. Balloon Boy

They weren’t celebrities before this call, but it certainly earned them their 15 minutes of fame. The parents of Falcon Heene claim their son accidentally flew off in their weather balloon. The story went viral and garnered the family worldwide attention. Then the son slips up and lets everyone know the parents set it all up for publicity. Both parents ended up serving jail time and paying large fines for the incident. Great parents.

3. Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen is drunk? No way! But this time, he’s not the only one. Obviously Brooke had a few too many as well. God only knows what she did to piss him off. But whatever it was, odds are it wasn’t bad enough to deserve having a knife pulled on her. Yet that’s what Charlie does. Yikes.

4. Lindsay Lohan’s assistant

Lindsay Lohan's assistant hit and run 911 call sound clip

Lindsay Lohan just can’t stay out of trouble. And apparently neither can her assistant. She hits a photographer with her car and then takes off. But the funniest part isn’t that it’s connected to Lindsay Lohan. It’s that the girl who makes the call keeps talking about her medical experience and the 911 guy keeps shutting her down. Please just report the facts, ma’am.

5. Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson has been buried. Thanks to his “significant other,” the whole world now views him as a psycho. In this 911 call, a woman explains how he ran his car off the road. She seems extremely annoyed with the whole situation. Maybe because she’s tired of this nut job?

6. Kourtney Kardashian

Few things are as scary as coming home to a house that has been robbed. Kourtney Kardashian calls 911 after she and her boyfriend notice things looked different from how they left them. She says they ran out of the house as soon as they noticed the signs. The most remarkable thing about this call is how calm she is. It’s almost as if this is an everyday occurrence.

7. Nadya Suleman

I’m not making light of missing children. It’s a horrible thing when it happens. However, this octuplet mom loses one of her kids for a few minutes and loses her mind. A fairly normal response, at least you know she genuinely cares for her kids. The weird part is, she keeps saying she’s going to kill herself and the dispatcher has to tell her to quit saying that in front of her kids. Staying calm in the face of emergency is key.

8. Tiger Woods

The call that started it all. Tiger Woods runs his car into a tree. Next thing you know, reports surface that his wife saved him from the early morning wreckage with a golf club. Shortly after, we hear a completely different story. She allegedly attacked him with the club instead. Whatever really happened, we know now that Tiger cheated on his wife, got caught, and suffered consequences.

9. Joe Mack

Another 911 call that’s drinking-related. We’re seeing a bit of a trend here. Joe Mack, the Entertainment Guru, is drunk at an IHOP and makes quite a scene. He screams on the phone that he just wants to go home. If you don’t laugh at his voice on this call, then you just don’t recognize good comedy. By the way, is anyone sober at IHOP in the middle of the night? They should change their name to the International House for Drunks after the Bar.

10. Anna Nichole Smith

Anna Nichole Smith had quite a life. Reality shows, accusations of marrying for money, weight problems… you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her when she passed away. However, as they normally do, the media took this unfortunate event and milked it for all it was worth. As a result, we get the following 911 call featured on the Soup. I’m honestly not sure if it’s staged, but even if it is, it’s genius.

Have you heard any Celebrity 911 calls that should be added to this list?

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