Even those of us who have leveled up and out of school feel the thrill of summer rising. Sure, innumerable beach days have been replaced by soul sucking cubicle work, but we’re hard wired to feel a metaphorical weight lift off of us in much the same way that we feel depressed when the summer comes to an end, that school schedule laced into our bones, the fear of returning to school always sticking with us. That’s why Billy Madison (1995) sticks with me — hillarious, but also frightening because Sandler’s character is forced to return to class as an adult in an effort to gain control of his fathers company (Madison Hotels).

The film was co-written by Sandler and it co-stars Bradley Whitford (back when he was easier to hate), Bridgette Wilson-Sampras (who teamed with Sandler for the world’s only appropriate 3rd grade teacher-student tryst), Norm MacDonald, and Darren McGavin.

Lend your ears to a few clips from Billy Madison (in no particular order), try not to think of the horrors of returning to school, and remember what it was like back when Sandler was splendidly stupid and not another victim of the Murphy-Carey-Ferrell curse that numbs the comic sensibilities and forces the afflicted into bland family films and maudlin dramas.

“Shampoo is better”

The great debate wages on between shampoo and conditioner.

“Big day tomorrow. A day filled with daiquiris and Nintendos and jack-off magazines…” 

Brian Madison (McGavin) shows his son how much he respects his slacker lifestyle. I don’t know what the sarcasm is about, sounds like Billy’s got a full day ahead of him.

“Sorry doesn’t put triscuit crackers in my stomach.”

A hungry Eric Gordon (Whitford) waits for Billy, who is otherwise engaged in his bathtub with the shampoo/conditioner conundrum on his hands.  Carl, another associate of Brian Madison’s semi-gloats about his crackery snack from earlier, something that ticks Eric off.

“We eliminate Billy Madison!”

Eric assesses the threat and that threat is Billy Madison and also, eventually, his own receding hairline.

“Suntan lotion is good for me”

Billy teaches us all a valuable lesson about keeping our skin safe during the summer and he does it with baby talk and sing songiness. Shockingly Oscar glory evaded this film.

“All the people at the zoo are very nice, penguin”

Did I mention that Billy has an invisible pet penguin? Did you know the penguin has a now defunct MySpace page, just like the rest of us?

(Myspace page link: http://www.myspace.com/effingpenguin )

“I hate cursive and I hate all of you!” 

I feel the same way Billy, I feel the same way.

“Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass” 

Chris Farley stops by as an excitable school bus driver to tell Billy a story about him and Veronic… er, his buddy and… er. Well, he’s really fond of Billy’s teacher Veronica.

“If peeing your pants is cool…”

Billy’s young friend Ernie is embarrassed after he pees his pants on a school trip but Billy tries to turn the tables by pretending to pee his own pants and sell the class on it being “cool”, something the elderly matron at the farm their at doesn’t quite jive with.

Billy graduates.

In the end, naturally, Billy is triumphant and Eric (despite his numerous, slimy, and blackmaily efforts) doesn’t get the hotels or any delicious triscuit crackers. No, Carl gets both those things while Eric gets shot in the ass by Steve Buscemi after threatening Veronica with a gun after losing the climactic debate to Billy. Is there a moral there? Yes, never share your triscuits — ever.

Apparently seeing green has Marvel Studios seeing green. Previously averse to the idea of yet another solo-Hulk movie after the awful Ang Lee helmed Hulk and the underrated Incredible Hulk, Marvel is pondering a deeper exploration of the rage monster and his angsty alter-ego thanks to the early overseas box office of The Avengers and the strong critical buzz surrounding Mark Ruffalo‘s performance as Bruce Banner in the film, according to a new article on Forbes.com.

Here’s an excerpt from the article where Larissa Faw talks to Marvel merchandising head Paul Gitter about Marvel’s battle plan in the lead up to The Avengers and the studio’s plans going forward:

“If Hulk’s successful turnaround continues, Gitter says Marvel “will spin him off to a stand-alone program next year,” supported by a big budget franchise movie in 2015. The entertainment studio is also exploring ways to promote Hulk as a “corporate icon,” similar to MetLife’s usage of Peanuts’ Snoopy, where The Hulk’s image conveys a message about channeling strength to overcome workplace challenges.”

Now, I threw-up in my mouth a little over Marvel’s possible plans to sell The Hulk as a corporate mascot that “conveys a message about channeling strength to overcome workplace challenges” rather than, you know, a disgruntled mass of smash and destruction that will lose it over copier jams and delayed bonuses, but Gitter is in marketing, and it is his job to make me sick and also make me buy things. Mission accomplished on the latter point by the way, because I am totally writing this while wearing a pair of foam Hulk hands, and that is a challenge.

Another challenge: understanding why another Hulk movie makes sense. Sure, it’ll make money, and Ruffalo is reportedly under contract, so we won’t have to deal with yet another casting change in the Marvel-verse (I miss you Ed Norton and Terrence Howard!), but I’d like movies to be at least half motivated by a desire to advance a story or even re-tell it in an interesting way. Clearly, that won’t be the primary motive behind another Hulk, because honestly, there isn’t much to say about the character after three movies (counting The Avengers) that hasn’t already been said unless, of course, Marvel has the guts to introduce The Illuminati and send The Hulk to Sakaar.

With that said, and despite the fact that Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige has only offered a tepid “we’ll see” regarding the future of The Hulk, money talks and fanboys cry – that doesn’t rhyme, but it is just so damn accurate.

Loki: I have an army. Tony Stark: We have a Hulk. 

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We’re all in The Avengers overload, but off in the distance, standing tall above us all, watching and waiting, exists The Dark Knight Rises, Christopher Nolan’s final Batman film, and the comic book movie that may overtake Marvel’s The Avengers in both box office receipts and nerd love.

TDKR is nearly three months away, but we’re getting a sense of it’s moody shape already, thanks to countless on-set pics, interviews, and the film’s well received trailers. The latest trailer gives us barely more than 2 minutes of mostly unseen footage, beginning slowly with Selina Kyle’s now famous “There’s a storm coming” line that is followed by near silence, plenty of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, an array of images that show Gotham under attack, and a bit at the end that will make all the nerdy boys and girls scream.

I’ve watched the thing about a dozen times now and I still can’t find the right word to describe it, so I’ll just say it makes me want to see The Dark Knight Rises more than I thought possible and I am becoming more and more impressed with Nolan’s clear desire to not just surpass The Dark Knight, but also set the bar high above the reach of anyone who will try to follow him. I’ve never been one to think that the Nolan Batman films basked in the light of perfection (they aren’t not dark enough for me), but they are more than what the Marvel films are, because they strive to be more than enjoyable (not that enjoyable is a bad thing) – they strive to be important and TDKR seems to be on its way.

Once again, The Dark Knight Rises comes out on July 20th, check out the official synopsis below.

Warner Bros. Pictures’ and Legendary Pictures’ “The Dark Knight Rises” is the epic conclusion to filmmaker Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy. Leading an all-star international cast, Oscar® winner Christian Bale (“The Fighter”) again plays the dual role of Bruce Wayne/Batman. The film also stars Anne Hathaway, as Selina Kyle; Tom Hardy, as Bane; Oscar® winner Marion Cotillard (“La Vie en Rose”), as Miranda Tate; and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, as John Blake. Returning to the main cast, Oscar® winner Michael Caine (“The Cider House Rules”) plays Alfred; Gary Oldman is Commissioner Gordon; and Oscar® winner Morgan Freeman (“Million Dollar Baby”) reprises the role of Lucius Fox.

The screenplay is written by Christopher Nolan and Jonathan Nolan, story by Christopher Nolan & David S. Goyer. The film is produced by Emma Thomas, Christopher Nolan and Charles Roven, who previously teamed on “Batman Begins” and the record-breaking blockbuster “The Dark Knight.” The executive producers are Benjamin Melniker, Michael E. Uslan, Kevin De La Noy and Thomas Tull, with Jordan Goldberg serving as co-producer. The film is based upon characters appearing in comic books published by DC Comics. Batman was created by Bob Kane.

Behind the scenes, “The Dark Knight Rises” reunites the director with several of his longtime collaborators, all of whom worked together on the “The Dark Knight.” The creative team includes director of photography Wally Pfister, who recently won an Oscar® for his work on Nolan’s “Inception”; production designer Nathan Crowley; editor Lee Smith; and Oscar®-winning costume designer Lindy Hemming (“Topsy-Turvy”). In addition, Paul Franklin and Chris Corbould, who both won Oscars® for the effects in “Inception,” supervised the visual and special effects, respectively. The music is composed by Oscar® winner Hans Zimmer (“The Lion King”).

In helming the film, Christopher Nolan is utilizing IMAX® cameras even more extensively than he did on “The Dark Knight,” which had marked the first time ever that a major feature film was partially shot with IMAX cameras. The locations span three continents and include the American cities of Pittsburgh, New York and Los Angeles, as well as sites in India, England and Scotland.

“The Dark Knight Rises” is a presentation of Warner Bros. Pictures, in association with Legendary Pictures. Slated for release beginning July 20, 2012, the film will be distributed worldwide by Warner Bros. Pictures, a Warner Bros. Entertainment Company.

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Who needs Charlie Sheen? With audiences responding positively to Ashton Kutcher and CBS hungry to keep their top Monday night show rolling along, the network has reportedly agreed to a sizable new deal with the former messiah-beard wearing That 70′s Show star. How sizable? We’re not talking Charlie Sheen, $2 million an episode money, but Kutcher will reportedly pull in $700k per episode with a signing bonus, so, roughly what he made this season.

The other Two and a Half Men men, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones will also return for the shows 10th season, with Cryer set to make “a bit less” than Kutcher and Jones set to bring in $300k per episode, because apparently he is merely the half man in the show’s title.

While discussions about a 10th season for Two and a Half Men have now been resolved with little fanfare, you may recall that the opposite was true last year, with the show’s 8th season ending prematurely in light of then-star Charlie Sheen’s tip toe away from the tethered grace of sanity and sobriety. A messy divorce followed, with Sheen eventually bagging a $25 million dollar settlement for his ouster as the Kutcher led 9th season debuted with the death of Sheen’s character and the highest ratings that the show has ever seen.

It’s not all unicorns and rainbows though, according to THR. CBS had begun negotiations with an eye toward locking Kutcher and Cryer in for two more seasons, not the one season that they apparently settled on. Why they ultimately settled is unknown, but while the show’s ratings are still solid, some would argue that the show’s quality has begun to slip a bit and perhaps Cryer and Kutcher may have decided that they want to take things year to year at this point.

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I’ll admit I was a little late to The Hunger Games party. The whole kids-killing-kids angle freaked me out because, as a mom, I can only too readily imagine my daughter being forced into that arena.

I’m sure kids themselves are way less upset at the idea. Find me a kid who hasn’t wanted to kill another kid and I’ll show you a whole drum circle’s worth of espoused pacifist teens who secretly want to take Moonbeam down for flaunting her perfect dreds.

Heck, even toddlers are vicious little monsters. If you think basically normal children would be incapable of going all blood lust crazy, you haven’t seen a room full of preschoolers take down a 3-year-old like a pack of lions on an antelope. In a second, school can go from gluing pom-poms on paper snowmen to full-on Lord of the Flies. You just better pray your kid’s not Piggy.

Apart from all the trident-to-the-head, spear-through-the-chest madness of The Hunger Games, the thing that really kept me reading was the love. Before you throw up in your mouth, let me assure you I don’t mean the type of love we usually have shoved on us in the form of Hallmark cards or Rom-coms. Not cutesy, heel-kick, Princess Diaries love. I mean real love. Sacrificial love. Love that hurts.

Isn’t that what all the greatest love stories have in common? Being willing to die for those you love? Sticking it out when everything seems hopeless? Katniss and Peeta, Katniss and Gale, heck, Katniss and Prim - that’s love. That’s a dystopian Romeo and Juliet – star-crossed lovers wielding arrows and snapping necks to an indie-folk and country soundtrack. Le sigh.

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Quentin Tarantino continues his slide away from visceral and violent crime dramas toward violent historical fare with ‘Django Unchained’, his spaghetti-western influenced followup to ‘Inglorious Basterds’. The film, which trains its focus on the southern slave trade of the pre-Civil War era, is still in production, but EW has the first two stills of stars Jamie Foxx and Christoph Waltz, and a hammer wielding Leonardo DiCaprio as well as a brief interview with Mr. Foxx.

In the interview, Foxx talks about his characters plan to rescue his wife from the clutches of DiCaprio’s evil plantation owner (as if there were another kind), and also praises Tarantino and the way that he takes on the exceptionally sensitive issue of slavery.

“There’s a beautiful way [Tarantino] found for the characters to talk to each other. It’s mind-blowing. You’ve never heard it this way,” the Oscar winner says. “You’ve seen movies deal with slavery — or westerns that never dealt with slavery — do it the safe way. This way is like…wow.”

The actor also talks up his relationship with Waltz’ character in the film, the German dentist turned bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz.

“Christoph’s character is a little aloof to what slavery actually is. He’s not familiar with everything, and when he sees atrocities, it’s Greek to him,” says Foxx. “But Django lets him know this is the way the world is and we got to get used to it. He teaches Django certain things he needs to become a whole man, and [Django] also teaches Christoph that when life deals you these cards, here’s what you’ve got to do.”

‘Django Unchained’ premiers on December 25th, here’s a look at the official synopsis.

Set in the South two years before the Civil War, “Django Unchained” stars Academy Award®-winner Jamie Foxx as Django, a slave whose brutal history with his former owners lands him face-to-face with German-born bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Academy Award®-winner Christoph Waltz). Schultz is on the trail of the murderous Brittle brothers, and only Django can lead him to his bounty. The unorthodox Schultz acquires Django with a promise to free him upon the capture of the Brittles – dead or alive.

Success leads Schultz to free Django, though the two men choose not to go their separate ways. Instead, Schultz seeks out the South’s most wanted criminals with Django by his side. Honing vital hunting skills, Django remains focused on one goal: finding and rescuing Broomhilda (Kerry Washington), the wife he lost to the slave trade long ago.

Django and Schultz’s search ultimately leads them to Calvin Candie (Academy Award®-nominee Leonardo DiCaprio), the proprietor of “Candyland,” an infamous plantation where slaves are groomed by trainer Ace Woody (Kurt Russell) to battle each other for sport. Exploring the compound under false pretenses, Django and Schultz arouse the suspicion of Stephen (Academy Award®-nominee Samuel L. Jackson), Candie’s trusted house slave. Their moves are marked, and a treacherous organization closes in on them. If Django and Schultz are to escape with Broomhilda, they must choose between independence and solidarity, between sacrifice and survival…

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Heads were tilted in confusion when American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy announced that his cast would be upended following the debut season of the horror anthology series, but when Murphy explained “there are a lot of actors who have their own careers and don’t want to make a five-year commitment; this gives people who haven’t done TV before an opportunity”, it made more sense.

Now, possibly spurred by the success of AHS, film stars Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson (who co-starred in ED TV and something called Surfer Dude) may be coming to TV with True Detective, a potential cable series from director Cary Fukunaga (Jane Eyre) and writer Nik Pizzolatto (The Killing). According to Deadline.com, the series would focus on “two detectives, Rust Cohle (McConaughey) and Martin Hart (Harrelson), whose lives collide and entwine during a seventeen-year hunt for a serial killer in Louisiana. The investigation of a bizarre murder in 1995 is framed and interlaced with testimony from the detectives in 2012, when the case has been reopened.”

The show’s first season would only last 8 episodes and it would reportedly be the only one for McConaughey and Harrelson, as subsequent seasons would follow a different mystery and a different cast of characters.

This would mark a return to TV for Harrelson, who got his start on Cheers and also did a lengthy guest spot on Will & Grace (who didn’t?). McConaughey also got his start on TV, playing the victim of a pantsless murderer in a re-enactment on Unsolved Mysteries, the 80s and 90s true-crime series that may or may not have been hosted by a zombie. McConaughey also recently appeared, for the second time, on Eastbound & Down as a scout – he can next be seen, really seen, in the Steven Soderbergh male-stripper comedy Magic Mike.

Harrelson’s political drama Game Change recently debuted on HBO and he is co-starring in The Hunger Games, though you probably knew that since it’s presently kicking ass and taking names at the box office.

Fun fact: McConaughey was shirtless while wearing short shorts on Unsolved Mysteries and he likely will be again in Magic Mike, see, everything is circular.

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Let’s get this out of the way: New Girl isn’t for everyone. Baby Boomers, lawyers, people who don’t like dessert, people who watch a lot of PBS or Nascar, people who don’t find baby hamsters wearing comical hats to be the cutest thing ever, people who say “theatah” – you will not like this show.

I get it. I do. The human anime character that is Zooey Deschanel might be off-putting for some. She’s so cute and doe-eyed and presh-presh, you don’t know whether to vomit or give her a lollipop most of the time.

But if you can get past Zooey’s cuteness patois and her breakup with Ben Gibbard (why God, whyyyyyyyyyyy?), there’s a lot of ridiculous hijinks to appreciate. Not to mention the charms of Schmidt, whose bro-ness is oddly charming, Nick, an aimless aging hipster prototype, and Winston, a hyper-competitive autodidact.

The show is basically a “nudge, nudge wink-wink, I get it” mental handjob for the 25-35 urban set. We know these characters. We are these characters. It’s kind of nice to see some semblance of a reflection on mainstream TV. Not that I don’t identify with The Real Housewives *cough, cough.*

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The 80s and 90s were all about weird scripted kid’s shows with ridiculous premises. From Mork and Mindy to Alf and Jem and the Holograms, turning on the TV was as much a practice in surrealist art appreciation as mindless entertainment.

One of my favorite 90s kid’s shows was the awesomely ridiculous Fresh Prince of Bel Air—a show about a real life rapper and his sidekick, DJ Jazzy Jeff, set in a fictional scenario—the(much better) precursor, if you will, to Miley Cyrus playing Miley on Hannah Montana.

The brilliance of this show was that it turned a rapper—which, believe it or not was still a scary commodity to portions of Americans in those days—into a loveable human cartoon character. Everything about the show—from the opening sequence to the ubiquitous scenes of DJ Jazzy Jeff being thrown forcibly from the mansion—was over the top. And the characters? The dour butler, the larger than life Uncle Phil, clueless Hilary, and the amazingly WASP-y Carlton—all were absolutely unforgettable.

We need more shows like The Fresh Prince these days—programs that don’t take themselves too seriously. So much of what’s on TV today is so painfully self-conscious, serious, or trying too hard. I love a great drama, but maybe we could see a little more silliness, neon, bad pick-up lines, and cheesy rapping on TV. Please?

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