"There's a storm gathering. A giant gay storm with rough winds blowing in from the east and even rougher winds blowing from the west. Before long the winds will be blowing each other. And I am afraid. Did you know that if all 50 stats approve gay marriage straight marriage becomes illegal. Yes I've heard that somewhere. I'm a New Jersey pastor whose church was turned into an Abercrombie and Finch. I'm a hired actor whose willing to take any job. You may recognize me from that Phillip Morris commercial or that herpes ad where I'm walking on the beach. That was good. We're a normal totally happy heterosexual couple and I don't need gay couples flaunting how much fun they're having. Following their heart. I like gay people but only as hilarious best friends in TVs and movies. Oh god the storm is here. Yeah it is here and I'm afraid about the church and how it's going to get all wet. Do you work out? You have a really good body. I am an Arkansas teach. Oh god the homo storm got me! But there is hope. Join the Colbert coalition. A rainbow of proud people coming together in a commercial. Join us. Do it for someone you love. I won't let them make you retroactively gay peepop. We should get you out of these wet cloths. You'll catch a cold. Paid for by generous donations from an anonymous group that may or may not be the church of Jesus Christ."
Colbert does a parody of another anti-gay marriage ad.