I have a huge Christmas party to get to tonight and I am going to get Blitzen-ed. Of course, this year--as every year, folks--there is a war on Christmas. Get this: now, Australian astronomers have used a computer to calculate that the appearance of a bright star over Bethlehem over 2000 years ago would have occurred in June and not December! Christmas!? In June!? Oh what fun! Putting on your wool sweater and drinking hot cocoa in front of a roaring fire while it's over 95 degrees out! Oh, your chestnuts will be roasting alright! Not to mention that Santa would have to wear a more seasonal outfit! No way...no way I am letting my kids sit on St. Nico-lap over here. I am especially outraged because Christmas is my favorite time of year, folks: second only to Shark week. Though, I still dream of a day when they will combine the two. But Christians aren't the only ones who mark this season on their calendars: so do atheists. Only their calendars don't have cute puppies; they have hopeless puppies.
Colbert describes his love of Christmas