It wasn't my fault I swear to God

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"I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locust's. It wasn't my fault!! I swear to God!!"

Jake comes up with excuses as to why he left his fiancee at the alter.