Max: "Pain, he wants to talk about pain? I had a gallstone the size of a baseball!" John: "Oh, gallstones! Yeah, gallstones are for pussies! When I had the shingles, did you see me in here complaining to Phil about it? Huh? Did you?" Max: "Shingles, schmingles...when I had my uclers, I was farting razor blades!"

Max and John compare illness pain and Max wins by saying he farted razor blades when he has an ulcer