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Quotes and Sound Clips
No I Don't Have No Collateral
Shoot Me, Jack!
You're a Born Again Christian? Get The Fuck Out Of Here!
So Kiss His Ass
You Giving Him a Ticket? Good He Hates Cops
'Cause You Got a Gun?
I Have Been Having a Very Bad Day!
All Right, Knock This Shit Off
I Wonder What Time the Park Opens
But Ladies and Gentlemen
I Made the Guy in Detroit. It Was Dewald
Actually, His Last Words Were
Hey, Man, Take Off Your Glasses
You Have a Very Big Mouth, Sir
Would You Follow Me, Sir?
Why Do You Arrest Somebody for Getting Thrown Out a Window?
Can I Have My Lighter Back, Reggie?
I'm A Rag Top Man
Are You Crazy, Man? I Was Just Bluffing!
You're Gonna Be Sorry You Ever Met Me!
There's a New Sheriff In Town. And His Name Is Reggie Hammond
You Been Dickin' Me Around Since We Started This Turd Hunt!
Kiss My Hungry Black Ass Goodbye
Speaking of Moaning, My Stomach Is Starting to Growl
'Cause I Don't Fuck My Old Friends Over, Man
You Leave the Keys? In New York?
I'm Gonna Call Ralph
And He Gonna Shoot a Nigger in His Ass
Stop Acting Like a Bitch and Pull That Shit In!
This Is a Bad Idea
Are You Ready to Die, Bitch?
I'm Pretty Serious Too
Now Back Up Before I Pop a Cap in Your Ass
He Was Involved With Some Illicit Sexual Behavior
No, I Ain't Married
And I Never Steal Nothing Over $1,000
You Never Said It Was a Real Safe Made Out of Steel
It's the FBI Lady and Two Cops
Why You Talking Like That?
Man in the Suit Got It All Figured Out?
Speak Into the Microphone!
Hey, Man, How Is This Supposed to Be Right if You Made It Out of Legos?
Hey, We Can Order Whatever We Like
Lesbians Get Touched Delicately by Other Lesbians
None. We're Not Avoiding Lesbians
Yeah. Who's That Girl in the Red Dress?
I'm Gonna Be Inside Having Sex With Rita
If You Get Shot in Your Head, It's Over. If You Get Shot in Your Face
You Each Stole $50 Worth of Shit
Let's Go Get Something to Eat
What Kind of Skill Set Is That?
You Want to Stimulate My Nut Sack. Is That What It Is, Punk?
All Right, What's Going On?
Yeah, Her Brother's a Bail Bondsman
I Told You, I Don't Even Know Nobody Named Maria
I Don't Know What You Are Saying, Bitch!
Hey, It's the Man in the Suit
Punk Ass Bitches Walk on the Other Side of the Street
Have Some More Wine
Impressive Package for a Toddler
You Sneaky Son of a Bitch
I Would Like to Introduce New You
Now I'd Like to Present to You Exhibit "A"
Who Do You Think You Are?
I Don't Want to Mess Things Up
Wellman College Youth Formula
Get Your Ass Out That Chair!
If This Professor Thing Don't Work Out
This Must Be Your Lucky Night
Hello There Stripper Man
Use Your Force, Sherman
You Were Acting Really Strange Tonight
You Was Working the Cotton Candy
You Getting the Wrong Idea
Intimidated by an Older Woman
You Pretty Damn Foxy
Green Giant Calls Them Niblets
What a Beautiful Bird
Nothing but a Big Damn Joke
Did I Tell You the News?
They Gonna Think You're Tyra Banks
Don't Worry if It Burns a Little Bit
Raised a Genius
Don't Act Like A Little Bitch
The Youth Juice
Somehow It Altered the Gene
Our Genetic Codes
If Klump Can't Deliver...
What the Hell Are You Looking At?
What Do You Want Here?
If You Get Bored With Your Man
Seeing You in That Dress
What You Got That on For?
Hey What'd You Play That For?
Most Wonderful Time of My Life
University of Maine
He's Coming Back
We Should Be Able to Get Rid of Him
When You Gonna Stop Jiving
You Watch It Now
That's My Business!
I'm Gonna Get Shit Faced
Oh, This Looks Fabulous. Yeah, It Looks Really Good
Teach That Boy Manners
Don't Tell Me You Don't Like Ambrosia
It All Has to Be Properly Tested First
If I've Composed This Formula Properly
Fix All of Buster's Problems Right Now
If You Can't Be With the Nucleotide That You Love
Sit in on Your Lecture
Bite Me, Old Hag
We All Have a Little Buddy Love Inside Us
I'm in Charge!
Why They Call You A Shrink
She Is So Special to Me
This Is Some Scary Shit!
Choke the Life Out of You
Look What Rolled In
You Remember Me!
Put Your Clothes Back On
That's Where Sherman's Been Hiding It
It's Funny How You Get Used to Certain Things
You're Very Special to Me
You're Losing Your Intelligence, Sir
You Know What's Permanent?
Don't You Wanna Be Young?
Viagra Don't Work for Me
There's A Fire in My Pants
Happy Day, My Ass
Does Cletus Know I'm Strapped?
Standing On My Own Titty
World's Oldest Living Negro
I Got a Razor in This Bag!
What I Do in My Bedroom Is My Business
What That Piece of Spaghetti Remind You Of?
Isaac's Love Tackle
Better Eat Up, Isaac
Put My Beef in Your Taco?
I Am Sick and I Am Tired
I Need to Talk to You
Here Today Gone Tomorrow
Is That All You Gonna Eat?
Would Another Time Be Better?
There's a Pop Quiz. Pop Quiz
Gerbils Are More Streamlined
As Arsenio Used to Say
Her Entire Molecular Structure Has Been Realigned
You May Want to Look at the Latest Test Results
You Got More Crack Than Harlem
Is That a Test Tube in My Pocket?
You're Not Pathetic!
I Just Had to Come Over and Introduce Myself
The Fact of the Matter Is I'm a Big Man
I'm Terribly Sorry About All This
I Learned One Thing From Buddy
Give Me a Moment I Believe I Can Try to Explain
You Fat Ass!
All I'm Trying to Say Is...
How Are You Today, My Little Powder Puff?
An Elephant Never Forgets
How Much Are the Bananas?
It Was a Stone Groove, My Man
More Hors D'oeuvres for the Guests Sir?
I Really Don't Appreciate This!
It Was the Dukes It Was the Dukes
He Look Just Like the Motherfu
Yah mon I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion
Looking Good, Billy Ray!
Happy New Year!
Think Big Think Positive
We Had Big Fun There
Open the Door Man
Could I Offer Either of You Two Gents
It Was an Experiment
Pay Up Mortimer
You Beating Up on a Man?
Why Do You Think
You Can't Just Go Around and Shoot People
Merry New Year!
That's Assault With a Deadly Weapon
That Guy Belongs Behind Bars
Put That Phone Down
It Sounds to Me Like You Guys Are Bookies
No Thanks I Already Had Breakfast
What Am I Supposed to Do Here?
There's Some Strange Shit Going on Here
Good Night Coleman
Your Friends Seemed to Enjoy Themselves
Get the Fuck Out!
You Was in the Tank Bragging on Your Limousine
I'm Very Sexy
That Was a Cheap Vase Right?
I Suppose You'll Just Give Me This TV Set?
We Wanted a Jacuzzi We Had To Fart in the Tub
William This Is Coleman
No I Believe I Can Hang Out With You Fellas
This Is a Practical Joke Right?
Whiskey All you want
May I Suggest Using a Nightstick, Officer?
You Made Bail
You Boys Don't Know What You're Doing
I Wish My Bitches Would Get Here
But You Don't Know That
'Cause I'm a Karate Man!
Tell How You Beat the Cop
That's the Quart of Blood Technique
I'm a Chain Belt in Kung Fu
Is There a Lawyer in the House?
Yeah We Was Broke So What?
I Can't Be Going to Jail
Is There a Problem, Officers?
Oh I'm Sorry About That
I Can See! I Can See! I have legs!
I Was Agent Orange That Was My Name
Um I Was in Sang Bang
Who's That? What You Want?
Once You Have a Man With No Legs
You seen Porgy and Bess?
How'd You Like a Stump Up Your Ass?
O to the K. The Coast Is Clear
He's a Star, People! Hello? I'm So Sorry About This, Mr. Shrek
How in the Hans Christian Andersen
Look Out! They Got a Piano!
The Whole Kingdom Will Look to You for Wisdom and Guidance
"Wor-Ces-Ters-Shiree"? Now That Sounds Fancy!
I'm Feeling Nauseous From Memories
What in the Shista-Shire Kind of Place Is This?
? and the Cat's in the Cradle and the Silver Spoon ?
I Can't Believe I'm Going to Be a Father. How Did This Happen?
Come on, Lazybones. Time to Get Moving! Ah!
? Good Morning, Good Morning ?
Please! Eat my face last! Send my hooves to my mama!
That's my best friend!
I'll call you! We're in love!
If your life was so perfect, why'd you sign it away to Rumpelstiltskin?
Why don't you just tell her what you told me?
You in trouble, Romeo
Hey, Shrek! Are my babies cute, or do they make people feel uncomfortable?
I'm a daddy?
You saw what happened. She's gonna think I'm crazy
Well, I see who wears the chain mail in your family!
Trust me, you don't want to eat this one
And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story
Hey! That's my wife you're talking about
You know, when I lose something, I always try to retrace my steps
"According to fairy tale law, if not fully satisfied, true love's kiss will render this contract null and void."
Hey, you have to take me to dinner first
There's nothing about an exit clause in here
I'm not crying
I'm being ass-napped!
You know what'd help morale around here? Flip-flop Fridays
Yeah, right. Put a little mustard on mine, Captain Crazy!
A donkey and an ogre friends? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!
I am not going back to work for Old MacDonald
Hey! Now remember, don't eat the valet
She turned into a beautiful ogre and they lived... Happily... Ever... After
Sir, Did You Catch the Professional Football Contest on Television Last Night?
That's the Way It's Always Been With Men of Power
Give a Big Round of Applause to My Band, Sexual Chocolate
It's a Real Shithole You'll Love It
If You're the Prince Then Who Am I
What About Patrice?
If I Wanted a Wealthy Guy I'd Be With Darryl Not You
Why Did You Come Here?
Thanks for Listening to Me Akeem
I Bet You Learnt All That Stuff Fighting Lions and Tigers and Shit
It Would Be Wise for You to Put the Weapon Down
He Who Would Learn to Fly Must First Learn to Stand and Walk
I Will Cherish This Experience for the Rest of My Life
Son, and I'm Just Going to Tell You This One Time
Hey It's Kunta Kinte
I Am Akeem
You Know How to Mop?
I Know There's a God Somewhere!
The Boys From Africa!
Does Every Woman in New York Have a Severe Emotional Problem?
Good Mornng, My Neighbors!
We Desire a Room
Fascinating! Semmi, Look at This
This Shitty Enough for You?
What Does "Dumb Fuck" Mean?
You Dumb Fuck!
I Want a Woman Who Will Arouse My Intellect as Well as My Loins
You're Right! Get Out See the World Enjoy Yourself
I Always Assumed You Had Sex With Your Bathers
I'd Like to Know About You
I Know What I Like and You Know What I Like
It's Also Tradition That Times Must Change
So You Would Share Your Bed and Your Fortune With a Beautiful Fool
If You Love Your Wife You'll Value Her Opinion
You Sweat From a Baboon's Balls
I Understand, but When I Marry
Actually I Rather Enjoy the Bathing
How Can a Man Get Excited About a Woman He's Never Seen?
Amazing How Far a Badge Takes Some Guys
What's the Chances He's Packed?
Put On the Red Light
They Don't Give Out Oscars In Prison
The Judicial System Ain't Shit
Is Luther Part of the Gang?
What Happened to That Merit System Shit?
I Should Have My Dick Bronzed
I Feel Like I Let You Down
Ganz's Got Away With All My Money
That Was Quick
Lack of Pussy Make You Brave, Man!
Have Fun Huh?
As Long as You're Feeling Like Abraham Lincoln
Well Nigger And Watermelon
Why Didn't You Just Take the Money and Split?
I'm at Vroman's
I'm Going After the Money Jack!
You Ever Switch to a Pimp You're Set
Class Isn't Something You Buy
Didn't Know You Darker People Went in for Foreign Jobs?
Tell Me a Story
Bitch You Knew Where the Money Was All Along
Where's the Goddamn Car?
Two Women said a Couple Hoods
You're Kicking My Ass Now?
I Went a Couple of Laps Around the Track With Him
There's A New Sheriff In Town
What the Hell Kind of Cop Are You?
I Don't Like White People!
This Is a Police Matter
Think I'm Playing a Goddamn Game Man?
I Don't Give a Shit What the Fuck Your Badge Says Nigger
I'd Like Something to Drink
Not a Popular Place With the Brothers
You Said Bullshit and Experience?
I've Been in Prison for Three Years
Does She Have Like Giant Big Giant Titties?
Come on, Man, I've Been in Prison Three Years
We Eat When I Say to Eat
What's Happening Luther?
Quit Calling Me Jack
This Your Car Man?
If Ganz Escapes
We Ain't Partners
I Own Your Ass!
Got a Lady Cates?
We Can Go on a Little Pussy Hunt
Looks Like You Need Me
That's Serious Shit
That's Henry Wong, an Old Friend of Mine He's Looked Better
You Got a Name, Cop?
Do You Watch the Bill Cosby Show?
I Was Like Hello Mr Cosby? and You Hear
I Can't Travel the Country Freely No More
Stop. Now, See? I Did Jokes About--
I Was Scared I'd Be at Parties Hear He Was Looking for Me
If I took Brooke Shields to the Grammys y'all would lose your mind
Brooke Shields Is the Whitest Woman in America
You Know How I Knew Y'all Believed It?
I Know Brothers Were Like Get the Fuck Out of Here
Do the Moonwalk That's Some Stupid Shit
I've been trying for five months to do the moonwalk and I can't do the shit
And I'd Be at a Party and Have Michael Walk Up to Me One Day
Mike Don't Weigh but a Buck-Oh-Five You Know
Then I Found Out Michael Jackson Was Looking for Me
Mr T Walk Up and Go I Heard You Did Some Jokes About Me
Then I Watched His Show 'Cause I Didn't Know Him
Yo man Mr T was just here looking for you
In Delirious, I Was Making Fun Of a Lot of Entertainers Too
Every Now and Then I Take a Joke Too Far I Get in Trouble
Don't Let the Lights and Cameras Throw Y'all
Thank You Thank You Thank You And Hello New York City
You're Not Gonna Fall for the Banana in the Tail Pipe?
My Name Is Axel Foley
Get the Fuck Outta Here!
Do You Do Colonics?
This Is What the Man Looks Like Now. That's the Ex President
Look, I'm a Businessman, I'm Moving All The Time
Must've Changed Their Worldview
That's the Killer!
I Keep Doing It The Wrong Way
Hey, I Don't Think You've Seen the Tunnel of Love Ride
You Guys Okay
Axel Listen Am I Your Friend? I'm Your Friend
I don't have any weepon I take all back to the Boutiqua
Would You Please Take Special Care of My Car?
You Hear Some Black Guy Shot Uncle Dave?
They Don't Give Out Oscars in Prison
I'm At Wonder World
It's Right After Uh
You're Supposed to Be Nice, No Matter What!
I Love You Oki Doki
Billy, You Got a $50 Bill?
You Got a $50 Bill?
I give you my word as a gentleman I'll be on that plane
Surge Serge And finally you have black hush poopies which are totally retro
You Met Uncle Dave
Hey! Oh My God I Almost Shot Uncle Dave!
Are You All Right?
On a Hap Happy Train
So What Brings You to California, Axel
Did They Promote You to Captain or Something?
J Edgar Hoover Didn't Even Have a Refrigerator
Moi Le Rosewood
Fuck The Federal Government
What's Happened Here Detective Foley
How You Doing? Is This the Illegal Chop Shop
Boss I Canceled the SWAT Team
Nobody Got No Questions About the Layout, Right?
Do I Really Look Like Gerald Ford?
This Is Pretty Sporty
That's Not Really Your Uncle's House, Is It?
It Was Your Cable That Brought Her Back
Now That You're Done Being a California Hero
Next thing you know you're gonna have Afros big dicks and all!
Are They Civilians Now?
Ouch! Let Go Of My Arm
These Tickets Haven't Been Paid
Is This a Black Thing?
And You! I Want You Out of Here!
Everybody, Party's Over!
Are We Having a Problem?
That Looks Like the Girl From the Gun Club
Follow Your Dick
Wake Up! This Is What We Always Talked About
Somebody Got Drunk and Shit in the Pool
What the Fuck Is Up Man? Check This Out
Are you driving with your eyes open or are you like using the force?
Does the Steering Wheel Work?
You Hit a Squad Car!
Hey! Sound the Alarm
Yo, Man, What's That For?
It's a Red Light! It's Green!
Can I Have a Piece?
You Boys Definitely Get An "A" in High Tech
Oh Shit There Goes My Medical Insurance
Billy's Really out There Isn't He Axel?
I'm Curious to Know Where His Dick Is At
Heh Heh Heh Heh
Hey, That's 7 Bucks, Buddy. For a Coke? I Can Get Blown For 7 dollars
I love when you talk dirty Get your mad ass in this pool with me
You're a Goddamn Police Officer
No Ooh Look at the Titties
How the fuck can you steal a house? This is my uncle's house!
Goodbye Mr James
How Long Would It Take to Shave Those Legs?
Goddamn, That's a Big Bitch
I'm Just Doing This for My Kids
I'd Like to See My Twin Daughters Monique and Unique Again
I Suggest You Don't Use the Telephone
In Police Work, This Is Known as a Clue
Lutz and Biddle, It's Like Kibbles 'N Bits
No Right Angles? This Thing's Round as a Donut
There Are Not Supposed to Be Any Right Angles
I Will Sleep Eat Drink Shit
When Am I Gonna See Some Arrest Slips?
All I Smell Is Your Bullshit
Inspector T How You Doing?
And I Can Trust You?
And I know that's pork over here And th Yes pork! It's definitely pork
He Ain't No Cop
I Did Get Busted and Lost My Whole Investment!
I Hate Crooks That Are Late
As Far as Undercover Goes I Want to Be Involved
Marcy Doesn't Want to Meet You
How's Your Daughter Jan?
You Has Reached The Home Of George Kingfish Stephens
Hey Foley only real cops can come in here
Don't Have Me Standing Around
A bag about this big this wide full to the brim with money
Where'd You Find That Bitch?
You're Not Dealing With Johnny Bananas
Where Are We Going?
Nah That's All Right
You Were Lying Your Ass Off
You Want to Stop Me? Shoot Me
Everything He Said About Maitland Is Right
If Something Happens to Her
What Will You Do With Him?
You Can't Go in 'Cause You're a Cop in This Town
Billy, I Love You
I got a hunch, OK?
Lower Your Voice, for Christ's Sake
Don't I Know You Guys From Someplace?
I'm Going to Fuck You Up Real Bad
I Know You're Into a Lot of Crooked Shit
What Do You Want?
Can you like teach him to roll over and sit and do all that shit to?
Don't Even Try It
Hi Victor I'm Back
Tell Victor That Ramon
Can You Put This in a Good Spot?
What Y'all, the Second Team?
I Don't Know What You Teach These Fellows
You Fuck Up a Perfectly Good Lie
No Bullshit This Time
You Don't Have to Be Embarrassed
I Found the Perfect Place
I Smoke King Sized Kents!
That Was From the Heart
Is Your Supervisor Here?
Then you're the fucking problem Go get your supervisor please
Oh Shit That's Cold
Have You Driven a Mercedes?
Axel Foley's laugh
Some people filter hot water through it and drink it
The Same Crappy Blue Chevy Nova
In Beverly Hills we just take whichever car's closest
Inspector Todd Gave Me a Message For You
What the fuck are you cops or doormen?
I've Never Been in No Cell With a Phone
You Know, This Is the Cleanest and Nicest Police Car
Disturbing the Peace? I Got Thrown Out of a Window!
I Can Describe All of Them
Get the Fuck Off Me!
He Was My Best Friend
I Want to Talk About Mikey
You're Getting Old
You Look at This Piece