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Quotes and Sound Clips
Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge
I Don't Know, I'm Superstitious
I Didn't Plant Zucchini!
Tangling with a Man From Michigan Life & Casualty
My Mother Made That
We Could Have Made a Simulated Snow Man
You're The One Who's Out Of This World Song
My Catfish Are Ready!
I Believe You Were Thanking Me For Saving Your Lives
Come on, Baby, Speak to the Ol' Alfer
This Flying's a Piece of Cake
We're Headed Straight for That Mountain
The Laws of Aerodynamics Are The Same Everywhere
Then I Can't Fly It
What Does This Do?
Well, He Did Fly a Spaceship
They Are Not Hyenas But They Are Laughing
Then, Why Are They Laughing at Me?
You Haven't Stopped Complaining..
Now Let's See What You Can Do With Catfish
Then I Won't Be Needing Your Shaver Anymore
Bathroom. Gotta Clean the Fish
Hey, We've Got a Bidet!
This Place Is a Morgue Before Dawn
Catfish In Bed
Out Catching Catfish
I Just Want To Be With The People I Love and Get That Toaster
Can't We Shake This Guy?
Well, I Love What You've Got on Now
I Trusted You to Get My Toaster
Your Clothes are Hanging Neatly in the Closet Back Home
Are Those Chocolates?
Are You Happy To See Me?
Uh-Oh, Am I Going Alone?
Way to Go, Mister "O"!
Did I Mention That The Toaster Talks
What Now? 11 Records For a Penny?
That Explains This Personal Thank You Note From Ed Mcmahon
Where's the Grated Cheese?
It's Still Stuck To The Roof Of My Mouth
Check The Front Porch
Kind Of A Letdown, No Recipes
It eats insects and pencils
It eats insects and pencils
Looks Kind Of Like A Venus Flytrap
Funny Looks If I Ever Go Back To My Health Club
We Found A Dump That Doesn't Ask Questions
Fine, Read It Yourself
I Plan to Have That Guy Stuffed and Mounted
I'm Too Tired to Tell You One Tonight
When It Comes to Defending My Home, I'm An Animal!
I Lucked Out!
You Had Roach Problems Then, Too?
Watched A Little TV. Killed A Bug
He Deals With Psychopathic Ants And Roaches!
You Probably Didn't Get Enough Love As A Larva
Oh, You Want to Use the Bathroom
Whoever Builds the Doors on This Planet Ought To Be Horsewhipped!
I Got A .357 And I Know How To Use It
Somebody, I Don't Care, You Decide
All Right. I'm A Cat In A Tree
Now I Feel Like A Tease
Good Idea, Put Some Coffee On
My Whole Family Has An Aftertaste
Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
Whoever Said That Must Have Had A Lot Of Bodyguards
Don't Stop For Anything. Except Maybe Doughnuts
I Want A Hug
Now Tell Me You Love Me
Don't You Read Fairy Tales
I'll Just Toddle Off Into the Kitchen and Saute Myself
I Feel Like the Pretty, Little Virgin
I Feel Like The Pretty, Little Virgin [full]
Plus, If You Drive Off A Bridge, I'll Survive
What if You Come Back and I've Been Tenderized?
Great I've Already Read It
They Did An Article On Poison
It's Crawling With Spiders Back There!
Detroit Became Known As Jaffeetown
I Don't Have A Harpoon
A Lot Of Good R & B Groups Came Out Of There
Bloodsucking Maggots That Take The Form Of Their Host
Bloodsucking Maggots That Take The Form Of Their Host
Right, Lets Just Sit Around And Read
"D" Stands For Drive Right
May I Suggest the National Guard
I Said, We're Driving Away From this Roach
Do You Measure at the Shoulder or the Head?
If You Need Me I'll Be On Top Of The Refrigerator
Anything It Wants To
Alf, What Happened When You Sprayed Roaches On Melmac?
Later It Was Big Enough To Wear A Sweater
Keep in Touch, Willie. Let's Go, Kate
It Was My Roach When It Was an Inch Long
You Named It After My Brother?
Let's Say It's Got Three Feet In The Grave
I Believe a Foot-Long Cockroach Would Upset Kate
Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back
You Can Order The Doughnuts
I'm Going to Call a Doughnut Place That Delivers
You Mentioned Something About a Doughnut
You're Comparing Me To A Cockroach?
her Eyes Were As Blue As A Roach's
I Think Someone Has Been Slacking Off On Her Housekeeping
In a Couple of More Months They'd Have Gone Bad
What's the Surprise in the Center?
All They Had Left Was Slug
There's A Surprise In The Center
We're in Luck
It's A Slimeball
I Shouldn't Being Trts Unless I Have Enough For Everyone
Take The Money!
You Know, We're a Lot Alike
Let's All Just Slip Out The Side Door
Oh, My Gosh, He's Back! Don't Answer It!
Somewhere Out There Is A Meat Hook With My Name On It
Can I Borrow 6 Grand Of It?
By the Way, Did the Steak Knives Go?
But It's Not an Informed Response
By Getting Us Hopelessly in Debt? Good Strategy
Knowing Full Well How Obsessive/Compulsive I Am
I Depend on You People to Protect Me From Myself
have I Become That Predicitable
When You Say It, It Sounds So Sleazy
My Life Isn't Worth a Plugged Nickel
Kate, Do I Have to Fill in All the Blanks?
Alf, We Don't Have Any Financial Troubles
Help The Family Out Of Their Financial Troubles By 5 O'clock
You Think I Can Get 6 Grand for This?
Hypothetically, He Could Have His Legs Broken
Does That Race Count?
Who Cares? Get Up!
Maybe He Dropped Something
Thanks, and My Best To The Fish Wife
Well, Let It Ride
Let's See, That Means I Won Three Million Dollars!
Yeah! I've Got The Midas Touch
If I Send You 50 Bucks Can You Turn That Into $11,000?
Once Again, Left to My Own Devices
Oh, Excellent Comeback, Dorothy
No, Thanks. I Just Brushed
By the Way, You're Out Of Tic-Tacs
Put Me In For 50 Bucks
Sure, Punish Your Grandchildren
But It's Out Inheritance
You Mean Like Oregano?
About 2 Hours
You're Ruining The Joke
Dad, Mom Wants Me to Sell Muffy-Bear
You're On the Skids Aren't You
On Melmac We Didn't Name Our Bottles
If It Weren't For The Ship Stuck In It
Now Can You Explain "Secular Humanism" Again?
You Can Get a Whole Package of Balloons for 69 Cents
You're Selling The Garage
Someone Should Take Your Credit Cards Away
What's With This Planet
Some Of the Stars Have Exploded
I Keep It In My Glove Compartment
I'll Admit I Was Indirectly Involved
I Think I Left The Oven On
You Should've Been More Specific
All Right, Lets Call It A Mistake
Hey, You Want Power?
It's Mr. Science
I Promise Not To Pick Any Science Questions
Are You Referring to That Chemical Spill?
But I don't Have Any Thumbs
Hey, B., How Was School Today?
Oh, Like You Were There
I Almost Hit Alvin On My Approach To Earth
I Thought They Called You Mr. Science
It Turned out To Be A Finger
"Consumer Ed" Got the Lady a Year's Supply of Minestrone
This Looks Like a Job for Consumer Ed
It Makes Everyone Look Like Danny Devito
Mind if I Read Over Your Shoulder?
If the TV Were Working, I Wouldn't Be A "Butt-Inski"
So Is Taxidermy
Let's Stuff Lucky
No, a Sandwich That Hands You Your Golf Clubs
We Only Have Four Teeth
On Melmac, I Was Known As "Mr. Science"
I'll Leave It Tuned To Oral Roberts. Maybe It'll Heal Itself
Not My Area
Super. Welcome To "Little House on the Prairie"
TV Is My Life Line
Apparently, It Was a Mistake to Call You
Sorry, but I Began to Panic When I Missed "Gumby"
Yeah! The Tv Set Is Broken
You Want to Hug Me, Don't You?
I Was Going to Hot Wire a Car
Then Who Did We Bury?
Could We Stop at the Franklin Elementary School?
It's an Unassuming House That Needs a Paint Job
How'd You Feel About Delivering a Tooth to an Asparagus?
His 124 Molar
They Were Ready To Start Throwing Breadsticks At Me
Suddenly I Froze
Your Name's Really Gordon?
It Was You wasn't It?
So, You Blew It
Fine. I'm A Dot On The Horizon
Why Would Anyone Throw Away the Head?
Forget About The Salmon!
I Know, 86 the Alien
The Little Fungus Is Here Now
You Said The Kid Was Fungus
Forget It, Kid. You're Spittin' in the Wind
Fine, Who Want's It Without The Head, Anyway?
Where's the Head?
He's in the Kitchen Boning the Salmon
When You Stand Sideways They Can't See the Letters
Buy A Vowel!
I Trust You Won't Get Into Mischief
Knocks 'Em Unconscious!
Melmacian Mating Call
Let Me Know When This Gets Irritating
Hey, Look Who's Here. His Name Is Willie
I'm Doing Some Rapping With An Alien
I'm Just Here Doing The Alien Shuffle
Do We Have Any Beaujolais?
All Right, It Is What It Looks Like
Ow. That's The Coffee Pot!
I Knew It! Call the Police!
He's Got His Ice Pick
They Get A Lot More Publicity
I'm a Concerned Citizen
Trevor Might decide To Become A Serial Killer
People Don't Pull Their Teeth and Gums Out While They're Alive
This Was Her Laugh
This Is the Last Straw!
Ladies And Gentlemen of the Jury
Justice Will Think About It
You Wanted Me To Use a Flash
Just Some Impressions
Gotta Go. The Queen Just Dropped By
Alas, Poor Mrs. Ochmonek, I Knew Her Well
Why Must I Be So Darn Curious?
Okay, Don't Fall Asleep
I've Been Through A Trauma
The Guy Can Turn Anything Into An Object Lesson
Check Behind The Refrigerator
Alf! Hey, Watch the Shoulders. I've Got Bursitis
I've Got To Stop Eating Styrofoam Before I Go To Bed
I've Got to Stop Speed-Reading Books
The "Boy Who Cried Wolf" Lied
It Was An Atomic Bomb
Maybe They Were Playing Ice Pick Bingo
Worse Than Friday the 13th, Part III
How Can I Read With All This Quiet?
Right. What Was I Thinking?
I Have No Idea but the Fur on my Finger's Gone
Tell Whoever It Is To Get Into The Kitchen
Get That, Will You, Brian?
So, What's for Dessert?
And You Loose Weight That Way
Hey, Would You Knock Off the Sax!
Remind Me Never To Take You To Mercury
I Saw It In Streetcar
You Could Fry a Cat on the Sidewalk
I Can't Play Blink The Lights
Trevor's Ahead on Points
I'll Give Her Half A Point
You're Missing A Good One
I Was Plowing Up My Garden And I Hit A Water Main
You're In A Mood
That's Exactly Why the Martians Are Extinct
Hasta La Vista
I May Be In The Shower
How Do You Say Confab?
Well, It Is A Nice Day
Luis and I Have Become Very Close
It's Hard to Fake Words Like "Carpet Factory"
Isn't There Some Government Program
Gwt out the Slip-N-Slide
Yo Pensé Que Eras Bob Barker
Die, Scurvy Dog!
I Think A-L-F Can Sleep in the Garage
Hey, Kate, You Owe Me for the Celtics Game
Only A Fool Bets On The Pros
I'm Telling You, the 3-Point Shot Is Ruining This Game
I Want To Hear The Joke About The Kid With No Family
There's a Boy Here Who's Got to Go Back to Mexico
I'm Taking A Mexican Boy To Catch His Bus
Hey Kate. I'm The King of France
What Am I, The desk Clerk
Fine I'll Use Quicksand
I Didn't Plant Zucchini
Great. Dust Bowl '87
We Should Have Used More Manure
I Ordered The Manure By The Truck Load [full]
I Ordered the Manure by the Truck Load
I Also Like Eating The Bugs
Wool In the Winter
That Would Make A Nice Bumper Sticker
It's Never Too Late For Manure
Use Butter Like Everybody Else
I Mean, Why Do You Want Manure?
Add Manure To Your Grocery List
No I Was Hiding In The Dryer
Is the Heat Gone?
Hey, What Am I Doing in This Cheap, Polyester Suit?
Fine. If You Need Me, I'll Be in the Whirling Hot Tub
Oh, My Gosh, It's the Police!
I Smiled Because I Thought Someone Was Taking My Picture
Maybe I Do Maybe I Don't Like Cats
Insurance Agents Do Not Eat Cats
Thats Crazy! But It Does Sound Tasty
You're Brainwashing Me!
I Heard It Was The Food Of The Future
Why Are You So Hung Up on This Guy?
I'll Tell You My Favorite Droid Joke
You're Not a Blood Relative
What Side of The Family Does This Nose Come From
I Just Can't Think Of My Wife's Name Right Now
Anything You Want To Tell Me Before They Haul You To Jail?
I'm Against Rock Videos!
Don't Try To Strike An independent Deal
I'll Tell The Judge I Was Treated Very Well
I'm Being Held Hostage Here
I've Just Lost a Perfectly Good Marriage Thanks to You
You're Familiar With Your Miranda Rights
If You Hadn't Taken My Pants
You're Not My Buddy!
Now the Cops Are Going to Lock You Up
Tell Them That They're Aliens and Take Their Clothes
What Goes Around Comes Around
I've Called The Police!
Locking Me Naked In Your Bedroom and Feeding Me Sugar
Burt Sadowsky's Not In The Million Dollar Club
All Right, Maybe I Need A Shave
What Is This Junk?
By the Way, Did I Give You a Business Card?
I Had To Go Into Sadowsky's Office Just to Change My Mind
We'd Better Act Fast
Not Negotiating With Terrorists
If You'll Just Give Me My Pants
I Didn't Have An Affair With Your Wife
One Thing Just Lead To Another
Did I Have An Affair With Your Wife Too?
How Do You Think I Made The Million Dollar Club
You're Going To Go To Jail For This
You Can't Keep Me Here!
Now, You're Holding Me Prisoner
I Want My Keys and Pants, and I Want To Leave
Okay So You're Free Thinkers
Oh, My God! I'm Naked!
Nobody Likes to Think About the Inevitable
You're Minds Are Not On Insurance
You Obviously Haven't Met Brenda
Boy, You Have a Couple of Drinks
You People Spin Crazy Yarns
I Can Think of Several Policies That Cover Rook Damage
The Customer's Always Right
You 2 Are Sisters, Right?
I'm Talking About Your Future
I'm Wayne Schlegel, Michigan Life & Casualty
He Said Something About a Whirling Hot Tub
I'm Already Fully Covered Through the Auto Club
Go Take Your Bath
I Like The Magazine
I Ordered Sunrise. They Sent Me Sunset
Any Mail for Me?
I'll be In The Whirling Hot Tub
We Should Toast This Occasion
If Fake Vomit's Not Your Cup Of Tea, I'll Loose It
Well, I Was Ahead On Points
I Don't Believe in Anarchy, It's Must To Spontaneous
Sorry Household Rule #856
You Already Ate Last Month
People Don't Just Make Comments
I Know, Lets Conjugate Verbs
Excuse Me, but, Can Someone Please Pass Me..
I Have a Healthy Appetite
Come on, Larry, Chow Down
I Used to Watch the Old "Bob Newhart Show"
You'll Have to Chew With Your Mouth Closed
This Guy's From the Alien Task Force! You People Are Turning Me In!
I Want To Rent A Tux
I'm In The Middle Of Drying Fish
I Jog at Night and I Wear a Dark Headband
You Can Really See The Definition In My Thigh Muscles
I Go Into Your Bedroom At Night and Watch You And Kate
Drooling On The Pillow
But I Didn't Show You the Fake Vomit
Of Course, Where's My Mind
I Do Remember Storing Something In The Garage
At Least I Don't Feel Bloated
Do I Smell Bacon?
Well, if I May Quote Porky Pig
There's Still One More Stage. Quoting People
Is It A Toaster Or Is It An Oven ?
How Long Do You Preheat These For A Cat
Here, Kitty, Kitty Kitty
Alf, Why Are You Locking Me in This Cage?
There's A Big Rat In Here
Didn't I Say Not To Open This Door
You Have a Lunatic on Your Hands Here
I Have to Use the Little Alien's Room
Not To Let Me Out Under Any Circumstances
The Cage With The Reinforced Sides
Anything To Get My Hands On A Cat
I Go Goofy
You Better Bot Be Finished
Didn't You Have A Mustache, Too?
Did You Used To Have A Mustache?
I Just Pulled the Curtain Open
In The Shower
Nice Underwear Kate
We'll Make It All Back With Our Stock Market Picks
I Was Thinking Of A Fork
Throw Me a Magazine
It's Not Easy to Lose Something You Love
That Was Sort of A Bonus
It's Like Being Sent Ham Class
Easy. I Went Through Your Things
No Questions Please I'm Still in a Trance
Tell Dodo What You Told Me The Other Day
Can We Let The Deceased Get a Word In
You Don't Have to Make Rude Noises
I'm Going Into a Trance Now
All the Way Willie
Incidentally, I'll Be the Only One Asking Questions
Small Price To Pay For Contacting The Dead
Nobody Flush the Toilet
What Is This, National Seance Day?
There Are No Possessions in the Realm of the Dead
Dorothy, They May Be Dead but They're Not Blind
All Right! We'll Chat With The Dead!
Sparky's Favorite Food Was French Toast With Gravy Right?
I Thin We Would've Remembered That
You're Saving Yourself For A Corpse
Fish And Ham
A Pickle, You?
Hitting Each other With Sticks
We Have to Go to a Hockey Game Sometime
And Then We're Going to Butcher the Chicken!
A Man His Age Shouldn't Be Eating Pork
Does Bob Hope Still Have Teeth?
That Can Be Arranged. Willie, Get the Staple Gun
Anyone Can Send Shrimp
Kate, Am I Mistaken, Or Is That A Cat Stretcher?
Right. I Only Licked Those
Whining Is Not Going To Bring It Back
I Found A Whole Box in The Back Of Your Closet
Not with Chocolate on my Tongue
No Heavier Than Other Boxes I watched You Carry
Here I Am Being Chained to a Tree
There's the Motor Home Going Up In Flames
I Got More Of a Response From Kissing The Floor!
The Cabin That Dripped Blood
I've Been Through A Traumatic Experience
I'm A Magical Creature Of the Forests
May I Suggest A Murder-Suicide
Oh, Oreos. My Kind Of People
I'm Looking Through Your Cabinets
I'm Out of Here. I'm History! I'm Going to Die
Sorry Brian, I Have My Pride
Right Let The Alien Starve
You Need Some Help Bobbing for Firewood?
You're a Different Person on Vacation
Medium-Rare. Hold The Lightning!
Call The Newspapers, Democracy Is Dead!
Not Everyone Enjoys Spending Their Vacation in a Rain Forest
I'm Going To Sit Here And Complain
That's Easy For You To Say, You're Not 98% Hair
You've Been Reading My Recipe Book
What Lemon, What Are You Talking About?
May I Suggest San Diego?
It's Your Call. You Dragged Us Here!
When I'm Bored I Eat Vowels
Is It Just Me, or Are the Walls Closing In?
Hey Chief, Let Me Take Over The Controls A While
Boy, You Call This a Vacation!
I Guess i'll Just Moon Some State Troopers
Lynn, Want to Spit Out the Window With Me?
It's All This Singing About Beer
Put Me In A Kennel
Let's Give It a Shot!
I'm Garbage. I'm Canal Water
I Didn't Think It Was A 3-Man Job
We're Dropping the French?
Been Playing the Ponies?
Why's That the End of the Hair Talk?
I Thought We Decided San Diego
No Sale, Here. I Think It Bites Wind
There's Hair in This Tuna Fish
Amen, to That!
Never Mind the Curtains, Put Me Out!
Did You Say I Should Get Hair in the Peanut Butter
I'll Make a Peanut Butter Sandwich. Where's The Blender?
The Cat Won't Fit In The Toaster
The Check Came!
Make It Quick, Kate
First, You Open the Champagne. Then You Hug
Willie Sometimes Less Is More
I Had Nothing About Toast
This Script Is Do Full Of Love You'll Throw Up
Are You Dictating Your Autobiography?
I've Got The Woman Talking To Chairs
It's a Typo!
On Melmac, We Use It To Relieve Writers Block
It's A Much Better Script Now
That's dangerously close to censorship
Would You Mind If I Taped This?
Come on, People. I've Got a Deadline
Sit Still, Kate! The Cheese Can Wait
Dust Off The Cobwebs First
Guest? Isn't There a Statute of Limitations on That Word?
Kate, the Woman Doesn't Respond to Subtle Hints
Listen Here, You Bronx Giraffe!
Well, I'm Glad We Narrowed It Down
This Show Needs a Plot Transplant
That's Not a Soap Opera, That's a Sleeping Pill
Right Now, Youre Rear End
You Know, There's a Nice Motel Down the Street
I Emphasize The Word Travel
Thanks for Offering, but the Job's Already Done
Until Then, Willie Could Use it As A Car cover
Just Mellow Out, Granny
Why Does She Get To Chew On Lucky?
I Make Things Happen. I'm A Catalyst
No Wonder You Don't Sit At the Head of the Table
If I Had a Straw and a Napkin, I Would Fill You So Full Of Spitballs
Ther Are No Mops From The Moon
We're Having Pancakes, Okay?
I Dont Even Know What Kibble Is, But I Resent That
I Sense Some Negative Vibes Here
There Was A Spider In There
Good Morning, Grandma!
We'll Talk Again When You're A Little Less Touchy-Feely
Oh, Yeah, Another Thing Stop Poking Me!
Take My Word for It. I'm A Space Being
Is She Adopted Or Something?
Cup of Java?
Now I Live in A Laundry Basket
Hey, Go for It, Willie!
Okay. Don't Get Your Nightie in a Knot
Did You ever See The Nutty Professor
More Arm Motion!
And I'm Not Living in the Garage Any Longer
Boy, Somebody Took a Grumpy Pill
This Is My Home. This Is Where The Bathroom Is
What Does She Have, Squatters Rights?
Oh, Good Save
I Don't Know I'm Barely Listening
She Walked Into The House And Took Over
I'm A People Alien
The Charade Continues
Good. I'll Tape It To My Eyes
I'm A Game Show Host
So, I'm Somewhere Between a Mutant and Your Son
Oh, Right, Let The Mutant Sleep in The Garage
Alf, You Have to Stay in the Garage for a Few Days
Come On. Let the Punishment Fit the Crime
Yo, I Have a Question
Is Grandma's Staying Here Going To Affect Me
I brought gifts
Who's at the Door?
Willie, Grab the Pasta Maker
The Car Is Purring Like a Kitten. Which Reminds Me, I'm Hungry
George Maharis Never Got Another Series
I Used To Watch Route 66
Just Kidding, See?
Because It's Funny, Man
What Is A Fault Line, Anyway?
I'm Getting the Old Crate in Shape, William
I Think I'll Turn In Early Tonight
The Rest Is A Blur
Does Your Insurance Cover Front Porches?
Joel Is In The Springs
All Right, Calm Down
I Think I Might Need Glasses
They're Having a Bee Keeper's Convention
Hey! Ever Hear of a Turn Signal?
I'm Driving Too Fast
I Can't Im In The Fast Lane
Come on, Lady. This Ain't a Parade!
Easy For You To Say You're Not A Limited Partner
Yeah? You're Another One
Before I Knew It I Was On the Freeway
This Thing Flies Like The Wind
You Want to See How the Gucci Air Bag Works?
He's In Palm Springs 'Til Thursday
Your Daughter Drives a Better Car Than You Do?
Look, We Are Not Keeping a Car That Costs $60,000
Why Don't We Just Needlepoint That Into A Sampler?
Come on, Willie, Park Your Carcass on That Virgin Ox
Cellular phone programmed for speed dialing
Virgin Ox, Albino Virgin
Chrome From Rome
The Dashboard Is Burled Mahogany..
Except for the Bidet. That Was Platinum
I Got it Through My Broker
It's True. Everybody Wants Red
I've Got A Surprise For You
Some Hot Coffee Would Be Nice!
Are There Marshmallows In It?
Is That Cocoa?
You're Killing Her, Kate
Think Before You Answer
Well Then, You Better Get Crackin' Here
Just To Get a Jalopy to Drive Around In?
He Got Caught Substituting Hamburger For Collie
I Use It To Do My Aerobics
A Stolen One
We Can't Afford To "Spring For A Car"
Then Who's Bringing In The Toes?
So What's The Connection To Toes?
I Didn't Order Any Toes
Alf, I Got Some More Lint for You to Save
There's Foam In Them Thar Hills
On Melmac, The Most Valuable Thing Is Foam
Talking About Gold, Like Its Valuable Or Something
In the Words of the Immortal St. Frosty the Snowman
I Used A Catalog
This Is America, Kate. Everybody Can Shop
A Few Tokens From The Old Alfer
It's For Giving Eye Exams, Right?
I Finally Get To See Snow
There's a Forest Ranger Headed This Way
Your Tree Should Be Ready Around Easter but Call First
I'm Going to Have To Take it Into The Shop
It's A Fake
I See You Got a Leaner There
We'll Just Sit Here and Listen To The Mud
He Was Talkin Too Much and Somebody Hit Him
I'm Just Trying To Keep From Crying
That Sounds Like It's Going to Be Sentimental
I'd Love To be Superman
A Whisker for Your Thoughts
We'll Have Christmas in March
If I'm Not Home Before Santa Gets There, I'll Sue You
I Think We Just Passed the Donner Party
Have You Been There In Person Or Just In Your Mind
You Get the Chain Saw and Fill It With Gas
Pretend I'm Not Here, Just Like I'm Doing With That Tree
On Melmac, Caroling Was Definitely Not for Children
Well, You'd Have To Know Carol
I Knew You'd Bring That Up
This Miserable Excuse For a Tree
I'm Not Waiting For An Invitation
We're Stuck With This Thing For a Quarter of a Century?
I'm Talking To Carnac
What Do We Do, Just Add Water?
Mom, I Found Another Egg
Let's Start With a Simple Question
Then Santa Slides in on a Rotary Shaver
Matt, Mark, Luke, and John
You Cut Our Tree Into Firewood!
I Don't Want To Spoil The Surprise
You Know, the Fat Guy That Dresses in Velvet
Sloppy Joes And Fiberglass
Christmas Is When We Carve The Pumpkin
I've Hidden All the Eggs
So, Uh, Are We Going Out Friday Night, or What?
How About Incredible?
I've Decided It's For Connie Chung
Close Your Robe, Willie
The Next Thing You Know, They're Picking Out Drapes
How About It, Sequoia-Neck?
Hey, Zit Face, Go Home and Make a Clearasil Sandwich!
Too Much Caffeine?
She's Setting a Bad Example for all the Other Daughters
Go for It, Willie!
Now we're cooking
I'll Call You if I Ever Audition For Hee-Haw
Oh Yeah. It's De-Lovely
Great. We Need More Euphoniousness
Now, Let's Wail
Well, I Wrote a Poem for Someone
Ancient History Wasn't My Best Subject
See? You're Still In Charge
Are You Still Writing Letters To Connie Chung?
I Got the Message. I Was Wrong. Kill Me
It's A Matter of Taste
Wallpapering the Screens
Well, I Guess It's Just Me and My Swatches
You Would've Been a lot of Fun During the Renaissance
You and Lynn Have a Date?
I Thought We Had a Date
He Has Darker Hair and Less Of It
I'm Sorry We Only Had One Pot Roast
ALF Cake Would Be Great
Right Now, I'm Bushed
I Don't Feel Thanked For Saving You From That Shower Fire
You Had Mixed Feelings About Me?
I Told Him No Suitcase, No Suitcase
Let's Not Get Maudlin
I'd Miss You More
She'll only Want Me More After A Couple Of Centuries
You Missed Your Ride
Here You Go, Kid. Melmacian Dice
I Thought It Was Funny When He Buried the Couch
Well, I'm in the Wind
Happy Birthday, Kid
Come on Brian, Give Us a Hug
If You Have To Use The Bathroom
So Long, Willie
Thank You My Friend
Well, It Was A Mix
It's An ALF Cake
I Know Skip Would Have Liked You
Brian, This Is Just Something I Have to Do
Any Chance of Taking Lucky With Me
This Isn't Going Well
Am I Interrupting Something?
Forget the Transvestites. See You Tomorrow!
The Transvestites are Back on Donahue
By, Then I'll Be Completely Bald
How's It Going in Here?
I Can Hardly Blink
I'm Too Weak To Blow
Maybe You Could Massage My Feet While It Cools
It's Not Going To Come To You!
425 Degrees, ALF
I Want To Go Home
It Was Something By The Beach Boys
My Planet Blew Up And Some Girl You Knew Moved To Ohio
All Right, Tell Me About You and the Martian
I Said, Goodnight
Sayonara, Melmac, and Sayonara, Rhonda
Orbit Guards, Man Your Battle Stations
I Was Brushed, and Curried, and Ready For Love
That Last One Was A Real Bummer
I'll Never Have Another Birthday With My Friends
I'm Really Depressed About Brian's Birthday
Well Don't Take The Sheep
Hey, What About My Favorite Character on the Cake?
Have You Decided What You Want on Your Cake, Brian?
How Did You Blow Out 229 Candles?
Don't Forget. We're Going to Talk About My Birthday
Lets Hear It For The Tan Man
You Sent My Wife Flowers?
I Think Kate's Been Coming on to Me Lately
I Think Kate's Been Coming On To Me Lately [full]
You're The Man of the Century?
Your Life is Incredibly Predictable and Safe
Imagine Mach 8 and Double It
We Take Time to Stop And Smell The Potatoes
Snack To Snack
I Ate the Rest of the Cake. I Should Tell You That Now
Want a Cold Spud?
What a Life!
Have Couple Of Potatoes and Wait For My Paper
Now, How About Some of That Wet Cake?
How Do You Skydive Just a Little Bit?
I May Want Sea Bass
Wow, Kate. You Little Overachiever, You
You Dated Joe Namath?
Something I Found Behind The Chemical Toilet
A Race Of Cucumber People on Mars
I Think I Know My Life Better Than You Do
Still Waters Run Deep There, William
To a Super Dad, Husband and Earthling
Lynn, Tell Them What They've Won
I'm Not Telling Until I Get A Drum Roll
Relax. They'll Be Wearing Name Tags
My Career Really Threatens You
How Could You Purchase $4,000 Worth of Makeup?
Well, Exactly How Much Did You Buy?
It's How Much You Buy!
Fifty dollars, or twenty
Our Sub-Reflective Chin Buffing Paste Is A Must
Let Her Lasting Loveliness Bloom
I Finally Feel Like A Productive Member Of Society
It's a Glittering, Fast-Paced Career
I'm in the Rouge-Slinging Game
Okay. I've Gotta Run, Hon
I'm Absolutely Silly
Those Hunting Sachets Are Going To Be Very Hot
Aren't We a Curious George Tonight?
Have You Ever Had a Terry Faith Facial?
They Welcome Ignorance
I'm A Terry Faith Girl
I've Got to Find a Way to Earn Money Now
Fine for the Beaver, but Not Exactly Tycoon Territory
The Phlegm Turbo Was a Classic
I Owned and Operated My Own Phlegm Dealership
It's "Nose to the Grindstone Time" for This Parasite
No Need to Lay It Out, Kateski
Maybe I'm Just Being Overly Sensitive
I Just Checked Into the Parasite Hotel Song
Not Wasting Money
What About A Sponger
You All Think I'm A Parasite
I'm Going To Get Some Cookies
Who Made This Call to Munich
No Chance Of Your Getting a Better Job, I Suppose
Could We Put an End to the Stooge Talk?
I Just Can't Buy Shemp As A Surgeon
Freeze Out The Alien
Right Now I'm in the Catbird Seat
There You Go, Luckheimer
Bacon, Lucky, and Tomato
Now We Have 2 Cats
Well, Don't We Feel Foolish
All You Have To Do Is Gnaw Through This Wire Mesh
I'm Going to Let You Break Out of Here Tonight
Gee, This Whole Planet's Up Tight
What Are You Doing Without Your Jockey?
Oh My Gosh, He's Got a Horse!
Anybody Have a Coat Hanger?
Does Neutered Mean What I Think It does?
So, Uh, What Are You Guys in For?
Love Affairs With Beautiful Women
The Only Thing Murdered Today Was Justice
Call Me When You finish Building The Gallows
Maybe You Ate him By Accident
Not When the Accused Coughs Up the Victim!
Come on, Guys, It's Me You're Talking To!
I Haven't Eaten a Cat Since I Left Melmac
It's A Fur Ball
I'm Not Saying Anything Until I Talk To My Attorney
Smell My Breath!
Maybe He Got Sucked Into a Parallel Dimension
Willie I Know The Rules
I Know My Rights. I Watch Peoples's Court
I Was Chasing Him With A Fork
He likes rolling around in dirty laundry
I Wonder Where Lucky Is
Forget Merv. We're Not Talking About Merv
I've Been Blessed With Multiple Stomachs
I Draw The Line at Intestinal byproducts
I Wasn't Irresponsible, I Was Hungry!
Who Wants A Cookie?
The Rest Is a Blur
When Did You Expect Us Back, In April?
It's Not Always True That They Land On Their Feet
Refrain From Kidding Lucky
I'm Trying To Help Lucky Beat His Smoking Problem
Hey! You Scared Me. You Ought To Wear A Bell.
You Are A Bagel
They Taste Alike
You Got Me a Rat. Nice Gesture
Sometimes You Have to Take A Chance
I Really Care About You
Just Stick On Anything By The Chipmunks
I'm short, I'm blind, you win
Thanks, They Were Delicious!
You'll Probably Be Covered With Hair
Could Be a '79
Shrimp Or What?
In Case You Were Wondering
Nine Sharp. Not an Alien
I'll Be Back at 9 O'clock, Sharp
It's Somebodies Hand!
A Rambo Doll
How Come She Has All These Rooms?
Like A Real Hunk
Nobody Walk Barefoot in the Bathroom
Where's the Styling Mousse?
I'll Help You Take That Risk
Am I Obnoxious?
I Feel Like Streeeky Mcintosh
The Old Frisbee
I'm Talking To Socks
Oh, No, I've Killed My Only Friend
Alone Again, Naturally
I'd Clean It Up, but I'm Too Depressed
I Can't Have Friends
Not if Cathy Rigby Keeps Her Mouth Shut
From My Brief Marriage to Cathy Rigby
I Won't Let Jody Drive
Say The Word, Kate. She's Blind!
Yeah Mom, Becasue She's Blind
I Lucked Out. Jody's BLind
Have You Looked In A Mirror Lately?
Oops. Love Has Made Me a Klutz
I Like Mine With A Side Of Fries
Nobody Walk Barefoot in the Kitchen
Don't Worry, Jodester, It's Just a Gravy Boat
Hang Up! Now!
Hold on, Jodester
It Causes One To Barf Up One's Dinner
The Shot Is Up And It's Good!
Jody... What's Up Babe?
Hey, Jody, You Like Redheads?
Yo, Lucky, You Busy?
Eight Hours Of Dickens. Take A Pillow
Playdoh. The Fluorescent Kind
Problems, Shmoblems... Sit Down and Relax
Lyrics Too Complicated?
Larry Is Discussing The Middle East Crisis
Hold That Thought. The Show Is On
I Had Something To Do With the Plaque
My Show Is Coming On
Think I'd Get Us In Hot water?
Hope I Haven't Oversimplified the Problem
Why Don't You and the Russky Ease Up A Little?
Come on, Brian. Let's Spring Daddy
The Big Guy and I Are Like That
He's My Willie; My Goombah.
He's An Alien
You Taped My Dad's Arrest?
Boy, Those HBO Guys Mean Business
Before Anybody Pushes Any Buttons
Oh, He's Indisposed
Isn't That Illegal; Immoral?
I'd Like To See What It Does When It Wakes Up
We All Plugged Our Hair Driers In At The Same Time
You Use My Toothbrush?
I'm Glad To See You Haven't Wasted Your Life
Operators Are Standing By. I've Got Calls to Make
Hand Me The Pliers!
Looks Like Twice-Eaten Pork
Just a Domestic Spat, Larry
I'm Trying To Save Your Planet
Sorry, Larry, Just Some Static
Here It Comes, Brian. Better Get the Shovel
I've Got the Solution to This Nuclear Bomb Thing
Hey, Could Somebody Unzip Me in Here?
I'm Not Wearing Anything Underneath
There Was a Thief Here, Wasn't There?
Sure, Blame The Guy In The Dress
ALF, What Are You Doing in My Dress?
Ever Have A Talking Doll Rip Out Your Voice Box?
Can You Take Some Constructive Criticism?
I Was The Man of The House
I'm In The Bedroom Wearing a Blue Dress
And The Cat Is Going To Be Okay
You Keep Calling
A Light Snack Would Hold Me Over Until the Pizza Came
My Only Thought Was to Get Back to My Room And RAke Myself
I Learned One Thing About Eating Jigsaw Puzzles
I Heard the Haunting Strains of The Movie
I Want Mrs. Bates
Don't Toy With My Emotions, Willie
I Didn't Break It
One Man's Bedroom Is Another Man's Prison
Just Leave the Keys to the Liquor Cabinet
To Sit With Brian
I'll See If I Can Scrounge A Few Kernels From The Sofa
Channel 9 Is Running Psycho
Not In That Drawer
You're Out Of Floss
You Kill Me!
I Wear a Size 5, But Nothing With Feet In It!
So, the Droid Says to The "Cranble"
Then We Could Eat Their Cat!
Sort of Breaks My Heart
Yeah, and They've Got These Two Terrific Kids
Only Her's Is Natural
For Someone Without Fur
I'm Living With What They Call a Family
The Melmac Touch
I Love This Woman
Unless She's Just Joined The Army
How You Doing Lucky
The Kid Wants Me To Stay
Spend the Rest Of My Days Fending Off Gamma Rays
You're About Out of Coors [short]
You're About Out Of Coors
Geez, What's With The Warden?
Do You Get Sesame Street Where You Live?
Yo! Lucky, My Man
I'll Still Be In The House