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ALF

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This Is the Way It Began That Extraordinary Night

We-- We Have a Visitor

My Gosh, It's Hairy!

Brian's Right. It's an ALF

Can Alf Stay in My Room?

E.T. Got To Stay

This Is On Our Coffee Table

Hello! Read My Lips

It's Heavy, It's Hairy and It Talks

Now How About Fixing My Spaceship

There's No Need For Name Calling

Let's Have a Snack Now. We'll Get Friendly Later

No Cat Eating. Not in This House

He's Quick! I'll Give Him That

'Morning

Interesting Concept

You're Blind as a Bat

You Calling Me A Liar?

That Is Inconsiderate!

There's No Need for You to Shave

Count Me In

Just Dont Use All The Hot Water

Never Saw A Thing

Sounds Like A Typo

Cross Between A Kangaroo And An Aardvark

Yeah, Right, and I'm Sean Penn

You Talking to Me?

I Turn the Key and It Goes

Must Be A Licensed Driver

No Wonder I Didn't Know It

I'll Never See The Purple Side Of My Planet Again!

I'll Still Be In The House

Yo! Lucky, My Man

Do You Get Sesame Street Where You Live?

Geez, What's With The Warden?

You're About Out Of Coors

You're About Out of Coors [short]

Spend the Rest Of My Days Fending Off Gamma Rays

The Kid Wants Me To Stay

How You Doing Lucky

Unless She's Just Joined The Army

We Are Not Harboring Any Space Creatures

I Love This Woman

The Melmac Touch

I'm Living With What They Call a Family

For Someone Without Fur

Only Her's Is Natural

Yeah, and They've Got These Two Terrific Kids

Sort of Breaks My Heart

Then We Could Eat Their Cat!

So, the Droid Says to The "Cranble"

I Wear a Size 5, But Nothing With Feet In It!

Sorry, Alf. We'll Play Later

You're Out Of Floss

Not In That Drawer

Make Sure He Doesn't

Channel 9 Is Running Psycho

I'll See If I Can Scrounge A Few Kernels From The Sofa

To Sit With Brian

Do I Think We Should Let an Alien Watch Psycho

Just Leave the Keys to the Liquor Cabinet

One Man's Bedroom Is Another Man's Prison

I Didn't Break It

Don't Toy With My Emotions, Willie

I Want Mrs. Bates

I Heard the Haunting Strains of The Movie

I Learned One Thing About Eating Jigsaw Puzzles

I Think There's Somebody Else In This House

Maybe It Was In Heat

The Dodgers Batted A Round

What Are You, Narrating This?

They Got A cushoned Toilet Seat

My Only Thought Was to Get Back to My Room And RAke Myself

A Light Snack Would Hold Me Over Until the Pizza Came

Trevor, Something Is Going On In This House

I'll Be Go to the Market, It's Back

I Haven't Seen You This Bad Since The Eclipse

I'll Tell You Where It's Going

You Keep Calling

And The Cat Is Going To Be Okay

I'm In The Bedroom Wearing a Blue Dress

I Should Have Locked Him In The Garage!

What's The Number For 911

I Was The Man of The House

Can You Take Some Constructive Criticism?

Ever Have A Talking Doll Rip Out Your Voice Box?

I'd Prefer Scotch

ALF, What Are You Doing in My Dress?

Sure, Blame The Guy In The Dress

There Was a Thief Here, Wasn't There?

I'm Not Wearing Anything Underneath

Hey, Could Somebody Unzip Me in Here?

I've Got the Solution to This Nuclear Bomb Thing

Here It Comes, Brian. Better Get the Shovel

It Keeps Him Out of the Kitchen

Sorry, Larry, Just Some Static

I'm Trying To Save Your Planet

Just a Domestic Spat, Larry

Her Family Doesn't Even Have An Alien

Would They Like One?

Looks Like Twice-Eaten Pork

Hand Me The Pliers!

Operators Are Standing By. I've Got Calls to Make

I'm Glad To See You Haven't Wasted Your Life

You Use My Toothbrush?

We All Plugged Our Hair Driers In At The Same Time

I'd Like To See What It Does When It Wakes Up

Isn't That Illegal; Immoral?

Oh, He's Indisposed

Before Anybody Pushes Any Buttons

Boy, Those HBO Guys Mean Business

An alien took control of my radio

You Taped My Dad's Arrest?

He's My Willie; My Goombah.

The Big Guy and I Are Like That

Come on, Brian. Let's Spring Daddy

Why Don't You and the Russky Ease Up A Little?

Hope I Haven't Oversimplified the Problem

Think I'd Get Us In Hot water?

We call him ALF for short

No Problem

To Brian Alf Tanner

My Show Is Coming On

I Had Something To Do With the Plaque

Hold That Thought. The Show Is On

Larry Is Discussing The Middle East Crisis

Happy Anniversary

Lyrics Too Complicated?

Problems, Shmoblems... Sit Down and Relax

Playdoh. The Fluorescent Kind

Eight Hours Of Dickens. Take A Pillow

Yo, Lucky, You Busy?

Hey, Jody, You Like Redheads?

Jody... What's Up Babe?

The Shot Is Up And It's Good!

It Causes One To Barf Up One's Dinner

It's Just This "Jody" Business

Hold on, Jodester

Is Alf Getting Married?

Don't Worry, Jodester, It's Just a Gravy Boat

Nobody Walk Barefoot in the Kitchen

I Like Mine With A Side Of Fries

Oops. Love Has Made Me a Klutz

Have You Looked In A Mirror Lately?

I Lucked Out. Jody's BLind

Yeah Mom, Becasue She's Blind

Say The Word, Kate. She's Blind!

Yeah Mom What Do You Have Against The Jodester?

I Won't Let Jody Drive

Cincinnati?

From My Brief Marriage to Cathy Rigby

Not if Cathy Rigby Keeps Her Mouth Shut

I Can't Have Friends

I'd Clean It Up, but I'm Too Depressed

Alone Again, Naturally

Oh, No, I've Killed My Only Friend

I'm Talking To Socks

The Old Frisbee

I Feel Like Streeeky Mcintosh

Am I Obnoxious?

I'll Help You Take That Risk

Where's the Styling Mousse?

Nobody Walk Barefoot in the Bathroom

Like A Real Hunk

Okay, Coast Is Clear

How Come She Has All These Rooms?

It's Somebodies Hand!

I'll Be Back at 9 O'clock, Sharp

Nine Sharp. Not an Alien

In Case You Were Wondering

Shrimp Or What?

You'll Probably Be Covered With Hair

Thanks, They Were Delicious!

I'm short, I'm blind, you win

Just Stick On Anything By The Chipmunks

My Parents Are Going To Catch us!

I Really Care About You

Sometimes You Have to Take A Chance

You Got Me a Rat. Nice Gesture

They Taste Alike

You Are A Bagel

Hey! You Scared Me. You Ought To Wear A Bell.

I'm Trying To Help Lucky Beat His Smoking Problem

Refrain From Kidding Lucky

It's Not Always True That They Land On Their Feet

When Did You Expect Us Back, In April?

This is not Behaving this is Mass destruction

The Rest Is a Blur

How Can One Alien Be So Irresponsible?

Who Wants A Cookie?

I Wasn't Irresponsible, I Was Hungry!

I Draw The Line at Intestinal byproducts

I've Been Blessed With Multiple Stomachs

Forget Merv. We're Not Talking About Merv

I Can't Find Lucky

I Wonder Where Lucky Is

He likes rolling around in dirty laundry

I Was Chasing Him With A Fork

It Means Hypnotizing the Cat Into Thinking He's a Bagel

I Know My Rights. I Watch Peoples's Court

Willie I Know The Rules

Maybe He Got Sucked Into a Parallel Dimension

Smell My Breath!

I'm Not Saying Anything Until I Talk To My Attorney

It's A Fur Ball

I Haven't Eaten a Cat Since I Left Melmac

Come on, Guys, It's Me You're Talking To!

Lucky Was My Best Friend!

Not When the Accused Coughs Up the Victim!

Maybe You Ate him By Accident

Call Me When You finish Building The Gallows

The Only Thing Murdered Today Was Justice

Love Affairs With Beautiful Women

We Better Eat Fast Before Alf Gets to It

How 'Bout If I Pour Some Nice Healthy Milk On Them?

Probably too ashamed to come to breakfast

I Dreamed Alf Came Into My Room and Tried to Eat Me

Where Do You Think Hamburgers Come From?

It Means Breakfast Is Over

And His Manhood

And He Doesn't Know About Not Crossing on the Green

We Should Have Watched More of The Fugitive

So, Uh, What Are You Guys in For?

Does Neutered Mean What I Think It does?

Anybody Have a Coat Hanger?

Oh My Gosh, He's Got a Horse!

What Are You Doing Without Your Jockey?

Gee, This Whole Planet's Up Tight

I'm Going to Let You Break Out of Here Tonight

All You Have To Do Is Gnaw Through This Wire Mesh

Gas It. No One Will Want It.

Well, Don't We Feel Foolish

Now We Have 2 Cats

Bacon, Lucky, and Tomato

There You Go, Luckheimer

Right Now I'm in the Catbird Seat

Freeze Out The Alien

I Just Can't Buy Shemp As A Surgeon

Could We Put an End to the Stooge Talk?

No Chance Of Your Getting a Better Job, I Suppose

Who Made This Call to Munich

I'm Going To Get Some Cookies

You All Think I'm A Parasite

What About A Sponger

Not Wasting Money

I Just Checked Into the Parasite Hotel Song

Maybe I'm Just Being Overly Sensitive

No Need to Lay It Out, Kateski

It's "Nose to the Grindstone Time" for This Parasite

I Owned and Operated My Own Phlegm Dealership

The Phlegm Turbo Was a Classic

Fine for the Beaver, but Not Exactly Tycoon Territory

I've Got to Find a Way to Earn Money Now

I'm A Terry Faith Girl

They Welcome Ignorance

Have You Ever Had a Terry Faith Facial?

Evening Lobster

Aren't We a Curious George Tonight?

Those Hunting Sachets Are Going To Be Very Hot

I'm Absolutely Silly

Okay. I've Gotta Run, Hon

What Are Hunting Sachets

I'm in the Rouge-Slinging Game

It's a Glittering, Fast-Paced Career

Operation Makeup

I Finally Feel Like A Productive Member Of Society

Let Her Lasting Loveliness Bloom

Our Sub-Reflective Chin Buffing Paste Is A Must

Fifty dollars, or twenty

You Have a Real Flare for the Business End, Too

It's How Much You Buy!

Well, Exactly How Much Did You Buy?

How Could You Purchase $4,000 Worth of Makeup?

You Have Abused the Trust of This Family

My Career Really Threatens You

Relax. They'll Be Wearing Name Tags

I Think We Sold Something

I'm Not Telling Until I Get A Drum Roll

Pretty Well? We Made It All Back, Plus a Small Profit

Oh, Boy! Can We Get an Air Hockey Table?

To Pay For That Phone Call To Munich

Lynn, Tell Them What They've Won

To a Super Dad, Husband and Earthling

I'm Very Touched

Still Waters Run Deep There, William

I Think I Know My Life Better Than You Do

A Race Of Cucumber People on Mars

Something I Found Behind The Chemical Toilet

You Dated Joe Namath?

Mom, You Really Went Out With Some Hunks

Wow, Kate. You Little Overachiever, You

I May Want Sea Bass

How Do You Skydive Just a Little Bit?

Now, How About Some of That Wet Cake?

Have Couple Of Potatoes and Wait For My Paper

Want a Cold Spud?

I Ate the Rest of the Cake. I Should Tell You That Now

We Take Time to Stop And Smell The Potatoes

Imagine Mach 8 and Double It

Your Life is Incredibly Predictable and Safe

Kate, Do You Think of Me As Predictable And Safe

I've Decided To Go Skydiving

You're The Man of the Century?

There's Nothing to This Skydiving Stuff

I Think Kate's Been Coming On To Me Lately [full]

I Think Kate's Been Coming on to Me Lately

You Sent My Wife Flowers?

Jumping Out of an Airplane at 5,000 Feet

I Didn't Jump Because I was Afraid To Jump

Would It Be All Right If I Paid You Later?

Lets Hear It For The Tan Man

You Said He'd End Up a Red Smear on the Landscape

What's Next for the Conquering Hero?

Don't Forget. We're Going to Talk About My Birthday

How Did You Blow Out 229 Candles?

Have You Decided What You Want on Your Cake, Brian?

Hey, What About My Favorite Character on the Cake?

Well Don't Take The Sheep

I'm Really Depressed About Brian's Birthday

I'll Never Have Another Birthday With My Friends

That Last One Was A Real Bummer

I Was Brushed, and Curried, and Ready For Love

Orbit Guards, Man Your Battle Stations

Sayonara, Melmac, and Sayonara, Rhonda

I Said, Goodnight

All Right, Tell Me About You and the Martian

She Was Someone I Knew Before I Met Your Mother

My Planet Blew Up And Some Girl You Knew Moved To Ohio

It Was Something By The Beach Boys

I Want To Go Home

425 Degrees, ALF

It's Not Going To Come To You!

I'll Punch Your Heart Out

If You Ever Talk To Me Like That I'll Punch Your Heart Out

We Thought if We Could Contact Another Melmacian

Maybe You Could Massage My Feet While It Cools

I'm Too Weak To Blow

I Can Hardly Blink

How's It Going in Here?

By, Then I'll Be Completely Bald

The Transvestites are Back on Donahue

Right. Mi Casa, Su Casa

Forget the Transvestites. See You Tomorrow!

It's the Worst Day of My Life

Brian, We Know How Much Alf Means to You

Am I Interrupting Something?

This Isn't Going Well

I'd Never Leave You, Alf

Any Chance of Taking Lucky With Me

Brian, This Is Just Something I Have to Do

I Know Skip Would Have Liked You

It's An ALF Cake

Well, It Was A Mix

Bye, Alf

Thank You My Friend

So Long, Willie

If You Have To Use The Bathroom

Come on Brian, Give Us a Hug

Happy Birthday, Kid

Well, I'm in the Wind

It's So Strange to Have Food Here, and Not Have Alf

He's Not Even Gone and I Miss Him Already

Remember the Time He Set The Shower On Fire

I Thought It Was Funny When He Buried the Couch

You Remember the Time He Was Changing The Tire

He Did Keep Things Interesting

Que Pasa?

Here You Go, Kid. Melmacian Dice

You Missed Your Ride

He's Staying! Alf's Staying!

She'll only Want Me More After A Couple Of Centuries

I'd Miss You More

Let's Not Get Maudlin

Welcome Home, Alfmeister

I Told Him No Suitcase, No Suitcase

I'm Really Touched

You Had Mixed Feelings About Me?

I Don't Feel Thanked For Saving You From That Shower Fire

Right Now, I'm Bushed

ALF Cake Would Be Great

I'm Sorry We Only Had One Pot Roast

Guess What? The Most Exciting Thing Just Happened

New Boyfriend, Huh?

He Has Darker Hair and Less Of It

I Thought We Had a Date

You and Lynn Have a Date?

You Would've Been a lot of Fun During the Renaissance

Well, I Guess It's Just Me and My Swatches

Wallpapering the Screens

It's A Matter of Taste

I Got the Message. I Was Wrong. Kill Me

Are You Still Writing Letters To Connie Chung?

What?

See? You're Still In Charge

Ancient History Wasn't My Best Subject

Well, I Wrote a Poem for Someone

Name Three

Now, Let's Wail

May I Suggest the Key of E Flat?

Great. We Need More Euphoniousness

Just Another Pretty Face

Oh Yeah. It's De-Lovely

I'll Call You if I Ever Audition For Hee-Haw

Now we're cooking

Alf Has a Crush on Me

Go for It, Willie!

She's Setting a Bad Example for all the Other Daughters

Too Much Caffeine?

Hey, Zit Face, Go Home and Make a Clearasil Sandwich!

How About It, Sequoia-Neck?

The Next Thing You Know, They're Picking Out Drapes

Close Your Robe, Willie

I've Decided It's For Connie Chung

How About Incredible?

So, Uh, Are We Going Out Friday Night, or What?

Alf, You're the One That's Out of This World

Merry Christmas!

I've Hidden All the Eggs

Christmas Is When We Carve The Pumpkin

Sloppy Joes And Fiberglass

You Know, the Fat Guy That Dresses in Velvet

I Don't Want To Spoil The Surprise

You Cut Our Tree Into Firewood!

Matt, Mark, Luke, and John

Then Santa Slides in on a Rotary Shaver

Let's Start With a Simple Question

Mom, I Found Another Egg

What Do We Do, Just Add Water?

Why Are You Holding Eggs?

I'm Talking To Carnac

We're Stuck With This Thing For a Quarter of a Century?

I'm Not Waiting For An Invitation

This Miserable Excuse For a Tree

I Knew You'd Bring That Up

Well, You'd Have To Know Carol

On Melmac, Caroling Was Definitely Not for Children

Pretend I'm Not Here, Just Like I'm Doing With That Tree

You Get the Chain Saw and Fill It With Gas

Have You Been There In Person Or Just In Your Mind

I Think We Just Passed the Donner Party

If I'm Not Home Before Santa Gets There, I'll Sue You

We'll Have Christmas in March

Would You Like Some Eggnog, Mr. Ochmonek?

I Thought It Was a Coat Rack

A Whisker for Your Thoughts

I'd Love To be Superman

That Sounds Like It's Going to Be Sentimental

There Always Was That Tree

I'm Just Trying To Keep From Crying

He Was Talkin Too Much and Somebody Hit Him

I Can't Wait for Dad to Get Here With the Tree..

It's Not Like We've Got An Alien Living With Us

We'll Just Sit Here and Listen To The Mud

I See You Got a Leaner There

It's A Fake

You Bought a Fake Tree?

I'm Going to Have To Take it Into The Shop

Your Tree Should Be Ready Around Easter but Call First

There's a Forest Ranger Headed This Way

We're Going To Get Fined

I Finally Get To See Snow

It's For Giving Eye Exams, Right?

What a Great Christmas!

It Cost Me $367, With The Fine and Towing

A Few Tokens From The Old Alfer

This Is America, Kate. Everybody Can Shop

I Used A Catalog

In the Words of the Immortal St. Frosty the Snowman

If We Miss That Concert

Talking About Gold, Like Its Valuable Or Something

On Melmac, The Most Valuable Thing Is Foam

There's Foam In Them Thar Hills

Alf, I Got Some More Lint for You to Save

I Didn't Order Any Toes

So What's The Connection To Toes?

Then Who's Bringing In The Toes?

Well, I've Canceled My Concert Plans

We Can't Afford To "Spring For A Car"

I Use It To Do My Aerobics

You Guys Would Go in Halves With Me on a Car?

He Got Caught Substituting Hamburger For Collie

I Think That's One of the Most Repugnant Things I Can Imagine

Just To Get a Jalopy to Drive Around In?

Well Then, You Better Get Crackin' Here

I Want a Car More Than Anything

Think Before You Answer

You're Killing Her, Kate

Are There Marshmallows In It?

Some Hot Coffee Would Be Nice!

Alf Stole a Car!

I've Got A Surprise For You

This Tastes Like Fish

I Won! I Won! Menthol Lights!

It's True. Everybody Wants Red

I Got it Through My Broker

Alf, This Is the Most Wonderful Present

Except for the Bidet. That Was Platinum

Or Shall I Say Congratulazione

And Check Out These Wheels!

The Dashboard Is Burled Mahogany..

Chrome From Rome

Virgin Ox, Albino Virgin

Cellular phone programmed for speed dialing

Come on, Willie, Park Your Carcass on That Virgin Ox

Why Don't We Just Needlepoint That Into A Sampler?

Look, We Are Not Keeping a Car That Costs $60,000

Your Daughter Drives a Better Car Than You Do?

He's In Palm Springs 'Til Thursday

I'll Let You Drive My Car Any Time You Want

You Want to See How the Gucci Air Bag Works?

We Cannot Have a Rational Conversation In The Presence of A Ferrari

I Know What You're Thinking, I'm The Ogre

Dad, You're Not Being Fair. The Car Was a Gift

Things Are Appreciated More When They're Earned

I'm Not Above Taking Tennis Lessons

Unless She's A Professional Tennis Player

This Is Insane. We're Actually Gonna Give Back a Free Ferrari!

But Joel Is In Palm Spring

Alf Laid Rubber!

There's an Alien on the Road In a Red Ferrari

This Thing Flies Like The Wind

Kate, That Car Goes 180 Mph!

Before I Knew It I Was On the Freeway

Yeah? You're Another One

Easy For You To Say You're Not A Limited Partner

Come on, Lady. This Ain't a Parade!

I Can't Im In The Fast Lane

I'm Driving Too Fast

Hey! Ever Hear of a Turn Signal?

It's Been A Really Quiet Night

They're Having a Bee Keeper's Convention

You've Just Crashed Into Our Garage!

I Think I Might Need Glasses

I Think You Might Need a Lawyer!

Now, Willie, Calm Down

This Is Not One Of Them

Look at What You've Done

All Right, Calm Down

Joel Is In The Springs

Does Your Insurance Cover Front Porches?

I'll Be Right Back. Don't Leave Town

What Have You Done?

The Rest Is A Blur

I Think I'll Turn In Early Tonight

I'm Getting the Old Crate in Shape, William

What Is A Fault Line, Anyway?

Because It's Funny, Man

Just Kidding, See?

I Used To Watch Route 66

George Maharis Never Got Another Series

The Car Is Purring Like a Kitten. Which Reminds Me, I'm Hungry

Grandma?

Willie, Grab the Pasta Maker

Who's at the Door?

Anyway, I Am Off to Hawaii

You Look Good Too Mom

Oh, Honey, That Hair Is Much Too Short for That Face

I brought gifts

It's Beautiful and Thick

It's Very Important for Children to Wear Warm Clothing

These Brutal Southern California Winters

I Hope We're Not Going to Fight

No, Grandma. Stay With Us

Is Grandma's Staying Here Going To Affect Me

Yo, I Have a Question

No Beets!

Many Pardons for the Delay, Lord Shumway

He Must Be Hungry. He Didn't Even Say Grace

Come On. Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

Alf, You Have to Stay in the Garage for a Few Days

Oh, Right, Let The Mutant Sleep in The Garage

So, I'm Somewhere Between a Mutant and Your Son

I'm A Game Show Host

We Don't Think of You as a Mutant

Good. I'll Tape It To My Eyes

The Charade Continues

I'm A People Alien

She Walked Into The House And Took Over

I Don't Know I'm Barely Listening

What Does She Have, Squatters Rights?

This Is My Home. This Is Where The Bathroom Is

Boy, Somebody Took a Grumpy Pill

Yeah, I Hope You Fall Into a Live Volcano, Estelle

Good News?

And I'm Not Living in the Garage Any Longer

Earthquake, Earthquake!

More Arm Motion!

Did You ever See The Nutty Professor

Okay. Don't Get Your Nightie in a Knot

Hey, Go for It, Willie!

Now I Live in A Laundry Basket

Is She Adopted Or Something?

Take My Word for It. I'm A Space Being

Oh, Yeah, Another Thing Stop Poking Me!

We'll Talk Again When You're A Little Less Touchy-Feely

Good Morning, Grandma!

I Guess You Two Have Met?

There Was A Spider In There

Kate, I Had Such High Hopes For You

I Sense Some Negative Vibes Here

I Dont Even Know What Kibble Is, But I Resent That

The Head of The Household Should Sit At the Head Of The Table

We're Having Pancakes, Okay?

This Little Mop-From-the-Moon Is Running Your House

Ther Are No Mops From The Moon

I meant That As An Insult

If I Had a Straw and a Napkin, I Would Fill You So Full Of Spitballs

No Wonder You Don't Sit At the Head of the Table

I Make Things Happen. I'm A Catalyst

Why Does She Get To Chew On Lucky?

Treat Your Daughter Like An Adult

Just Mellow Out, Granny

Until Then, Willie Could Use it As A Car cover

A Muzzle

Thanks for Offering, but the Job's Already Done

I Emphasize The Word Travel

You Know, There's a Nice Motel Down the Street

I'm Going To Have To Stay Here A Little While Longer

Right Now, Youre Rear End

That's Not a Soap Opera, That's a Sleeping Pill

This Show Needs a Plot Transplant

Boring!

Well, I'm Glad We Narrowed It Down

The Orange Bath Mat Here Won't Let Me Watch

Listen Here, You Bronx Giraffe!

If You're Not Stuffing Your Snout, You're Watching t.V

Kate, the Woman Doesn't Respond to Subtle Hints

Guest? Isn't There a Statute of Limitations on That Word?

Dust Off The Cobwebs First

What Is a Woman Estelle's Age Doing on a Skateboard?

Sit Still, Kate! The Cheese Can Wait

Come on, People. I've Got a Deadline

Would You Mind If I Taped This?

That's dangerously close to censorship

How Would You Like to Become a Sweater?

It's A Much Better Script Now

On Melmac, We Use It To Relieve Writers Block

I've Got The Woman Talking To Chairs

Are You Dictating Your Autobiography?

You've Got To Write Us Out

This Script Is Do Full Of Love You'll Throw Up

I Had Nothing About Toast

Once Again You've Brought Harmony To This Household

Willie Sometimes Less Is More

First, You Open the Champagne. Then You Hug

Make It Quick, Kate

The Check Came!

The Cat Won't Fit In The Toaster

I'll Make a Peanut Butter Sandwich. Where's The Blender?

Don't Get Hair In The Peanut Butter Jar

Did You Say I Should Get Hair in the Peanut Butter

Willie, There's Hair in Our Peanut Butter

Never Mind the Curtains, Put Me Out!

Thank You For Sparing Our Kitchen

How Come I Didn't Get Any Hair?

There's Hair in This Tuna Fish

No Sale, Here. I Think It Bites Wind

I Thought We Decided San Diego

Why's That the End of the Hair Talk?

Did You Lose Your Money?

Been Playing the Ponies?

We're Dropping the French?

Or The National Inquirer

I Didn't Think It Was A 3-Man Job

I'm Garbage. I'm Canal Water

You Haven't Ruined Anything

Let's Give It a Shot!

Put Me In A Kennel

So The Kennel Idea Is Dead?

It's All This Singing About Beer

Lynn, Want to Spit Out the Window With Me?

I Guess i'll Just Moon Some State Troopers

Boy, You Call This a Vacation!

Hey Chief, Let Me Take Over The Controls A While

Is It Just Me, or Are the Walls Closing In?

You've Been Saying That Since We Docked

ALF Ate All The Vowels

When I'm Bored I Eat Vowels

You Guys Are a Bunch of Negative Nellies

It's Your Call. You Dragged Us Here!

May I Suggest San Diego?

What Lemon, What Are You Talking About?

You've Been Reading My Recipe Book

That's Easy For You To Say, You're Not 98% Hair

I'm Going To Sit Here And Complain

Not Everyone Enjoys Spending Their Vacation in a Rain Forest

Call The Newspapers, Democracy Is Dead!

Medium-Rare. Hold The Lightning!

How Would You Like to Be 50% Hair?

You're a Different Person on Vacation

You Need Some Help Bobbing for Firewood?

Right Let The Alien Starve

Sorry Brian, I Have My Pride

I'm Out of Here. I'm History! I'm Going to Die

Sending Him Out To Die?

I'm Looking Through Your Cabinets

Yikes!

Oh, Oreos. My Kind Of People

May I Suggest A Murder-Suicide

I'm A Magical Creature Of the Forests

I Think He's From the City

We'd Make Better Time, If You'd Let Go Of My Leg

I've Been Through A Traumatic Experience

The Cabin That Dripped Blood

I Got More Of a Response From Kissing The Floor!

There's the Motor Home Going Up In Flames

Here I Am Being Chained to a Tree

You've Never Seen The Inside Of Her Handbag

No Heavier Than Other Boxes I watched You Carry

Not with Chocolate on my Tongue

I Found A Whole Box in The Back Of Your Closet

Whining Is Not Going To Bring It Back

Right. I Only Licked Those

Kate, Am I Mistaken, Or Is That A Cat Stretcher?

Or What?

Why Are You Sending a Ham to Sally Field?

Anyone Can Send Shrimp

That Can Be Arranged. Willie, Get the Staple Gun

Send That Thing to Its Room

High Fescue

My Name Is Whizzer Deaver

Do You Mind If I move In With Her

Does Bob Hope Still Have Teeth?

He Was Fixing My Garbage Disposal

A Man His Age Shouldn't Be Eating Pork

Hey, I Can Dig It. A Man's Ax Is Sacred

Whizzer Deaver and the Whizztones

I Was No Steve Allen

And Then We're Going to Butcher the Chicken!

We Have to Go to a Hockey Game Sometime

Hitting Each other With Sticks

Your Ham Came Back, Insufficient Postage

You're Saving Yourself For A Corpse

I Thin We Would've Remembered That

Sparky's Favorite Food Was French Toast With Gravy Right?

All Right! We'll Chat With The Dead!

Dorothy, They May Be Dead but They're Not Blind

There Are No Possessions in the Realm of the Dead

What Is This, National Seance Day?

Nobody Flush the Toilet

Obviously, You Know What You Are Doing

Small Price To Pay For Contacting The Dead

Incidentally, I'll Be the Only One Asking Questions

All the Way Willie

I'm Going Into a Trance Now

You Don't Have to Make Rude Noises

Can We Let The Deceased Get a Word In

Tell Dodo What You Told Me The Other Day

No Questions Please I'm Still in a Trance

You're Going to Be in a Coma

Easy. I Went Through Your Things

Just Let Me Tell You Something, Buster

It's Like Being Sent Ham Class

Lucky for You, I Haven't Unpacked the Knives Yet

That Was Sort of A Bonus

It's Not Easy to Lose Something You Love

Throw Me a Magazine

I Just Don't Know Where to Start

I Was Thinking Of A Fork

We'll Make It All Back With Our Stock Market Picks

Nice Underwear Kate

I Just Pulled the Curtain Open

I Insist That You Respect My Wife's Privacy

You Do That Again, You're a Seat Cover!

Did You Used To Have A Mustache?

Didn't You Have A Mustache, Too?

You Better Bot Be Finished

I Go Goofy

Anything To Get My Hands On A Cat

The Cage With The Reinforced Sides

Not To Let Me Out Under Any Circumstances

I Have to Use the Little Alien's Room

You Have a Lunatic on Your Hands Here

Didn't I Say Not To Open This Door

There's A Big Rat In Here

Alf, Why Are You Locking Me in This Cage?

Here, Kitty, Kitty Kitty

I Was Hoping I Could Get Lucky

Then You'll Be Wearing My Shoes Again

How Long Do You Preheat These For A Cat

Is It A Toaster Or Is It An Oven ?

Hey, Where Are You Going With My Toaster Oven?

Raquel, That Sounds Like Your Riding Mower!

Then They Won't Be Hard To Spot

There's Still One More Stage. Quoting People

Well, if I May Quote Porky Pig

Do I Smell Bacon?

At Least I Don't Feel Bloated

I Do Remember Storing Something In The Garage

The Basement's Flooded

I'm Working At It

Of Course, Where's My Mind

But I Didn't Show You the Fake Vomit

Don't Even Think About It

You Should Answer the Door More Quickly

You're 229 Years Old, And That's What You Think Is Funny?

Drooling On The Pillow

I Go Into Your Bedroom At Night and Watch You And Kate

You Can Really See The Definition In My Thigh Muscles

I Jog at Night and I Wear a Dark Headband

When Did He Put Fish In The Dryer

I Have a Creature From Outer Space Living With Me

Next Minute He's Putting Fake Vomit On My Pillow

This Isn't A Blind Date

I'm In The Middle Of Drying Fish

I Want To Rent A Tux

This Guy's From the Alien Task Force! You People Are Turning Me In!

You'll Have to Chew With Your Mouth Closed

I Used to Watch the Old "Bob Newhart Show"

Come on, Larry, Chow Down

I Have a Healthy Appetite

I Take it He Is The Alien

Excuse Me, but, Can Someone Please Pass Me..

ALF Can Be Very Complimentary

Yeah, Make Milk Come Through Your Nose

I Know, Lets Conjugate Verbs

Another Fly In The Ice Cube

Larry's Coming Over Here to Observe And Make Suggestions About ALF

People Don't Just Make Comments

We Wouldn't Want To Miss That

You Already Ate Last Month

How Ya Doin', Lucky?

Sorry Household Rule #856

I Don't Believe in Anarchy, It's Must To Spontaneous

Well, I Was Ahead On Points

ALF Should Move out

Do You Know What Rents Are?

You Do Care What Happens To ALF

ALF Doesn't Care a Heck of a lot About Me

If Fake Vomit's Not Your Cup Of Tea, I'll Loose It

Hey, See What a Little Communication Can Do?

We Should Toast This Occasion

I'll be In The Whirling Hot Tub

Any Mail for Me?

I Don't Want You Joining Any More Record Clubs

I Ordered Sunrise. They Sent Me Sunset

I Like The Magazine

Go Take Your Bath

I'm Already Fully Covered Through the Auto Club

I Just Know He'll Get Hair in the Drain

He Said Something About a Whirling Hot Tub

I'm Wayne Schlegel, Michigan Life & Casualty

I Think He's Trying to Sell Us Insurance

I'm Talking About Your Future

You 2 Are Sisters, Right?

The Customer's Always Right

I Can Think of Several Policies That Cover Rook Damage

Just Don't Sign Anything

You People Spin Crazy Yarns

Boy, You Have a Couple of Drinks

You Obviously Haven't Met Brenda

You're Not an Insurance Agent

You're Minds Are Not On Insurance

Isn't It Obvious That You're Not Wayne Schlegel?

Nobody Likes to Think About the Inevitable

Oh, My God! I'm Naked!

Knock Wood

Okay So You're Free Thinkers

I Want My Keys and Pants, and I Want To Leave

Now, You're Holding Me Prisoner

You Can't Keep Me Here!

You're Going To Go To Jail For This

How Do You Think I Made The Million Dollar Club

Did I Have An Affair With Your Wife Too?

One Thing Just Lead To Another

I Didn't Have An Affair With Your Wife

If You'll Just Give Me My Pants

Not Negotiating With Terrorists

We'd Better Act Fast

Should I Get the Rolling Pin?

Hit Him On The Head With A Rolling Pin

We're Stuck Having an Insurance Agent In Our Laundry Room

At Least We Shouldn't

He's Like a 3 Year Old

Maybe We Can Get Wayne to Give Us Alf Insurance

I Had To Go Into Sadowsky's Office Just to Change My Mind

I Thought Mr. Schlegel Might Want a Snack

By the Way, Did I Give You a Business Card?

I Liked You Better as an Alien

What Is This Junk?

All Right, Maybe I Need A Shave

Is This the Face of an Insurance Agent?

Burt Sadowsky's Not In The Million Dollar Club

Locking Me Naked In Your Bedroom and Feeding Me Sugar

Mrs. Ochmonek Has My Rolling Pin

I Memorized That Number When ALF Moved In

What Are You Doing on the Phone?

I've Called The Police!

What Goes Around Comes Around

Tell Them That They're Aliens and Take Their Clothes

You Don't Know the Mistake You Just Made!

Now the Cops Are Going to Lock You Up

You're Not My Buddy!

If You Hadn't Taken My Pants

You're Familiar With Your Miranda Rights

I'm Not the One Who's Going to Jail Here, Buddy

It's For Wayne Schlegel

I've Just Lost a Perfectly Good Marriage Thanks to You

I'm Being Held Hostage Here

I Thought We Didn't Have a Wayne Schlegel

I'll Tell The Judge I Was Treated Very Well

Don't Try To Strike An independent Deal

I'm Against Rock Videos!

Anything You Want To Tell Me Before They Haul You To Jail?

I Just Can't Think Of My Wife's Name Right Now

That's Alf's Laugh!

What Side of The Family Does This Nose Come From

You're Not a Blood Relative

I'll Tell You My Favorite Droid Joke

Why Are You So Hung Up on This Guy?

I Heard It Was The Food Of The Future

You're Brainwashing Me!

Thats Crazy! But It Does Sound Tasty

Insurance Agents Do Not Eat Cats

Maybe I Do Maybe I Don't Like Cats

I Smiled Because I Thought Someone Was Taking My Picture

Oh, My Gosh, It's the Police!

Fine. If You Need Me, I'll Be in the Whirling Hot Tub

Hey, What Am I Doing in This Cheap, Polyester Suit?

I Just Knew The Whole Thing Had To Be A Practical Joke

That Number Goes Up When You Live With An Alien

Is the Heat Gone?

No I Was Hiding In The Dryer

Add Manure To Your Grocery List

I Mean, Why Do You Want Manure?

Use Butter Like Everybody Else

It's Never Too Late For Manure

That Would Make A Nice Bumper Sticker

Wool In the Winter

I Also Like Eating The Bugs

You Speak English?

I Ordered the Manure by the Truck Load

I Ordered The Manure By The Truck Load [full]

We Should Have Used More Manure

Great. Dust Bowl '87

It's Corn!

I Didn't Plant Zucchini

Bob Barker?

Fine I'll Use Quicksand

What Am I, The desk Clerk

Hey Kate. I'm The King of France

I'm Taking A Mexican Boy To Catch His Bus

There's a Boy Here Who's Got to Go Back to Mexico

I Want To Hear The Joke About The Kid With No Family

I'm Telling You, the 3-Point Shot Is Ruining This Game

Only A Fool Bets On The Pros

Hey, Kate, You Owe Me for the Celtics Game

I Think A-L-F Can Sleep in the Garage

I Look Like The Village Idiot

Die, Scurvy Dog!

Yo Pensé Que Eras Bob Barker

Gwt out the Slip-N-Slide

Isn't There Some Government Program

Weeds. Mala Hierba

No, I'm Amazed She Had A Boyfriend

It's Hard to Fake Words Like "Carpet Factory"

Luis' I've Spoken To Your Father

Luis and I Have Become Very Close

I Thought They Called You Mr. Science

It's Safer Than The Mexican Food Tanner's Eating

alf laugh

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