Achilles: At night I see their faces. All the men I've killed. They're standing there on the far bank of the river Styx. They're waiting for me. They say, 'Welcome, brother'.
Agamemnon: "Achilles is one man!", Odysseus: "Hector is one man! Look what he did to us today!", Agamemnon: "Hector fights for his country! Achilles fights only for himself!", Odysseus: "I don't care about the man's alliegence, I care about his ability to win battles!"
Briseis: To fight back when I'm attacked? A dog has that kind of courage.
Achilles: [Eyes closed, Briseis has blade against his throat] "Do it.", Achilles: [Briseis doesn't do anything, just stares at him. Achilles opens his eyes] "Nothing is easier.", Briseis: "Aren't you afraid?", Achilles: "Everyone dies, whether today or fifty years from now. What does it matter?"
"It was the peak of my ass getting career and it happened way, way too early."
"I honestly see now why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death."
"Miss your knee slappers when me and Evan are at Dartmouth."
"That guy is the fucking anti-poon."
"Listen up ass face."
"So we have an African Jew wearing a…"
Slater: "Well apparently someone has an exam." Michaels: "How did you know?"
"Their so tight that one ball, is like above my dick."
"What truly marks the Argentine tango is the emotional connection between the couples."
Operator: Emergency. Man: Oh I’m sorry I thought I dialed information. Operator: No sir that would be 411.
"Ideally I would love a beautiful Asian, 20 something, legal…oh god ugh."
Dennis: "Get a case of Chardonnay." Hershel: "No Acasa." Dennis: "Okay, so we need a case of Chardonnay." Hershel: "Acasa. Acasa Chardonnay." Dennis: "Acasa?" Hershel: "Yes. Chardonnay." Dennis: "Like a case? Like a big case?"
"Are you wearing a thong?"
Sharon: "Do you remember our first date my darling?" Ozzy: "No, I was a bit loaded that night."
"Some students are tackling more than just their school work. Which is why more than 30% of them aren't graduating. But with a boost from you 100% of them will have a better chance to make it to graduation. Go to BoostUp.org to find out how to give the high school students in your community the boost they need to ma...
"Hi. I'm Dr. Zillman and I'd Like to talk to you about your testies. The human testicle is not unlike a balloon. Sometimes it is empty and sometimes it is full. And sometimes it can EXPLODE!"
Mr. Waturi: "And Joe, I want those catalogues." Joe: "Then, please, order them." Mr. Waturi: "Watch yourself, Joe. Think about what I just said. You've got to get yourself into a flexible frame or else you are no place."
Mr. Waturi: "And take that light off the desk." Joe: "I will." Mr. Waturi: "Do it now."
"And what we got here in Jerico is just waaaaaay outta hand."
"Well, my goodness, after all these years of blissful silence, I forgot how annoying the sound of your voice is."
Connie Cipriani: "And what do you do now Mr. Demon Jr.?" Franklin: "Um, I'm in ah..." James: "Sales." Guy: "Retail?." Franklin: "Seats." James: "On the stock exchange." Connie: "Broker?" Franklin: "Ticket Scalper. But I can get you anything you want if you let me know ahead of time." Guy: "He's a funny guy." James: ...
Aaron shoots a guy with a bazooka and his bodyguard laughs.
"Alert, spacial anomaly in progress."
Laura: "Honey, that's great. So it's like a promotion?" Doug: "Yeah. Yeah." Laura: "It's not great." Doug: "Well, guess who's gonna do all the work that I was doing?" Laura: "You're gonna do all those jobs? Are they gonna give you more money?" Doug: "Ah, I think it's really more of a prestige thing, hon. Uh, yeah, t...
Character 1: "Oh shit." Character 2: "A boy of your intelligence should never swear. Oh shit."
"Are you nuts? Ah, ma... Are you mentally nuts?"
"Are you nuevo in town?"
"We made a copy of Two. And you know how, sometimes, when you make a copy of a copy and it's not quite as sharp as, well, the original."
"Freezer. Second shelf, over to the left with all the other meat products unless it's in a skin casing, like your franks and sausages and kielbasas. And then that goes lower in the bin."
Nick: "You give me money for gas and I'll... take you back." Terrence: "No, I'm cool... I'm straight. As a matter of fact, I like it out here in the desert. You know, you get all sweaty and shit. Just bubbling off your ass. Just..."
"A mask. Wear a mask. You see the police have this thing called a lineup. And if someone recognizes you, you go to jail!"
Nick: "All I want is 20 dollars on pump #15 and a sour fruity twist. Is that too much to ask?" Storekeeper: "No sir." Nick: "Would you mind if I take your gun?." Storekeeper: "No sir." Nick: "Would you please rip the phone cord out of the wall?" Storekeeper: "What?" Nick: "Would you rip the phone cord out of the wal...
Terrance: "Don't touch it." Nick: "Oh man, oh man. I think I can open the door and catch the sheet." Terrance: "Don't touch the sheet please. Don't..." Nick: "No no no, don't move. Don't move." Terrance: "Oh shit, oh shit, I done moved a hand." Nick: "I really don't think you should be moving right now. I... I think...
Delmar: "Care for some gopher?" Everett: "No thank you, Delmar. A third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without beddin' her back down." Delmar: "Oh, you can have the whole thing. Me and Pete already had one. We ran across a whole gopher village."
Pete: "Hell, at least it would have washed away the stink of that Pomade." Everett: "Join you two ignorant fools in a rediculous superstition, thank you anyway. And I like the smell of my hair treatment; the pleasing odor is half the point."
A short clip of "Hard Time Killing Floor Blues" Performed by Chris Thomas King
George 'Baby Face' Nelson: "Any of you boys know your way around a Walther P.P.K.?" Delmar: "Well see, that's where we can't help you. I don't believe it's in Mississippi."
Pete: "Ain't noone gonna pick up three flithy, unshaved hitchhikers. And one of them a know it all who can't keep his trap shut." Everett: "Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the...
Everett: "Ain't you gonna introduce us, Pete?" Pete: "I don't know their names. I seen 'em first!"
Everett: "And I have traveled many a weary mile to be back with my wife and my six daughters." Alvanelle: "Seven, Daddy!" Penny Wharvey McGill: "That ain't your daddy, Alvanelle. Your daddy was hit by a train."
"And stay out of the "Woolsworth"!"
Luke: "Does this mean I have to kiss your ass now?" Rick: "As long as you shave." Luke: "Shave what?" Rick: "My ass!"
Majors: "Hey, Rick, lookin' good. Money suits you." Rick: "Thanks, Mr. Majors." Majors: "Mr. Majors? What happened to John? After all, you're practically family now. And not that bogus Majors Resort 'family' that I tell the mimimum wagers they're in either."
"Anybody who tells you that money won't buy you love, hell, they ain't never been to Reno. I was at the buffet table. This gal comes up to me, and I flash them dimes and we went right up to her hotel room... well, it was a car."
Stu: "All I wanted to make was a phone call, one lousy phone call." Caller: "That's enough Stu."
A few nice cracks of thunder from O Brother Where Art Thou
Pete: "Who elected you leader of this outfit? Since we been following your lead, we got nothing but trouble. I've gotten this close to being strung up and consumed in a fire and whipped no end and sunstroked and soggied." Delmar: "And turned into a frog." Everett: "He wasn't turned into a frog." Delmar: "Almost love...
"Are you sniffing me?"
Rick: "You're pretty good with these kids, Jenny." Jenny: "Yeah? I seem to have a thing for immature boys." Rick: "Ouch!" Jenny: "At least Stewart has his act together enough to ask me out. I think we're checking out a movie right after his nap time. Yes!"
"And remember…we care."
Character 1: "Are you okay?" Keung: "No."
"Oh, hell. After what you put her through, it's a wonder she didn't quit the sausage and become a vaginatarian."
Gilly: "So, where am I taking you?" Dig: "As close to Beaver as you can get. And a man as sexy and fertile as me likes to stay close to the beaver. That's a good one there."
Gilly: "Oh! Oh, Dig, thanks for not suing me." Dig: "A pleasure bein' hit by a man of your caliber."
Mrs. Hartunian: "So, do you ever miss cutting hair, Jo?" Jo: "Oh, no, not really. I mean, my heart wasn't into it like it is with bikini waxing. I guess you could say that some people are cutters and some people are yankers. And, I was just born to yank."
Jo: "Are those my missing underwear?" Gilly: "Now, Jo, I can... I can explain these. I... Oh, I didn't steal them. I bought 'em off the same scumbag that sold me these naked pictures of you."
"Ain't a mental home's been built that'll hold Streak."
"Dr. Jones. Again we see there is nothing you can posess which I cannot take away. And you thought I had given up."
Indy: "And the museum, the museum gets the ark when we're finished." Marcus Brody: "Oh yes yes."
Nazi Commander: "Dr. Jones, surely you really don't think you can escape from this island." Indy: "That depends on how reasonable we're all willing to be. All I want is the girl." Nazi: "If we refuse?" Indy: "Then your Fuhrer has no prize."
"Are you gonna bark all day little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"
"The Voice": "Let's play a little game. Answer right, your girlfriend lives. Answer wrong, she dies. Where's Maureen's daughter, Sidney?" Cotton Weary: "Who the fuck is this?" "The Voice": "Someone who'd kill to find out where Sidney Prescott is. One chance Cotton, you've got connections. Where is she?" Cotton: "You...
Number 5: "And resemble, look like, butterfly, bird, maple leaf." Crosby: "Where? Holy Shit!" Number 5: "No shit. Where see shit?"
"You got to deal with him. You just got to make sure you don't end up owing him. Cause then you're in his debt. Which means, you're in his pocket. And once you're in that, you ain't ever coming out."
Sol: "No, it's a moissanite." Bad Boy Lincoln: "A whatanite?" Sol: "A moissanite is an artificial damond, Lincoln. It's Mickey Mouse, mate. Spurious. Not Genuine. And it's worth fuck-all."
Turkish: "We've lost Gorgeous George." Brick Top: "Shhhhh... You're going to have to repeat that." Turkish: "We've lost Gorgeous George." Brick Top: "Well, where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys, is he? And it ain't as if he's incon-fucking-spicuous now, is it?"
Cousin Avi: "I don't like leaving my own country, Doug. And I especially don't like leaving it for anything less than warm sandy beaches and cocktails with little straw hats." Doug The Head: "Well, we've got sandy beaches." Cousin Avi: "So, who the fuck wants to see 'em?"
"For every action, there's a reaction. And a pikey reaction is quite a fucking thing."
"Anybody else wonder who the hell opened that door?"
Barnes: "Ask him for his last name." Harry: "What" Barnes: "I want a full name for my report. I'm not putting in my report that I lost a crew member on a deep sat expedition to find an alien named Jerry."
"Ain't much to look at after you scrape them off your boot."
Reese Feldman: "Will you do my back, please?" Kitty: "Sure, baby." Reese Feldman: "I don't want to tan weird. Am I tanning weird?" Kitty: "No, you look good." Reese Feldman: "Honestly." Kitty: "You're really bronzing."
"Besides, he crossed the line. And in Bay City when you cross the line, your nuts are mine."
"All right, enough with the car already! We get it!"
Starsky: "This is a bad man. And this is what bad men do." Reese Feldman's Daughter: "A pony!"
"Damn! A wrist rocket."
Norma Desmond: "This is my life. It always will be. Nothing else...just us. The camera...and those wonderful people out there in the dark. Alright, Mr. Demille, I'm ready for my close-up."
Norma Desmond: "Alright, Mr. Demille, I'm ready for my close-up."
"Am I fucked up or is this fucked up, man? This shit is fucking crazy."
"And that was the second time I got crabs."
A 25 second sound clip from the song: "That Thing You Do."
"Asshole just broke his arm."
"And how would you like to hear "That Thing You Do" on the radio?"
"All right that's enough!"
Computer: "Available. Polish CSU 33 electric 14.5 mm, cyclic rate 1400 rounds per minute." The Jackal: "Interested." Computer: "Effective combat range, 3500 meters. Muzzle velosity 1700 meters per second."
Isabella: "Is this ever going to end?" Mulqueen: "Yes. I promise you it will end... And I will end it."
"Alright, we fucking did it!"
Wallace: "Alright, just go back to give me your money or whatever the heck." Mugger #1: "Just give me the money or I'll cut you." Wallace: "Alright, let me just do my line first ok."
"Are you going to bring me that martini or do I have to suck it out of the glass from here?"
"The preliminaries are being held here in three days. All you have to do is act like one of them. Not exactly a major stretch for you. We get you into the nationals, I bet 100 on you, we clean up, your friend gets his fingers back."
"Ah, tut, tut, tut. Bye-bye."
Mark: "You're a faker!" Thomas: "A mother faker!" Steve: "Jeffy doesn't understand. Jeffy cocoa for Cuckoo Puffs. Jeffy..." Glen: "Shut up with that, you stupid A-S-S." Billy: "Yeah, we know you're not special." Mark: "Yeah."
Gilliam: "Anger is the foothold of the Devil." Louie: "Fuck you and the Devil."
"I'm feeling a bit of a draft in my nether regions. And I must say, it's quite refreshing."
Allan Quatermain: "I may have been overly rude earlier when I called you a pirate." Captain Nemo: "And I may have been overly charitable when I said I wasn't."
Thurman: "Beyond those doors is American soil. Mr. Dixon wants me to make it very clear to you that you are not to enter through those doors. You are not to leave this building. America is closed." Viktor: "America closed. America closed."
"Any more like me and I'll lose the franchise."
"And I like Vicki and she likes me back! And she showed me her boobies, and I liked them too!"
Jane Fuller: "He's dead?" McBain: "A bullet will do that to you."
Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest): "And then, we looked at each other and said..." David St. Hubbins (Michael McKean): "Said, look, why not?" Nigel: "...we might as well join up. You know?" David: "So, we became the Originals." Nigel: "Right." David: "And, uh, we had to change our name, actually." Nigel: "Well, ...
"And I don't think that a sexy cover is the answer for why an album sells or doesn't sell. Because, you tell me, The White Album, what was that? There was nothing on that Goddamn cover."
"Amelia, would you like to get eat to bite? Bite to eat? Cantaloni?"
"Arrest him! Arrest him!"
"Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day, get it!"
Noelle: "You're the voice, I'm just the body." Clerk: "And what a body it is."
"As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without rock and roll."
Marty: "If you could not play rock 'n' roll, what would you do?" David: "I'd be a full-time dreamer." Viv: "I'd probably get a bit stupid and start to make a fool of myself in public 'cause there wouldn't be a stage to go on." Derek: "Probably work with children." Mick Shrimpton (R.J. Parnell): "As long as there'...
"Are you ready to go back to Titanic?"
"Ah, forget it boy-o....You'll never get next to the likes of her!"
Bobby: "Mama, Vicki is an astrologist." Mama: "I don't believe in that sort of thing, pernonally. Astronomy is one of the many tools of the devil."
"Any man don't wanna get killed better clear on out the back."
"Scanning quadrant. Lieutenant, I'm picking up metal fragments ahead. Alloy structure indicates it's from a confederation vessel."
Van: "Huddle up. Come on. Team meating. Cowboy. Alright. I look at you guys, and you know what I see?" Panos: "A collective GPA of 52,000?" Van: "Yeah! No! I see a bunch of party animals crouched in attack position, ready to strike. Am I right?" Panos Patakos: "Noone even knows we're here." Van: "Au contraire, mon f...
Richard: "He's nothing more than a mild rectal itch. And you know what you do about a mild rectal itch gordo?" Gordon: "What's that Richard?" Richard: "You scrathc it. And then you scratch it some more. The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets. Until finally, you have nothing left but a raw, chafed, possibly in...
Gwen's Mom: "Are you and Richard in the same fraternity?" Richard: "Oh, no no no no. Van isn't exactly Delta Iota Kappa material." Van: "Richard, you rascal. You never told me that you were a DIK. Not that you had to."
"And as you say, you have so many men."
"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super."
"Thank you. And I'm sorry that I spent such a buttload of your money for so long."
"Are we still alive?"
"Marty, are those drugs?"
"Which one of you know's the most about this terrain? (all of them raise their hands.) Alright, which one of you is the ugliest most inbred country son-of-a-bitch out here? You come with me."
Carol: "You prefer alien love!" Kit: "Alien love?! Why'd you say alien love?!"
"A go picture! A go picture!"
Rollo: "What is that?" Laraby: "That is an anteater. Not to close, he's very angry." Rollo: "Angry" Laraby: "Oh, he's got a wicked temper sir." Rollo: "Devastates small towns do they?" Laraby: "No not really..." Rollo: "Stop! stop. stop." Laraby: "Look at the claws sir, they're diabolical." R...
"Receiving emergency action message, recommend Alert 1, recommend Alert 1"
Chili Palmer: "I'm gonna take a gun. I'm gonna put it to his head and say sign the papers Martin or you're dead. That's it. " Bo Catlett: "I wonder, would that work?
Dave Moss: "I swear to God, Shel, I got half a mind to go across the street." Shelley Levene: "I got half a mind to go with you if they'd take me."
John: "Shelley." Shelley: "John." John: "Are you ready to do or die tonight?" Shelley: "Oh, yeah, always ready, John. Always ready, John. Now, one thing-- we were talking about the leads. I understand we got some new ones?" John: "Yeah, that's what we're gonna talk about at the meeting." Shelley: "We ...
"And to answer your question, pal-- 'Why am I here?' I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to. They asked me for a favor. I said 'The real favor-- follow my advice and fire your fucking ass, because a loser is a loser.'"
"Fuck you, Dave. You know you got a big mouth. You make a close, this whole place stinks with your farts for a week; How muck you just ingested. Oh, what a big man you are! 'Hey, let me buy you a pack of gum. I'll show you how to chew it.' Whoof. You're pal closes, and all that comes out of your mouth is bile. Ooh, ...
"Oh, fuck you. You do not know your job. Do you know that? A man is his job. You are fucked at yours, you hear what I'm saying to you?"
Ricky: "I swear, it's not a world of men. It is not a world of men, Machine." Shelley: "Huh?" Ricky: "It's a world of clock-watchers, bureaucrats, officeholders, what it is. It's a fucked-up world. No adventure to it. Dying breed. Yes, it is. We're the members of a dying breed. That's-- that's-- that's why we ...
"I love it! You're ass busted! Now you go to jail and marry big, smelly man!"
"It ain't fittin', it just ain't fittin'!"
Clementine: "Why can't you see I love you, Antoine?" Joel: "Hmm. Lucky me. Lay one on me. (They make kissing sounds) Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally." Clementine: "Yes, I know, but how can a woman love a man with a name like Wally? Oh! Oh! What was that? Hey." Joel: "My god, there's people coming ou...
"This is AFVN, rockin' ya from the delta to the DMZ. AFVN-- better than AFVD, which means you have to get a quick shot. We're movin on right now."
Lt. Hauk: "At ease!" Cronauer: "Hell, we already are."
Lt. Hauk: "Former V.P. Richard Nixon will arrive here this week. Dreiwitz, I've assigned you to cover the P.C." Garlick: "He likes to say P.C. instead of press conference." Lt. Hauk: "And if you do... And if you do... And if you do... happen to speak to him, please be polite and to the point at all times." ...
Cronauer: "Is there any food on this street that doesn't give you diarrhea?" Tuan: "You wanting some?"
"Everybody say "gook" but it's alright."
Cronauer: "I got to tell you something, you know? I've been all around the world, seen a lot of places and a lot of people. I have never ever in my travels come across a man as large as you, with as much muscles, who has absolutely no penis." Jimmy Wah: "He mean that as a compliment!"
Jimmy Wah: "I want to show you something very nice." Cronauer: "Oh really?" Jimmy Wah: "It look wonderful. I can confide you." Cronauer: "Sure." Jimmy Wah: "Look at the shape of that soldier's ankle, the way it so elegantly curve into his boot. Help me get some photo of those ankle, I give you my bar." ...
Cronauer: "Okay, if someone is makin you angrier and angrier, therefore you have..." Class: "Pissed me off." Vietnamese Student: "Pissed me off."
"Hello, Vietnam. And greetings. Soon, the news. Then... "Lieutenant Steve! Lieutenant Steve!" Who's that? "it's me, your old pal Frenchy." Listen, Frenchy, let me ask you something. Do you like good food? "Oh, but of course. Uh, the French love good food." Well' then I guess that would make you an 'Eatie Gourmet'. (...
"But I want to be alone."
"Grand Hotel...always the same..."
J.P.: "You didn't knock, Kane." Kane: "I did. But I think that the music was a little loud." J.P.: "Are you afraid of it?" Kane: "No. I-I just don't like techno." J.P.: "You would if you had robot ears." Kane: "Yeah, I guess."
"(singing) All by myself."
Detective: "Are you paying attention?" Brian: "No, I'm sorry."
Keecia: "Let's make a list of all the people who hate Jessica." Lulu: "You know what would be a shorter list? All the people who don't hate Jessica."
"Let me make you feel a little bit more at home. Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-al!"
Jake: "See, that's why you you gotta have a spare, man. That's what April is. She's my spare." Billy: "Spare?" Jake: "Yeah, she's my backup. I mean, she was a fun ride... no doubt about that... but she is a previously owned vehicle. I'm into that new car smell." Jessica (Schneider): "You asshole! Wh-Whoever...
Russian Ambassador: "One of our submarines, an Alpha, was last reported in the area of the Grand Banks. We have not heard from her for some time." Nat'l Security Advisor: "Andre... you've lost another submarine?"
"You arrogant ass... you've killed us!"
"I present you, the ballistic missile submarine Red October. My officers and I request asylum in The United States of America."
"You just ate the most acid I've ever seen anyone in my life!"
All The Todds And Lorraines: "The Kloobda." Lorraine: "The kloobda is the holy guide to living pure dictated to Gil by a talking salamander. But more on that later. This will help explain." Jimmy: "Put it in the decontamination bay. Right there." Lorraine: "First, we prepare our souls by stripping ourselves of al...
Jimmy: "Oh, um, it's okay, Pushpop. Your religion is all lies." Pushpop: "Pardon?" Jimmy: "That's what my mom says. I mean..."
Pushpop: "Look at that. It's an elk. Or is it a caribou? Or an American Bison? (A cow moos in the background.)" Jimmy: "I, uh... I think that it's a cow." Pushpop: "Oh really? A cow? I didn't know. What have I done?" Jimmy: "It's just a cow, Pushpop." Pushpop: "Just a cow? Just a cow?! In my religion, the cow is...
"Nice one, son. You'll be an all-star yet."
"You know, that's the problem with the American cinema, can't handle any complexity in it. You know, don't make me think. I just want to be entertained."
"In 1971, after the breakup of The Main Street Singers, Chuck Wiseman moved up to San Francisco where he started a retail business with his brothers Howard and Dell. The Three Wiseman's Sex Emporium. It was very successful for a year until they were sued over something having to do with a box of benwa balls."
"In 1974, after the breakup, Mitch was extremely angry. His first solo album, a Cry for Help, contained numbers like "If I Had A Gun" "Anyone But You", "May She Rot in Hell". And this just spiraled down to the next album, Calling It Quits."
"Oh my god, that's terrible. That's abso... What do... What do you mean, he won't come out of the room? Yeah, well, Mickey, have you talked to him? Has he talked to a doctor? Are you giving him medication? I mean, I know he's anxious. I'm anxious. I'm always anxious. I come out. You know, I mean, we gotta do somethi...
"Play it, Sam...play 'As Time Goes By…'"
Harry: "You're it." Lloyd: "Are not." Harry: "Are too." Lloyd: "D2." Harry: "Chewbacca." Lloyd: "Oh, good one, Harry."
Scotty: "Greetings from your American pen pal." Cooper: "Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals."
Madame Vandersexxx (Lucy Lawless): "Welcome to Club Vandersexxx, Amsterdam's most erotic club, where your every fantasy will be fulfilled." Cooper: "Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer."
"So, are the girls coming back?"
Waiter at Opulent Hotel (Miroslav Táborský): "Would the masters care for anything else?" Scotty: "I think we're good. Thanks." Waiter at Opulent Hotel: "Ah! A nickle! You see this? I quit! (slaps his manager) I open my own hotel!"
Todd: "Aren't you boiling hot in that outfit?" Nicky: "No." Todd: "It's like 80 degrees in this hallway. Where are you from, the south?" Nicky: "Yes, the deep south." Todd: "Why is that funny?" Nicky: "I don't know." Todd: "Okay."
Nicky: "Valerie, it feels like there's a bunch of butterflies flapping anound in my stomach right now. Is that normal?" Valerie: "Sometimes, sure." Nicky: "Good, cause I was concerned."
"The last time I saw a pair of jugs like that, two hillbillies were blowing on them."
"As the founder of hell, I command you to stay off that throne. Hey! Even in hell, I get no respect."
"I'm surrounded by the most taxing array of lunatics."
Harold Lee: "What the hell are you doing?" Kumar: "I'm trimming my pubes." Harold: "Why aren't you doing this in your room, man?" Kumar: "The mirror's in here. Hey check it out. It's like a bonsai tree."
Goldstein: "The things that I would eat of her ass, you have no idea!" Rosenberg: "That is a completely vulgar statement." Goldstein: "So is 'I want to bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor.' But it's true." Rosenberg: "Touche."
D'Artagnan: "You cannot ask me to betray my king. I have sworn an an oath." Athos: "When a king is dishonorable, you are removed from your oath of honor." D'Artagnan: "An oath is an oath precisely because it cannot be removed." Athos: "Why do yo follow him D'artagnan? Why? What we fought for is greater than king or ...
King Louis: "Are they a threat to me?" D'Artagnan: "If they are a threat, then we need not seek them out. They will find us." King Louis: "Not if you find them first."