Jack: "You ate that whole thing!?" Liz: "A dog took it. It came out of now where."
"Angie is in the past, like Dracula and broadcast television."
Dotcom: "Good job Kenneth." Kenneth: "You should see my A-game."
Bianca: "Fine." Jack: "I want full stake of the Arby's franchises we bought outside of Telluride." Bianca: "Oh dammit Johnny you know I love my big beef and cheddar."
Tracy: "Good show Liz Lemon. You coming to the after after party?" Liz: "We have after after parties?"
Tracy: "You goin to the after after after after party?" Liz: "Okay." Tracy: "Well let's rock."
"If you were any other woman on earth, I would be turned on right now."
"I'm here for you Tracy Jordan. I rode a horse all the way from heaven to tell you something important. America, which I invented."
Jenna: "And worst of all, Jack won't like me anymore. We have a secret ritual now where we slap our palms together when we walk by each other." Liz: "A high five?" Jenna: "It was our special thing."
"You can't ask a tiger not turn back into a Chinese dude at midnight."
Len: "This is Rudolph Giuliani in 1987 with his collection of antique wooden dolls." Jack: "That's a fake. Giuliani doesn't collect dolls." Len: "Yeah you're right. He doesn't because he incinerated them in 1989, the year he ran for mayor." Jack: "He looks so happy." Len: "Oh Jack, the choice is yours."
Angie: "Come here you. You smell like Enorme and brass polish. You were at a strip club." Tracy: "It was all Liz Lemon's fault. The whole plan was hers." Liz: "Oh come on man!"
"Coming in for a landing. Uh oh, there's turbulence. And now and Indian guy got up to use the bathroom and an air marshal shot him."
"And I have an idea for a show about a teacher name Art. I call that one Art School."
"Oh my that's an awful short robe."
"I am the immature one, but the both of you, you're forcing me to act like an adult. An adult! And even worse, you're making me stop two ladies from going at it."
"Are you happy now you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch."
Jack: "Where do you invest your money, Liz?" Liz: "I have, like, twelve grand in checking." Jack: "Are you...an immigrant?"
Tracy: "And y'all always meet on Wednesday nights?" Kenneth: "Yeah, we lose half the congregation every time Americon Idol starts up."
"I'm an improviser. My actin style is like jazz. Jazz that you laugh at. (makes horn noise) Ha ha ha ha."
Tracy: "So you're asking me if I'm illiterate?" Liz: "You don't even have to answer me if you don't want to. Just know that if you need a tutor, we will get you a tutor. If you need to be in fewer sketches until you get more confident, we'll accommodate you. Whatever you need."
"I know my parents love me, stand behind me come what may, I know now that I’m ready, because I finally heard them say It’s a different world form where you come from. Here’s a chance to make it, if we focus on our goals. If you dish it we can take it, just remember you’ve been told It’s a different world form where...
"I know my parents love me, stand behind me come what may, I know now that I’m ready, because I finally heard them say It’s a different world form where you come from."
Voice: "One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12, a 4-15: Man with a gun." Voice: "One-Adam-12, no warrant." Voice: "Lincoln X-ray Ida 4-8-3." Voice: "One-Adam-12 a 415 - fight, group with chains and knives."
Voice: "One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12, a 4-15: Man with a gun." Voice: "One-Adam-12, no warrant." Voice: "Lincoln X-ray Ida 4-8-3." Voice: "One-Adam-12 a 415 - fight, group with chains and knives."
"Early to rise, early to bed. In and between I cooked and cleaned and went out of my head."
Archie: "Didn’t need no welfare state. Edith: "Everybody pulled his weight." Both: "Gee our old LaSalle ran great. Those were the days."
Edith: "Boy the way Glen Miller played songs that made the hit parade." Archie: "Guys like us we had it made, those were the days."Edith: "And you knew who you were then," Archie: "Girls were girls and men were men," Edith: "Mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again." Archie: "Didn’t need no welfare state,...
"Turn on the lights of Heaven Lord Shine on me Turn on the lights of Heaven Lord Shine on me shine on me."
"Turn on the lights of Heaven Lord Shine on me Turn on the lights of Heaven Lord Shine on me shine on me Let all the lights (let all the lights) Be on the road the road Helpin' me find my way home Turn on the lights of Heaven Lord Shine on me (shine on me) Shine on me (shine on me)"
"Aqua Teen Hunger Force Assemble."
"Let the time flow, let the love grow, Let the rain shower, let the rose flower. Love it seeks, love it finds. Love it conquers, love it binds."
"Let the time flow, let the love grow, Let the rain shower, let the rose flower. Love it seeks, love it finds. Love it conquers, love it binds. We come to each other from different worlds. Drawn to each other by the love inside of us. We give to each other our different worlds. As long as we can do it, life’s is goi...
Master Shake: "What are you doing? What's taking so long? Why are we still here?' Frylock: "I'm analyzing this scent." Master Shake: "And how'd you get back there? That's for sales persons only."
Master Shake: "Frylock, find out what kind of acid dissolves meat." Meatwad: "No, don't do that!" Master Shake: "Yes, Meatwad. That's what we're doing." Meatwad: "That's not what we're doing!"
Emory: "How do you want your melon?" Oglethorpe: "Emory! The melons are on fire!" Emory: "Well of course they're on fire! They're not made to be cooked." Oglethorpe: "What do you know of fire? You prance around like you have lazer eyes!" Frylock: "So you... don't have lazer eyes, because it was my...?" Oglethorpe: "...
Carl: "Well don't look at me." Master Shake: "You got all those ones! Where did you get that?" Carl:" Look, I don't work my ass off for 20 hours a week so I can just throw my money away. That's wasteful. This bills are strictly for me to kiss...and put in some stripper's underwear. So come on!"
Master Shake: "Hey, look at me! I'm stupid as hell, I can't even breathe properly, let alone read! What's that?" Randy: "And now.. the Amazing Arctic Igloo!" Master Shake: "What..?" Frylock: "Yeah! Turn into that igloo!" Carl: "Take your top off!!" Frylock: "Carl..." Randy: "Yeah..so..where is that, Milkshake?" Mast...
"Hey Mummy? When he comes back out here, you say real loud "Action Frank Doll" like you like to do, okay?"
Meatwad: "Let's see.. how can I explain this without blowing your mind." Frylock: "Oh yes, please. Dumb it down for me." Meatwad: "Heisenburg's Uncertainty Principle tells us that at a specific curvature of space, knowledge can be transferred into energy--" Frylock: "Heisenburg's Uncertainty--" Meatwad: "..and this ...
Schoolly D: "My name is…Shake-Zula, The mic rula, The old skoola, You wanna trip? I’ll bring it to ya! Frylock and I’m on top, Rock you like a cop, Meatwad you up next wit’ ya knock-knock. Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G. Drivin’ in my car, livin’ like a star, Ice on my fingers and my toes a...
"Check it out ya'll, check it, check it out."
Master Shake: "Um, when I was saying..the Adirondaks I think what I was referring to was those really nice chairs that I was looking at in that catalogue..by the pool." Frylock: "So you've never been here..in your life?!" Master Shake: "What..if I got 'em, you know you'd sit."
"They won't be bothering us anymore. I chased them off with my nudity. Does that arouse anyone down there?"
Oglethorpe: "We will rule it with an army of replicants!" Emory: "Ah.. Well.. we've only got the one." Oglethorpe: "Well, we'll start with the one.. ya know, feel it out.. Then when we have that going on we'll crush them into bugs with a mighty replicant feet!"
Meatwad: "Oohh, tell you what, my shoulders sure are tired from throwin' that ball so hard, I'm afraid." Master Shake: "Shoulders? What shoulders? You don't have shoulders. You'd be lucky to have bones, you.. hah, uh.. I mean, lemme rub 'em for ya, huh?" Meatwad: "Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea... Why you got them o...
Meatwad: "You got an ass-face boy! Am I right?" Frylock: "Well, I guess you are right." Meatwad: "I ain't talking to you. I'm talking to ass-face over here. What do you think, ass-face?" Master Shake: "How am I going to fill the jeans if I don't have an ass?!" Meatwad: "You ain't. You need get yourself a job making ...
Meatwad: "Don't you see Frylock? He's gonna use all that fly spit to melt down the walls of the First National Bank." Sir Loin: "Exactly!" Meatwad: "He's angry at banks!" Sir Loin: "Hate the ban-? Stupid-ass meatball motha(cowbell) I melt the walls so I can get the money..so I can keep up with the payments on this h...
Frylock: "You can stay with us, Carl. As long as you have those pills." Carl: "Thank you, Daddy." (Lays down on a pile of ants) Master Shake: "You found it, that's the guest bedroom. And hey, ya know. If you need to go to the bathroom..ya know, just do it." Frylock: "Shake." Carl: "Don't mess with him, okay, he's ha...
Oglethorpe: "Impossible! The Remonster can only be killed by stabbing him in the heart with the ancient bone saber of Zumakalis." Emory: "Or probably his head and lungs, too. Just stab him wherever, really." Oglethorpe: "And the saber probably doesn't have to be bone." Emory: "Yeah, really. Just anything sharp just ...
Frylock: "Shake, unplug that." Master Shake: "Oh, great. Look who just ruined Halloween. You know you're like the A-bomb! Everybody's laughin' and havin' a good time until you show up. Then boom: everything's dead." Frylock: "Come on outta there, Meatwad."
Carl: "What're you doing with that helmet?" Master Shake: "This? Oh, this...is for the rapture...Armageddon?" Carl: "Yeah, well it looks like a racing helmet." Master Shake: "Yeah it does...but it's not."
"The longest thing I have ever read is like a magazine article that was like maybe not even half a page long. Because I just hate reading."
Will: "You want anatomy models, you got em." Jen: "They have the penis' on em."
"I actually like debates. I'm really good at arguementing points."
Meatwad: "I added food coloring.. cause it's a holiday. But it turned black..cause I added all the food coloring I have. And I ate this butter straight outta the tub..cause it taste good. There's a reason behind everything." Turkitron: "Enjoy those tacos now, for in a thousand years, they will be illegal. Hahaha...I...
Oog: "Okay, look. Me feels no agenda to meeting and vacuum at leadership position, so me has composed 12 point plan for good happy success." Ignignokt: "How childish. Look, an animal bone." Oog: "Bone! Good! Raarr!"
"That's right bitch. Ah darkness!"
"From a very young age I knew I was a geek. Once everyone stopped reading Spiderman comics I was like 'wait a minute guys, I'm gonna see where this thing goes. I'm gonna stick with this for a while'."
"It's technology known as AJAX. You use gamed to solve cool, everything jazzy. It uses AJAX, which uses java script and php and droopy Andre's all those fancy things that you can make billions of dollars on."
"I plead the fif, I plead the fif. Five, one two three four fif. Anything you say, fif! Go ahead ask me a question, fif."
Audience Member: "Negrodamus, will Arsenio Hall ever have another show?" Negrodamus: "Yes, Arsenio Hall will get another show. It will be called Good Morning Black America. It will be shown at noon throughout the country."
"Arnold Schwarzenegger will divorce his wife and marry Shirley Temple Black. And she will be Mrs. Shirley Temple Blacknigga."
Prince: "Would you like to come to my house and listen to some music?" Eddie Murphy: "Oh that's cool. Fruity, get the car." Prince: "Assemble your crew. I'll be outside."
"When I first saw the girls walk by there was kinda like a brightness, just a glow emanating from them. Just like the smiles and all the skin."
Larry: "Are you my caucasian?" Krazee: "I'm your…" Larry: "Are you my caucasian?" Krazee: "I'm your mother fucking caucasian."
Larry: "What? What's the problem? The ass is part of my snuggle!" Cheryl: "No it's not."
Larry: "Atleast they pick up a cheque every now and then." Stu: "What the hell does that mean?" Susan: "What?" Larry: "What does it mean? I know what you do." Susan: "What?" Larry: "Everytime the cheque comes" Susan: "What?" Larry: "You run off to the bathroom, you don't think I see that?" Susan: "Fuck you!"Larry: "...
Ali G scene break music
"And we is gonna give you life if you take her up the hershey highway."
"Frank, it turns out the wave is not the only thing about to hit Miami."
Officer: "It's been 10 years since a Florida ship got pirated." Horatio Caine: "Till now."
"What's that Jordan? Ain't it stupid lettin' one sportsman have his own seat no matter how you know powerful he is?"
"Ain't we all equal? Ain't it ridiculous lettin' one person have the same power as a whole country?"
"Ain't it hypocriticalist that so many nuns also work part-time as strippers?"
"Are you nuts!"
"And also to some geezer called Ford."
Larry: "You got arms on your chair, look at that." Ted Danson: "What?" Larry: "I got no arms." Ted Danson: "What are you doin?" Larry: "I'm just getting a chair with arms."
Borat: "This is what a man should do. A man should be able to shoot a gun and enjoy…" Gun Guy: "And then go look at naked women."
"And is there any negative effects?"
"All this stuff so far is legal."
"Art has cleverly invented something called a life drawing class where they can stare at a girl's poonanie for up to three hours without having to pay nothing."
Larry: "You wanna be with me? That's what he's singing about?" Cheryl: "What is wrong with you?" Larry: "Wait, Brad gives you a tape, an Al Green tape. You wanna be with me."
"America has invented some of the bestest things in the world; McDonalds, Gansta Rap, Spaghetti and Swimmin."
"And also there is still racialism, even to the native people. You know, what is they called, they, you know (makes Indian noise) them ones."
"Ah for real, but they say, you can't be a honky but you can still be hung like a donkey."
"America national sport is called baseballs. It very similar to our sport Shurig, where we take dogs, shoot them in a field and then have a party."
Ali G's hippie song
"Ain't there a danger that sometimes you think you is gonna to produce a gas and out comes a solid."
"A bush in Kazakhstan we laugh when we hear the name, because bush mean the hair around the testisexual
"And Barbara in Kazakhstan mean to eat, so it is like Barbara Bush is to eat the hair from the testis."
"Are you allowed to date other memebers of the team or do you have to wait till the season is over?"
Guy: "And I'm not gay, and a if you wanna if you're gonna do speak on that subject, you can take a hike."
Vince: "I don't wanna do Aquaman." Drama: "Afraid you don't got the body to fill out the suit?"
"All this coming from a guy who's never had a relationship that's longer than a week."
"Pablo Escobar was an outlaw who terrorized a whole country while remaining the biggest philanthropist his people had ever known. Now ask yourself this. In 2007, in this country, what could possible evoke more of a stir than to explore the humanity of that kind of evil."
Ari: "Boom! Am I a fuckin magician or what?" E: "Yeah you made a shitty project re-appear."
"Ain't that a bit racialist getting mainly black dogs to do this?"
"Uh we say in Kazakhstan, a man who go to power must have a big, how you say uh, how you say uh, krom."
"All my mates in my hood of Stains say that she give the best blowies in the area."
"I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but your support for my vision of this film - for allowing me to make it the right way - has taught me that artists and capitalist pigs might be able to work together after all."
Drama: "Being a student of human nature and knowing the leopard can't change it's spots, I come to accept you for what you are." E: What's that?" Vince: "A pussy."
"Mean is when I made Jess Mancini ride her bike home after I ass fucked her."
Vince: "Aquaman?" Ari: "Aquaman baby! It is Spiderman underwater. Boom!"
"Hi, I'm Mary Boyce. I used to think if only I could keep to a diet, then I heard about Ayds. I ate cakes for a calorie controlled diet, but I didn't want fattening things. I enjoy shopping now because I can finally fit into cloths. Thank goodness for Ayds."
Woman: "I've tried fad diets, powders, pills still my weight has been up and down like a yo-yo until the Ayds plan taught me how to take off weight and help keep it off. Man: "Ayds may taste like candy but Ayds contains one of the most effective appetite suppressants you can buy. And there's no stimulants in Ayds t...
I couldn't get any partial jury after that song about me came out.
My God, I already put my wedding announcement in Cigar of the Cianado.
"And apparently it comes from Mexico. They say the swine flu comes from Mexico and thank God we have an air tight border with Mexico. Woo!"
"I have decided to be a candidate for reelection in 2010 in the Democratic primary."
Authenticity is Back. People want more than anything else not to be lied to anymore. People want the truth. And, through the election of Obama, and the unprecedented support he has polled since, people are saying that "they can handle the truth." None too soon, as our very lives and those of all species on this plan...
Arcanite Reaper! Hoooooo!
Man: "What's going on? Can you guys hear me? Am I deaf? Can you hear me talking right now?" Everyone: "Yes!"
Jeff: "Well you have ass-burgers." Girl: "It's a serious disorder." Pierce: "Ha ha ass-burgers."
BO: We are ready to lead once moooooooore EG: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 KC: Barack Obama is now officially The 44th President of the United States EG: Oooooh KC: But tomorrow President Obama begins to Unpack that enormous crate of burdens And expectations EG: And expectations KC: And expectations EG: Got to save the nat...
Where is the moment we needed the most You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost They tell me your blue skies fade to gray They tell me your passion's gone away And I don't need no carryin' on You stand in the line just to hit a new low You're faking a smile with the coffee you go You tell me your life's been wa...
Answering Machine: Saved Message. Ashton: Hey Jonah, how ya doing? This is Ashton Kutcher, it was just brought to my attention an article that you recently wrote and I just wanted to reach out to you and say I apologize for the reply. I didn’t realize you were sending me a message. And I wanted to tell you I appreci...
Always had a hard time finding your place in this world, haven't you? Never knowing your true worth. You can settle for less than ordinary life. You feel like you were meant for something better, something special.
"You will always be a child of two worlds. That fully capable of deciding your own destiny. The question you face is, which path do you choose."
Operator: Please wait and we will connect you with the next available colleague who will be happy to help. Customer Service: Good afternoon you’ve reached the ASDA service team how may I help? Man: Yeah, I’m really not happy I’d like to make a complaint. Customer Service: Okay sir, what’s he complaint about? Man: W...
"I have to confess I really did not want to be here tonight, but I knew I had to come -- just one more problem that I've inherited from George W. Bush."
"Good evening, everybody. (Applause.) I would like to welcome you all to the 10-day anniversary of my first 100 days. (Laughter.) I am Barack Obama. Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me. (Laughter and applause.) Apologies to the Fox table."
"And music news a fan was arrested after jumping on stage during a Britney Spears concert in Connecticut and attempting to dance with Britney, but only Access Hollywood found a classy way to cover the story. Ambushed on Saturday while on tour on YouTube you an see Britney is startled and frantically waves her arms t...
"Lets just settle down here. Lets just take this one step at a time. I like you very much, I really do. And I'm very nervous about this and here comes Mr. Meatloaf. Humph! Humph."
This is an actual sample!
Arthur Kirkland: Let’s get back to justice. What is justice? What is the intention of justice? The intention of justice is to see that the guilty people are proven guilty and that the innocent are freed. Simple isn’t it? Only it’s not that simple. However it is the defense counseler’s duty to protect the ritghts of ...
“All these documents are yours. The people's property, you pay for it! But because the government considers you children who might be too disturbed or distressed to face this reality, or because you might possibly lynch those involved, you cannot see these documents for another seventy-five years. I'm in my early fo...
her own Dad … preacher guy, you say, oh oh, that's sometimes pretty kinky. There's all those guys on TV; then you find out they're leaving the wife at home to be tappin prostitutes or prowlin or something. No, nothing. It's just a funny thing is all. It's kinda like for the P.K and then for the PK kid, they're a...
EH: I think this is an ignoramus statement Umm, I was even a person who thought You know what, power to Joe the Plumber at that point SG: Before he went around laying his pipe all over town EH: Well, Joe the Plumber is not invited Anywhere around me EG: Does baby need a tissue? Thinking about the time the plumber ki...
John Milton: Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well I tell you let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own...
*Sounds like either PlayDo'h or Plato.*
"She has asked that I allow her to step aside. She asked me to do this because she wants my presidency to end on a note of triumph and not controversy. Understand those of you who worked to bring Laine Hanson down, that she asked to have her name withdrawn from consideration, NOT because she isn't great, but because...
"That is absolute dog shit."
"Sometimes I just crave a pizza. Hi, I'm Alyssa Milano and I want you to feed your mind. I like to read the news with my breakfast, but these days with all the headlines of tainted food, I'm starting to lose my appetite. Every year food born illness kills 5,000 Americans. It's deadly serious. What can you do? You ca...
Ahh Haaaa Yeaaah
All I've got I had to steal
Ain't Got Nobody
"Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night."
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning...Smells you know, that gasoline smell....Smells like... victory".
Houston, we have a problem.
You guys up for a toga party? TOGA!!! TOGA!!!
Tight! Tight like a tiger!
"You spend a billion dollars on the avionics and don't bother to check the com connection."
"All in a day's work Chief. I knew they were thieves as soon as I saw them in the phony police uniforms."
"This just in, the weather bureau has announced that autumn has been postponed till January."