"Because the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes, the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big, and then you take the house."
Basher: "You want broke, blind, or bedlam?" Danny: "How about all three?"
"Oh, here shit is. This is the best part of my day."
"The house safe is for brandy and grandmother's pearls."
Danny: "Fine, I'm going to have to live with that. But not him." Tess: "Spoken like a true ex-husband." Danny: "I'm not joking, Tess." Tess: "I'm not laughing, Danny."
"I can't believe you bought drugs with our rent. What is going on with you Kit?!?"
"And I will pay you to be at my beck and call."
James Morse: "He's not quite the bastard everybody says he is." Edward: "No, I've got the franchise on that."
"You know you're the only millionaire I ever heard of who goes looking for a bargain basement street walker, you know."
"My mom called me a bum magnet. If there was a bum within a 50 mile radius I was completely attracted to him."
"Maybe you guys could like um, you know, get a house together and buy some diamonds and a horse. I don't know."
"Bull shit. This is such bull shit."
"What are you going to do? You gonna beat up everybody?"
This guy is a big time asshole.
God dammit Eleanor why'd you had to say it like that? You couldn't try to break it a little bit nicer?
Bull dykes can get pregnant.
Steve: "I hope you're not going to bust our chops Bill." Bill: "Why would I do that?" Steve: "Because you're a bond company stooge." Bill: "I'm also a human being." Steve: "Alright, I hate that back."
You better bet your fucking ass we did!
Steve: "Wrap this stiff in a tablecloth. We're going to bury him at sea." Inter #1: "Shouldn't we get the authorities or something?" Steve: "No."
Alistair: "Uh, what's your dog's name?" Steve: "Cody." (whack!) Alistair: "Be still Cody."
Steve: "You mind if I butter you up a little bit before I answer that question?" Eleanor: "Yes I do, tell me now." Steve: "I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Can we ask your parents to loan us money?"
Klaus: "Thanks a lot for not picking me." Steve: "What? We're smack in the middle of a lightening strike rescue op Klaus, what's the deal?" Klaus: "I'm sick of being on B squad." Steve: "Listen, you may be on B squad, but you're the B squad leader."
Klaus, bring the dynamite!
"Like perfect 10, cause that could be any number of things, ya know. They can't really get you for that. That could be like a bowling website."
"Fuck it, I'm about to graduate! They should be sucking on my ball sack!"
"What you can talk about her all day, every day and the second I say one thing it's like blasphemy."
"Becca's a bitch."
"You know when you hear a girl saying like oh I was so shit faced last night I shouldn't have fucked that guy. We could be that mistake."
"Why the fuck would it be between that and Muhammad."
"Do you have any beer cloths or do you always shop at Baby Gap."
"What are we gonna do, bust him out of jail. I'm gonna bake him a cake with a fucking file in it."
"We're blood brothers."
"Back the fuck up man, or I'll beat the shit out of you."
"I'm really sorry that I blocked your cock."
Operator: 911. Woman: I’m looking for an Officer Loco please. What’s the name of your troops down there please? I’m not being arrogant I’m calling for… Operator: What are you trying to find out? Woman: It’s not the RCMT it’s…I have a very important call to make because I just realized that my own son could be carry...
Operator: 911 emergencies. Man: Hello is this the police department? Operator: Yes it is. Man: My name is... Operator: What can I do for you? Man: I was walking through the park and two males chasesd me. They ran from under the blankets and chased me. Operator: Did they hurt you? Man: Yes they did. Operator...
Liz: "There's only one left, be friends with Batman." Jack: "There's still a couple of hours. Jonathan, could you get Adam West's agent on the phone please."
"Hi my name's Britney Spears. I called you earlier. I'm calling again because I just wanted to make sure that during the process of eliminating the conservatorship that my father has threatened me several times, that you know, he'll take my children away. I just want to be guaranteed that everything will be fine wit...
Photog: "What was the best gift you got?" DJ AM: "Life."
"Shouldn't Gilles have done that before the show started?"
"Whoa! Let me talk. Now this guy runs down to Venezuela and does the Lambada with Hugo Chavez. Okay, I don't like Hugo Chavez, I think he's a tyrant. So I'm going I really don't want to spend 10 bucks on this guy."
I know it sounds a little bit crazy, but my uh my intuition tells me that uh we’re gonna have a beautiful relationship together.
"Attention parents of young children. The following is a partial list of things that are probably happening in your back seat that you're completely unaware of. A food item is probably being stuffed into a crack. A strange sticky substance is being spread everywhere. Deep, sustained, nasal exploration. Someone is pr...
"It doesn't take a fairy god mother to tell you the right fit means everything. Children under 4 foot 9 need to be in a booster seat because they aren't ready for adult safety belts alone. Remember that 4 foot 9 is the magic number and get your little pumpkin there safely in a booster seat. For more information visi...
Bruno: "Angelina's got one, Madonna's got one, now Bruno has got one." Man: "Our next guest is a single parent, please welcome Bruno."
Johnny: "And do you know how we got so successful?" Gang Member: "Why Johnny? Tell us." Johnny: "Because we Diversified. Diversification. Yes sir. We're constantly exploring new and exciting areas of crime. And I tell ya somethin'. We better, because there a couple Japanese gangs out there that are going to do it fa...
"Brain cloud! I knew it! Well, I didn't know it, but... I knew it!"
Patricia Graynamore: "I love you!" Joe: "I love you, too! I've never been in love with anyone before, either. It's great. I am glad. But the timing stinks. I got to go."
Claude: "Now, don't touch this car." Ray: "I'll piss on the motherfucker, I ain't gonna touch it. I'll piss on it." Claude: "Why you got to say nasty shit Ray?" Ray: "Because I'm a nasty motherfucker."
Christy: "No way." Virgil: "Big way."
"Buenos noches, senorita..."
"Bartender, dos martinis por favor…"
"Boys, every man for himself."
"Boy did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day."
Everett: "The treasure is still there boys, believe me." Delmar: "But how'd he know about the treasure?" Everett: "I don't know, Delmar. The blind are reputed to possess sensitivities compensating for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing paranormal psychic powers. Now, clearly seeing into the future ...
"Whooooeee! Boy, that was a mighty fine a-pickin' and a-singin'!"
"Isn't it funny? You hear a phone ring and it could be anybody. But, a ringing phone has to be answered doesn't it?"
"Believe me, Delmar, a woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man."
Pig Pen: "Here's what I don't get, all right, is you met this chick and you got freaky-deaky with her." Rick: "Hey." Pig Pen: "And then, poof, she disappears. How's there a problem with that?" Rick: "Pig Pen, when I want advice about a good 'Planet of the Apes' film or maybe how to get the resin out of my bong, I'll...
Luke: "Boys, watch confidence at work." Pig Pen: "Be strong." Luke: "Oh, god, here she comes."
Jo: "So, would you like the standard bikini wax?" Mrs. Hartunian: "Oh, no. I'm going to Hawaii with my husband. Better landscape the whole yard."
Gale: "Hey, are you?" Bianca Burnette: "No" Jennifer Jolie: "But, you look just..." Bianca: "Like her? I've been hearing it all my life." Jennifer Jolie: "It's uncanney" Bianca: "I was up for Princess Leia. I was this close, so who gets it? The one who sleeps with George Lucas."
Stephanie: "God I am so stupid." Number 5: "Stupid, foolish, gullible, doltish, dumbbell, laimbrain." Stephfanie: "Shutup!" Number 5: "Shutup, silence, hush, sit on it, can it." Stephanie: "Boy am I the jerk of the world you've just programmed." Number 5: "Jerk of the world, turkey, idiot, pain in the ass."
Stephanie: "Say something." Number 5: "Beautiful Stephanie."
Number 5: "Error! Grasshopper is disassemble. Reassemble!" Stephanie: "Huh?" Number 5: "Reassemble." Stephanie: "I can't reassemble him. You squashed him. He's dead." Number 5: "Dead?" Stephanie: "Right, dead, as a doornail." Number 5: "Reassemble Stefanie. Reassemble." Stephanie: "I know you don't understand. But, ...
"Bye bye goofy woman. I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground. Huh huh."
"But they can't do that!"
Mickey: "Fuck me. Would you look at the size of him. How big are you? Hey kids, how big is he?" Pikey Kid #1: "Big man, that's for sure." Mickey: "Hey, Mam, come looke at the size of this fella."
"Betcha you box a little, can't you, sir? You look like a boxer."
Bad Boy Lincoln: "What has he got a tea cosy on his head for?" Sol: "To keep his head warm." Bad Boy Lincoln: "What happened to him?" Sol: "He got shot in the face Lincoln. I would have thought that was obvious." Bad Boy Lincoln: "What'd you do that for? You mistake him for a rabbit? What do you want me to do about ...
"Jesus. Bob, what button did you push?"
Jack: "It's a game. If he gets the money he wins. If the bus blows up he wins." Annie: "What if you win?" Jack: "Then tomorrow we'll play another one." Annie: "But I'm not available to drive tomorrow... busy."
Norman: "But that was a report about a possible encounter with an alien being." Barnes: "You want to come with me?"
"Technology gets better everyday. That's fine. But most of the time all you need is a stick of gum, a pocket knife and a smile."
Huggy Bear: "Shit!" Hutch: "Whoa, whoa, hold up, hold up! Just chill out! Chill! Watch yourself." Huggy Bear: "Oh, no. Hell no." Hutch: "What happened? Did he shoot Corky?" Huggy Bear: "Your boy shot his tail off." Lamell: "Corky lost his tail?" Starsky: "Yeah, well, you should keep that thing in a terrarium." Huggy...
"Look, I like you guys, okay? Especially you. Okay? Don't feel bad about that. But I like you guys, so I'll tell you where it is. But, uh... But first I need to see something, okay? And it's gonna involve both of you. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's gonna get wierd. Two dragons."
Hutch: "Listen to me! It's gone, okay? It's over." Starsky: "But it's my car." Hutch: "I know it is, partner. I know it is."
"Bastard, random son of a bitch, typical run of the mill bastard."
"Back when we first met you were all like oh fooey I burned the darn muffins. Now, you go into a bar and 10 minutes later sailors come runnin' out."
"Bring me everyone ... EVERYONE!"
Thomas: "Wow! Poor Stavi!" Glen: "Boy, Steve, you really screwed that guy over."
Steve: "Billy, you up?" Billy: "No."
Waiter: "Would monsieur care for another bottle of Chateau Latour?" Navin: "Ah yes, but no more 1966. Let's splurge! Bring us some fresh wine! The freshest you've got - this year! No more of this old stuff." Waiter: "Oui monsieur." Navin: "He doesn't realise he's dealing with sophisticated people here."
Sanderson Reed: "I am a representative of Her Magesty's British Government. The empire needs you." Allan Quatermain: "But the question is, do I need the empire?"
Young Bobby: "Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity?" Mama: "That's nonsense! I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the devil!"
Dan Fouts: "Boy, Boucher knocked the poop out of him." Brent Musburger: "Poop?"
"But hey, enough of my yacking. What do you say, let's boogie."
Viktor: "So, I go New York City?" Frank: "Uh-huh. You can go to New York City Tonight. But, you only get to go if we can establish a credible fear." Viktor: "Fear?" Frank: "Mm-hmm, fear." Viktor: "Fear." Frank: "Fear." Viktor: "Fear." Frank: "Fear." Viktor: "From what?" Frank: "Well, that's the best part. It...
"Bite to eat? Bite to eat? Bite to eat? Eat to bite? Eat to bite. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat..."
Mama: "I don't ever want you associatin' with little girl." Young Bobby Boucher: "Why not, Mama?" Mama: "Because little girls are the devil!"
"You see, there's this girl, Vicki Vallencourt. She may be the devil. Mama said that. Consequently, I am prohibited from contact with her. But I hope to get past that one day 'cause she's nice to talk to."
Van Wilder: "First year can be kind of scary can't it, Timmy?" Suicidal Freshman: "My name's not..." Van: "But you know what I've learned here in my seven years here at Coolidge, Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life and death matter, because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down." ...
Panos Patakos: "Believe it or not, best GPA doesn't get you laid." Van: "It damn well should." Panos Patakos: "Amen."
Christopher 'Maverick' Blair: "Nice shootin' Maniac!" Maniac: "Buy one get one free."
"Baby sister, I was born game and I intend to go out that way."
"Bob, Bob, be rude. Be rude. Hang up the phone. You won't. You wanna know why? Because you see value. I am... I am your kids' college fund, for chrissakes."
Abbie: "Can you buy a bigger bed when you get some money, please?" Seth: "How big is your bed?" Abbie: "Bigger than this one." Seth: "Yeah? You have a huge bed?"
"You bring me this script and Kit Ramsey, and you've got yourself a go picture."
Cop: "Where are you headed sir?" Moses: "I'm going to Mexico... I'm gonna start my life over... I'm gonna be a bullfighter."
Vince McCain: "Willa, can I ask you a question?" Willa Weston: "Sure." Vince: "Are those breasts real?" Willa: "Yes." Vince: "Yippee!"
Keats: "Man, it's just a little flesh wound." Moses: "A bullet hit my back... It hurts!" Keats: "Try taking one in the head." Moses: "Alright, yeah, that probably hurt more."
"Fuck that shit man... I'm gonna be a bull fighter."
Neville: "Mate, Bejing called we've got the television rights to their public executions." Rod McCain: "Worldwide?" Neville: "Five guys a week guaranteed." Rod: "Beauty. This is what satellite television was invented for."
Agent Shelby: "Your deputy's name is Barney?" : "Yeah." Agent Shelby: "That's great."
"Bless me father, for I have just killed quite a few men."
Rick McCarthy: "(Burps)" Beaver: "Bitch an a buzzsaw, I've heard some mighty burps in my time but, that's the blue ribbon baby."
"Motherfucker tried to bite my dick off Jonsey."
"Shows over out there buddy."
"Bite my bag motherfucker!"
Shelley: "'Bruce, Harriett, what we have to admit to ourselves that we see that opportunity and take it.' Right, and that's it. Now, we just sit there. I got my pen out." Ricky: "'Always Be Closing.'" Shelley: "Oh, god, that's what I've been saying, the old ways. Right? Convert that motherfucker, sell him, mak...
"He may be big but he's ugly, Benny."
"Wow, just when you really started to like Davey, he goes and has a butthole relapse."
"All you people can bite my germfree booty!"
Joel: "Is there any risk of brain damage?" Dr. Howard Mierzwiak: "Well, uh, technically speaking, the procedure is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss."
Cronauer: "Jesus, that guy's as boring as whale shit." Garlick: "Not really. See, the purpose is to inform you as to the radius of the radio waves." Cronauer: "Mantovani? They play Montovani to insomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs."
"What is the appeal of Joey Bishop? I mean, the man's not funny. I know funny, and he's not funny. Don't get me wrong. He seems like a nice guy. But my father's a nice guy and he's not funny either. Joey Bishop, I wish someone would explain this one tome."
""Thank you for that lovely tune. That funky music will drive us 'til the dawn. Let's go. Let's boogaloo 'til we puke.""
Jimmy Wah: "Ba Muy Ba beer best beer in Vietnam." Garlick: "Ba Muy Ba beer only beer in Vietnam." Jimmy Wah: "Try it. Oh, what happened?" Cronauer: "What happened?" Jimmy Wah: "Formaldehyde. We put in just a touch of formaldehyde for flavor. Some people get sick, yeah. So if you have to be rushed to a ho...
"You're not gonna continue this broadcast, are you, sir?"
Garlick: "I can't believe you! What? That's it? You're gonna leave the whole fuckin' thing behind. You're gonna leave everything fuckin' hanging. People are depending on you!" Cronauer: "Edward, please. That's two nasty words in one year. Forgive me."
"Oh! The bong water reeks."
"Brush your teeth. I'll see you later."
Milk Maid: "Baby want some milk?" Barry: "Baby loves milk."
Dante: "Hold up, yo. I've been savin' this weed for a special occasion." Samantha: "What kind is this?" Dante: "This one's called the brown bomber 'cause when you smoke it, you get so stoned you shit your pants!" Jeff: "I'm not- I don't wanna do that." Barry: "Uh, yeah. I already shit my pants this month...
"(As a Jamaican) Right near the beach. BOYEE!"
"It doesn't take a fairy god mother to tell you the right fit means everything. Children under 4 foot 9 need to be in a booster seat because they aren't ready for adult safety belts alone. Many parents miss the important step of booster eats. Booster seats raise your child up so that a safety belt designed for adult...
"Damn, I gotta put all that shit back on."
"Behold! I send you out a sheep, amidst the wolves."
"Boys are cheats and liars. They're such a big disgrace. They will tell you anything to get to second... Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score. If you let him go all the way, then you are a... Hor...ticulture studies flowers..."
Jessica (McAdams): "Wow, Bianca, you look really good, too. Um... are you eating less or just barfing more?" Monique: "Barfing more."
Billy: "If you change your mind, we could drive up together. I'll wait behind for you." Jessica (McAdams): "Front...behind...I'm still not doing it."
Jessica (Schneider): "Boys are cheats and liars. They're such a big disgrace." Jessica (Schneider) and April: "They will tell you anything to get to second... Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score. If you let him go all the way, then you are a... Hor...ticulture studies flowers... Geologist studies rocks...
"Oh my god. My first boner!"
"I gotta hit the little girls' room before I soak my panties."
"Be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don't react too well to bullets."
Character 1: "I miss my brother sir." Character 2: "Your brother is dead! We loose the ones we love. We cannot change it. Put it aside." Character 1: "How? How can I do what is needed? When all I feel is hate." Character 2: "Hide it with this."
"Grabs ya by the boo boo don't it?"
"(singing) No stems no seeds that you don't need Acapulco gold is (BIGTOKE) bad ass weed."
"She's certainly proud of those boobies, isn't she? Something tells me she's not the kind of friend Jesus would pick, Jimmy."
"(Singing) Bright and Shiny. Bright and Shiny. People all across the land, Come and join our happy band. Always happy, never gay, Living clean is A-OK. Bright and Shiny. Bright and Shiny. If you save yourself for god, You will get the golden rod. Give up on society, We will be your family. Bright and Shiny."
Pushpop: "Have you ever been karmically bitch-slapped by a six-armed goddess? I'll take that as a no!"
"Of course you'll still be you in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive, better you than you could ever become without us."
White: "Because here at Globo Gym--" White And Gym Members: "We're better than you!" White: "And we know it."
Steve the Pirate: "The dread pirate Steve be in no man's debt. I'll make a barter with you. True as the north star." Peter: "Alright." Steve the Pirate: "In exchange for your kindness, I'll be splittin' me burried treasure with you once I find it, that be."
Kate: "That is a really interesting painting." White: "Oh, thank you. Yeah, that's uh, me taking the bull by the horns. That's how I handle my business. It's a metaphore."
Cotton: "He's ball-less now!" Pepper: "He doesn't have any balls, cotton!"
Cotton: "I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match." Pepper: "It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em."
"You can do it. I believe in you. Bye bye."
Cotton: "In 23 years of broadcasting, I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself." Pepper: "Yeah, he will not be able to see very well, Cotton."
"Come on, Kate. It's time to put your mouth where our balls are."
"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!"
"I'm a busy girl. I've got exactly four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fella, and I haven't one clue how to do it."
Woman: I can help the next customer over here. Shopper: Oh, thank you. Woman: Oh that’s a lot of books. Let’s see How to Keep Your Child Safe, Child Proofing Your Home, Child Proofing Your Yard, Child Proofing Your In-Laws Home and Yard. I’m guessing you have a little one at home. Shopper: Yeah. Woman: Well loo...
"Brains stay with brains. The Bomb could go off and their mutant genes would form the same clicks."
Woman: Whoa that’s a lot of books. Little one at home? Shopper: Yeah. Woman: see How to Keep Your Child Safe, Child Proofing Your Home, Child Proofing Your Yard, Child Proofing Your In-Laws Home and Yard. Announcer: Of all the things you can read about keeping your child safe, the most important is attached to t...
Amber Cole: "I don't know about you, but I'm predicting a lot of exciting amazing things that happen to the groups." Wally Fenton: "Some awards..." Amber Cole: "Like big, like, not just big, but big-time stuff."
"Be happy in your work"
"Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship"
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship..."
Harry: "It's Jessica." Lloyd: "Oh, must be her boyfriend's car." Harry: "It's Principal Collins!" Lloyd: "Principal Collins is Jessica's boyfriend? Oh, that totally makes sense. That's why she didn't want him to know that we were in his office the other night. He can't see us here. Quick, be conspicuous!" Harry: "Co...