"Business is bad? You opened up a store in an Irish neighborhood. These are dirty, dirty people. I dunno, sell potatoes, I don't know what you're gonna do."

"Pfft! What's the matter, smartass, you don't know any fuckin' Shakespeare?"

Queenan: "Do you wanna be a cop, or do you wanna appear to be a cop. Its an honest question, lots of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun badge, pretend they're on TV." Dignam: "Lot of them wanna slam a nigga's head through a plate glass window." Costigan: "I'm all set with your own personal job application."

"The COPS... are saying he's a cop... so I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you... to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him *IN* the marsh. Not where some guy from John Hancock goes every Thursday, TO GET A FUCKING BLOWJOB! Don't laugh!"

Sullivan: "I was dreaming I was dead." Madolyn: "Death I hard, living is much easier."

"I spent all fucking night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they find him so fast? Somebody walking a fucking dog ? What fucking size a dog is that? Has to be a big fucking dog, man. I spent all night doing it man. I'm embarrassed. I still don't believe he was a cop, I don't believe it."

Okay now Chanel. You're in desperate need of Chanel.

Now it's very important that you do exactly what I'm about to tell you.

Andy: "How's the cold doing?" Emily: "Like death warmed up, actually."

Do not disturb me again.

Miranda: "Do I smell fresias?" Andy: "What? No!"

Jonathan: "Sir, if there's any chance that Mr. Geiss is going to be at this party…" Jack: "Duh, thanks Jonathan. Think I should try to go?"

"Don't mess with success."

Cerie: "But I have my four girl cousins visiting from Holland this week. Do you think you can get them in?" Frank: "I will die a thousand deaths before I fail you."

Howie: "Deal or no deal." Seinfeld: "I'll take that deal!"

"Stall him for a few minutes Jonathon until I get my ducks sorted out."

"That's my dress. Don't buy that! That looks ugly on you! Yeah you'll thank me."

"Dude, I'm exhausted. I stayed up all night watching a Designing Woman marathon. Yeah at first I hated it, and then I liked it and then I hated it again and then I got horny and then I fell asleep."

Lutz: "Hey what about my Dancing with the Hobos sketch?" Liz: "I didn’t like it 2 weeks when it was called America's Next Top Hobo and I didn't like it a month ago when it was called Hobo Eye for the Straight Guy." Lutz: "Deal or No Hobo?" Liz: "Hey Lutz, why don't you approach your job with the same creativity and ...

Lutz: "Hey what about my Dancing with the Hobos sketch?" Liz: "I didn’t like it 2 weeks when it was called America's Next Top Hobo and I didn't like it a month ago when it was called Hobo Eye for the Straight Guy." Lutz: "Deal or No Hobo?"

Kenneth: "I just don't want to disgrace the Peacock." Pete: "Ah Kenneth, if you're worried about disgracing the National Broadcasting Company? You're too late."

"Don't do it Liz Lemon. I know what me and Kenneth have looks perfect on the outside, but it's work damn it, it's work."

Greta: "They're very good at sensing debilitating loneliness in a person. Maybe you want to adopt one?" Liz: "Ah, I can't. I'm allergic to anything warm and adorable." Lutz: "I'm sick of it."

Liz: "How come men can be heavy and be respected, like James Gandolfini or Fat Albert? It's a double standard, and America needs to get over its body image madness." Jack: "Oh, come on. What are we, back in college, freshman year? Let's go to the common room and talk about apartheid."

"Now Jenna, medically speaking, for your height your weight puts you in what we call the disgusting range. Fortunately there are solutions. For example Crystal Meth has been shown to be very effective ... How important is tooth retention to you?"

Liz: "Because we are gonna dare America to change their own attitudes about body image." Frank: "Why do you have to make everything into an issue? Don't you have things to do in your own life?"

"You just can't be a real women in this country, god. It's like those Dove commercials never even happened."

"Did you know, scientifically speaking, that humans want food--but don't need it?"

"Would you like me to do a tap dance for you and your big time friends Mr. Jack? Or I could run around while y'all throw rocks at me!"

"I know I wasn't asked to say anything but I would like I'd share my experience with you. When my daughter Shahita was born she had chubby arms and legs and a big bald head. She looked like my uncle Rupert in a diaper. By the time she was 5 she was 87 pounds, I mean she could eat! But then when she was around 8 yea...

Tracy: "Alright but just one. I gotta be downtown dressed as a ninja by 10." Jack: "Let's go."

"Next weekend Tracy and I are gonna double team Don Geiss with our big ideas."

"But if you ever, if any of you ever call me that horrible word again, I will fire you. And you will never alter drapes in Atlanta again because you do not cross a sugarbaker woman."

Liz: "No, do more stuff! You made me look like an idiot. You have to pay!" Jack: "Liz, he's not getting a raise." Liz: "Do the worm!"

"When you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family, I don't want my kids to have to go to college."

Liz: "Really, Jack Donaghy needs me…" Jack: "Don't gloat. It makes you seem mannish."

"Do not use if menstruating."

Jack: "Yeah I get it. Discretion, I wouldn't want to talk about this in my office anyway." Len: "Yeah, also my gym is right over there."

Jack: "Good God, Devon is gay. He's even more powerful than I thought!" Liz: "Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans."

Kenneth: "Also, you got so many daddy issues. The only thing keeping you from being a stripper is your weird mole." Jenna: "Kenneth, that's very hurtful."

"And a drama about two cops, one named Cash and one named Carrie, I don't have a title for that one."

"Now, I'm very serious about doctor patient confidentiality. So I'm gonna have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves."

Dr. Spaceman: "However, according to my DNA database, you are a direct descendant of our third president." Tracy: "Jasper Bockleman?" Dr. Spaceman: "No Tracy, our third president, Thomas Jefferson."

"Wait, how could Liz win a Fellowship Award? She doesn't like people."

"If you desecrate something, is that bad?"

"Let's get dessert. Death by chocolate! No no no, not that kind of chocolate."

Young Tracy & Young Raw Dog: "Brush your teeth, bruth your teeth. When it's time for bed you gotta brush your teeth!" Young Raw Dog: "Hey Chump! You scuffed my sneakers, Dr. J wears these!" Young Tracy: "I'm sorry man, I'm pretty drunk." Young Raw Dog: "You know what? I'ma eat your family."

"Cause I can get raw and take names just like Lebron James, and Donaghy kinda rhymes with party which is cool."

Guy: "Tracy, don't play with matches!" Young Tracy: "You're not my dad."

Liz: "Tracy, do you think I'm racist?" Tracy: "No, I think you like to dress black men up as Oprah as part of your effort to protect our dignity."

Guy: "Tracy, you're not going out the house dressed like that." Young Tracy: "You're not my dad."

Jack: "He's harmless, don't be ridiculous." Ridikolus: "I am ridikolus."

Tracy: "So what's your religion Liz Lemon?" Liz: "Hmm, I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to."

Pete: "Hey, props gave me a bunch dog penises for you to look at." Liz: "Oh great, thanks."

Liz: "Have you been drinking wine all day?" Rosemary: "Oh it's heart healthy." Liz: "All day?" Rosemary: "Oh come on Liz, it's the 90s."

"Oh, and by the way, GE has a problem with the dog penis sketch."

Jack: "Did you say action?" Director: "Yes action." Jack: "Can you say it louder please?" Director: "I'm sorry, action!" Assistant: "GE promo take two." Jack: "Hello, for over a hundred years. Line? Sorry, my bad."

"Where'd you go to school, Dumb Guy State?"

"People die to be us bro."

Gaston: "Armpit, fart, shoes, socks, dirt, dirty penis." Ben: "What did you say!?"

Frylock: "Whoever's in that bus is not Dracula!" Master Shake: "He's not in the bus Frylock, he is the bus."

Frylock: "Dammit, he needs his brain. Otherwise, he's just gonna float around forever saying 'Do what now?'" Meatwad: "Do what now?"

Oglethorpe: "Well you might be interested to know that we are just about to destroy your planet!" Master Shake: "Oh, go ahead. I'm not there."

Carl: "Hey, Fryman. You think I could get you to bring your laze-eyes out here and blow a frickin' hole in my wall?" Frylock: "What's wrong, Carl?" Carl: "Well for starters, she's barricaded herself inside my house and every time I knock she screams at me in this like.. language. It's like some demon yellin' at me o...

DJ: "Introducing the new Mr.'s and Mrs. Brotowski!" Carl: "It's Brutananadilewski! And you get the hell outta here!" Master Shake: "No way! You are staying. We got him till 2!"

Frylock: "And do you Svetlana.... What does this say?" Carl: "Look, just say 'Smith' or 'Jones' or something. There's no way you can pronounce that right." Frylock: "..Svetlana Smith take Carl..." Carl: "Just say 'Smith' again. It don't matter. None of this matters."

Danzig: "Now uh, is there a way to get the blood to flow up the walls?" Cybernetic Ghost: "I don't see why not." Carl: "That's good right? Going up the wall? That's elf blood too, that's not cheap." Danzig: How much you want?" Carl: "Oh I don't know... You know. Maybe uh, I don't know... a million?" Danzig: Killer. ...

Danzig: "Now look, you listen to me as hard as you f***ing can. The fucking robot came with the f***ing house and now he's fucking gone. If you see that mother--" Master Shake: "Yeah.. uh, we'll tell him that." Danzig: "You f***ing better. If I find out he's over here I'm gonna be eating my cereal from the bottom of...

Meatwad: "Or you'll have to deal with me." Master Shake: "Oh will you shut up, you drunk." Meatwad: "What, you just decide that I'm drunk? You can't decide." Master Shake: "Shut up! Meatwad: I make that decision." Master Shake: "Oh my God." Meatwad: "That decision is mine and God's." Master Shake: "Will you listen t...

Oglethorpe: "We will use him for the armies...of the night." Emory: "But.. I thought we were going to use the replicant down there to do an army..of the night." Oglethorpe: "Different army, dorkface!"

Frylock: "Who is the Drizzle?" Master Shake: "Yeah! Who is he? Wear the button." Meatwad: "He is you. You the Drizzle." Master Shake: "Ohh, I wish. But I am very good friends with the Drizzle. He wanted you to have these special Drizzle phones: they connect directly to the man himself when you need his super help." ...

Master Shake: "Drizzle here." Frylock: "Shake?" Master Shake: "No Shake. This is the Drizzle." Frylock: "Come on, Shake." Master Shake: "Come on, what? This is the Drizzle. What do ya need?" Frylock: "All right, is Shake around? I mean, you're friends with him right?" Master Shake: "Uh. Check. Check, 10-4. Shake, ar...

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Master Shake: "Hey Frylock, you got that gamebox workin' yet?" Frylock: "This is not a gamebox, Shake." Master Shake: "Well I'm bored." Frylock: "Just go rent a DVD." Master Shake: "I don't want to rent, I want to own!" Frylock: "Then go get a job!" Master Shake: "Yeah, well. Well, Dracula called and he's comin' ton...

Frylock: "Where did it go? What happened?" Master Shake: "Was it supposed to do that?" Frylock: "Did it bust through the wall again?" Meatwad: "Yes it did." Frylock: "No it didn't!" Meatwad: "Do..what'd it do? Where do I go to do the poop."

Master Shake: "You know what? Some crazy nutjob broad must've slipped me one of them date drugs." Frylock: "Must've been." Master Shake: "Gotten me loaded... had her way with me. That's a problem, I'm too attractive to women. I know it makes you mad." Frylock: "Yes it does." Master Shake: "But listen, it's nothing f...

Master Shake: "You need the doctor?" Carl: "Yes, please." Master Shake: "It's ringing." Carl: "Oh, God." Master Shake: "Hello. Doctor Cheese steak? We require one sandwich-" Carl: "I'm gonna blow you away." Master Shake: "-with forty cc's of cheese steak, stat! With an infusion of medical sauce. Hold please. Carl? Y...

"Just calm down Frylock, it's over. We lost again. Let it go and accept the truth: That we is dumb; dumb as hell."

Meatwad: "Oh, don't act like it's yours. It's Carl's head and he been using it to tell me I can go swimming and..uh.. Hey, can I drink some beer?" (Meatwad doing Carl): "Help yourself, it's in the back." Meatwad: "And drink his beer." Master Shake: "You know what, Carl? I thank you and I will take you up on your gen...

Meatwad: "Is that an F? He's droppin' F-bombs over here!" Frylock: "Don't look over here, Meatwad. These are just words you don't need to learn." Meatwad: "I'm gonna start droppin' F-bombs. Listen to this: Fart you, fart head." Master Shake: "That's not how F-bombs are dropped, you idgit!" Frylock: "Oh, come on Shak...

Master Shake: "You can't have birth without death. It's the duplicitous edge which we all walk upon."

Meatwad: "Okay now, when I say 'crank it!', you do whatever it is people do when they told to do that." Boxy: "Uh-uh. I ain't hearin' that, see. You askin' or you tellin'? Cause nobody tells Boxy Brown." Meatwad: "Boxy, this isn't a big deal I am just asking a favor. Now if you remember I helped you move your Grandm...

Wisdom Cube: "I'm sorry, we didn't mean it-- I'm the real Wisdom Cube. This is my cousin, the dumbass ahedratron." Cube: "Say it, don't spray it."

Master Shake: "Put it out, get the answer." Frylock: "I just don't know if I'm ready for the final answer." Meatwad: "But you could be." Master Shake: "I'm ready for you know." Wisdom Cube: "Do it with your hands while we're watching." Cube: "Come on, put it out." Wisdom Cube: "That'd be awesome." Frylock: (Puts out...

"You know what they say, duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side that binds the galaxy together."

"I don’t know what the hell a diameter is. What? Just speak English."

"I'm not a doctor, I'm not gonna be a doctor. So I don’t really need to know this stuff. I might be a doctor's wife someday though.

"I want to introduce our judges for today. Straight out of the dirty south, Oscar winners, Three 6 Mafia."

Master Shake: "That's so gross, and I am so gettin' one of those. I wanna be a part of you. I wish we could sew ourselves together." DP: "Dude, dude, dude. Get off my shirt, it's worth more than your ass wipe. My Dad owns a dealership!"

DP: "..what?" Frylock: "Wake up, frat boy. Look, I hate to do this, but I'm gonna have to ask you to get off my lawn." DP: "Oh man. What time is it?" Frylock: "It's 1.. in the afternoon." DP: "Wake and bake, dude. Wake and bake. Are you Holden?" Frylock: "No." DP: "Did William Holden come to the party?" Frylock: "No...

"No I do not believe we should be drilling. 1 we don't know how much oil there is and, um, along with…it gives jobs, it has very low gas, everything is estimated and we could have less oil than we actually…we can go through in just a few years."

"Stop telling me to do things!"

Turkitron: "In the year 9595, a race of deformed turkey was genetically developed by chicken scientists as revenge against his bird brother. These turkeys would exit the womb doused in gravy; gravy filled with the giblets...from a monkey. The French craved it and as a result, Turkey became the only food source for F...

Frylock: "Why does it smell that way?" Master Shake: "Did we have to go to that tone already? You start off so nice..." Frylock: "Look, all right. I'm sorry, okay? Just explain..please. Why?" Master Shake: "Well, this is what I did see. You know how the flies have been a problem?" Frylock: "No, I don't." Master Shak...

Meatwad: "Yeah, Frylock, please. Make us a TV. I mean look at me. How else am I gonna face the day? I ain't got no job, my wife left me, bills pilin' up, I got child support payments, and I have no idea if what I said's true. But I believe it." Master Shake: "He is right." Meatwad: "We needs to dull our senses."

Meatwad: "Where did you get all that money?!" Master Shake: "Well obviously I am a drug lord in this scene. Where the hell else do you think a guy like me gets this amount of cash."

"Dyn-o-mite!"

"Drink, bitch!"

Dave: "Sign here and here. And initial there for oral." Girl: "Oral?" Dave: "Ima do you too. And just initial there if you decline anal."

Rick James: "Yeah Charlie whipped my ass in his dreams. I told you Charlie had delusions of granger in his head, I'm tellin you what's happenin." Rick James: "I'm Rick James bitch."

"Cause of my complexion he used to call me darkness. He calls me and my brother darkness, calls us darkness brothers. See this is long before Wesley Snipes."

"Darkness you black midnight evil motherfucker. Black magic darkness. Raw, darkness, you fucken delirious motherfucker."

"Charlie Murphy! What's up partner. Darkness everybody, darkness is spreading."

"First of all, you don't slap a man."

"I put a lot of effort into the sketch actually. I mean, even though it is only one boob, it's a boob drawn with love."

"And like, my typical Friday night is playing some Dungeons and Dragons with my buddies."

"If they can solve a partial differential equation, that's a real big plus."

"Do, or do not. There is no try."

"In a very recent game I even played the Demon Lord Malgosh. I Lord Malgosh cast a spell of eternal doom at you."

"It sounds really impressive because it translates as a dexterous tongue and every guy in the room knows what that translates as."

"So I think Tony's going to be the diamond in the ross."

Larry: "Guess who I'm going out with?" Loretta: "Who?" Leon: "Who you going out with?" Larry: "Xena the Warrior Princess." Loretta: "What! Suckie, suckie now. What!" Larry: "You love that." Loretta: "I love it." Larry: "Don't wait up."

Cheryl: "Are you outta your mind?" Larry: "Well it was kinda an awkward moment." Cheryl: "What is wrong with you Larry? You don't do something like that without asking me! You do not invite a sex offender over for dinner without talking to me first!"

Larry: "Oh, it's a doctor emergency." Mark: "I'm so sorry." Larry: "I didn't hear anything, doctor." Mark: "I keep my pager on vibrate..." Larry: "Oh do you?" Mark: "For medical emergencies." Larry: "Uh huh."

Larry: "You stupid idiots, you don't even know how to play eeny meeny miney mo." Jeff: "No way!"

Cheryl: "I said don't pick up the cheque!" Larry: "Well last night was it, believe me."

Sarah: "You know as much as I hate your methods, there is never a dull moment, right?" Carina: "Well if want a dull moment, check out your cover life."

"Drive by…Miami style."

"Do you think in a hundred years time, Disneyland or Disney World could have a seat."

Ali G: "Do you speak french?" Boutros Boutros Ghali: "Yes." Ali G: "How do you say shit?"

"So we have a victim that started the weekend big man on campus and ended it dead on arrival."

"So does Jesus really exist, or is it your father dressed up?"

Officer: "What's our status." Horatio: "She's either dead or dying."

The TiVo Guy: "Last week, you know that guy they killed off the previous week." Larry: "Alright, don't, don't tell me. I don't want to know." The TiVo Guy: "He's not dead, he's back. He came back." Larry: "I just told you not to tell me."

"Do you like porno?"

"Do you think America should nuke Canada?"

"Did they ever catch the people that sent tampax through the post?"

Cheryl: "I do not wan the nanny from hell in my house." Larry: "Where did you hear that? The blank from hell. Where did you hear that expression?" Cheryl: "My dad used to say all the time. You know, everything's from hell."

"Does you recommend this as a good first smoke?"

"You don't even know how to work in a store. People ask you to leave them alone and you harrass them."

"Do you think man will ever walk on the sun?"

"Does the moon really exist?"

"No disrespect whatever but does you use a toilet or does you just drop one in the hole?"

Borat: "Did you pay some money to the boss, to make sure your side win?" Guy: "That is not done in baseball."

"Does all of us really have bones or is it just what the media want us to believe?"

"I ain't seen dongs actually going in."

Bruno: "Do you have a message for Austria's gay community?" Football Player: "Yeah, I'm not gay so don't come looking for me."

"This is a cause for deep concern, but not panic."

"We got information from these individuals that were subjected to these techniques — doesn’t answer the core question, which is: Could we have gotten that same information without resorting to these techniques? And it doesn’t answer the broader question: Are we safer as a consequence of having used these techniques?"

"Does you remember when the two journalists brought down the government over the scandal of Waterworld?"

"Don't forget, I came from nothing, and as much as I love all the toys, I really don't need 'em."

"Do not say a word or you will just end up being gang banged by a bunch of cholos."

Drama: "Don't blame us cause you're weak." Turtle: "I'll take the blame for last night alright, but you bangin her again this mornin, that's on you!"

Turtle: "You sat at Hugh Hefner's table?" Drama: "Yeah, during the Melrose years." E: "Don't you mean the Melrose months Drama?"

"Daniel Boone was a man. Yes a big man. With an eye like an eagle and as tall as a mountain was he. Daniel Boone was a man. Yes a big man. He was brave he was fearless and as tough as a mighty oak tree From the coonskin cap on the top of ole Dan To the heel of his rawhide shoe The rippin’est roarin’est fightin’est...

"Daniel Boone was a man. Yes a big man. With an eye like an eagle and as tall as a mountain was he. Daniel Boone was a man. Yes a big man. He was brave he was fearless and as tough as a mighty oak tree From the coonskin cap on the top of ole Dan To the heel of his rawhide shoe The rippin’est roarin’est fightin’est...

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"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. This is MacDonald Carey and these are the days of our lives."

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"Georgia, Georgia, the whole day through Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind Georgia, Georgia, a song of you Comes sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines Other arms reach out to me. Other eyes smile tenderly. Still in peaceful dreams I see the road leads back to you. Georgia, Georgia, no peace I...

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"Georgia, Georgia, the whole day through Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind Georgia, Georgia, a song of you Comes sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines Other arms reach out to me. Other eyes smile tenderly. Still in peaceful dreams I see the road leads back to you. Georgia, Georgia, no peace I...

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"Life is like a huricane here in Duckburg, race cars,lasers airoplanes Its a duck blur! Might solve mystery,or rewrite histrory. Ducktales (Woo-oo) Everyday that i've been making ducktales (woo-oo)! Tales of daring goo bad and good lucktales (wowo)! When it seems their heading for the final curtain! No good duck sho...

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"Trust me, if you're able to find a girl who's willing to day fuck you, she's using you as much as you're using her."

"Uh, yeah you have a diet creamsicle shaster by any chance?"

Introductory song for the new version of Dr. Who

Well this present has to be special. It's either gonna be a denim jacket that says hot bitch in diamonds or a slanket.

Do doo be-do-do

Do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

"And nation there is another disease spreading through our country and it has reached nearly pandemic levels. Today sadly it claimed another victim. I decided to be a candidate for reelection in 2010 in the Democratic Primary. Republican Senator Arlen Specter has contracted Donkey Flu. Folks this disease is no offic...

"Dear God from the dog: Why do humans stop to smell the flowers and not each other..."