"Like I care."

"I don't think he knew what day it was."

"You know we didn't want it to be like a drill sergeant and everybody getting--because it's a movie."

"You know and in particular I want to direct movies. So I want to do something different."

"Uh, I had two or three years that I didn't make any money and was really, you know I was doing construction work and living in the closet in my buddy's house--apartment building."

"I was very lucky in the fact that I got all of that stuff, you know. I, I didn't get famous for about 13 years of, of doing it."

"Even great in movies that are successful and it still somehow doesn't click for them."

"I got up at the, at the broadcast film critics and I just said, um, 'What we all believe, which is we should do this like choosing a pope. We should put everybody in a room and you leave them in the room until we see the smoke come out of the chimney and everything is okay.'"

"We are a peaceful people who desire to live in peace with all other peoples."

"Finally, I want to say a few words to the captive people of Cuba, to whom this speech is being directly carried by special radio facilities. I speak to you as a friend, as one who knows of your deep attachment to your fatherland, as one who shares your aspirations for liberty and justice for all."

"This is a difficult and dangerous effort on which we have set out."

"Many months of sacrifice and self-discipline lie ahead -- months in which both our patience and our will be tested, months in which many threats and denunciations will keep us aware of our dangers. But the greatest danger of all would be to do nothing."

"I think so, I think I got most of my defense from my mom."

"It's a kind of a rather striking reflection of the, of how deep seated imperial mentality is in the West."

"That's what diplomacy ought to be pushing for."

"I knew that America would never invest the necessary funds or energies in rehabilitation of its poor so long as adventures like Vietnam continued to draw men and skills and money like some demonic destructive suction tube."

"The war was doing far more than devastating the hopes of the poor at home. It was sending their sons and their brothers and their husbands to fight and to die in extraordinarily high proportions relative to the rest of the population."

"We again fell victim to the deadly Western arrogance that has poisoned the international atmosphere for so long."

"I mean it's just not a big shock. I knew that she was destined for higher positions maybe not as soon but that's just the way she is."

"It's bee a couple years since I've dropped a moose but you know I always look forward to going moose hunting but this year we're kind of busy."

"So they go, primarily women and children and the aged. They watch as we poison their water, as we kill a million acres of their crops. They must weep as the bulldozers roar through their areas preparing to destroy the precious trees."

"We have destroyed their two most cherished institutions: the family and the village."

"We urge our government to disengage itself from a disgraceful commitment."

"I started doing stand-up about five years ago."

"I'm the wrong person to ask."

"You speak softly and you wait to that level where you think the shorts have overdone the stock and then you do what Dick Fold did in 1998."

"And they shoulda just said, 'You know what? Doing well.' And don't say another thing."

"This is so disingenuous. There's so much dissembling here. And I just think everyone's going to get away with it."

"I wish they knew all the damage they're doing to corporate capitalist."

"Lets drive everybody out and make this into the club that is just a bunch of rich people sitting around saying, 'Ha, ha. Look at those chumps!'"

"We can do so much more for our clients, both on the retail side and the corporate banking side, with the capabilities that Merrill Lynch brings for us."

"Well the first part about that Wall Street Journal piece that you should understand is that they didn't even use the accumulated earmarks that Barack Obama lists on his own…"

"He admits he still doesn't know how to use a computer, can't send an e-mail. Still doesn't understand the economy and favors 200 billion in new tax cuts for corporations but almost nothing for the middle class."

"I have no idea. It's kind of a daily thing that I do. I wake up on the morning and make decisions that are right for me."

"And plus you have the Democrats coming in I believe, so it makes no sense to get a coal plant."

"John McCain has confessed and I quote, I want to make sure I get it right, he said, 'It's easy for me to be in Washington and frankly, be somewhat divorced from the day to day challenges people have.'"

Shrek: "Oh no no no, dead broad off the table." Dwarf: "Where else are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken."

Oh sorry... I thought that question was directed at me."

"How about the idea that Sarah Palin is going to be on the case economically. This is the person who didn't know what the Bush Doctrine was. The one who said that she understands foreign affairs because she can see Alaska from her front porch."

"Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normis."

"And then we didn't have any choice over pictures, we didn't have any choice, you know, as to what was printed or what pictures were chosen."

"I am willing to meet with any leader who is dedicated to the same principles and philosophy that we are for human rights, Democracy and freedom. And I will stand up to those who will not."

"Do you know where I'm going with this?"

"Oh don't be ridiculous."

"You know, have you watched the John Adams series?"

"And when you see what John Adams was like and George Bush, it's almost like Darwinism in reverse."

"Do you want someone who doesn't know anything about the economy? Do you, really."

"This is like a fix on a drug addict. Today, yesterday people were feeling better because they're getting another fix. But it doesn't help the addict and we're addicted to easy money, easy credit."

"Don't try to make me cry -- I'm not going to cry."

"I think the deregulation was probably helpful to the growth of our economy."

"I think that our basic principle has to be that you don't bail out share holders, you don't bail out CEOs or again golden parachutes and hundred million dollar bonuses. That you are doing everything you can to protect tax payers."

"I would say if you are making $150,000 a year or less, you are definitely getting a tax cut under my plan. Between $150,000 and $250,000 you're probably gonna stay roughly the same."

"Uh, it's gonna go down, but, it's not gonna go away because we've dug ourselves a deep hole."

"Well let's see, about a year ago we were down thirty in Iowa."

"Are there gonna be some people who don't vote for me because I'm black? Of course."

"All of us are the same age; we're all living in New York. They want everybody to think we're all dating or fighting."

Hasselbeck: "Was this awkward to shoot at all? 'Cause--" Meester: "Does it look awkward?"

"And then it all kind of went?downhill."

"I tend to, uh, drink a lot and abuse people."

"When you do a gig."

"Like, you're really sad when you come off stage."

"Does that make sense?"

"Deposits are insured up to $100,000, and if you have an insured deposit, you're not gonna to lose a penny."

"The supply has been relatively constant of oil, and oil production capacity in the world over the last 10 years, and the demand has been going up."

"Yeah, I didn't even have to read it I new it was going to happen."

"Don't believe a word of it."

"When I knew this Act was in place. This is going to drive business out of the United States."

"Do they want to become General Motors and Ford? Do they want that? Of course not."

"This is democracy going backwards."

"It's time we had a Democratic nominee who doesn't just talk about unions during the primary."

"Do I think there was some of it in the election? I do."

"And they, somehow have gotten it, a lot of them have, that you can drill your way out of this. But you can’t do it. There’s not enough oil there to do it."

"We're not supporting King Coal. Guess what China is building 2 every week. Two dirty coal plants and it's polluting the United States and it's causing people to die."

"This is a difficult period for the American people."

"Every American business depends on money flowing through our system everyday. Not only to expand our business and create jobs but to maintain normal business operations and to sustain jobs."

"I want to be done playing this lady November 5th. So if anyone can help me be done playing this lady November 5th that would be good for me. But she seems like a perfectly nice lady."

"You know its kind of kind of nice. I'll be sad not to see everyone for awhile, but you know, I get to do some other stuff. I get to work on some movies, travel, have a break after four years. Its kind of nice, yeah."

"He did all that 'cause it was the right thing to do and didn't hide behind rhetorical pabulum."

"Ah, we got to drop the bombs."

"And to take away from the leaders of the nation who are driving the country into war."

"John McCain is more than wrong, he is dangerously wrong. Osama bin Laden is still on the loose."

"I'm directing my campaign to work with the Obama campaign and the commission on presidential debates to delay Friday night's debate until we have taken action to address this crisis."

"And I think that it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once."

"Do they know who you are there?"

"In real life, you know, you actually have to, you know, do the work."

"I'm dressed up tonight. Very excited."

"Um my mom brought us in and we didn't cry."

"And it's so fabulous, the movie, and I've seen it once. I couldn't sit through it last night cause I don't want to watch myself. But everyone is so talented."

"The way I described it it was a dry forest out there waiting for a spark."

"A joint statement is a great idea because that says to both parties that neither is going to take advantage of this delicate situation."

Letterman: "So now I wonder if he'll ever come back. Do you think he'll come back?" Shaffer: "Not after the drubbing that you have just delivered."

Letterman: "When John McCain-- and he was nice enough to call me on the phone, and said he was racing back to Washington." Olbermann: "Yeah." Letterman: "And our people here were told, 'So serious, he's getting on a plane immediately and racing back to Washington.' And now we've just been told-- here, take a l...

"If you're not making as much progress as you would like, here's the key. Don't loose any ground."

"The principles that you hear Dr. Phil and some of those others talk about, many times they are right out of the Bible."

"Well, we need people to support us or we can't stay on. But we don?t get on there and ask for it. And it's amazing how people can see that when you're genuine, they send money."

"But during that time, we were doing small tours. We toured down South."

"You don't wanna let yourself down."

"The fundamental problem is, there are people who were going to come into Iraq and try to disrupt and destroy the process towards democracy in that country."

"I think if we had taken a different decision, if we had backed away. I think we would just have a different set of problems."

"We were brought face to face with a terrorism that was completely different. One because its demands were completely un-negotiable."

"You look at the Palestinian issue today which in my view is of central importance, the Isreal-Palestiane issue for the future. Why is it being made difficult? It is being made difficult because there are people deliberately going into that situation and making it difficult every time you get near the chance of so...

"Which of course is a democracy in the middle east."

"No, I don't have any regrets, if I've ever made mistakes I just try and learn from them."

"Don't bother asking."

"You know what? I'm going to go around telling everybody else if they don't want to believe that. That's going to be their choice. God's got to look at your own heart, God has got to look at your heart."

"We have people sitting in the audience today of different faiths. That doesn?t bother me."

"I'd spend my weekends editing and playing with the equipment. I didn?t know what I was doing, but I knew that is what I wanted to do with my life."

"It was kind of a decision that I made along with James and along with friends and family to say I can't raise a kid and teach him how to lie. I can't raise a kid and teach him how to hide things."

Have you ever heard a couple of high school kids doing play by play for their football team. They get old TV and screen you because well. They're not professionals. High school kids get so excited about thirteen that they start giggling like school. -- elementary school kids -- They speak and hyperbole. And root roo...

"I drove a cab over here tonight. When it's over I'm gonna try to pick up some more fares."

"Every time I see her with a dead moose I'm like why is Michael Vick in jail."

We are at a defining moment in our history. Our nation is involved in two wars, and we are going through the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression.

"Well, I wanted to show that we may not only in danger of loosing our future, but also our past."

"I think we've seen disasters all around the world."

"If you say this is my greatest success, they say well you've done nothing else."

"Driving me nuts at the time."

"The decline in the housing market set off a domino effect across our economy."

"It is difficult to pass a bill that commits so much of the taxpayers' hard-earned money."

"In the long run, Americans have good reason to be confident in our economic strength. Despite corrections in the marketplace and instances of abuse, democratic capitalism is the best system ever devised."

"Well, I think anything that makes it look like it's in doubt is what causes the problem, so if they, if they said on Friday, we're absolutely having a vote on Monday or something, I don't think that would be a problem, but if they went home on Friday and there was doubt about whether they were going to do somethin...

"But in the end, if somebody offers me something that makes sense, I've got to decide whether to act or not."

"But in the end, if somebody offers me something that makes sense, I've got to decide whether to act or not, and if it makes sense to me I don't attach unnecessary conditions."

"Derivatives have been an important part of the problem in financial markets. And they continue to be part of it. And in AIG's case -- AIG would be doing fine now, I think, if they'd never heard of the word derivative."

"John McCain, when offered the opportunity to speak, passed, didn't speak until the very end, and when he spoke, did not offer a solution and did not say what he would support."

"But I don't think that most Americans think that that's a definitive policy statement made by Governor Palin."

"He said in a recent interview that he thought deregulation actually helped grow our economy. Senator McCain what economy are you talking about?!"

Oh my god. That feels so good. Oh yeah. Slow down. Who's your Daddy? Oh yeah. Play with my b@lls. Just roll them around. Oh my God. Uh oh. Slow down. Don't move, I'll go get you a towel.

Oh my god. That feels so good. Oh yeah. Slow down. Who's your Daddy? Oh yeah. Play with my b@lls. Just roll them around. Oh my God. Uh oh. Slow down. Don't move, I'll go get you a towel.

Maher: "Do you think he's the antichrist?" Hasselbeck and Shepherd: "Not at all. No, I don't think he's the antichrist." Maher: "Oh, good -- glad we got that straight."

"But we will go back and we will fix this problem because the effect it has on working families in America which is devastating."

"Unfortunately the measure was defeated by a narrow margin. I'm disappointed by the outcome."

"And I do look forward to Thursday night and debating Senator Joe Biden."

"Kinda doesn’t matter at this point as we debate what caused it. The point is it's real, we need to do something about it."

"You know I have degree in journalism also so it surprises me that so much has changed since I received my education in journalist ethics all those years ago. I'm not going to pick a fight with those who buy ink by the barrelful.

"Thank god I don't have time to follow those."

Martha: "We're going to be a lot of what you can call dirty work. So why don't you show us how to start?" Guy: "The paddles are made of ash." Martha: "I really adore this tool." Guy: "It's got some flex to it so it's nice and easy on your joints." Martha: "Fantastic." Guy: "And that's to keep your hands from being b...

"It doesn't matter how smart he is. It doesn’t matter how eloquent his speeches are…oh McCain."

"Today this economy cannot stand another 2 million people having their homes foreclosed on this year. And Barack Obama will do something about it."

Couric: "I'm sorry, I just want to ask you again: do you condone or condemn the morning-after pill?" Palin: "Personally -- and this isn't a McCain-Palin policy-- administration--" Couric: "Oh, that's okay -- I'm just asking you." Palin: "But personally, I would not choose to participate in that kind of cont...

"Well, my strategy is to go in there and do what I do, and that's fight."

"That's how the MMA was formed, big guys and small guys fighting each other, and if you're big and strong and you can't move, it's a disadvantage in this sport."

"Both the girls have denied it publicly in the last 44 hours."

"Do not be afraid to be great."

"We just had a meeting about it. Don't get caught up in all this talk around you. You just worry about play the game, play the game right."

"They can do whatever they want. They can brag about all the women that they've had."

"I don't believe in it."

"I don't worry about it. Because I'm happy with myself."

"That doesn't really translate to films."

"I hope to do, uh, number two--hopefully Zombie Strippers 2."

"They're drunk, they're, you know, rude, they're outta control."

"Don't feed your man any kind of alcohol."

"It doesn't even affect me at all."

"He didn't get me in. No."

"And that's something that is, um, definitely affected me."

"I certainly don't look at it that way."

"I don't feel any problems with it."

"I don't know if I'm innocent anymore."

"Darn right it was the predator lenders, who tried to talk Americans into thinking that it was smart to buy a $300,000 house if we could only afford a $100,000 house."

"But if you notice, Gwen, the governor did not answer the question about deregulation, did not answer the question of defending John McCain about not going along with the deregulation, letting Wall Street run wild."

"So even in dealing with climate change, it's all the more reason that we have an "all of the above" approach, tapping into alternative sources of energy and conserving fuel, conserving our petroleum products and our hydrocarbons so that we can clean up this planet and deal with climate change."

"And thinks, I guess, the only answer is drill, drill, drill. Drill we must, but it will take 10 years for one drop of oil to come out of any of the wells that are going to begun to be drilled. In the meantime, we're all going to be in real trouble."

"Do I support granting same-sex benefits? Absolutely positively. Look."

"An issue like that taken up by a presidential candidate goes beyond naivete and goes beyond poor judgment. A statement that he made like that is downright dangerous."

"But believe me if you destroy the dollar, you're going to destroy a world wide economy and that's what we're on the verge of doing."

"Yet we're resorting now once again to promoting more and more government. Long term, this is disastrous because everything we're doing here, everything we've done for six months. We've already pumped in $700 billion, here's another $700 billion, this is going to destroy the dollar."

"I don't think Dick Cheney trusts that the American people can make judgments that are in the interest of the country."

"I think he has done more harm than any other single high elected official in my memory in terms of shredding the constitution, condoning torture, pushing torture as a policy."

"The worst thing I guess would have to be the duck hunting accident. That was an accident and that was I think made into a caricature of him."

"Did you see 'The Perfect Storm,' goat?"

"John McCain was cleared of any charges. The Ethics Commission declared him-- his actions cleared, and his actions not improper."

Walters: "Doesn't it bother you, with everything that's going on in this country, that either side is going back to smearing? Is that the way--" Hasselbeck: "It's the truth!"

"And according to the New York Times he was a domestic terrorist and part of a group that quote launched a campaign of bombings that would target the Pentagon and US capital."

Dave: "This guy doesn't have an ounce of quit in him. So all of a sudden we're suspending the campaign? Look, if I drop dead right now, my hand to God, Paul's takin over the show." Paul: "I'm there."

Dave: "So now I wonder if he'll ever come back. You think he'll come back?" Paul: "Not after the drumming that you have just delivered."

"A hero, an honest to God hero. An American hero, maybe the only actual hero I know, I've met the man, I know the guy. So I'm more than a little disappointed by this behavior."

"Do they see him?"

"Don isn't living here."

"And so now we've got to take some decisive action."

"But we have three percent of the world's oil reserves and we use 25 percent of the world's oil. So what that means is that we can't simply drill our way out of the problem."

"That, I don't think, is the kind of change that we need. We've got to have somebody who is fighting for patients and making sure that you get decent, affordable health care. And that's something that I'm committed to doing as president."

"We have a difficult situation in Pakistan."

"You're doin a great job creatin TV as well."

"I don't think you're straight at all--don?t get me wrong about that."

"Meg Whitman was CEO of a company that started with 12 people and is now 1.3 million people in America make their living off eBay. Maybe somebody here has done a little business with them."

"I think it depends on what we do. I think if we act effectively."

"I am in favor of leaving the tax rates alone and reducing the tax burden on middle-income Americans by doubling your tax exemption for every child."

"I have disagreed strongly with the Bush administration on this issue."

"Douchenozzles."

Stewart: "Do stupid people vote, John? Oliver: "That's hard to say, Jon. Certainly, some will forget to."

"Well, I'm not quite ready, so I'm going to do it now: dollars! That's for you. No shit."

"There's a daily cash prize of one thousand dollars, and fuck! Dollars, dollars, dollars, and dollars. Aw, fuck!"

"The denial from the candidate that he had a) known about that past activity of Bill Ayers and kind of the inconsistency there in their message on what that association meant."

"I don't have time to watch TV."

"So I don't know anyone in Chicago who's heavily involved in education policy who doesn't know Bill Ayers. But, you know, again, I go back to the point that, you know, the American people aren't asking these questions."

"Well, it's just not true. You know, it's a simple reaction. It's not true. And when something is not true, you don't take it to heart. You just keep rolling along."

"This is the next step. You know, this is where we've grown as a country. And I think it's beautiful to watch our young people being able to see these changes in action, because they're going to grow up with a different reality than any of us."

"But I do think you have to talk to enemies. I mean again, you've got to set things up, you've got to know who you're talking to, you've got to have your objectives straight, all the rest of this stuff. I mean, so I'm not trying to get into the middle of domestic politics."

"So it's a dangerous position that we're in with this continued reliance, and Obama and Biden have said no to putting us on that path towards energy independence."