"Oh my god I am so excited to see Ben Stein. Ferris Bueller's Day Off is one of my favorite movies."

"I'm thinking Andre might be from Trenoble."

"What the hell! She's a fucking idiot, she doesn’t know anything."

"Do not point that fry thing at me."

Frylock: "This is a fun pool. I do like splashing." Master Shake: "Yes. Playing is for pleasure. We should have a pool. Make us one from the sky. I command it." Frylock: "Yeah, yeah, I'll do that"

"Look, I told you when we met that I was not a leprechaun, that I was from Rhode Island, and that I was half Korean and you said it didn't matter."

Frylock: "That rainbow just took Shake away!" Meatwad: "Really, that is awful. Let's go get some ice cream." Frylock: "Wait, Meatwad. We need to find him. And when we find Shake, we'll find our culprits." Meatwad: "Or we could just get a new roommate. Look, you go find him. He don't yell at you. All I ever try to do...

Frylock: "I need your brain." Meatwad: "For what? I need my brain". Frylock: "Look, I need to create a cavity inside of you so you'll float then all I need you to do is roll around in this broken glass for a little bit. Come on, it'll be fun." Meatwad: "What are you talkin' about? Hell no." (Frylock takes brain) Mea...

"That's right. You better run, boy. And bring back some chocolate syrup, too...or your fate is sealed."

Ignignokt: "We just came from Christmas caroling in the woods." Frylock: "Oh yeah, I heard about the woods on the news, someone burned them down."

"The wearer of this belt shall possess all the super powers of 70s super group, Foreigner."

Happy-Time Harry: "Go ahead man, let's do this thing." Master Shake: "I told you I'd do it, I'm gonna do it now. Hey Meatwad, look at this! Come to the window! Big time fun.. you know what I mean?" Happy-Time Harry: "Okay dude, I just did all the prep work, now let's get it on! DO IT!" Shake: "Well.. shoot... I mean...

Frylock: "Thanks for comin', Carl." Carl: "Yeah, I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but... you let go, okay. Thank you. If you need anything, you know who to look to... someone else."

Carl: "Here, it's a fruit roll-up. I was gonna make you a casserole for your..for your loss, but uh.. but I didn't." Frylock: "Uhh, thanks." Carl: "I was gonna yell my brains out at ya, but because of your loss, I might just gently ask, what happened last night with all the noise?" Frylock: "Carl, Carl, Carl. Why do...

Meatwad: "Wait a second. So..I'm..not a zombie?" Frylock: "Nope, no you're not." Meatwad: "But I crave brain!" Frylock: "Computer simulation." Meatwad: "What happened next?" Frylock: "I don't know.. I kinda wrote myself into a corner there at the end. Still, it was pretty realistic though, don't you think?" Meatwad:...

Master Shake: "Drizzle here." Meatwad: "Yes, Drizzle? Violent criminals have put.. what did you..Fat Albert?" Frylock: "Prince Albert.." Meatwad: "..have put Fat Albert in a can." Frylock: "No, no. It's Prince. Prince Albert." Meatwad: "Oh, okay. Hang on. ...Have put Fat Albert in a can..in your can." Master Shake: ...

"So there me was beating boulder into powder because me couldn't eat it and magic ball land in lap. Naturally, me think, "All right! Free Egg!" because me stupid and me cave man. So me spent about 3 days humping and bust open with thigh bone so me could eat it good, then magic ball shoot Oog with beam, and next thin...

Sir Loin: "Whoa, whoa, who dat? Who're all these people man? What's goin' on here?" Meatwad: "Yo, what up, g? It's Mizeatwizad." Sir Loin: "Is you the little joker that's been bringin' me sand?" Meatwad: "Yep." Sir Loin: "Man, whatchu thinkin'? Look here, man. What're you the sand man or something? Come on, get it t...

Master Shake: "Okay, recite to me the number for the excavators..unless you wanna go back there and dig up the septic tank yourself." Frylock: "You flushed the cable bill down the toilet?" Master Shake: "All the bills, Frylock! They're too expensive! You know how much money it takes to heat this house? Take a wild s...

Carl: "There's a broad..there's a broad right there. Hey! Yeah, you dingbat! I want a pitcher of beer, fried jalapenos, the nachos grande, and let's start with 50 wings extra hot and keep the ranch coming." Frylock: "Two coffees please." Carl: "Heh.. you hear what I ordered? I'm gonna be fartin' blood over here."

Oglethorpe: "We have successfully traveled eons across both space and time through the fargate to get free cable!" Emory: "I think it's a Stargate." Oglethorpe: "It's the Fargate. F. It's different from that movie that I have never seen.. so how would I copy it?" Emory: "Chill, man. Let's just turn it on." Oglethorp...

Carl: "Hey..can I help you?" Master Shake: "Yeah, you can help me pull this into your yard. Frylock don't want it in ours no more." Carl: "Yeah, no, we're not doing that." Master Shake: (Laughs) "How quickly we forget. You see that large, bulbous gut you got? Imagine it on the inside. It's filled with flash-fried co...

Frylock: "Did you do this?" Master Shake: "Frylock, come on, ya know me. How long we known each other?" Frylock: "You did it." Master Shake: "Of course, but listen. The point is that they don't know that. They can't prove it! They're friggin' trees."

Carl: "Okay. You got that end?" Master Shake: "Yeah." Carl: "Tip it over, and run like hell. ...frickin' illegal... Hey, hey where are you?!" Master Shake: (running away) "HE DID IT!" Carl: "Okay, fine yeah. Run. Hey, who's gonna arrest me, huh? The frickin' trees?"

"Well, what else is open? Besides, your mouth? When your like kissing on some gay dude. And like, holdin' his like muscles 'cause his arms just are like wrapped around you. And you feel like so safe... 'cause your like... you know... not that you're gay or nothin' but God you just wanna like bury yourself in his che...

"Oh man, that felt so good."

Master Shake: "Its opened up now. I got rid of that stupid fire place so now the room has a flow. You feel it?" Frylock: "We never had a fire place!" Master Shake: "We never used it!" Frylock: "WE NEVER HAD ONE!" Master Shake: "...well I never liked it."

Meatwad: "You're missing some good TV." Master Shake: (Wakes up) "Change it." Meatwad: "I ain't changin' this. This is the best!" Master Shake: "Change it." Meatwad: "To what?! Come on, this is good." Master Shake: "Why don't we let the arrow decide." Meatwad: "No, don't do that!" Master Shake: (shoots TV with flami...

Ignignokt: "Aqua Teens, come out and meet your doom. For we are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday." Rabbot: "Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday--" Cybernetic Ghost: "Monday, Tuesday--" Ignignokt: "No, it's just one week. Please stop."

"Fo shizzle."

"Fuck your couch nigga. Buy another one you rich motherfucker. Fuck your couch nigga! Fuck your couch! Darkness is, darkness is."

"Fuck your couch nigga! Fuck your couch!

"Fuck your couch nigga."

"Come on baby show me your tities, I'm Rick James do something. Hm hm I wish I had 4 hands so I can give those tities four thumbs down."

"Fuck you couch nigga, fuck your couch."

"You're the worst kind of scum on the face of the earth. You're an animal, a filthy big lipped beast."

"They're fun to look at, but you know damn well you're not taking them home."

Mike: "What's your favorite subject." Beauty 17: "Oh I like foreign languages." Mike: "Really, do you speak a foreign language?" Beauty 17: "No, but I tell people I do."

Susie: "We don't answer the phone at dinner." Larry: "I'll answer it." Susie: "No, no, no the phone…" Larry: "Susie, what kind of fucked up rule is that."

_

"I know, as long as he's gonna be a sex offender, I wish he had a full head of hair."

Larry: "He found the Matzah. Mac: "Yeah." Larry: "Cause you told him where it was hidden."

Larry: "Braudy's, freakin, everything's freakin with this guy. What he can't say the word fuck? What is he, juvenile? What is that?" Cheryl: "Well I can understand why they'd be upset Larry." Larry: "Freakin asshole."

Lester: "Chuck, how are you supposed to get any female friction action with him third wheeling you all the time." Chuck: "What does that even mean?" Lester: "Sex." Chuck: "Can't you just say that." Lester: "Yeah, I mean I could it just lacks flavor."

"The guy wearing the fur sweater failed to mention one fairly significant security detail."

"Maybe next time we can shake it up a bit and pull the four leaf clovers out of the rotation."

"Well, they found more than that."

Larry: "By the way people should be able to tell real crab from fake crab. You got to be a moron if you can't tell the difference. That's what I think." Cheryl: "Well you know what…" Larry: "And if I bring that up while we're having sex, that's a fun topic to discuss."

Martin Short: "Oh my goodness Larry David." Larry: "Oh my goodness Larry David." Martin Short: "How wonderful to see you." Larry: "How wonderful to see you." Martin Short: "See you have that kind of that flat New York thing."

Larry: "Freak you!" Stu: "Freak you!" Larry: "Freak you!" Stu: "Freak you!"

"Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors."

Larry: "Fuck Hhhhugh." Hugh: "Fuck you." Larry: "Fuck Hhhhhugh, Hhhugh, Hhhugh."

Cop: "You know what a burglary is?" Ali G: "For real, I has done a couple."

"For all respect, ain't you been a bit (makes chicken noise)."

"Fifteen years you've never given me a good review, not once. Did I try and fuck your wife or somethin?"

"No. Impossible. I'm fully booked for the next two centuries."

"You had it in your grasp but no, we screwed it. The last 10 percent of service I've never been so bloody frustrated in all my time in Hell's Kitchen because you just switched off. And let's be honest, in a fine dinig restaurant, it's not how we start, it's how we finish!

Well, that was a trip. No, thanks to any of you. I melted, then became this puddle. the cat drank me, thinking I was delicious! So I was up there in front of the Real Justice. And, guess what! Ha! to all of you! Turns out God hates forms as much as me. so there!.... Well I was toast, starting to brown out. But y...

The beginning of change or the end of capitalism? Bringing them home or giving up the fight? Path to freedom or gateway for terrorism? You decide. As America faces tough questions only one network delivers fair, balanced and accurate reporting so you can make a choice. Fox News Channel, we report, you decide.

Guy: You know what I got for Christmas? I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said hey smoke up Johnny. No dad what about you? Jeff: Well that actually was from the breakfast club."

Fireball sound.

"While many may have viewed the disillusion of two of the most famous car brands as bad news at least Chrysler has a to turn that frown upside down. Sure Chrysler just entered Chapter 11, but under restructuring it will soon be run by Italian carmaker Fiat, bringing much needed leadership from the country that, with...

Michelle Obama: Hi everyone. Elmo: What does Mrs. Obama want to do today on Sesame Street? Michelle Obama: Well first I want to get some exercise so I’m going to take a walk around Sesame Street. Elmo: Oh well if Mrs. Obama exercises Elmo wants to exercise too. Yay exercise. Michelle Obama: If you want your child to...

"Because we're in such a financial mess here in California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says it's time to study legalizing marijuana. I think that's what he said. He may have said it's time to start fertilizing my llama. I'm not sure what he said. I'm sure it was one of those."

“God forbid that Joe Biden falls into the hands of terrorists. God forbid if it’s ever a hostile situation. We’re done. Oh, they won’t even have to torture him. All they have to do is go, ‘How’s it going, Joe?”

“This is amazing, the First Black President – I know you’re biracial – but the First Black President! You’re proud to be able to say that – The First Black President. That’s unless you screw up. Then it’s going to be, ‘What’s up with the half-white guy, huh? Who voted for the mulatto, what the hell?’”

"Finally, I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days. (Laughter.) And on the 73rd day, I will rest."

Sean: "And finally tonight as you all know President Obama is a real man of the people and yesterday he dropped by a popular Virginia restaurant to grab a burger with his pal Joe. Now the Gateway pundit blog pointed out that plain ole ketchup well it didn't quite cut it for the President. Now take a look at him orde...

"It's freaking me out, I'm pubescent."

"You know, so much of the time we're just lost. We say, "Please, God, tell us what is right; tell us what is true." And there is no justice: the rich win, the poor are powerless. We become tired of hearing people lie. And after a time, we become dead... a little dead. We think of ourselves as victims... and we becom...

"Someday, somewhere, someone may find out the damn truth. We better. We better, or we might just as well build ourselves another government like the Declaration of Independence says to when the old one ain't working -- just a little farther out west."

N/A

"I would like to take this opportunity to explain why farts are funny and queefs are not. Men have always joked about farts and we in fact name our farts."

Randy: I would like to take this opportunity to explain why farts are funny and queefs are not. Men have always joked about farts and we in fact name our farts. We have the squeaker…and then there’s the fog horn…and the don’t be scared…and of course there’s the… Woman: Well excuse me, if that really is your argument...

"Well, gentlemen, I must say I differ with the keen minds of the South and with our President, who apparently shares their views, offering that the natural state of mankind is instead - and I know this is a controversial idea - is freedom. Is freedom. And the proof is the length to which a man, woman or child will g...

"Fuck off."

"Fuck off you, you fat useless sack of fucking Yankee doodle shit."

It's alive!

"If you build it, he will come."

My mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get'

I wouldnt call myself a social butterfly and theres not much that separates me from the other guy but when I login I begin to live Theres an online world where I am king of a little website dedicated to me with pictures of me and a list of my friends and an unofficial record of the groups that Im in. Before the in...

"What would we do baby, without us? Sha la la la."

_

_

_

_

"Hey, hey, hey! Here's Fat Albert And I'm gonna sing a song for you And this is gonna show you A thing or two You'll have some fun now With me and the gang Learning from each other While we do our ??? Na, na, na Gonna have a good time Na, na, na Gonna have a good time Hey, hey, hey! "

_

_

_

_

_

_

"They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning, No one you see, is smarter than he, And we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder, Flying there under, under the sea! Everyone loves the king of the sea, Ever so kind and gentle is he, Tricks he will do when children appear, And how they laugh when he’s ...

"They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning, No one you see, is smarter than he, And we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder, Flying there under, under the sea!"

_

_

_

"Dance your cares away, Worries for another day. Let the music play, Down at Fraggle Rock. Work you cares away, Dancing's for another day. Let the Fraggles play, We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red. Woweeee! 'Ooooh a Fwaggle! Look Ma! I caught a Fwaggle.' 'Ahhhhhhh!' 'Wahhhhhhhhhhh! Woopee!' Dance your cares awa...

"Hey baby, I hear the blues a-callin'. Tossed salad and scrambled eggs Oh My! Mercy! And maybe I seem a bit confused, yeah maybe, but I got you pegged! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha! But I don’t know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs. They’re callin’ again."

"Hey baby, I hear the blues a-callin'. Tossed salad and scrambled eggs Oh My! Mercy! And maybe I seem a bit confused, yeah maybe, but I got you pegged! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha! But I don’t know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs. They’re callin’ again."

_

_

"What ever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV. Everywhere you look, everywhere you go (there’s a heart). There’s a heart. A hand to hold onto. Everywhere you look, everywhere you go. There’s a face of somebody who needs you. Everywhere you look, When you’re lost out there and you’re al...

Chris: "Should we trust her answers?" House: "Do you think I'd pull you off Buddy Ebsen just for a junkie?"

"Fuck Bill O'Reilly."

"For me to poop on."

"For you to poop on!"

"Well you know ladies and gentleman, the UN general assembly gathering has concluded here in New York City. It was a pretty big success. As a matter of fact, listen to this, only 5 world leaders missing."

"May I leave off the second 'S' in 'Dessert' for savings?"

"How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?"

"And the number one question to ask yourself before buying $14,500 dessert. Do I really want to be fat and a dumbass?"

"Can you tell that it's autumn? I'm telling you, down in Time Square this morning there was frost on the hookers."

"It was so nice today that Kid Rock and Tommy Lee were fighting over a kite."

"I think that he is the feel good story and he's played exceptionally well."

"American football failed in Europe. It failed in England."

"See I could go 0% here and just fill the board with 0's but that would be unprofessional."

Dan: "Are the Red Sox insufferable now? Are their fan base, is their fan base insufferable? Is it like Yankee fans all of a sudden?" Bob: "Like a fungus spreading slowly across the nation."

"Fifteen contestants."

"I had a full grown man come to my door in jeans and a white hooded sweatshirt and said he was a ghost. He demanded candy."

"Forget Jerry, he's just a gay wizard threshold."

"I have a 15 minute pre-debate interview with Senator Clinton. We're gonna ask her about her plans for her first 100 days in office."

"Former Senator, actor Fred Thompson said Monday that he had been certain of Saddam Hussein's weapon of mass destruction prior to the 2003 U.S. lead invasion. He added…[snoring]."

"I still remember the day in 7th grade when you over heard me make a hilarious sex joke in the hall way and you fell in love with me. Even though we had never spoken before at all."

"Oh I'm suing Fed Ex for stealing my name."

"And based on the facts that you hear, you will have no choice but to find Fred Thompson guilty of being the right man for the job. And you'll have to sentence him to no less than 4 years in the White House with 4 more to be added for good behavior."

"For years, expecting fathers have been forced to fake interest in crude, low quality, grainy images of their unborn children."

Spokesman: "And as the official ultrasound of the NFL, Veritas offers the future fan option. Which shows you what your unborn child looks like in the helmet of your favorite team." Husband: "Now that's something to celebrate." Wife: "I'm just happy the baby's healthy." Husband: "That too."

"Welcome to Oh! Game show by guys from New Jersey for guys from New Jersey."

Johnny: "Mike! You didn't oh at all on that last one." Mike: "Yeah well my kid would have a point. My wife is fat and lazy." Johnny: "Oh! Hey I got one of those."

"This came in the mail. It says I won a free DVD player. And to claim it all I had to do is tour a new condominium development. Pretty good deal I think."

"It all comes down to this. Red Sox vs. Indians. It's like the French and Indian War but instead of the French it's baseball players from Boston."

"Researchers in Tokyo are developing a robot that would be able to give therapeutic facial massages. So please, just relax as I put this experimental robot on your face."

"Well ladee frickin dah!"

Lucifer: "Now then forsaken soul, open thine ears, and sleek thy thirst on the music that could force kings to their knees!!" Milo: "Yeah!" Lucifer: "And oceans to boil! Behold, the song that will take you to the top of charts!!" Milo: "Alright-" Lucifer: "There’s a guy named Fred and he’s got a pair of slacks. Oooh...

"And that's how you fix our health care system. It's not that hard."

"I was at the first thanksgiving and I brought maize so."

"The Ambiguously Gay Duo! Tonight's episode, First Serve, First Come."

"Oh hell no! Man this is ridiculous man. How the Nobel Peace Prize for physics gonna go to anybody but me. That's ridiculous. My album went gold in a day man. My album went gold in a day. I ain't heard none of your theories but if the Nobel Peace Prize doesn't go to me then the Nobel Peace Prize loses credit. Fuck N...

"Man how they gonna have me on Saturday Night Live and I ain't gonna host man. Seriously man. How they gonna have LeBron James over me man. I'm 10 times the performer man. I don't care if he got more money. Man give a black man, give a short black man a chance man. Seriously man, tell them fuck Loren Michaels. Tell ...

"None of us want war in that whole area out over there. But as commander and chief I am ever cognizant of my authority to launch a full scale orgy of death there in the desert sand. Probably won't, but then again, I might."

"And then I turn around and he's got my Levi jacket on…fat guy in little coat it's funny! Don't you quit on me."

Screetch: "Let's flush all their toilets at once!" Slater: "Let's flush the water out of your brain!"

"Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?"

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go fill my freezer with my own blood."

Kramer: "Well, Happy Festivus." George: "What is that? Is that the pole?!" Frank: "George, Festivus is your heritage - it's part of who you are." George: (Sulking) "That's why I hate it." Kramer: "There's a big dinner Tuesday night at Frank's house - everyone's invited." Frank: "George, you're forgetting how much Fe...

Frank: "And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength." George: "Not the feats of strength.." Frank: "This year, the honor goes to Mr. Kramer." Kramer: "Uh-oh. Oh, gee, Frank, I'm sorry. I gotta go. I have to work a double shift at H&H." Jerry: "I thought you were on strike?" Kramer: "Well, I caved....

"Festivus is back! I'll get the pole."

"Does that make you feel better?"

Jason: "Oh very good, very good, get back up, we'll get back and we'll do it all again, just a little bit faster, you ready?" Big Bird: "Faster?" Jason: "Yeah yeah faster, faster here we go."

"She's a fucking bitch!"

"Fabulous!"

"I need to feel the weight of a man on me."

"That's fucked up."

"You have to forgive me ... You have to forgive me!"

"I wanted to run as fast as the wind."

"Thank you, faggot!"

"But it means a lot that you're standing here apologizing with your dad and lovely mother. Fat Jew! Jew bitch!"

"You got tons of money, a jet, the biggest rock band in the world, a hot wife and you've been knighted. I mean at some point can't you just kina fuck off."

"This is fucking retarded."