Car Rental Agent - Los Angeles: Holy smokes! You just backed over two foot concrete abutment and you didn't even slow down. What were you going, oh I don't know, forty five miles an hour backwards? Raoul Duke: There's no harm done. I always check the transmission that way, the rear end for stress factors. Boy this...

Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Everyone: Stuffed crust! Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of...

Billy: How 'bout you, sideburns? You want some of this milk? Rollo The Janitor: Rather have a beer.

How is fishing competitive? Man versus fish?

And don't worry about an interview. He seemed to be only interested in talking to me.

Have your lawyer tell my lawyer what time dinner is.

He's a rat bastard.

He's gonna be useless tonight.

Have you ever read any Arthur Schopenhauer?

Hey, Matt. Hey, what did Jung say about glow sticks?

Matt: Listen. Can you hear that? Shh, shh. What... I think we got it. Steve: Wait. How creepy is that?

He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pink-eyed my pillow.

Likely...he's one of Henry's men!

Woman Shopper: Whoa! Hey! Hello! Hey, what... Matt: Andrew. Woman Shopper: Help! Somebody grab that!

He looks like a girl!

Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me?

Matt: High school popularity just seemed like this weird backward contest, and I thought since I knew that, I could just... Casey Letter: That made you better than everybody else. Matt: No. No, no, no. Casey Letter: I know what you mean. Matt: I would separate myself from that. Casey Letter: I get it. Ma...

Ash: Henry! You gotta tell him you don't know me. We never met. Tell him. Duke Henry the Red: I do not think he'll listen, lad.

Lord Arthur: Spikes. Gold Tooth: He says, "Spikes." Give him spikes!

Hey, Wayne!

How fast can she go? Why, I've had her up to 55 myself. I heard that Fearless Frank Fargo got one of these up to near 70 out past Verde Junction.

Holy shit! Holy shit!

Marty: Holy shit. Hey Doc, Clayton Ravine was named after a teacher. They say she fell in there 100 years ago. Doc Brown: 100 years ago! That's this year! Marty: Every kid in school knows that story 'cause we all have teachers we'd like to see fall into the ravine.

Howdy Doody time?

Hi-ho, Silver.

Here's your half of the sunshine acid. Eat it.

Hi there! Uhh... My name? Uh... Raoul Duke! On the list. Freelance. On the list, then?

Holy shit. Oh, my God.

Too bad you guys missed the bikes checking in, oh man what a sight! Husquavarnas, Yamahas, DMZs... Kawasakis! Maicos! Pursangs! Swedish Fireballs! ...a couple of Triumphs here and there, a CZ, all very, very fast. Very. What a race it's gonna be... I'm gonna let myself out...

Jack: Hey, how's it going over there at Mission Control? Jim: It's a nervous time. They're pacing around, smoking like chimneys. Gene Kranz is gonna have puppies.

Dr. Gonzo: He got a hold of my woman, man! Raoul Duke: You mean that blonde groupie with the film crew? Shit. Think he sodomized her? Dr. Gonzo: That's right, laugh about it. Raoul Duke: He's gluing her eyes shut right now, man. Dr. Gonzo: You goddamn honkies are all the same... goddamn honkies are all the ...

Jim: How ya feeling, Freddo? Fred: Char-broiled.

Duke: Hell, just a minute ago you were asking me to kill you. Now you wanna kill me. What I should do, goddamn it, is call the fucking police! Dr Gonzo: Boy, are you upset.

Hmm, what a horrible nightmare. Wait a minute. Oh, God! I can't move! Aah!

How'd you like the taste of that, huh?

Houston, we have hard dock.

He offered me human blood, said it would take me higher than I'd ever been in my life.

When I came to... the general back alley ambience of the suite was so rotten... so incredibly foul. How long had I been lying there?

Holy Jesus, what are these goddamned animals?

He loves artists. Lucy paints portraits of Barbara Streisand.

How many nights and weird mornings had this shit been going on?

Listen, let's get down to brass tacks here. How much for the ape?

Hey, there. You folks want to buy some heroin? Hey, honkies! Goddamn it!

How much is that lemon meringue pie?

Hundred and eleven! Fifty two! Three!

Hey, we've got a problem here.

Houston, we have a problem.

Houston, we are venting something out into space.

Pit Bitch: Hai-ya! Ash: Oh! Why you...

Has anyone ever told you that you look like a supermodel?

Mr. Humphries' Security Guard: Hey, he's talking to you. Otto: Fuck you.

He vomited in the lap of the head of the dealer's association.

Hello, MacGruber.

Hare Krishna, Harry.

Houston, what's the story with this burn?

Houston, we're getting our first look at the service module now. One whole side of the spacecraft is missing. Right by the high gain antennae a whole panel is blown out, right up, right up to our heat shield.

Burt Peterson told me you were the one person in the agency I shouldn't cross. He and Freddy had a standing argument that you were a lesbian.

Hello, Houston, this is Odyssey. It's good to see you again.

Houston, we're at stable one. The ship is secure. This is Apollo 13 signing off.

Lord Arthur: How will we fight an army of the dead at our castle walls? How will you fight that? More words? Most of our people have already fled. We are but 60 men. Ash: Then we'll get Henry the Red and his men to fight with us. Ash: Now... who's with me?

Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised!

Kate: How's business? Rob: Ah, it's a little slow. But kind of tough, you know, going up against the man. Kate: The cops? Rob: Jamba Juice. Kate: Jamba Juice is the man? Rob: Yeah. Corporate juice pimps.

Angie: Hey, I left Carl. I found out he was effing around on me, so we got into a huge fight. Things got really physical. Kate: Oh, my God. Are you okay? Angie: Yeah. I didn't hit him too hard.

Angie: Hey, I brought you a picture of the baby. You know, an ultrasound picture. Kate: Oh, my gosh. Oscar: Looks like a squirrel. A cute, cute squirrel.

Barry: Hey, I'm just like a lot of you. I grew up at 52nd and Walnut. I attended West Philly High. I smoked a joint with Hall & Oates during the bicentennial, all of that. But unlike a lot of you, I have since traveled the world. I've had papaya on the beach at Virgin Gorda. I've toasted pine nuts at the mouth of an...

Here's my question. Exactly what portion of your profits are gonna go towards rebuilding and the revitalization of our community?

Angie: Hey, have you seen this one before? Kate: You have a kid with a Wiffleball bat and a dad with a crotch. Angie: You know, it's not gonna be funny if you ruin the ending! Hahahahaha! It is! It's still funny!

He is gonna kick your butt.

He punched my shark!

How many of you are planning on doing natural childbirth? That's a good show of hands. That's so great, you're all so great. And how many of you are planning on using toxic Western medications to drug your baby for your own selfish comfort? Anyone?

Patty: How do you go to the bathroom in space? Jim: Well, I tell you, it's a highly technical process of cranking down the window and looking for a gas station

Technician: How much power do we have to play with? John Aaron: Barely enough to run this coffee pot for nine hours.

Hey, kid. You hard of hearing, Ace?

Otto: How much you gonna give me? Bud: $15. Otto: No, I won't do it for less than $20. Bud: $25.

Hello, Mother. Hello, Father. Anything to eat?

Otto: Excuse me. Ms. Magruder? I have something here for you. Ms. Magruder: How utterly charming.

Hey, you're mine, sweetie.

Hail to the King, baby.

Hey, Martin, was it weird when you joined the Taliban, being American and everything like that?

Her bush looks like the hedge maze from The Shining but red and without Scatman Crothers in it.

Angie: Here, drink this! Kate: Oh, my God! That is strong. Angie: Is it? Try this one. Kate: That is stronger! Angie: I know, I know. Do this shot. Kate: Why am I doing this?

Kate: How's everything? Scott: It's great. We just bought a house in Bucks County. I'm still doing stuff for Doctors Without Borders. Recently, we took in some Hurricane Katrina dogs. And I was in a bicycle accident that made my penis bigger. How are you? Kate: I'm doing awesome.

Holy shit! There's a baby in there?

Hello, folks, my name is Chet. I'm your waiter. Are you folks familiar with the raw food vegan movement?

Kate: How long have you been vegan? Rob: I'm not. I'm sorry. I'm not, I thought that you were, and that's why I took you here. Because of where you work, I never would have... Oh, God. Can we... Yeah, you want to... Kate: I eat meat. Yeah, I eat meat like nobody's business.

Lite: Hey, Oly. Your wife's hanging all over Otto. Oly: Yeah, flies on shit!

Holy sheep shit!

Oly: You want some help with that beer, kid? Otto: You're all repo men. Oly: What if we are? Bud: You know, kid, uh, usually when someone pulls shit like that, my first reaction is, I wanna punch his fuckin' lights out. But you know something? Bud and Oly: You're all right.

Lagarto: Hermanos Rodriguez do not approve of drugs. Marlene: Neither do I, but it's my birthday.

Hey, buddy, how you doing? Huh? Hey, don't you remember me? I was here yesterday, huh?. Listen, I think I left a book of matches over in your office over there. You want to go check for me? Huh?

Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.

Hey, America. Did you miss my hot breath in your ear?

Hey, Crockett, you still partying with Tubbs these days?

No one would ever know... that my lord's people had lived at all. His was a tale of sorrow.

...He began to realize his sense of worth. He mattered...

...In time, his victories could not easily be counted. He was taken to the East, a great prize, where the warmasters would teach him the deepest secrets...

Ben: How the fuck could this happen? Alison: I don't know.

...He is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, "What is the riddle of steel?" If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me. That's Crom...

Debbie: He's playing fetch with my kids. He's treating my kids like they're dogs. Alison: No, he's not. Ben: Go get it! Fetch! Debbie: Who plays fetch with kids?

Alison: How you doing? Ben: I'm breathing like James Gandolfini over here.

How can you fight with him? Look at his face. I just want to kiss it.

Clap your hands everybody For Philadelphia 76ers Stomp your feet, everybody For Philadelphia 76ers Here they come, Philadelphia On the run, Stand up and cheer #1, Philadelphia Here they come, team of the year 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Sixers 10,9,8,76ers Clap your hands everybody For Philadelphia 76ers Stomp your f...

Subotai: How about two snakes coming together over a black sun? A magnificent standard! Black Lotus Street Peddler: The only snakes I know of are those of Set and those cursed towers. Their evil has spread to every city. Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult, now... they're everywhere. It is said t...

Hey! I'm a wizard, mind you.

Harm my flesh, and you will have to deal with the dead.

He is Conan. Cimmerian. He won't cry... so I cry for him.

He will kill you! He has seen your fires. He will come for me, and when he does he will kill you!

Conan: Have you ever felt such a wind? Subotai: They blow where I live too. In the north of every man's heart.

Subotai: Hey, old man, where did you get this stuff? The Wizard: The dead... the gods are pleased with you, they will watch the battle. Conan: Are they going to help? The Wizard: No. Conan: Well, then tell them to stay out of the way.

So, did Conan return the wayward daughter of King Osric to her home. And having no further concern, he and his companions sought adventure in the West. Many wars and feuds did Conan fight. Honor and fear were heaped upon his name and, in time, he became a king by his own hand... And this story shall also be told.

Debbie: He said he's gonna take care of her. He really seems on his game. I think he's gonna be a good dad. I think I like him. Thank God. Pete: I wish I'd gotten that on tape.

Jonah: Hey, Crockett, you still partying with Tubbs these days? Martin: Come on, man. I'm getting it from all angles here. I don't like it any more. Jonah: I know. I don't, either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusuf Islam? Martin: Yeah, it was really awkward. Jonah: All right, ma...

How would you feel if someone asked Trudy?

He's one guy and we can win it without him. End of discussion.

Here I thought you were trying to stop this because you have feelings for me.

Stan: You want to help us out? Throw some taglines at the wall? Megan: How about, "Jaguar, it's your problem, not mine."

He's a baby. He doesn't know that we all wish his father was dead.

And if he had been busted under his laws he would have done hard, fucking time! And if he had done time, in prison, time in federal prison, time for his weed and a little blow, he would not be President of the United States of America.

Hey! I live in your phone!

He'd just seen that unattainable object speed by just out of reach. Because they do that, don't they? Beautiful things.

Hey, Doc Howard. Ben Stone calling. Guess what the fuck's up? Allison's going into labor and you are not fucking here. Now, where are you? You're at a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco, you motherfucking piece of shit! And you know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm gonna have to kill you. I'm gonna have to pop a...

Hold up, hold up. Look at this snowman right here, man. Sweet ride. What you running under there, man?

Edwin: How we doing this tonight? Dom: One race. $2,000 buy-in. Winner takes all. Hector, you're going to hold the cash. Racer: Why Hector? Edwin: Too slow to make away with the money.

He's got no call being up in here. You don't know that fool for shit.

He owns you now.

Hey, hold up. Because you were the first out of everybody here to reach in to get the chicken, you say grace.

Reuben: Hey, Lois. The room looks beautiful. Wedding Coordinator: Oh, thanks. And all the candles have been replaced... with these mini-lamps you asked for, so now no more fire hazard. Reuben: Great.

Cake Decorator: Hey, aren't you that kid from Crocodile Tears? Sandy: That's right. I'm Sandy Lyle. Cake Decorator: Man, I saw that movie in high school. That bagpipe scene, that was the funniest shit, man. Sandy: We had a good time on that picture. You want an autograph? Cake Decorator: Ah, no, thanks. It's ...

Hello, everybody. I'm Stan Indursky, Reuben's boss. Thank you. You're very kind. Now, Reub's not the sort of fellow to brag about his own success, so I'm going to do it for him. The fact is, this young man here... is the best risk assessment expert... in this whole meshugas we call the insurance business. Irving, Vi...

Reuben: How's your bruise? Lisa: It's okay. You know, it's a little sore. Reuben: You know, they really should tell you if they're just gonna let komodo dragons run loose around the hotel.

How's it going?

Reuben: Hey, listen, this woman means more to me than anything else in the world, so be careful, alright, 'cause scuba can be very dangerous if the proper precautions aren't taken. Claude: Leuban, look to me in my eyeball. I promise you I take care of Lisa as if she were my own flesh and blood.

Hey, don't make excuses. She's a dime-store hooker, and she always will be. just put it behind you.

Reuben: How different could she be? I mean, she was a senior delegate at the Model U.N. She was in the chess club. She was a "mathlete." I mean, Her yearbook stats are really impressive. Sandy: Did you see the tattoo on her back? Reuben: Yeah. So what? Sandy: Mathletes don't wear body art like that. 'Nuff said. ...

He was praying to the car gods, man.

Jehnna: How do you attract a man? What I mean is, suppose you set your heart on somebody. What would you do to get him? Zula: Grab him! And take him!

He has to take his... his, uh... and grab her by the... uh.

Vince: He moans like a cop. Dom: Brian, this is one of those times when you need to be very clear about what you say.

Hey! Hey, wait for me! You know you can't do without me.

Malak: How do we get back up? Akiro: The bars were put up after your sister's brother's cousin escaped. Malak: Cousin's sister's brother! How many times do I have to tell you that? Akiro: You said your sister's brother's cousin! Zula: Who cares whose brother's sister's cousin it is!

Polly: Hi, Reuben. It's Polly Prince. Reuben: Oh, hey, Polly! How's it going? Polly: Good. I'm just calling to say that, um, I'm free tomorrow night if you want to get together. Reuben: Yeah, I would love to get together. That'd be great.

Reuben: Hey, you mind if I go to the men's room? Polly: Please.

MacGruber: Hello, Colonel. Col. Faith: Hello, MacGruber. Lt. Piper: MacGruber?

MacGruber: Hey, hey! Shit! He'll give it back. Ecuadorian Kid: Up yours, MacGruber.

Hey, man, I feel you. I know exactly what you're talking about.

Hey, Sol. You ever wonder what point you gotta just say, "Fuck it, man"? Like when you gotta stop livin' up here and start livin' down here?

MacGruber: How's your nose, rookie? Lt. Dixon Piper: It's fine. I just banged it into a giant vagina. MacGruber: So, my face is a vagina, huh? Well, I bet you wish your nose was a dick... so you could use it to fuck butts.

Hey, guys, guys. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Cool it.

Hoss Bender. Dead at the age of who the fuck cares.

MacGruber: Hoss Bender, what the hell are you planning on doing with all this money? Lt. Piper: I think it's fairly obvious. He was going to use it to buy the pass... MacGruber: Buy the passcodes! Yup. Got there at the same time, maybe even slightly before you.

B-Rabbit: Hey, baby. What are you still doin' up? Lily: You woke me up, you know. B-Rabbit: Yeah, I'm sorry, baby. Let's go back to bed. Lily: Will you sing to me? B-Rabbit: Yeah, of course I will. Come on. I know this girl her name is lily and it's past her bed t-i-m-e she goes to sleep and she can just dre...

He don't know how to battle he's shook 'cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks.

You fuckin' threw up on yourself, huh?

Brüno: Has anyone ever told you you look like Enrique Iglesias? Ron Paul: Mmm-mmm. Brüno: Of course not. You're much cuter.

Hi. Need big table, please. Four people. Many thanks.

Hey, Reuben! Uh, it's Polly... Prince. Um, I don't know if you have any plans tonight, but if not, you should swing by, uh, 37 Gansevort Street... around 9:00 if you can make it. You know, it's no big deal, but it could be fun. So, you know, think about it. Okay, so, um, I'll see you later... or not. I mean either w...

Hey, you mind if I dance with the beautiful lady?

Williams: He says he's in a place with green trees and flowers. Brüno: Can I ask him if he has any advice for me? Williams: He says there's some sort of thing that you will set up, like a foundation or something, where there will be other people involved that will benefit. Brüno: Okay, that's a great idea, 'ca...

Polly: Have you ever heard of a guy shouting out "50" when he orgasmed? Roxanne: Yeah.

Javier: Hey, Reuby Tuesday. Como estas? Reuben: Yeah. Doin' all right. You know what? Actually, me no estas too good, Javier. I want you to stay away from Polly, all right? Find yourself another dance partner.

Hold up, hold up. Look at this snowman right here, man.

Vince: He's got no call being up in here. You don't know that fool for shit. Leon: Yeah, he's right, Dom. Dom: Vince, there was a time when I didn't know you. Vince: That was in the third grade!

He asked if I was a redhead everywhere.

Hey, great. Is that Marc Jacobs? Lutz! Lutz! Start the car! Lutz!

Ellen: In Amity you say "yard." Brody: They're in the "yard", not too "far" from the "car." ...How's that? Ellen: Like you're from New York.

Hooper: Hello. Ben Gardner: Hello back... young feller. How are ya? Say I hope you not going out with those nuts, are ya?

Dom: Han, we had a good run. Time for you to go do your own thing. Han: Heard they're doing some crazy shit in Tokyo.

He's moved more heroin across the border than Escobar did in 10 years. This guy is becoming one of our biggest national threats, and we don't even have a picture of him. We don't have prints! Not even a goddamn DOB!

He made me do it. He talked me into it.

Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women.

"Here lies the body of Mary Lee, died at the age of 103. For 15 years she kept her virginity. Not a bad record for this vicinity."

Yeah, it's too easy. He is a smart, big fish. He's gone under the boat.

He ate the light.

Back home we got a taxidermy man. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him.

Hooper: He's trying to go under. Quint: He can't with three barrels on him. Not with three he can't.

He's chasin' us. I don't believe it.

Hooper, you idiot, starboard! Ain't you watchin' it!

Here's my impression of the life at big Bri's house. Son? Yeah, Dad? How's your day, pal? Great, Dad. How's yours? Super. Say, son, how'd you like to go fishing this weekend? Great, Dad. But I've got homework to do. That's all right, son. You can do it on the boat. Gee! Dear, isn't our son swell? Yes, dear. Isn't li...

Hey Pop Top. Hey! Silver Bird, l'm talking to you!.

Reuben: Have I parachuted off the top of a building? Polly: Uh-huh. Reuben: No.

Holy shit!

Hey, it's Polly... Prince. Leave me a message, or call back, or not. You know, whatever. Okay, bye.

Reuben: Hey, have you, um... have you talked to Polly? Javier: She was upset, bro. Must've been some kind of fight, huh?

Scott Pilgrim: Hey, so, can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing, I didn't even get any. That was a joke. Ramona Flowers: What did you have in mind? Scott Pilgrim: Come to the first round of this Battle of the Bands thing. Ramona Flowers: You have a band? Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, we're terrible. Please, ...

Navin: How much is this gonna cost me? Harry Hartounian: Nothing. When you're rich and famous, you'll send me a postcard. Navin: A postcard, huh? Okay! It's a deal.

Scott Pilgrim: Hey. You totally came. Ramona Flowers: Yes. I did totally come.

He doesn't want to put holes in the cans. He wants to put holes in you.

Sandy: Hey, what do you think, guys? Man in Meeting: Are you that kid from Crocodile Tears? Sandy: You're goddamn right I am. Man in Meeting: I thought so. Impressive presentation. He's insured. Leland: Yeah! Bloody ripper! Man in Meeting: Congratulations. Leland: Love ya, son!

Reuben: Hey, look. Look, I'm eating nuts. Street Vendor: What the hell are you doing? Polly: Those nuts aren't even dirty.

Little Girl: Hey, Pam, isn't that your special friend outside? Pam: Yeah, I think so. Little Boy: Why don't you go talk to him? Pam: You think I should? Kids: Yeah.

Knives Chau: Hi. Scott Pilgrim: You promise to be good? Knives Chau: Of course I'll be good. Scott Pilgrim: Seriously, please be good. Knives Chau: Am I normally not?

Greg: Pam, I love you. Pam: I love you too. Come on, sweetie. I got a half hour before I have to be back, so you wanna go have lunch? What are you doing? Greg: Um, nothing. I just love you so much. These last ten months have been the happiest of my life. Pam: Yeah, they've been amazing. What's going on? Greg: ...

Scott Pilgrim: Hey, Knives, this is Stephen Stills. He's the talent. Stephen Stills: Hey. Is she gonna geek out on us? Scott Pilgrim: She'll just sit in the corner, man. Stephen Stills: I mean, I want her to geek out on us. Scott Pilgrim: She'll geek. She geeks. She has the capacity to geek. Stephen Stills...