Happening to You

"What's happening to you?"

Holding you back

Mr. Kincaid: "I have no doubt you can break a million." Stan: "Really? That'd be sweet." Mr. Kincaid: "I think you could. But, uh, as for your friend, well to be honest, I think he's holding you back."

Heroin Hero

"Have you ever heard of…Heroin Hero."

Having a great time

"I thought I was having a great time because I was getting signed by managers and going to big sex and coke parties, but then I realized I was having fun because I was doing all that with my best friend."

He's faking

Principal Victoria: "It's okay, Eric. We all understand, and we think you're very brave." Kyle: "He's faking!!"

Horrible things

"This Saturday I will go on national television live. I will say horrible things on the air, despicable things and people will call me brave."

Has gotten worse

"No my Tourette's has gotten worse. Before I just blurted out cool stuff about Jews being lame and stuff. But now its gotten really bad."

He is the record

Butler: "Then it all made sense to me. How could Bono be talented, so caring and yet seem like such a piece of crap. Because he is crap. Don't you get it. Bono is not the record holder…" Stan: "He's the record."

Having Mexicans around kicks ass

Kyle: "Dude, that is awesome, I had no idea you could do that." Cartman: "Oh yeah dude, having Mexicans around totally kicks fucking ass."

Homeless doing in front of your house

Kyle: "Dude, what are all these homeless people doing in front of your house?" Stan: "I don't know!" Cartman: "There's a bunch outside my house too." Hobo: "Spare any change sir?" Cartman: "No, fuck off!"

How to get rid of homeless

"We're here to find out how to get rid of the homeless, not how many homeless Cartman can jump!"

Have you boys seen…

"Excuse me, have you boys seen a leprechaun anywhere lately?"

He's just a Care Bear

"No, he's just a Care Bear."

He has to

Clyde: "He's not gonna show up to suck your balls dude." Cartman: "He has to, he's been ordered by the court."

He has to suck my balls

"No! No, he has to suck my balls."


"Jesus Christ! Help!"

Huxtable Residence

"Huxtable residence."

Hey You Guys!

"Hey you guys!"

He's on the debate team

"Carlton can't help you, he's on the debate team. Pfff."

Huddle of girls with chocolate center

"Oh yeah sure Ash, just look for the huddle of girls with the chocolate center. Haha."

Hi Ho, Kermit the Frog Here

"Hi ho, Kermit the frog here."

Hi ho

"Hi ho!"



He gives the test

"Has he passed the forklift driver's test? He gives the test."

Hypocrite warning

"You're fired Keenan, drunkard. Hypocrite warning."

Hiring staff will save us money in the long run

"Who's to say that hiring staff won't save money in the long run?"

Have you not met me husband?

Gareth: "Who are you?" Woman: "Have you not met me husband, Paul?" Gareth: "Husband? Husband? No way, not interested. I'm not having another fellow involved. Not another bloke. Another girl maybe. I don't even want him watching."

Hate ball

Jim: "I really love the ah, paper triangle flicking and hitting things game." Kevin: "We call it hate ball." Jim: "Why?" Kevin: "Because of how much Angela hates it."

Heart is very full

"I'm not one for making speeches but uh, my heart is very full at this moment."

Hispanic cleaning ethic

"You know it's cleaning day here today? Coulda used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic."

Hold the chicken

"I will have a chicken breast, hold the chicken."

He was lying about being sick

"Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick."

Hostel environment

"Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostel environment? Lets put it this way, no I do not."

He's great

"Toby's great, he's great. But sometimes he can be a little bit much."

Happy birthday to you

"Birthday dear Creed. Happy birthday to you! Yeah!"

Hey monkey

"Hey monkey."


Dwight: "Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy, but she did or at least she got time off for one." Intern: "Ah, so, uh, so that is where her uterus went."

Hi Stankly

"Hi Stankly, how many sponsors so far?"

How dare you

"How dare you."

His name is Garbage

"His name is Garbage. Moe's calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. Don't you garbage."

Haven't buried her

Angela: "I can't believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles before she's even in the ground." Dwight: "You haven't buried her yet?" Angela: "Don't rush me, I'm grieving."

How do they know

GPS: "Make the next right turn." Michael: "How do they know? How does this know where to turn? That's very impressive."

How many pounds

Michael: "How many pounds do you think I can loose by 7?" Kelly: "Depends, how much have you eaten already today?"

Hot circle of garbage

"Oh no it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."

Hostage situation

"We would like to order some good pizza from Alfredo's Pizza Café while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end."

Has expired

Pam: "You came up to my desk and you said, 'this might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired.'" Jim: "That was the moment that you knew you liked me." Pam: "Yep." Jim: "Wow. Can we make it a different moment?" Pam: "Nope."

His failed experiment, the De Lorean

David Wallace: "This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty year old, single malt, scotch." Michael: "Here is to Mr. Iacocca, and his failed experiment, the De Lorean."

Hey Hey Hey, It's Fat Halpert

"Hey, hey hey, it's Fat Halpert. Jim Halpert."

Happy Birthday Jesus, Sorry your Party is so Lame

"Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party is so lame."

Human ATM machine

"You know Jan has my credit cards and she's using 'em as if I'm made of money. She thinks I'm a human ATM machine."

Hotel business

Jim: "Dwight, how's the hotel business?" Dwight: "Stupid."

Here's Johnny

"Heeeeeeeerrre's Johnny."

Here's our pony

Here's our pony, we're gonna ride it out of here nice and easy, klip-ity clop."

Happy Birthday Ultra Magnus


Hunk Sings

"Let me tell the story about Bessie from Pike crossed the cosmos with her boyfriend Spike … and a digital fog, la la la la."

Having a Parade?

"What are you doing out here with those little flags? Having your own little parade?"

Heroes … Yuck

"Heroes, yuck. They give me indigestion, nausea - that burning sensation!"

Hot For Teacher’ Nights

Anchor: They made headlines in a sex scandal in the 90s and now Mary K. Letourneau and Vili Fualaau are making headlines again. In 1997 Letourneau was a teacher convicted of having sex with Fualaau who was only 13 at the time. Denise is telling us what they’re up to now. Denise… Denise: Dan they got a new act togeth...

HardTimes :: Illusion

Have you ever reused a piece of dental floss? Then it’s time for hard times with Ze Frank. Hard times. Do you love illusions but don’t have the money to go out and see magicians perform their douchery and magic? Well luckily the best kind of illusions is free, optical illusions. Optical illusions are illusions perfo...

Hip Hop Nursery Rhymes

Man: Hip-Hop Nursery Rhymes, the collection of the nursery rhymes, the collection of the nursery rhymes you know and love set to some of the hottest pieces of hip hop. Woman: You never heard this old man like this before. Man: All of the original music and bonus tracks. This is hip-hop with lyrics the whole family...

He's amphibious

"He hits from both sides of the plate, he's amphibious."

Half is mental

"[In Spanish]90% of the game, is half mental."

Hit A Cat I’ll Hit Your Kid

Anchor: A Lodi woman created controversy over a sign she posted after someone ran over her cat. Woman: Hit a cat and I’ll hit your kid. It’s very shocking, it’s disturbing. Anchor: Tina said she put up the sign to get speeding drivers to pay attention and slow down. Last week her cat was killed right in front of her...

huhuhuh get fucked!

Himne del F.C. Barcelona

Tot el camp és un clam, som la gent blaugrana, tant se val d'on venim, si del Sud o del Nord. Ara estem d'acord, estem d'acord, una bandera ens agermana. Blaugrana al vent, un crit valent, tenim un nom, el sap tothom: Barça, Barça, Barça! Jugadors, seguidors, tots units fem força. Són molts anys ple...


Hold my books

Chris: "Alright then, hold my books." Greg: "Hold my books." Chris: "Hold my sweater." Greg: "Hold my vest." Chris: "Hold my watch." Greg: "Hold my Star Trek bracelet." Chris: "Hold my shoes."

Hold my Star Trek bracelet

Chris: "Hold my watch." Greg: "Hold my Star Trek bracelet."

Heard about allowances

"I had heard about allowances, but I didn't know they actually existed. I thought it was just somethin that happened on TV."

Hand me ups

"Instead of Drew wearing my old clothes, I wore his old clothes. I think I was the first kid to get hand me ups."

Here's what he heard

Narrator: "I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he heard." Chris: "Since you work like a slave all day and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it?"

Holdin hands in living room

Julius: "We need to celebrate. Do somethin we've never done." Narrator: "That could mean anything from goin to the movies to holdin hands in the living room."

Hey Hey Happy Turkey Day

"Hey, hey, Happy Turkey day!"

Haven't given up on me

Bruce: "Haven't given up on me yet?" Alfred: "Never."

Have a drink

"Having trouble? Take a seat. Have a drink. You look like a man who takes himself too seriously. Do you want my opinion? You need to lighten up."

He was a giant

"Outside, he was a giant. In here, only the mind can grant you power."

How bout you don't

Dr. Evil: "Howareyoudowa." Scott: "How bout I what?" Dr. Evil: "Howboutyoudoing?" Scott: "What are you…" Dr. Evil: "Howboutyoudoing." Scott: "I don't even…" Dr. Evil: "Howboutyoudon't." Scott: "Honesty isn't this..." Dr. Evil: "How bout you don't. Ladies and gentlemen Scotty don't."

Hate the Dutch

"There are only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch."

Human effluence

"My birth mother was incinerated. I only survived because her smoking carcass formed a protective cocoon of slaughtered human effluence."

He ain't heavy

"He ain't heavy. He's my brother baby, yeah!"

Hello Sidney

The killer calls Sidney.

He slimed me

“He slimed me.”

Harooh! Harooh! Harooh!

Leonidas: "Spartans! What is your profession?" Spartans: "Harooh! Harooh! Harooh!"


"The god king has portrayed a fatal flaw - hubris."

Hidden path

"Lead my soldiers to the hidden path behind the cursed Spartans and your joys will be endless."

Horse rides off


Honor, duty, glory

"The what is the lesson you would like to leave? Should I begin to enumerate all of them: honor, duty, glory."


Councilor: "This is outrage." Theron: "Ah the hypocrite speaks."

Honor to have loved by yours

Stelios: "It is an honor to die by your side." Leonidas: "It is an honor to have lived at yours."

Hence Funny

"It is so true, that is why it is funny. It is so true, hence funny."

His Johnson is Color Blind

"He says his johnson is color-blond and the bane of his existence."

Human Pyrmaid

"I saw a human pyramid before, it was very unnecessary."

Hit a Guy

"I played golf. I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell, 'Fore!' I was too busy yelling, 'There ain't no way that's gonna hit him!'"

Hate Flossing

"I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth."

Here's a Tomato!

"You guys are great - here's a tomato!"

He Ripped my Teeth Out my Gum

"I went for tooth decay. They did awful thing, he ripped my teeth out my gum. I cannot talk, I cannot eat. He curse me and hit me while I was sleeping."

Help me Allah

"You've got to help me, Allah. I pray to Allah that somebody help me. Please help me."

How a stun gun is used

These gentlemen volunteered to demostrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect. In the face! In the face!

Holocaust ring

He's from Australia

Her husband, he's gonna kill us! He's from Australia, they just kill things there!

Hit it and quit it

Let me give you a little motto I live my life by. You gotta hit it and quit it. No ties, tangle free, nobody tells me what to do, I gotta go bang bang bang the drum.

Homemade Spider-Man

A woman comments on what she thinks of Shadow Hare and his fellow super heroes.

High five 1

"High five..."

High five 2

"High five..."

Head of a cookie

"You have the head of a cookie. I want to eat you."

Hardly sweat

"For a larger woman you hardly sweat at all."

Handle the truth

"You want the truth?! Well I can't handle the truth!"


"And to think, I had my hand in that man's humidor!"

Have another

"Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Hey baby

"Hey baby, what's shaking?"

He came out of me

Gina: "Tell your uncle Joey what you've been up to lately." Michael: "Well, uh, now that college is done I'm just doing some grad work over at CalTech Center for Simulation of Dynamic Response Materials." Gina: "Can you believe he came out of me?"


Bobbie Morgenstern: "What's that?" Joey: "Oh, it's a portfolio of hairstyles." Bobbie: "What?"

How about a nice chocolate chicken pot pie

Eric's Mom: "How about a nice chocolate chicken pot pie then?" Cartman: "Well, that does sound pretty good..."

Hey you scrawny ass…

Stan: "That was beautiful dude, did it work?" Kyle: "Hey you scrawny ass $!@...(continues screaming and swearing)" Stan: "Hey Wendy, what's a $#@%$?"

Hey you cows can't get on this train, this is a people train

"Hey you cows can't get on this train, this is a people train. You guys have no business on a people train alright, cause you're cows. No no, no, don't try any of your cow hypnosis on me alright? It's not gonna work."

Here Stan, this is for you

Wendy: "Hi guys." Kids: "Hi Wendy." Wendy: "Here Stan, this is for you. (Stan barfs) Ew!"

Hey, that kinda looks like Tom Selleck

"Hey, that kinda looks like Tom Selleck."

Hope you kids like chocolate peanut butter Cream Puffies

Kids: "Trick or Treat." Man at door: "Hope you kids like chocolate peanut butter Cream Puffies. AAAhhhhhh, get it off, get it off me!" (Eating noises) Cartman: "Damnit! We'll never get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!" Stan: "Yeah, that's it Kenny, you can't trick or treat with us anymore!"

Hey Chef

Chef: "Hello children." Kids: "Hey Chef." Chef: "What in the hell are you doin dressed up like that?" Cartman: "Eating Kenny's pudding."

Hey dudes

"Hey dudes!"

Here with a live report is a midget wearing a bikini

"In other news, a pink eye epidemic is now sweeping the town of south park. Here with a live report is a midget wearing a bikini."

Hey Kenny, are you going to eat your pudding?

"Hey Kenny, are you going to eat your pudding? (Imitating Kenny's voice) No Eric, go ahead and eat my pudding if you'd like.(In his own voice) Why thank you Kenny, how nice of you."

How can he be mad with such pretty hair and rosey cheeks

"How can he be mad with such pretty hair and rosy cheeks?"

Hello there, happy halloween

Cartman's Mom: "Hello there, Happy Halloween!" Zombie: "Must eat brains…" Cartman's Mom: "It's the most wonderful time of the year. Do do do do dodo do dodo."

Hi kids, I only do autographs after the show

Stan: "Jesus, Jesus." Jesus: "Hi kids, I only do autographs after the show!"

Hey, turn him back you butthole! He has to buy me the Yellow MegaMan

Stan: "Dude, he turned Kenny into a duckbilled platypus." Kyle: "A what?" Cartman: "Hey, turn him back you butthole! He has to buy me the Yellow MegaMan!"

Holy poop on a stick

Jesus: "Behold, the evil one approaches." Mr. Garrison: "Holy poop on a stick!"

Here Jesus, drink these raw eggs

Stan: "Here Jesus, drink these raw eggs." Jesus: "No way dude."

Here comes the unholy butthole now

"Oh, here comes the unholy butthole now. Hey, thanks a lot for burning everything down, you little bitch!"


"I didn't want people at school to know, so I told them I had herpes."

Hot and sexy

"Being hot and sexy is fun for a while, but it sure does get boring."

How do I look

"I feel weak... how do I look?"

HBO special

"And to think, I actually watched your HBO special"

Help me

"Oh my god, help me!"


"You don't count, Halfy, you don't have any legs."

He's gay

"Garrison? That's impossible, he's gay!"

Hippie Indian

"Heh, heh, huh, yeah, right. Like I'm some hippie Indian."

Hunting and fishing

"I mean, I did know who he was, well, we had some great times together, hunting and fishing..."

Hell no

"Oh, hell no! I can't bear to see that!"

Hey Chef

"Hey Chef!"


Ike murmurs a bit

Hippies suck

"I know, drugs are bad, because if you do drugs, you're a hippy, and hippies suck."


"Hey Mackey. What do you and Homer Simpson have in common? Dope!"


"You couldn't screw anything Halfie, you don't have any legs."

Hard man

"It's a hard job, but then again, I'm a hard man."


"...to honor Officer Barbrady, and his heroic work on the Chicken fucker case."

How do you have sex with a chicken

"Whoa dude! How do you have sex with a chicken?"


"I don't know, I think our boys might just have the dead fetus to win- HEART!"

Here we go

"Here we go Cows, here we go! Uh Uh! Here we go Cows, here we go! Uh Uh!"


"And if you don't, you're a big dumbass European hippie piece of crap."

Hillbilly dick

"Hmmm, maybe because he's an old drunk hillybilly dick?"

Hard core

"Aw, he'll be fine. I'll just take him home and show him some hardcore porn."

Hi Ned

"I'm Jimbo Kearn, and this here is Ned. Say 'Hi' Ned!"

Hit the deck

"Ned, you take flank position! I'll try to keep it turned away from you!"


"Ok, honey!"

Horror of Nam

"And Ned won the Purple Heart for his courageous defense of the Log Ride..."

Hour of power

"Welcome the only man in town who has a fully stocked wine cellar... Jeeeeeesus Christ!"

Huntin and Killin

"And now back to Huntin' and Killin' with South Park's favorite hunters, Jimbo and Ned!"

Happen to me

"Had to happen to me, didn't it?"


The Fonz says 'Heyyyy'


"Success is hollow, Mitch. Hollow like a dead tree. I think its time for me to give it up."

Happy summer

"Oh, Happy Summer, isn't it?"

Homo puppet

"You act out your gay persona with a homosexual puppet."

Hunk of dirt

"... Like a big hunk of dirt with a carrot sticking out of it."

Hanging out

"Oh, I was just, er, uh... hanging out."

Hanky song

The 'Frosty-esque' Mr. Hanky song

Here for you

"Are you going to be ok dude? I'm here for you!"

He's dead

"He's dead! Mr. Hanky's dead!"

Hi Mr. Hanky

"Hi Mr. Hanky, nice to see you."


"I give you Hollywood in South Park, hahahaha!"

Howdy ho

"Howwwwwdy ho!"

Hippie movies

"Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding."


Helio Braga, economista

Hate having dinner with people

Augie's Mom: Hey why don't you come over for dinner on Saturday night - we can get to know you a little bit better. Danny: I don't think so. It's not you, I hate having dinner with people.


Talking about a head swap Talkin’ ‘bout a head swap First you take a head, Then you put it on another body, Like if Nicolas Cage’s head was on Helen Hunt’s body, That’s a head swap. First you take a photo of some famous people, Then you scan the photo into your computer, Then you email ‘em to the graphics departme...


"I'm the computer man. I'm the Macintosh man with the virus scan. Moving your files across the land. Some Photoshop and After Dark, get your Microsoft…express your…Millions of colors with a few RAM chips, How about a system crash that will make you flip. I'm the computer man! I'm saying Windows '95 is a plug and tra...

How many stars

Jay: "How many stars on that flag?" Woman: "It's moving too fast to count them."

Haiku insults

"Your haiku insults have no effect on me Kyle, I'm regional champion."


"Oh no, apparently he thinks he is Charleton Heston."

Highly intelligent policeman

"Even your highly intelligent policeman is no match for me!"

How it works

"But first I want to show you how the planetarium works."

Hot ass

"I hope so Wendy, he has such a hot ass."

Hot tub

"Don't forget, you need to cut school early and wait for the hot tub to arrive."

Hate you guys

"You guys, seriously, my back. Seriously... help. Screw you guys... hate you guys!"

Head trauma

"Apparently he thinks he's a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Lee."

He's fine

"Oh yeah dude, lets get his ass to the rodeo."


"Wow, this house is huge!"


"You guys are hellastupid. If I had money I wouldn't give it to you assholes."

Hate you

"God, I hate you Kenny. I've got to get another knife, this one is helladull."


"How's Kenny going to get one? He's hellapoor!"


"He's hellalying."


"Who's we? Do you have a turd in your pocket? I'm going home, I'm hellahungry!"


"Oh, this movie is hellascary!"


"Oh look! Police Chief Stevens got a new haircut."


"Sure... we'll punish you after the holidays!"


"Come here and give your great grandma some huggies."

Hell with you

"Awwww, the hell with you!"

Hit stuff

"Cartman? Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?"


"Uhhhh, hooray!"