"Oh, no, not that Mr. Hat... that's horrible... anyway, good luck passing your new law, boys."
"Well, we'll be doing plenty of drinking on this trip. After all, hunting sober is like... fishing.... sober."
Andy: "That's your hair secret…" Conan: "I know, butter from popcorn and bathroom spackle."
Conan: "This is terrific, I'd love to hear it I hope there's a microphone near you." Will: "There happens to be one right here."
"Hasta la vista, baby."
You can offer me a diamond-plated pearl; You can send me all the riches in the world; You can tempt me with the palaces of kings; I'd give 'em back in a big ol' sack and keep the simple things I've got the simple things; I've got the rain in spring, Got spicy chicken wings, and French-fried onion rings You can lin...
Tony: "And was the water cold?" Will: "The water was cold. The sets were insane. Even the location ones. They actually built and sunk these pools on these in these slat flats in the middle of nowhere. And the pump broke and the water wasn't heated so the water wasn't heated." Tony: "How'd that work for the twigs and...
Hello, boys and girls, this is your old pal Stinky Wizzleteats. This is a song about a whale-no! This is a song about being happy. That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song! CHORUS Happy happy joy joy Happy happy joy joy Happy happy joy joy Happy happy joy joy Happy happy joy joy Happy happy joy joy Happy hap...
Stern: You know I’m still feeling the pressure. David: There’s no pressure here. Stern: This is big pressure. WE have to beat this Conan. I mean for god sakes how are you feeling that Jay left Late Night television and now we got a new guy we have to compete with. And I want to say something to this audience about l...
"If you're somewhere with someone special you may want to ensure you both share a memory for that moment. You can take a picture but not everybody can afford a camera in these hard times. That's why I invented hole! Hole! Hole is easy, just make a hole and then move it around until you find the best hole in the plac...
Phil: "Doctor Price? Stu, you're a dentist. Don't try and get fancy." Stu: "It's not fancy if it's true." Phil: "He's a dentist, don't get too excited. And if someone has a heart attack you should still call 911."
Alan: Oh watch it pervert! Doug: It's okay Alan, he's just doing your inseam. Alan: He's gettin very close to my shaft.
In the night Got to get that, Message in a bottle, In the night Got to get that, Boom, boom, boom Rock n roll, I hope that someone gets my… Flow, In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul Booom, boom, boom To a woman so heartless How could you be so hear...
Girl: How are you doing? John Cusack: Nice to see you. Girl: It’s so nice to meet you. John Cusack: Me took, it’s my pleasure. Girl: It’s funny I was just actually texting my friend because I’m missing class right now. John Cusack: You are? Girl: And my film class and it’s so funny because they’re watching American ...
And now, here's your host - the star of Press Your Luck, Peter Tomarken!
How does it feel, how does it feel to be the part owner of CBS?
This is it! Boys and girls, hipsters, flipsters and finger pappin daddies, lends me your loads
How many girls have you kissed?
Well, having dinner with Mick Jagger while writing this record, umm, what else, my release party and having these awesome how cute are they right? girls, wooo bobopedodo and then um, maybe seeing a full body tattoo from a fan across her arm of me - it was really crazy.
"And here comes the Larry O'Brien Trophy to the 2009 NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers."
"So now it's time to bring this trophy back to Los Angeles and hang up another banner."
Whoopi: Can I say it right now. With as much business as you guys have done, you with the hairspray and the cleaning stuff and everything that you’re doing…you got to get yourself together or you’re going to be in the street. You’re going to start…you’re not going to be in jail. If you can’t answer these questions…y...
"I'm the happiest son of a bitch in the world. And that son of a bitch who writes under that Daily News, that fucking guy they call the fucking Nose. Who says that shit me jumping up and down is horse shit. You outta let him feel like I have. Who the fuck is that cock sucker anyway? Some fucking guy that writes for ...
"I mean everyone knows that I love Mr. T and, uh, you know he's the best in my opinion."
"He's the best I mean that's basically how I can sum it up. And uh, hopefully he is back."
"Here come the Yankees! Let's get behind to cheer the Yankees, They're gonna learn to fear the Yankees, Everyone knows they play to win… Cause They're the New York....Yankees... "
"Hey hey hockey town."
"This one by Mattingly, oh hang onto the roof, good bye! Don Mattingly."
"High, pop fly. That would be a home run in a phone booth."
"That is crap. It is unfair. See the crap that Mike Sweetney has to put up with."
"This Bichette, Dante Bichette."
"5 seconds left, the Celtics only have a one point lead. Havlicek steals the ball! Havlicek stole the ball! Havlicek stole the ball! It's all over!"
"He, could, go, all, the, way."
"John Valentin pumps up the gun, he is meat at the plate."
"He got it."
"He gat it."
"Looks like he took a 9 iron and hit it like a lesbian."
"Woo that's what I'm talkin' about. Go Redskins. Hail to the Redskins!"
Bella: "Are you gonna tell me how you stopped the van?" Edward: "Yeah, I had an adrenaline rush, it's very common, you can google it."
Bella: "How old are you?" Edward: "17." Bella: "How long have you been 17." Edward: "A while."
"Have you thought of serving lemonade."
“What do you mean, emphasize OUR, like OUR art. No our art, art our? It doesn’t even make sense. Ugh. Hi everyone and welcome to the our art, art hour. Hi everyone and welcome to the our art, art hour. Our art, art…art, our art. Hi everyone and welcome to the our art, art hour. Our art, art hour, art is not availab...
Dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency? Mother: Somebody just came in and shot my daughter and my husband. Dispatcher: They shot them? Mother: … Dispatcher: What’s your…and they shot your daughter and your husband. Are they unconscious? Mother: Please ma’am she’s bleeding out of her… Dispatcher: How old is your da...
"Join us as we investigate a place where hot chicks date douche bags."
"He’s too old to be on that damn show anyway. He’s not even funny, he’s a jerk!"
"He's Barack Obama, he's come to save the day. He passed a major stimulus for the bourgeois, then said he's half the deficit, he he ha ha. Stop unemployment, market dives. Fix health care in his spare time. He's Barack Obama, he's come to save the day. He'll use his super powers to win in Irap Then Kung Fu in the Ta...
"He'll slam the dough, write the checks, disregard the mountain debt. Stop the globe from gettin warm, fuel your car with nuts and corn. Leap a building, run industry, save a kitten from a tree. Fix the schools, go to space, punch a robot in the face, stop a train, wrestle bears, smoke a butt, we don't care! Cause y...
Announcer: When darkness had descended all across the land. A lone voice in the distance uttered…yes! We can! He gave good speeches. Never sweat. He was real good at the internets. He’s Barack Obama. He’s come to save the day. He passed a major stimulus for the bourgeois. They said he’d half the deficit, he he ha ha...
"Look at the evidence. It is said that he collected comic book as a child. He is…with a Star Trek reference. He knows who the father of Superman is, Jor-el, J, o, r, -, e, l. Get it right."
"Is it not enough just to have a long and happy life with me?"
"You better hold on tight spider monkey."
"Here comes the human."
Bella: "How did you get in here." Edward: "The window." Bella: "Do you do that a lot?" Edward: "Well, just the past couple months."
Spock: "How did you persuade him to keep your secret." Spock Prime: "He inferred that universe ending paradoxes would ensue should he break his promise." Spock: "You lied." Spock: "Aww, I, I implied."
Kirk: "So we've managed to eliminate all enemy ships. No one on board was injured. And the successful rescue of the Kobayashi Maru crew is underway." Counselor: "How the hell did that kid beat your test?" Spock: "I do not know."
"We have done things that raised the probability of really high rates of inflation at some point. We are flooding the system with dollars, we're monetizing debt, we're doing all the things that lead to that."
"As we go through this process of working through this there’s going to be some hard decisions to be made, to be dealt with and those are probably not best dealt with through the prism of television cameras and media headlines."
"Here's the US attacking."
"You hungry? Hey Ma! Can we get some meatloaf??"
Todd: "I don't eat meat or fish." Grandma: "He's a homo." Mr. Cleary: "Mommy, let's not go there again."
"He was a doll, the wife though, Elenor, big dyke. Huge dyke, a real rug muncher. Looked like a big lesbian mule."
"I think you have to…what is the secret? Um, he makes me laugh and I make him laugh. We love each other. And I respect him and he respects me even though sometimes I have to say that's not respectful. I think its…we're committed. There's a deep love, a deep support system."
"You homosexual demon, get up on out of here."
"In fact many of the hospital employees don't know or at least didn't know what was going on up until very recently as their wondering why they can't get past a certain point."
"They released just really just in the last 5 or 10 minutes that he was in a coma and now the Los Angeles Times and CBS news are reporting that Michel Jackson has died. Michael Jackson, 50 years old."
"As you know Michael Jackson has 3 children and you can bet that his family has been rushing to his side since the news broke that he had to be taken to the hospital."
"He talked about how many people had let him down but I told him it didn't matter because he had never let the fans down."
"His children. He loved those children."
"I'm glad I got to know the human side of Michael. He was a strong guy and his music contribution is for the ages."
"But the last time I saw him Kitty he looked fine. He was in a good mood. He was kidding. I would say he was well up and feeling good."
"As a kid Michael was always beyond his years. He was an innovator. He was a genius at what he did.
"And we could all see that he was a winner at that age."
"How's that taste!"