"Nice set of hooters you got there."
Lloyd: "You killed my best friend you bastard!" Nicholas Andre: "Well if it's any consolation you're about to be reunited." (Harry unloads his gun on Andre and doesn't hit him once) Lloyd: "Harry, you're alive, and you're a horrible shot."
(Happy hitting a big drive)
(Happy getting beeped out by the censors for cursing)
"He called me a baboon, thinks I'm his wife."
"Hey, everybody, we're all gonna get laid!"
"Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister."
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "How tall are you private?" Cowboy: "Sir, five foot nine, sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Five foot nine? I didn't know they stacked shit that high! You tryin' to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?" Cowboy: "Sir, no sir!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Bullshit. It looks to me like the b...
"Do I make you horny?"
"It's hard to understand and follow all that stuff."
"I love it when John McCain and Sarah Palin stand on the stage and say, 'hey, Maverick!'"
"Finally my daughter said, How much would it take for you to do it?"
"And they said, well, we'll say right there at that particular chapter that, remember, this is either hypothetical or fiction."
"Her mother went on TV with Diane Sawyer, told Diane Sawyer after her death, yeah Nicole admitted that she was the one that attacked me first."
"How very much I've loved you. How very much I've tried my best to give you a good life."
"He'll do it. That plane'll come out of the air. There's no way you can fly a plane without a pilot."
"We have a great relationship, had from day one. Had from the first time that I met him last year, he and his wife."
"You can effect a lot of people and humor does it beautifully because humor is perspective and it's a way of making judgment."
"I look so forward to what it is that John McCain is going to be able to continue to contribute, to keep this nation safe, to win the wars, and get the economy back on the right track. I'll say, he is the man."
James Bond: "Oh no!" Q: "Ah, 007" James Bond: "What a wonderful surprise" Q: "Well for me to. I must say I find this business of equiping you in the field, on the run as it were, highly irregular"
Tee Hee: "How much do you know about crocodiles Bond?" James Bond: "Oh I've always tried to keep them at arms length myself"
James Bond: "It certainly gives you a new slant" MI6 Officer: "What with the Chinese on one side and the American fleet on the other, down here is the only place in Hong Kong you can't be bugged"
Lloyd: "What'll it be, sir?" Jack: "Hair of the dog that bit me." Lloyd: "Bourbon on the rocks." Jack: "That'll do it."
"We're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye!"
"Ha ha ha! You amuse me, Mr. Bond."
Lisa: "You think I'm hostile now, wait 'till you see me tonight!", Judge: "Do you two know each other?", Vinny: "Yeah, she's my fiancee.", Judge: "Well, that would certainly explain the hostility!"
"You hippopotamic land mass!"
"In a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT with the rock!"
"Hardy fucking har."
"Ya know I work on my hair a long time…and he hit it. He hits my hair."
M: "And Bond? If you could avoid killing every possible lead it would be deeply appreciated." Bond: "Yes ma'am, I'll do my best." M: "I've heard that before."
Mathis: "I think she has handcuffs." Bond: "You hope so."
Camille: "Is that how you treat your friends?..." Bond: "He wouldn't care."
"I guess I'm sort of like him. I'm not sure if it has really sunk in. But I remember, we were watching the returns and, on one of the stations, Barack's picture came up and it said, 'President-Elect Barack Obama. ' And I looked at him and I said, 'You are the 44th President of the United States of America. Wow. What...
"The Treasury department has acknowledged they have the ability, legally, to help the auto industry if they choose to."
"No! $25 billion bridge loan is for 3 auto companies. I'm asking about General Motors and I'm asking about General Motors and I'm asking how much money you need today to keep you viable and alive so we can structure a reasonable loan contract."
"Our industry has been hit very hard by the global financial market crisis. And the recent plunge in vehicle sales threatens not only General Motors on going turn around but our very survival."
"And home is where the heart is Mr. President. If that is so I have two homes. One is right here in this chamber, and the other is my beloved state of Alaska. I must leave one to return to the other."
"We're prepared to come back into session the week of December 8th to help the auto industry. But only if they present a viable plan that gives us the confidence, the confidence that the taxpayers and the auto workers will be well served."
"Holy shit this is awesome!"
"Holy shit, this is awesome!"
"The news this pass week and including this morning's news about Citigroup has made it even more clear that we are facing an economic crisis of historic proportions."
"We cannot allow an illusion to be the basis of a strategy for human survival. We are really facing a very serious existential threat to the future of human civilization."
"Hurry up already."
"I know it's a hard sale to tell people if you hadn't done this it would be worse. The fact is it would be much worse if we hadn't done it."
"Now I'm a humble person when I finally have my name laser etched onto the moon it won't be in a fancy font like Palatino. No, I'm using Cornier, the working man type face."
"Let me share with you what we have done to change from how it used to be doing business to how we are doing business now."
"We produced more vehicles than our customers wanted and then slashed prices. Hurting the residual values of those vehicles and hurting our customers."
Doctor Manhattan: "Why would I save a world I no longer have any stake in." Silk Spectre: "Do it for me."
"Last night Jeb and I had some crabs with some members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins, Dan Marino and his really dynamic wife, TV stars, Andy Garcia..."
"Hello my future girlfriend, this is what I sound like. I am eleven years old in the sixth grade, in New Mexico. Please ping me if I'm on Yahoo chat. Bye, thanks for stopping by."
"Hello my future girlfriend, this is what I sound like. I am eleven years old in the sixth grade, in New Mexico."
"Please ping me if I'm on Yahoo chat. Bye, thanks for stopping by."
"I don’t feel no ways tired. I come too far from where I started from. Nobody told me the road would be this easy. I don't believe he would bring me this far to leave me."
"Hey stupid, I brought you this stuff!"
"Homestarrunner.net, it's dot com!"
"Snorlax is fucking helping everybody right now. If they didn't have that guy, you'd be fucking done, allright?"
"He's fucking holding all the pokemon."
"That's an easy one Brendan, horns. No question. I'd wish for a pair of horns."
"I think those things would sell like hot cakes, especially if they smelled like hot cakes."
Homestar Runner: "Do you have what it takes to join the Homestarmy? Would you bring a sack lunch and some orange slices for me and serve your country? Will you, stupid?" Strong Bad: "Uhh, no. I don't really have any interest in invading my own…" Homestar Runner: "Ten hut. Draft dodger, eh? We'll see if those trees ...
"Mmmm, hot pockets."
"And this one is a little amateur, but it has worked for me in the past. You know you bet somebody a hundred bucks and if they win, you give them a hundred kicks in the butt."
Homestar Runner: "Right back atcha Strong Bad." Strong Bad: "He just gave me the bird. That wasn't funny, that'll hurt a guy's feelings."
"Hi my name is David Spade, and I'm 12, and I'm going to try and stay up all night tonight."
"I'm from Arizona and I wanted to go out and see Hollywood Boulevard. Nobody tells you that it's the skankiest street in the world? Every loser is hanging out there, walking around. Jesus and I don't think there's a dress code on this street, and if there is, it's pretty lenient. What's that a jock strap and a sailo...
"How do you explain this phenomenon? A woman doing the dishes, suddenly has a burning sensation in her right hand. Meanwhile 400 miles away, her daughter is giving a her boyfriend a handjob. Coincidence? Thanks a lot, enjoy your night."
"Hickory dickory dock, some chick was suckin my cock. The clock struck two, I dropped my goo, I dumped the bitch on the next block, bada bing!"
"Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. That's more than my lazy wife does that lazy fat fuckin smelly baboon."
"Oooh! He'll save children, but not the British children. He'll save children, but not the British children. He'll save children, but not the British children. He'll save children, But not the British children."
"He had a pocket full of horses, Fucked the shit out of bears, Threw a knife into heaven, and could kill with a stare. He made love like an eagle falling out of the sky. Killed his sensei in a duel and he never said why."
"Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe I lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here! [whacks the microphone on the stand] Oh my god. Open and shut case, Johnson. I saw this once when I w...
"They're terrorists. They know black people are bad bargaining chips. They call the White House. Hello, we have 5 black [click]."
"Happy birthday, Mr. President. Bitch, my family's here!"
"I'm up. If that doesn't get me up, you know what will. Housekeeping. Housekeeping. Bink. No, need sleepy."
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
"I got my hair highlighted, because I thought some hair were more important than others."
Buddy: "Hey! Have you seen these toilets? They're ginormous."
"My expectations today were that it was going to be a much higher sentence."
"And the judge said that it was clear and concise he committed that crime. He knew what he was doing. He committed that crime and it's time he paid for it."
"And to watch him sit there in shackles…to watch him walk back through that door. Twice in our lifetime he's walked out the same door as our family and it was nice to see him walk back into his door in his jail sail."
Carol: "Hello Joyce?" Chris: "Mom, I'm on the phone." Carol: "Wha, Well Chris what are you doing over at Joyce's?" Chris: "No mom, I'm in the living room, 10 feet away from you, and I'm on the phone." Carol: "Ohh, well I was wondering, while I have you on the phone, what would you like for dinner? We have a choice ...
Chris: "He hacked me!" Girl Skater: "Wanna fight punk?" Chris: "What are you kidding me…" Hockey Dad: "Alright alright! Break it up Break it up!. What is your problem? She's just a child!" Chris: "That's a girl?" Girl Skater: "Pussy!"
"I'm going to be a hybrid vampire, both psy and sangunarian[sic]."
"Goth kids burned down the Hot Topic and sure enough as soon as they did I tried eating a hot dog and it tasted good. My vampire teeth even fell out when I bit into it. I'm human again."
"Of course, freakin Hot Topic. That explains everything. How did we not figure that out."
"Why is Hamburger Helper in a glass of milk Butters!"
"The problem is the money got handed out too fast the treasury didn't track it."
Charcter 1: "Colonel Stuart, can we have a few words please?" Colonel Stuart: "You can have two - Fuck and You. No pictures you pinko bitch."
Gale Wallens: "An author of Hostage Terrorist, Terrorest Hostage a study in duality. Dr Hasseldorf, what can we expect in the next few hours?" Hasseldorf: "Well Gale by this time the hostages should be going for the early stages of the Helsinki syndrome." Character 1: "As in Helsinki Sweden?" Hasseldorf: "Finland."
"House of Pleasure."
"The House of Pain!"
"On Moische! On Herschel! On Schlomo! It's Hanukkah Harry 8 nights a year! On Moische! On Herschel! On Schlomo! Means that Hanukkah Harry is here! Delivering Toys for Jewish girls and Jewish boys We dance the horah around the menorah When Hanukkah Harry is Here!"
Rudolph: "Aren't you going to laugh at my nose too?" Clarice: "I think it's a handsome nose. Much better than that false one you were wearing."
"I tell you, you're looking at a mighty humble bumble."
"He rules here. Every night he searches the entire earth. When he finds a misfit toy, one that no little girl or boy loves, he brings it here to live in this island till someone wants it."
"Unlike play things, a living creature cannot hide himself on an island. But perhaps being misfits your selves you might help the toys here."
"It's not just people with bad credit that committed to mortgages they can't afford. It's not just people with bad credit who are going to see their home equity vanish and it's not limited to mortgage credit. Americans are going to have a difficult time borrowing money to buy cars, to buy furniture, to buy appliance...
Head Elf: "That sounded terrible! The tenor section was weak!" Elf: "Wasn't our fault, boss. Hermey didn't show up." Head Elf: "What?"
"Ho, ho, ho, ho…"
Mrs. Donner: "We'll simply have to overlook it." Donner: "How can you overlook that? His beak blinks like a blinking beacon."
"Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. And what's your name little boy?"
Hubo una vez un gran rey que tenía muchas tierras, un castillo y también un amor. Yo y el rey.
Boy: Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? Turtle: I never made it without biting, ask Mr. Owl. Boy: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? Owl: Let's find out. One, Ta-who! Three *CRUNCH* Three. ...
And here comes the first Plinko chip - he's actually aiming
Now, if you putt this ball in that hole - and you may putt from that line up there by the hole - you win the car.
Girl: "Hey you guys." Sloth: "Hey you guys."
Ace Ventura: "He's good. With my help he could be the best." Triumph: "For me to poop on."
Cosmo Kramer: "Now are you just saying that you want to have fun or do you really want to have fun?" Wayne Chung: "Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wayne Chung tonight."
"Hey Jew get in my car. Hey Jew get in my car. Hey Jew get in my car. Don't let it... Hey Jew get in my car. Hey Jew get in my car."
Boy #1: "We're building a snowman, Karen. You do the head." Karen: "The head is the hardest part. Ask anybody."
"Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day. So he said lets run and we'll have some fun now before I melt away."
Karen: "How about Frosty?" Boy 1: "Frosty?" Boy 2: "Yeah! Frosty it is! Frosty the Snowman."
"All the horrible things in your life, a father, the wars."
"Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not."
"And the Grinch with his Grinch feet ice cold in the snow stood puzzling and puzzling how could it be so."
"Christmas Day will always be just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart and hand in hand."
Grinch: "That's a noise…" Narrator: "Grinned the Grinch…" Grinch: "That I simply must hear!" Narrator: "So he paused - and the Grinch put a hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low... then it started to grow."
Peter: "Another bump of hot sauce." Carl Allen: "You guys are really into this yes thing."
"Don't look! I'm hideous."
"Hello out there in TV Land."
"You know you look like someone who can handle themselves in bed... and no doubt often does. "
"You're living in the house of denial, and we're the men with the moving vans."
"Hello Hello Hello."
"H.R. Puffinstuff Theme."
"Bunsen Honeydew here at muppet labs, where the future is being made today."
"Goodbye hard drive - hello floppy!"
"Humans remain entertained..."