Now the important thing when you're penetrating the lunar module is your attitude and your relative speed.

I can't deal with cleaning up. Let's sell the house.

I bet Jannie Armstrong doesn't get a wink of sleep tonight. When you were on the far side on 8, I didn't sleep at all. I just vacuumed over and over again.

I'm gonna walk on the moon, Marilyn.

I'm thinking about not going to the launch.

I got a corridor light. We're coming in too shallow. I'm going to manual.

Well, if I had a dollar for every time they killed me in this thing I wouldn't have to work for you, Deke.

I think there's some kind of ignorant, chicken shit... Move over, man. An ignorant chicken fucker in this town. You pink motherfucker. I can show you better than I can tell you, ma'am.

Duke: I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid... wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife. Dr Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? ...I just wanted to cut a little "Z" in your forehead.

I recall one night in a place called the Matrix. There I was... Mother of God. There I am. Holy fuck.

Panic. It crept up my spine like first rising vibes of an acid frenzy. All these horrible realities began to dawn on me. There I was. Alone in Las Vegas, completely twisted on drugs, no cash, no story for the magazine, and on top of everything else, a gigantic god damned hotel bill to deal with. I didn't even know w...

It's a trick. Get an axe.

Of course, but if I were you... I would leave the doctor alone until after he's eaten his breakfast... because he's a very crude man. Jesus God!

If the Necronomicon fell into the hands of the Deadites, all mankind will be consumed by this evil. Now will thou quest for the book?

I got it, I got it! I know your damn words, all right?

Well, if the flight surgeon had to okay me for this mission, I'd be grounded.

I could eat the ass out of a dead rhinoceros.

It's too bad we can't demonstrate this on TV. What a shame.

If the pigs were gathering in Vegas... I felt the drug culture should be represented as well. And there was a certain bent appeal in the notion of running a savage burn... on one Las Vegas hotel... and then just wheeling across town and checking into another. Me and a thousand ranking cops from all over America. Why...

If the pigs were gathering in Vegas... I felt the drug culture should be represented as well.

I felt like a Nazi, but it had to be done.

If he figures out what is happening... then he can rise one notch... and become hip. And then if he can convince himself... to approve of what is happening... then he becomes groovy. Groovy. And then, after that, he can actually raise himself... to the rank of cool. He can become one of those... cool guys.

I'm not really sure I can answer that. But what I can tell you, sir, is if Margaret Mead... at her age... smoked grass... she'd have one hell of a trip.

I remember slumping on the bed. His performance had given me a bad jolt. For a moment, I thought his mind had snapped... that he actually believed he was being attacked by invisible enemies. But the room was quiet again.

I didn't dare to turn the creep down. He might have picked up a letter opener and gone after my... pineal gland.

You'd go blind. Your body would turn to wax. They'd have to put you in a wheelbarrow. And when you scream for help... you'll sound like a raccoon. Man, I'll try just about anything... but I'd never in hell touch a pineal gland.

Last name? I'd rather not say. My brother's in politics.

It's time to meet Barbra.

Police Chief's Wife: You are so... Raoul Duke: I know. It's hideous. You're doing fine though. You're doing well.

Dr. Gonzo: I want to sell you some pure fucking scag! Cheap! The real stuff. I just got back from Vietnam. Scag. I want to sell you some pure fucking scag. Man in Car: Goddammit you bastards! Pull over! I'll kill you I'll kill you! Pull over, come on!

I've never missed a plane yet.

Is this not a reasonable place to park?

I'm a relatively respectable citizen. Multiple felon, perhaps, but certainly not dangerous.

I want you to throw that fuckin' radio... into the tub with me.

It's definitely, uh a gas of some sort.

Alice the Maid: I don't know anything about no dope! Dr. Gonzo: Come on lady, don't try and tell us you've never heard of the Grange Gorman.

Ash: What are you? Are you me? Evil Ash: I'm bad Ash, and you're good Ash. You're goody little two-shoes.

Necktie, Nectar, Nickel, Noodle... It's an "N" word. It's definitely an "N" word. It's definitely an "N" word.

I'm through being their garbage boy. I did my part. Now I want back, like in the deal. Hyah!

I... live... again.

Donny: What the fuck is this? Mrs. Ravensdale: It's water infused with cucumber, rose petal and harbor sandalwood. Donny: It tastes like fuckin' dick infused with balls.

I don't wanna do that in front of my kid. Turn around for a minute, gimme that fuckin' thing.

Gotta tell you, I had an itch to take this baby down, do some prospecting.

I want people in our simulators working reentry scenarios. I want you guys to find every engineer who designed every switch, every circuit, every transistor and every light bulb that's up there. Then I want you to talk to the guy in the assembly line who actually built the thing. Find out how to squeeze every amp ou...

I need a flashlight. That's not what they have up there. Don't give me anything they don't have on board.

Well, I suggest you gentlemen invent a way to put a square peg in a round hole rapidly.

Fred: It hurts when I urinate. Jim: Well, you're not getting enough water. Fred: I'm drinking my ration the same as you. I think old Swigert gave me the clap. He's been pissing in my relief tube.

It's just a little medical mutiny, Doc. I'm sure the guys are still with us.

Dr. Gonzo: I saw these bastards in Easy Rider, but I didn't believe they were real. Not like this, man, not hundreds of them. Raoul Duke: They're actually pretty nice people once you get to know them. Dr. Gonzo: Know them? I know these people in my goddamn blood. Raoul Duke: Don't say that word around here. Yo...

Harry: Heinz, Mohawk, Vicks, all pretty stable. Lane: When will they become commitments? Harry: I can't predict the future, Lane.

I don't know what the Russians are going to do. We may be living underground by Lincoln's birthday.

Pete: So let's all start boning up on the wonders of Jaguar. We have a meet and greet next week and the presentations are sometime in mid January. Don: That's a lot of work. Pete: Yes. You may have to stay past 5:30. Don: I'd live here if I thought it was more than a pipe dream.

I'm sorry, this is giving me the willies.

Harry: I should go. Paul: No. Mother Lakshmi: Chant with us. You'll like it. I promise. All(Except Harry): Hare Krishna Hare Krishna

Deke: Gene, they're already... Gene: I don't want the whole bible, just a couple of chapters. We've got to get something up to these guys. Deke: They're working on it.

It's like trying to drive a toaster through a car wash.

Agnes: I like him. He's nice. Edith: But scary. Agnes: Like Santa!

Whup! It's jean-creamin' time.

Brick Tamland: It's cream in your jeans. Ron Burgundy: No. Brick, you need to say something different. Something on your own. Brick Tamland: You're gonna cream. Ron Burgundy: Independent of anything the three of us say. The first thought that pops into your mind, you just say it. Brick Tamland: This Is Gonna Mak...

Gru: I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing,...

Peggy: Is it going to give me a case of the "Nee-groan Complex"? Harry: It's really bad. And it's pronounced "Neh-grahn" because it rhymes with Katahn, which the Negron pick under slavery to the Caucasons. Peggy: That's a twist.

I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon.

Don: How much is the car? Jaguar salesman: That one? $5,600. Don: Here's $6,000. If we don't come back, consider it paid for.

Don: I don't know what it is. That car does nothing for me. Joan: It's because you're happy. You don't need it.

I sometimes catch myself looking up at the moon, remembering the changes of fortune in our long voyage, thinking of the thousands of people who worked to bring the three of us home.

I'm burning for you.

I like being bad and going home and being good.

Mother Lakshmi: I'm only here because I don't want you shaking his devotion. Harry: What? How does that work? You're the worst girlfriend in the world. Mother Lakshmi: And you're the best friend.

I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals!

I put a plate in the oven for you and sat here like an idiot, waiting for someone who doesn't give a shit about anybody.

Roger: Don't get excited. Well, get excited, but they're not from me. Joan: Thank you for delivering them. Roger: I had to. The girl in reception's too scared to bring them back.

I'll stand by ya.

I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon!

Jim: It won't be long. Just a little while longer, Freddo. Just a little while longer. We're gonna hit that water in the South Pacific. Open up that hatch. It's 80 degrees out there. Fred: Eighty degrees.

Henry: I have a request from the news people. Marilyn: Uh-huh. Henry: They're up front here, and they want to put a transmitter up on the lawn. Marilyn: Transmitter? Henry: It's kind of a tower for a live broadcast. Marilyn: I thought they didn't care about this mission? They didn't even run Jim's show. ...

Angie: I'm sorry I broke one of your rules. Kate: You peed in the sink. Isn't that against everyone's rules? Angie: Only a crazy person locks their toilet.

I don't want my baby to have a pinhead.

I can't deal with cleaning up. Let's sell the house.

I've had papaya on the beach at Virgin Gorda.

I've toasted pine nuts at the mouth of an active volcano.

I sat down with Native Americans and had some amazing salmon.

Angie: I'm starving! Kate: Well, look in the refrigerator, there's a big container of Monster Health Pea Soup. Angie: This looks really weird and healthy. I don't like it. Kate: It's good for you. Angie: I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I would rather be shot in the face than eat this stupid food. Kate: An...

I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I would rather be shot in the face than eat this stupid food.

Gene: EECOM, is this an instrumentation problem or are we looking at real power loss, here? Sy Liebergot: It's reading a quadruple failure. That can't happen. It's got to be instrumentation.

Angie: I'm never gonna dance again Guilty feet have got no rhythm Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not a fool... Kate: What is the point of that game? Angie: Oh, it gives you points depending on how good you sing. I'm the highest scorer. Kate: You're the only one that's ever played it.

Kate: I'm sorry, I think I may have overreacted back there. Angie: You think?

It's just this whole thing is very important to me. And frankly, it makes me a little bit crazy that you get to feel it and experience it, while I just watch. And I might be a little bit jealous.

Kate: I'm sorry I called you stupid. Angie: I'm sorry I farted into your purse.

Barry: I want you to make our flagship store like this shell. Rick: You want it to look like the shell? Barry: You know, Rick, when you talk to me in that tone of voice, I get incredibly angry.

I think she wants me to rub olive oil on your taint.

I don't care what anything was designed to do. I care about what it can do.

Carl: I want you to come home. Baby, I miss you. I haven't had sex in two weeks. Angie: I've been gone a month. Carl: Whatever.

I wanna reward you with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact.

Bud: Could be. What do you say, kid? We're always on the lookout for a few good men. Otto: Screw that. Ain't gonna be no repo man, no way. Marlene: It's too late. You already are.

It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes.

It was with you and me, and... we were working in this sleazy shithole motel down in Miami, Florida. And we were bellhops. And we were 65 years old.

I do want your money, because God wants your money.

Never broke into a car, never hotwired a car. Never broke into a truck. 'I shall not cause harm to any vehicle nor the personal contents thereof, nor through inaction let the personal contents thereof come to harm' It's what I call the Repo Code, kid!

Otto: It looks like sausage. Leila: It isn't sausage, Otto. That's a picture of four dead aliens.

Ken: Look I know this sequence works, John. EECOM Arthur: The sequence looks good. We're just over budget on the amperage. Ken: By how much? EECOM Arthur: Three or four amps. Ken: Goddamn it, John! Is it three or four? John Young: Four. EECOM Arthur: Four! Four more amps.

I may be bad, but I feel... good.

I'll rip his balls off.

Gene: I want whatever you guys got on these power procedures. Deke: Gene, they're already... Gene: I don't want the whole damn bible, just a couple of chapters.We've got to get something up to these guys. Deke: They're working on it now. NASA Engineer: I'll call over to the simulator and get an estimate. ...

I'll cut your gizzard out.

I'll spoil those good looks. Back-stabber!

I got a bone to pick with you.

Evil Ash: I possess the Necronomicon. I've crushed your pathetic army. Now I'll have my vengeance. Ash: Buckle up, bonehead, 'cause you're goin' for a ride. Evil Ash: Huh?

Possessed Witch: I'll swallow your soul. Ash: Come get some.

Martin, all right, listen. You don't shave your beard or cut your hair for one year, and if you can do that, I will pay your rent.

I'll kill anybody who crosses me.

Jason: I got Julianne "Red Beard" Moore. Short Cuts, two hours, 17 minutes, bush no boobs. Ben: Julianne Moore special. Jason: She loves it.

If she's gonna be in hair and makeup for three hours, I can't do it. I'm not gonna be here. I got to do American Idol. It's live. I got to do it. I got to be there.

Flying saucers. Which are really.... Yeah, you got it. Time machines. I think a lot about this kind of stuff.

Miller: I do my best thinking on the bus. That's how come I don't drive, see? Otto: You don't even know how to drive.

Miller: It's a grand if you'll show me where his car is, Napoleon. Bud: Go fuck yourself, asshole. Miller: Hello? Prick.

I don't care how long it takes, dildos! Repo man's got all night, every night!

Well, the least you could do is give me a blow job. I guess that means no.

Bud: I said, do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia? Otto: They don't pay bills in Russia. It's all free.

I was killing people... while you were swimming around in your father's balls, you little scumbag.

Leila: Is it you? This is Leila. Are you using a scrambler? J. Frank Parnell: I can't hear you. I'm using a scrambler.

I'd torture someone in a second, if it was up to me.

Kate: I thought we could order food and watch this DVD that I got. It's a British documentary about a woman who gives birth to a 15-pound baby, vaginally. Angie: Can't wait to not watch this. You and I need to go out.

I haven't been to a place like this since ever.

Angie: If I was alone, I mean, not pregnant, I would be macking on all of this. Kate: There's nobody here I would ever go out with. Angie: Are you serious? What about that guy? Kate: He looks like a laundry bag full of meat.

It's a combination of papaya juice and coffee. I keep this notepad by my bed in the middle of the night, and I write down these ideas when I'm half asleep, and they never make any sense.

Kate: I went out tonight for the first time in a long time, and I let a friend of mine dress me. Rob: Well, your friend is a great American.

I want a common-law divorce.

I wanna say goodbye to you proper, okay? We owe that to one another. Can we please have a quickie in the car?

I'm gonna bang your friends. Consider them all banged.

I knew something was up when I saw you beating your baby bump like that.

Angie: If... When you get mad, do you stay mad for a long time? Kate: Yes, yes. I'm a big grudge-holder, actually.

Angie: I missed a couple periods, and I thought maybe it was my hormones, you know what I'm talking about? Oscar: No, I don't know nothing about that. Angie: But then I started spotting, and I thought that was my period, but usually I don't have a heavy flow. Oscar: Stop it. Angie: My boobs didn't hurt, so I w...

Kate: I'll have a large steak with provolone, no Cheez Whiz, no onions, peppers on the side, don't overcook the meat. Also, I'd like you to slice me a new fresh roll, because those ones have been sitting out for a long time. I want a Birch Beer, cold, no cup. You really should consider changing those Styrofoam cups ...

Rob: Do you want to go back to my... Kate: Yes. Rob: I was going to say apartment, just to be clear. Kate: Yeah. I'm 37. I know how this works.

I'm not getting good vibes here. And if there's one thing Oprah taught me, it's to trust my instincts and follow my fear.

Angie: I read people's energies. Barry: You read energies? Angie: Yeah. Barry: Good. Very good. How's the energy in this site? Angie: Green, mostly. Like healthy leaves. Barry: Money? Angie: Exactly. Barry: I like your maid.

I hate that song.

Guy at Party: I tell you, a pagan birth is a fascinating thing. You know, now that I've done it myself, it seems crazy not to eat the placenta. Oscar: I'm sorry, did you say polenta or placenta? Guy at Party: Placenta, the afterbirth, yeah.

Kate: I think it's really important that she remain a part of the baby's life. Angie: Yeah, you know, or completely separate. We're just going to play it fast and loose, you know, just see how it all shakes out. Rose: Always been my motto.

I didn't like it sometimes, but you made me grow up. I know I was supposed to help you have a baby. But you ended up teaching me how to be a mother. So thank you. And I'm sorry. She'd be a great mom, Your Honor. Kid wouldn't get away with shit.

Rob: It's a mess, this is all a... It's a mess. This is a real mess. Judge: That's the worst closing argument I've ever heard. Rob: Yeah, I know. I know. I'm a little rusty.

I ain't afraid of nothing, see?

I said, I ain't afraid of nothing!

I'll come back and pick up my stuff later... when the fucking place don't stink so bad.

It's so immoral, working on the thing can drive you mad. That's what happened to this friend of mine. So, he had a lobotomy. Now he's well again.

Duke: I want you to have my baby. Debbi: Why? Duke: Well, I don't know. Everybody does it, and... it just seems like the thing to do, and.... Debbi: Asshole. Duke: Let's go do the job.

I'm going to kill them. I'm going to kill them. I kill everybody.

I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees.

Bud: It helps if you dress like a detective, too. Detective dress kinda square. If people think this guy's a cop, people are gonna think you're packing something. They don't fuck with you so much. Otto: Are you? Bud: Am I what? Otto: Packing something? Bud: Only an asshole gets killed for a car.

I don't understand the young talent in this town! It doesn't make any sense. I got four jobs. Hell, I'm more famous than half the people we talk to, anyway!

Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too.

I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me.

Ron Burgundy: Brick, give a nice message to the people. Brick Tamland: In this movie, we play witches. Ron Burgundy: Brick, what are you possibly describing?

Alison: I got a promotion. Pete: Oh, congratulations! Alison: Thank you. Pete: Hey, maybe you can get your own place now. Alison: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Debbie: I walked in on him masturbating one night. Alison: Did he get the deer-in-the-headlights look? Did he freeze or did he finish?

I buy these nice towels, and he whacks off into them.

I can always tell if I'm looking good based on whether or not we get in.

It's time to do it again, but this time, I'm on top.

It's time to do it again, but this time, I'm on top.

Claire: I don't think either one of them gives a shit about me. It's like they use me to get back at each other. Allison: Ha! Claire: Shut up!

Jason: I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it. Ben: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.

I think 'Will & Grace' probably did more to educate the American public than almost anything anybody's ever done so far.

I think it's awesome that you had sex with her. If a goofy guy like you had sex with her, I feel like I had sex with her also.

Ben: I'll start. I'm Canadian. Alison: Oh, that's cool. Ben: From Vancouver. I live here illegally, actually. Don't tell anyone. But it works out in my advantage, I think, ultimately, 'cause I don't have to pay any taxes.

Subotai: Food... Food! I have not eaten for days. Conan: And who says you will?

Andrew: If I lose my temper, you're totalled, man. Bender: Totally? Andrew: Totally.

I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.

I think it's awesome that you're gonna have a kid, man. Think about it like this. It's just an excuse to play with all your old toys again.

Jay: I always aim right. Jonah: Right into a dude's ass.

What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fucking pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fucking lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fucking stuffed animal!

However history remembers me before I was a President, I shall always think of myself as a hunter.

It is a good plan until her water breaks all over Robert De Niro's shoes.

Ben: It actually kind of makes sense that he would cheat. Alison: Why? Ben: 'Cause Debbie's a pain in the ass and Pete's awesome.

I don't have to run away and live in the street. I can run away and go to the ocean. I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa... Afghanistan.

Brian: I'm a fuckin' idiot 'cause I can't make a lamp? Bender: No, you're a genius 'cause you can't make a lamp.

King Osric: I thought there were three. Valeria: O-O-Our companion, he died in the gardens. Lions ate him. King Osric: Lions ate him? ...The lions ate him.

Alison: I hate you so much sometimes. Debbie: We're gonna be positive. Positive, positive, positive! Up! Alison: How many Red Bulls have you had? Debbie: I've had about three Red Bulls in the last 15 minutes. And I feel fabulous!

I fucking hate this job. I don't want to be the one to pass judgement and decide who gets in. This shit makes me sick to my stomach. I get the runs from the stress.

I'm only allowed to let in 5% black people. He said that. 5%. That mean if there's 25 people here, I get to let in one-and-a-quarter black people. So I got to hope there's a black midget in the crowd.

I strike at you, I would summon the demon... more ferocious than all in hell!

Conan: Is this, uh, your robe? A priest's robe? Priest: Yes, it's all I have. Conan: Good... That's all you'll ever need.

I wish to speak to you now...

Thulsa Doom: It must have been when I was younger. There was a time, boy, when I searched for steel, when steel meant more to me than gold or jewels. Conan: The riddle... of steel. Thulsa Doom: Yes.

The Wizard: Sometime soon, perhaps tonight... they'll try to take him, and if they succeed... Valeria: If they succeed, you'll follow.

It's weird that chairs even exist when you're not sitting on them.

Infidel defilers. They should all drown in lakes of blood.

I'm so cold! So... cold. Keep me... warm... keep... me... mommy.

I remember days like this, when my father took me to the forest... and we ate wild blueberries. More than 20 years ago. I was just a boy of four or five.

Conan: It's never too late, Subotai. Subotai: No. It would only lead me back here another day. In even worse company.

Crom. I've never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you will remember... if we were good men or bad. Why we fought or why we died. No.

It just grosses me out when I know that people are pregnant. 'Cause I think about the birth. Everything's so wet.

Alison: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong. Ben: It's okay. I didn't.

I'm not having shit besides a fucking panic attack. There's probably a fucking room back there full of dead bodies! You guys wanna be here when one rolls out and just fucking coughs malaria into our face?

If you want a special experience, go to a Jimmy Buffett concert. We have a new birth plan. Get the baby out safely.

Alison: I hope your apartment is big enough for the three of us. Ben: Oh, it definitely is. That's why I got one in East LA, the rent. It's huge! The only thing is we have to decide if we're gonna be Crips or Bloods before we get there.

Alison: I would yell at you about driving so slow, except the baby's here. Ben: No, these guys can honk all they want. I ain't going faster than 12.

Ken: So you like redheads? I think I know some. Herb: I like that redhead.

All I'm saying is, if it happens, it would make me happy. If it doesn't, well, no guarantees in life, right?