If We Win Florida, We Win The Election

"If we win Florida, we win the election. It's as simple as that."

It's About Eliminating A Human Right

"It's about eliminating a human right."

It's Bad Law, And It's Unfair

"It's bad law, and it's unfair."

It Won't Be The Case

"I don't think on the operational side that will be the case."

In The Brokering Business

"We at Wells are already in the brokering business. It is a good business for us."

I Don't Want To Make A Prediction

"I don?t want to make a prediction in terms of how much more there is to come."

Its not fair

"I feel like its not fair, because I feel like this is my time to get on with my life."

I'd like to look plastic too

"I don't know, I'd like to look like her, like plastic surgery."

I come from the SNL world

"Uh I kinda come from that world, from Saturday Night Live."

In real life she looks young

"In real life, she looks a lot younger than she is."

I think it exploded

"I just think it exploded there."

It was so exciting

"I did it for six years and it was so exciting!"

It's kinda like that

"So it's kinda, kinda like that."

Its very up and down

"But I don't think you could do it for that long. It's a really hard job, it's very up and down."

I wanted to leave while I still loved it

"You know, I had such a good run and I wanted to leave when I still really loved it."

I left when I was at a happy place

"So I left when I still at such a happy place."

Its hard to adapt something when its like perfect

"It's so funny. And um, that was also the hard part, because I was like, god, its so well done, I mean how can you even kind of adapt this, like its just perfect just as it is."

I sang for him in his house

"When I sang for him, we went to his house."

Iran does

"Maybe Obama doesn’t have preconditions but Iran does. Iran, whose President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said 'Israel must be wiped off the map.'"

I still see optimism

"With each passing month our country has faced increasingly difficult times. But everywhere I go despite the economic crisis and the war and uncertainty about tomorrow, I still see optimism."

I will not be a perfect president

"I'm reminded every single day that I'm not a perfect man. I will not be a perfect president. But I can promise you this I will always tell you what I think and where I stand."

It's a deduction

"It’s a deduction, it’s a deduction from the income that you earned. It’s a tax credit like you get a tax credit for tuition, like you get a tax credit for other things."

I Don't Think White Voters Have Gotten This Memo About The Bradley Effect

"I don't know. I don't think white voters have gotten this memo about the Bradley effect."

I Won't Know What To Do!

Stewart: "I don't even know how to bring this up. Obviously, your-- your-- your mother is from Kansas. She's a white woman. Your father, African. Are you concerned that you may go into the voting booth, and--" Obama: "I won't know what to do!" Stewart: "Your white half will all of a sudden decide, 'I can't do ...

It's Not Very Funny, Co-Operation

Stewart: "They're applauding a spirit of co-operation, which I-- I actually find them to be a relatively angry, bitter group in this audience." Obama: "It's not very funny, co-operation." Stewart: "No, that's nice."

I Hope That We Can Work Together

"Well, it-- Look, there's no doubt that it gets tense in the middle of campaigns. But I've said it before: I admire Senator McCain's service to our country. You know, he is a genuine war hero. And, you know, I hope that after the election, however way it turns out, that we can work together."

I've Been Going Through Therapy To Make Sure That I Vote Properly

Obama: "I've been going through therapy to make sure that I vote properly on the 4th." Stewart: "No, I think that's-- that's wise."

If You Win, Is That A Mandate For Socialism In This Country?

"I mean, the whole socialism, Marxist thing -- if you do win, is that a mandate for socialism in this country?"

I approve this message

I approve this message 2

I Think So

"I think so."

I've Left The Company

"I've left the company. I'm not sure exactly what's happened to the liquidity position and how much the company needs."

I'm Not Sure

"Well again. I'm not sure what the use of that money was. Obviously the collapse of the capital markets really exacerbated the problem."

It Was Hanging In There

"And it was in fact $23 on September 8th. It was $26 at the end of June. It was hanging in there, all-be-it at a much lower level than it had been."

Insurance Contracts Are Reserved

"And the appropriate accounting and reserving methodology would have provided a cushion. Similar to the way insurance contracts are reserved for today and the required amount of capital based on proper regulation."

It No Longer Had The Cash

"Much of AIG's liquidity problem is not because AIG didn't have the cash itself. It no longer had the cash because people who would typically lend to AIG stopped lending."

It Has Always Been Fragile

"But it is a fragile system. It has always been a fragile system."

I Didn't Get The Chance

"Well, I didn?t get a chance to execute the plan as we talked about earlier."

It Just Seemed Inappropriate

"It just seemed inappropriate. It didn?t seem like the right thing to do."

It's Hard To Argue

"Well, it's hard to argue that executives on Wall Street don't make a lot of money."

It's Fair And Equitable

"As long as there's a real pay for performance model inside of Wall Street and any other institution, not just Wall Street. I think it's fair and equitable on that basis."

Its Pretty Hard To Go Back

"I think prospectively, going forward, the ability to change those programs makes sense. Its pretty hard to go back and ask somebody to give back money."

I'm Not Sure Yet

"Well, I'm not sure yet."

I Haven't Been Asked

"Well, I haven't been asked."

I wouldn't say that

"I wouldn't say that."

I do it for the love

"I do it for the love."

I guess we hit it off

"I guess we hit it off right away."

It was cool, though

"It was cool, though."

It represented something

"I think because it represented something."

It looked very real

"It looked very real."

I never would have guessed

"I never would have guessed I would be sitting here talking to you now."

It's just amazing

"It never fails, it's just amazing."

I hope to continue

"I hope to continue acting and singing both."

I just got nominated

"Mama, I just got nominated for a Golden Globe."

I loved the old school music

"I loved the old school music."

I don't think he was clear

"I don't think he was quite clear if he could come across the timeline."

I'm from a family of 9

"I'm from a family of 9."

I didn't force her

"I didn't force her to do anything against her will."

I'm furious at myself

"I'm furious at myself."

I love my wife

"I love my wife with all my heart."

I'm a man

"I'm a man, just like everybody else."

I sit here embarrassed

"I sit here before you guys embarrassed."

I appreciate everybody

"I appreciate everybody out there for the support."

I'm innocent

"I'm innocent."

I Don't Believe That

Letterman: "The election -- I guess people are saying now that it's a foregone conclusion. I guess the polls indicate--" Baldwin: "I don't believe that."

I Have A Person That I Want To Win

"I have a person that I want to win, obviously. I don't think that's a mystery."

I See No Such Straight Talk With Yours

"Frankly, neither of your numbers add up, but I've come to see a consistent pattern in Obama's. For the life of me, Senator -- Senator Straight Talk, if you will -- I see no such straight talk with yours."

It Is A Consistent Approach, And The Democratic Nominee Has Never Veered From It

"Not that Barack Obama's positions are any more encouraging, but at least they're consistent. I don't like left-leaning, spread-the-wealth things, but it is a consistent approach, and the Democratic nominee has never veered from it."

It's a liopleurodon, Charlie

Blue: It's a liopleurodon, Charlie. Pink: A magical liopleurodon, Blue: It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain.

I Am Not Going Anywhere

"I am not going anywhere, and I'm certainly not going back to Alaska. If I'm not going to the White House, I'm either running in four years, or I'm going to be a white Oprah, so I'm good either way."

I'm A True Maverick -- A Republican Without Money

"Look, would I rather be on three major networks? Of course! But I'm a true maverick: a Republican without money."

It Commemorates The McCain-Feingold Act, And Also Looks Great With Eveningwear

"It commemorates the 'McCain-Feingold Act,' and also looks great with eveningwear. Thank you, Cindy!"

It's Great If You Want To Clear Out A Party

McCain: "It's great if you want to clear out a party." Palin: "Or keep elk out of your yard."

I'm afraid

"I'm afraid.......I'm afraid, Dave."

I'm pleased he chose Sarah Palin

"I'm delighted to support John McCain and I'm pleased that he has chosen a running mate with executive talent, toughness and common sense, our next Vice President Sarah Palin."

It's a bit silly

"Sorry about this...I know it's a bit silly."

I can sing it for you

HAL: "If you'd like to hear it, I can sing it for you."Dave Bowman: "Yes...I'd like to hear it HAL....Sing it for me."HAL: "It's called "Daisy" Daisy....Daisy.....Give me your answer due.....I'm half-crazy....all for the love of you…"

I'm entitled to an answer

"I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question."

I don't have information

"I'm sorry Dave. I don't have enough information."

I won't argue

Dave Bowman:" HAL, I won't argue with you anymore. Open the door!!" HAL: "Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye."

I am HAL

"Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois, on the 12th of January, 1992."

I feel better

"I feel much better now....I really do."

It's puzzling

"It's puzzling. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like this before."

I hate meatloaf

"Meat-losse, meat-loaf, double beat-loaf...I HATE meatloaf."

I Do Know

Whoopi: "Elisabeth, you weren't there. You didn't see this happen. I mean, we could talk all day about who did this and what and who did what to who and where, but honey child, we don't know!" Elisabeth: "Well, I do know! I do know!"

I Have More Facts I Printed Out!

"I have more facts I printed out! No!"

I Have Stacks And Stacks Of Papers That I Printed Out For Four Hours Last Night

"I found something online! I have stacks and stacks of papers that I printed out for four hours last night."

I Just Read Something Online, And I Printed It Out

"I just read something online, and I printed it out."

If you want to glue it

A.J.: Wow. "You did have hair when you went in there, right?" Debra: "Yeh, it's still in the sink if you want to glue it. Hey, Lucas I heard you committed the perfect crime." Lucas: "Not entirely perfect."

I'll be back

A.J.: "Bye Warren.." Warren: "I'm gonna get you.. I'm not playin' this time. I'll be back and you'll be sorry." A.J.: "woooo. You'll be sorry" (mocking Warren). Joe:" I'm already sorry."

Immortal words of the Doors

"In the immortal words of the Doors, the time to hesitate is through."


"Intermix set bridge. Impulse power at your discretion."

Intruder Alert

"Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert!"

Intruder Unidentified

"Intruder unidentified. Believe luminescent cloud to be, enormous power field Surrounding alien vessel. Our sensor scans unable to penetrate. Imperial Klingon Cruiser Amar continuing to attack."

I deeply hope we beat their ass today

Bobby Knight: "There are a lot of people at Texas I like, but this isn't the time for that. I deeply hope we beat their ass today." Crowd: "Bobby, Bobby!"

I'm afraid

"I'm afraid.......I'm afraid, Dave."

It's a bit silly

"Sorry about this...I know it's a bit silly."

Implant the Desire

"If he didn't want me to praise him with music...why implant the desire? And then deny me the talent!"

In his head!

"He had simply written down music that he had already finished....IN HIS HEAD! Page after page of it! As if he were just taking dictation!"

I am a lady

Galaxia: "Well, that's okay, because I am a lady. (Looks under skirt) WHOOPS! NO I'M NOT!" Dave:" Whoa, there it is, okay." Galaxia: "WHOOO! I FEEL LIKE DANCING! DANCING!!"

I like animals

Scott: "I like animals...maybe I'd be a vet!" Dr. Evil: "An *evil* vet?" Scott: "No! Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo." Dr. Evil: "An *evil* petting zoo?" Scott: "You always do that!!!"

I don't have a phone, Richard!

Sydney: "Hello?" President: "Yeah, Hi.  Is this Sydney?" Sydney: "Leo?" President: "No, this is Andrew Shepherd." Sydney: "Oh!  It's Andrew Shepherd!  Yeah, you're hilarious, Richard, you're a regular riot!" President: No, this isn't Richard...this is Andrew Shepherd." Sydney: "Oh!  I'm so glad you called beca...

I come in peace

"I am Buzz Lightyear! I come in peace!"


"What an idiot!"

Intelligent Life

"There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere."

Incapable of bullshit

"This is humiliating. I'm pregnant, and I’m incapable of bullshit."


Dorothy: "I'm sorry, but I'm not as good with the insults as she is." Marcie: "No, that was pretty good." Rod: "No shit."

I'll kill you

"You fuck this up, I'll kill you."

I'm Mr. black people

"He said I don't know what it's like to be a black person? I'm MR. black people!"

I'm freakin here

"You have to tell me something! I cannot stay calm…I am feakin here!

Idiot not captain

"On this ship, you are to refer to me as 'Idiot' not 'You Captain!'"

I'm a mog

"I'm a mog! Half-man, half-dog! I'm my own best friend!"

I'm the clitoris

Stan: "What…are you?" The Clitoris: "I am the clitoris!" Stan: "The CLITORIS!? I DID IT! I FOUND THE CLITORIS!!"

I'm Super

Big Gay Al sings part of "I'm Super"

I say you're open

"Now you listen to me Fat Ass, you do what I say and there won't be any problem, OK? Ok. We just drove 2,460 miles, just for a little Roy Wally entertainment. The Moose says you're closed, I say you're open."

I dreamt of the dragon.

Uther: "I dreamt of the dragon." Merlin: "I have awoken him. Can't you see all around you, the dragon's breath. "


Uther: "By Excalibur, I swear it!" Merlin: "Swear it again!" Uther: "I SWEAR IT! "

If you're going to fight, CLASH!

Cronauer: "We've got a special man in the audience today right now...it's Mr. Leo. He's a fashion consultant for the Army." Funny voice: "Why thank you, Adrian. I'm just very happy to be here. I want to tell you something. You know, this whole camoflage thing for me doesn't work very well." Cronauer: "Why is tha...

If you want to blend into a crowd of drunken Greeks, there's nothing better.

SGM Dickerson: "This is not military issue, Airman. What sort of uniform is that?" Cronauer: "Cretin camoflage...if you want to blend in to a crowd of drunken Greeks, there's nothing better."


"I LOVE YOU ALL! (laughs)"

I think those are parking tickets.

Harry Doyle: "I don't know how this guy keeps his mind on baseball with all the paternity suits and all…" Monte: "I think those are parking tickets." Harry Doyle: "Yeah!"

I'm gonna get some coffee, you want some coffee?

"I'm gonna get some coffee, you want some coffee?"

I knew it.

"I knew it. This is an alien, and you guys are from some government agency trying to keep it under wraps."

I make this look good.

"I make this look good."

I'm tellin' ya, that man does not look stable.

"I'm tellin' ya, that man does not look stable."

I feel like I’m gonna break this damn thing.

"I feel like I'm gonna break this damn thing."

I only had one assassination attempt on me, you had three!

Pres. Kramer: "I only had one assassination attempt on me, you had three!" Pres. Douglas: "Two! That woman from Phoenix doesn't count! She only had a starter pistol!"

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, your airness, but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game!

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, your airness, but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game!"

It smells like a spy!!

"It smells like a spy!!"

I believe the deceased was a republican, sir.

Secret Service Agent: "We'll be at Air Force One shortly, Mr. President." Pres. Douglas: "I hate these funerals. It's just awful when another good Democrat passes on!" Secret Service Agent: "I believe the deceased was a Republican, Sir." Pres. Douglas: "Oh! Well then it might not be so bad!"

I already got 'em.

Mrs. Kramer: "Now, before we check out, do you want me to steal all of the little shampoos and conditioners?" Pres. Kramer: "Come on, now....Please! I already got 'em."



I just want to do one thing right!

"You give me all kinds of funny excuses! I just want to do one thing right!"

I'm very disappointed.

"I'm very disappointed."

I'll buy that for a dollar!

"I'll buy that for a dollar!"

I like it!

"I like it!"

It introduced us to the world of fantasy!

"It introduced us to the world of fantasy!"

It has been named the greatest and most popular book of the twentieth century!

"It has been named the greatest and most popular book of the twentieth century!"

It's not mine…neither is this!

Motorcyclist: "Hey man. You just fucked up your Ferrari!" Goodspeed: "It's not mine…neither is this!"

In that case, no sir.

Goodspeed: "You mean... I'm going out there? Under the water?" FBI Director Womack: "Well, earlier today you wanted a gun. Now you're getting a gun and a wetsuit." Charles Anderson: "Have you ever been in a combat situation?" Goodspeed: "Define combat, sir." Charles Anderson: "Shot?" Another Seal operative: "An incu...

I chose to fight

"I am an American and I chose to fight. Don't give up hope! Be strong! Have courage and fight!"

I too will vote McCain

"I too will vote McCain."

I always do that!

Sarah Palin: Hellooo! Avengers: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment. Sarah Palin: Oh, it's not him yet, they're saying. I always do that.

I'll be a careful shot

Avengers: I'd really love to go, as long as we don't bring along Vice-President Cheney. Sarah Palin: No, I'll be a careful shot, yes.

I Hired A Mormon To Pee In A Cup For Me

Stewart: "Election Day is like the Olympics for out-of-shape people. One day every four years -- could be grueling, could take six hours -- but on the upside, no doping tests." Colbert: "But just in case, I hired a Mormon to pee in a cup for me. Can't be too safe."

It's not about him

"Everything's that gone on this year is not about him. He said that when he first announced this race."

I'm shocked

"As I go around the room suddenly I hear this voice cry out behind me. Fire it up! And I'm shocked."

If ya smell what the Barack is cooking

If ya smell what the Barack is cooking!


Tina Fey: Steve! Uh -- what are you doing here, Steve? Steve Martin: Well, Tina, I was just sitting home watching the show, and I -- I heard you say that you felt more like a writer than a performer, and I said, "I've gotta get up there and help that girl." Tina Fey: Wow. That's pretty fast. Steve Martin: Because...

I had the honor

"A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him."

I deeply admire and commend him

"But that he managed to do so by inspiring the hopes of so many millions of Americans who had once wrongly believed that they had little at stake or little influence in the election of an American president is something I deeply admire and commend him for achieving."

I've always believed

"I’ve always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it."

I applaud him for it

"I applaud him for it."

It's natural to feel disapointment

"It’s natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment."

I'm especially grateful

"I’m especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother...my dear mother and all my family, and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign."

I'm especially grateful

"I’m especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother...my dear mother and all my family, and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign."

Impressive new voice

"An impressive new voice in our party for reform and the principles that have always been our greatest strength."

I congratulate him

"I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead."

I made my share of them

"I’m sure I made my share of them."

It belongs to you

"But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you."

I thank the people of Arizona

"I thank the people of Arizona for it."

I wish Godspeed

"Whether they supported me or Senator Obama. I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent."

I promise you

"I promise you, we as a people will get there."

I will always be honest

"But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree."

I will be your president too

"To those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too."

I supported Obama

"I supported president elect Obama."

I wanted to be in America

"I wanted to be in America on this day."

Inspirational campaign

"But tonight I want to start off by saying Barack Obama has run an inspirational campaign."


"I want to note that President elect Obama was inspirational and I'm certain he will continue to be."

I congratulated him

"Last night I had a warm conversation with president elect Barack Obama. I congratulated him and Senator Biden on their impressive victory."

I don't know who you are

"I don't know why you would because I don't know who you are!"

If The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down the pirates don't eat the tourists

Hammond: "When they opened Disneyland in 1956 nothing worked." Ian: "Yeah, but John, if The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down the pirates don't eat the tourists."

I would step back

"I would step back. I just think the healing process is so important the possibility of making a change of this magnitude in the voting system we have is so remote."

I'm sorry

"If I cost John McCain even one vote, I'm sorry about that."

It was wonderful

"It was amazing and it's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new beginning. And I'm just blessed that I'm here and God is great. It was wonderful."

It's a new day

"It's a new day. It's a new beginning."

I'm honored to be considered

"And so you weigh those…what is the opportunity for your children and what is the cost. I'm honored even to be considered."

I've been on welfare

"You know I grew up poor. I actually have been on welfare…you know my parents you know a couple of different times. We worked harder and got off of it and then you know we actually did fairly well."

I paid into welfare

"I paid into welfare. It's something to be used not to be abused like it's often is."

Is that patriotism

"Joe Biden said it was patriotic to take my money and give it to other people. Is that patriotism?"

I agree with president elect Obama

"But the election is over and I completely agree with president elect Obama that we must now unite to get our economy going again and to keep the American people safe."

I will consider my options

"And those are the standards I will use in considering the options that I have before me and of course I will ask others to do the same."

I'm Going To Work On My Obama

"I'm going to work on my Obama. Are you ready? Here we go. 'Yes we can. Heh-heh-heh.' I've only had a day, so."

I'm very fortunate

"If my parents are alive to see to see their middle son have a choice in his career between being a congressman with a good chance of opportunity down the road or maybe rising to leadership and being the Chief of Staff to a historic presidency at this historic time. I'm very fortunate both my parents are alive to se...

I Wear My Princess Leia Costume

I never get put on a jury - I wear my Princess Leia costume on and they dismiss me immediately.

I Watch Boston Legal Before Realizing It Wasnt Star Trek

Mediation is a binding form of non judicial dispute resolution. I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn't a new Star Trek.

Inspired Me to Wear Shorts at Work

I saw the show about following your fear and it inspired me to wear shorts to work. It didn't go great.

I didn't really expect

"I got to say I didn't really expect it. If I thought it was possible I don't think I would have made the movie quite that silly."

I can't believe it

"It was great, I can't believe it. After he won and he came down on the mother ship with George Clinton and gave a speech."

It's false allegations

"That's kind of a small evidently bitter type of person who would anonymously charge something foolish like that, but I perhaps didn't know an answer to a question. Until I know who was talking about it I won't have a comment on it. It's false allegations."

Intelligence Process

Our intelligence process can always improve.

Intend to Do

That's what I intend to do.

Iran's Nuclear Weapons

Iran's development of a nuclear weapon, I believe, is unacceptable.

Iran Can't Support Terrorists

Iran's support of terrorist organizations, I think, is something that has to cease.

It Was Off The Record Until After The Election

Stewart: "Why are we just hearing about this now?" Cameron: "Well, I wish I could have told you back at the time, but all of it was put off the record until after the election." Stewart: "Oh, let me guess: when the Iraq war's over, you've got a great story for us."

It's heard it's masters call

"The ring has awoken, it's heard its masters call."

Is it secret

"Is it secret? Is it safe?"

If I can protect you, I will

"If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will."

Is it the frank of the beans?

Mrs. Jensen: "What exactly are we looking at here?" Ted: "What do you mean?" Mary's step-father: "Is it the frank of the beans?"

I got a vibrator

"To hell with Bret. I've got a vibrator."