Dude: I mean, your wife owes money... Mr. Lebowski: My wife is not the issue here!

I hope that someday my wife will learn to live on her allowance, which is ample. But if she does not, that is her problem, not mine, just as the rug is your problem.

I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea. But I went out and achieved anyway.

I cannot solve your problems, sir. Only you can.

I know Daddy's been naughty, but what about me?

I wouldn't change you. I wouldn't change anything about you. I wouldn't change one hair on your head.

Daphne: I can't go. We're going to the queen's garden party. Ian: Yeah, but... Daphne: I'm sorry. Ian: Cool. Just call me when Daphne re-inhabits your body.

In those days, he walked alone......a solitary witness to the chaos that reigned. The earth itself had fallen victim to the insanity.

I'm afraid I must, Kayley.

As a knight, I took an oath to protect Camelot, King Arthur, and Excalibur.

I know the rule. It's my rule. "Avoid civilization at all cost." We got to eat, don't we?

I'm clapping because you stink.

I demand you leave immediately!

Is there any question in anyone's mind that I was speaking to you?

I'm giving you a chance at a life......that means something. A life won'th living.

Kayley: See, it means he knows where Excalibur is. Garrett: Sure, he does, in Camelot. You know, big castle, lots of flags.

I told you everything I know. I know that, because I said, "This is everything I know."

I'll bet you read a lot of science fiction.

Sway: It had to be a girl car. Memphis: Girl car? What kind of girl drives a Hemi 'Cuda? Sway: I'll show you.

I cannot tell a lie.

Garrett: Huh. And I thought you were ferocious dragons. Cornwall: Uh, well, not exactly.

I'm staying, sweetie.

I mean, it's not your fault. They say talent skips a generation, so uh, hey, I'm sure your kids are gonna be sharp as tacks.

I'd love to know where we are.

It's not polite to sneak up on people.

I got turned around in here.

Mr. Lebowski: I'll ask you again. Did I urinate on your rug? Dude: No. Like I said, Woo peed on my rug.

I mean, you know what I mean.

I don't wanna get involved in any controversy on the situation in the middle east, but as senior senator from my state, I think I can speak for my constituents, indeed all Americans, when I say, "fuck 'em!"

I guess size ain't a measure of courage. Is it?

I want it on my jet.

I'm sorry. Really, I am. I remember the people who've helped me, Roland.

I believe I've spent enough time in the company of death.

I don't know. How do I look?

If you really want to stop us, shoot us.

I'm slamming them tonight! You guys are dead in the water.

Walter: Over the line! Smokey: Huh? I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line. That's a foul.

Marty: I'm performing my dance quintet, you know, my cycle, at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theater on Tuesday night. And, well, I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. Dude: I'll be there, man.

I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which I assure you is not a problem.

I can look back on a life of achievement, challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome.

I've accomplished more than most men and without the use of my legs.

Mr. Lebowski: Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man? Dude: Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

I am through fuckin' around. Drop that fucking briefcase!

I gave simple fuckin' instructions!

Is this a fuckin' joke here?

I went and got the fuckin' money! I got shot fuckin' pickin' it up! I've been up for 36 fuckin' hours! I'm takin' that fuckin' car! That fuck is mine, you... Fuckin' asshole!

So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper.

I'm through talking to you, buddy-boy.

I'm Sheriff Briscoe. Who the hell are you?

I want to be a policewoman.

Yeah. Yeah, I stole your California connection. For what? Hmm?

Cornwall: You Moron. Devon: I'm not a moron. Cornwall: Yes, you are. Devon: No, I'm not.

If I didn't have you, I could do a lot of things.

I have always given you everything, George. Always. But...that is over now.

I can't believe I'm reduced to chasing a little girl, a blind man, and a pigeon.

It is important to develop the master/dog relationship. If you show any fear, the dog will not respect you.

And no mistakes, or I'll make space on the spit for you.

Interesting theory.

I'm starving. All these heroics worked up my appetite.

I could whip up a little something.

Nogata: I said "bosom," not "sword." Jones: Sounds like a common mistake. Nogata: Oh, no. I mean no disrespect.

It's just that she's so... Wow! Wow! What a woman!

I felt that way, too, but I knew he would never want me to give up.

I've got 3 words for you, birdie: dinner is served.

I'm tired of having a roommate that's an animal!

I was happier when I was at home getting mugged!

It was my bright idea.

It's just you and me and the baby. And there's nothing else. There's just us.

I'd made $60 million, and I was out clean. Well, maybe I jumped the gun on "clean."

It was the greatest feeling I ever had... Followed very abruptly by the worst feeling I ever had.

I snorted ten grams in ten minutes once. I guess I had a high tolerance.

I wanted to be a father, a good father... Just like my old man was to me.

I have a feeling about you. I know you'll do what's right.

I know these people. They wouldn't do that.

I'm trying to save your life, for Christ's sake.

It's a joke. A goddamn practical joke.

If you'd got me a good lawyer, I would've split 400 years ago.

I was fine when you went away to computer camp.

I've, uh, got the old cruise control set at 35.

I'm not being negative. I'm just being nervous, okay?

a cover by Theresa Yandell

It's all my fault you were hurt, and I was rattling on when I should've been quiet.

I've never helped anyone.

Cornwall: Oh, no! I think it's uncle Yorick. Devon: Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him well.

He's here. I can smell him.

I think you are really fucking him, because you're not fucking me. You gotta be fucking somebody else.

I'm divorcing you, George. And I'm getting custody of Kristina.

I needed to get my heart back.

I just wanna walk with you, if you don't mind. I want to make everything okay. Please, Kristina.

George Jung: I swear on my life, scout's honor. Young Kristina Jung: Swear on my life. George Jung: I swear on your life.

I'm gonna go out to California, start a new life with my kid.. Here's to it.

I like him too, but what's done is done. So let's not get all sentimental about it, all right?

I was busted. Set up by the F.B.I. And the D.E.A.-- that didn't bother me.

I'd broken a promise. Everything I love in my life goes away.

It's a lot bigger than I expected.

I can see us on the poster now.

I wish you could see it.

I have seen it, and there was no place for me.

I don't belong in that world.

I got your tongue on my gums! Yuck!

Cornwall: Mm-mm, I love me, I did it! Devon: Excuse me, egomaniac, you mean I did it.

I hate flying coach.

I will not serve a false king.

If you're staying, I stay too.

I know that, you moron.

I don't think I ever had water soup before. Maybe next time we could try it with a little sand. Dirt. Maybe a little twig garnish.

I officially declare......Postal Station Number 10......in Elvis, Oregon......open for business.

This is gonna sound really crazy, but I think the dead are coming back to life.

Old George: I helped design the Galileo Space Station. The Postman: No shit? Old George: No shit. I dream it's orbiting the Earth forever......with a dozen human skeletons......all grinning at each other......laughing at us down here.

If everyone follows directions, we can manage this move with as little inconvenience as possible.

I do want to assure you that this move is in no way permanent. It's only temporary.

I want to be with people my own age.

I'm really sorry that I snapped at you. This gym's really gettin' to me.

If you're good, you can do somethin' no one's ever seen before.

I'm on my way to accordion class right now. Do you wanna walk with me?

Isn't it fantastic?

I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche bag, but that's in Ohio.

I don't know what this world is comin' to.

I'm in a difficult situation here. I mean, after all, you're nerds.

I've never been out with a girl before.

I tried to do everything right, keep people safe.

I tried, Morgan. I tried.

It was her choice. I won't say I blame her, but she lost faith.

I met a man there, a scientist. He told me something.

Carl: I don't remember that. Lori: No, you wouldn't. You were just a baby. Besides, we never made it past Fort Worth.

Rick: No, you got sick. I never knew a baby could throw up so much. Carl: Ick. Lori: Yeah, ick.

I could clean yours, show you how.

Shane: It's a sweet piece. Andrea: It was a gift from my father.

Look, it's a, it's a limited capacity. See? Only holds seven rounds.

I say we blow their fucking houses up.

I say we blow the fuckers up.

I drink to that.

Dale: I was just telling him this lovely story about me and a girl biking through the wine country. Jack: Hey, those stories aren't for everybody, pal. Dale: I guess not.

Dale: I have to talk to him, though. I'm trying to find my son. Jack: Your son? Dale: Yeah. He ran away.

Dale: What?! Jack: Calm down. Dale: I'm ok. It's just all these people. I don't like a lot of people or a lot of cars.

I can still fix this.

I am broadcasting on all AM frequencies. I will be at the South Street Seaport every day at midday when the sun is highest in the sky.

If you are out there.... If anyone is out there.... I can provide food. I can provide shelter. I can provide security.

I gotta go, Sam. I gotta go. I gotta go.

I want you to stay here on this one, okay? Because you can still get infected. And I can't.

I am Lieutenant Colonel Robert Neville. I am ordering you to scan her again. Scan her again!

Listen, uh, if you're planning a party or something, just tell me now. Okay? Because, you know, I don't like surprises.

I'm afraid the eggs are powdered. Obviously you know that. They're yours.

I'm really sort of a writer at large. I write and perform poetry and plays. Things from my soul.

I just... I was saving that bacon. I was saving it.

Robert: It's heavily sedated. Don't worry, it's safe. Anna: I've never seen one so still. They're always biting.

Jack: I see a mime on the street, I want to kick him in the face, I'll tell you. Dale: Really? Jack: I do. Dale: You should talk to somebody about that, Jack. Jack: They're annoying.

In crisis situations, I have these anxiety attacks, and I hyperventilate, and I pass out for a moment. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm back.

"It is my duty to hereby disband......the Postal Service of the Restored United States. You are to burn your uniforms......and The Postman is to return to Minneapolis at once. Thank you. And God bless you all. The President."

The Postman: It says it's over. It says we quit. Ford: No, it says you quit!

Ford: If this is the end......if this is the last piece of mail that ever gets delivered......l'll take it. The Postman: Whoever delivers this letter, Ford, probably dies for it.

I took the uniform off a skeleton to stay warm. I made up the rest to stay fed. There is no......Restored United States.

I know you don't want to hear it......but that's my child inside you. I want to see it born somewhere safe.

Dale: I just need to find something personal from my past. At the actor's studio, they call it sense memory. Jack: Wow. Dale: Ok. Ok.

I'm still a postman! You owe it to me. I owe it to me.

I don't give a damn what that asshole said.

I'm perfectly calm, Dude.

I just blurted it out. I'm so... But you haven't answered the question.

Sway: I can't do this. Memphis: Straight inline 6,

I thought I told you this is our turf. What, you want to make a move?

I thought, maybe, you were a smart boy. But, I guess if you were real smart you wouldn't be a convict.

If all this comes down, you don't know me. I'm not gonna burn for you. And I'll tell you something else. If it all comes down, your ass is new mown grass.

I got a midget pagin' me right now...

Check this out, man. Here's some low ridin' music. It's a little bit different than that cracker shit you used to be playin'.

Jack: You're not gonna make it. Ganz: What are you talkin' about? I got your gun! I got the money! I got everything!

Jack: I need a car. How about loaning me a couple thousand when you get out? Reggie: What kind of car do you want? Jack: A convertible. I'm a rag top man.

I apologize for striking you. I have no excuse.

It was perfectly planned, but it was executed with neolithic incompetence.

Axel: I made the guy in Detroit. It was Dewald. Jon Flint: I mean, Dewald is the head of the largest private police department in Southern California. I mean, he works with us! With the L.A.P.D. Hell, with the governor's office! Everybody loves him.

I don't know! He really didn't steal that much.

Mr. Miller: I wish I'd listened to my wife. Chief: Oh, for God's sake, Miller, will you take your balls out of your wife's purse and finger the dirtbag?

I wonder what time the park opens.

I'd like to introduce you guys to the future Mrs. Zed!

I'll take care of this, ma'am.

I would crawl over cut glass to take you to the winter formal.

Mauser: I got no eyebrows. Where are my eyebrows? Proctor: Right here, sir.

I told you not to come in here anymore.

In 1906, when the big one hit San Francisco, the ground opened up, and this place took a header right into the crack. So now it's ours.

Axel: I didn't get you anything. Megan: You don't need to. You already have. I'm pregnant.

Michael: You have a big date tonight, grandpa? Grandpa: Yeah. I'm just gonna drop by some of my handiwork to the widow Johnson. Michael: What did you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?

Sam: I nailed one of 'em downstairs with a bow and arrow. Alan: All right, Sambo!

David: I tried to make you immortal. Michael: You tried to make me a killer!

Axel: It's.. It's Tom, Sarah. Tom must have.. Sarah: Stop it! It's your house, Axel. The picture of me and Tom, you took it. It was there. Axel: Tom must have put it there. Sarah, I've been working the past 72 hours. When would I have time to play psycho?

Tom: The words that Megan wrote in her Valentine, "Be mine forever"? Those are the same words written in blood above her dead body. Isn't that right, Axel? Axel: I'm gonna rip your fucking head off.

I said it. Didn't I say it?

If you can't find a radiator hose here.

I don't know how I feel about this.

I need full power, man! This dude's got a long way to go! Whoa!

It's like being baptized, man.

"In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility. But when the blast of war blows in our ears......then imitate the action of the tiger. Summon up the blood. Disguise fair nature with rage......and lend the eye a terrible aspect."

Rick: I'll draw them away from you. Sofia: No no, don't leave.

I wouldn't be able to protect you.

If I don't make it back, run back to the highway, back to the others straight the way we came.

I left her right here.

I drew the walkers way off in that direction up the creek.

I figured she just took off and ran back to the group.

I told her go that way and keep the sun on her left shoulder.

I think you'll find the product was worth the wait.

I want it laundered through the Casino at a half mil a week. Three-quarter mil by march.

I want you, chuckie boy.