“It's just like the Muslims. Muslims are good people and their religion is anti-war. But it’s been taken over by the radical side.”

William Shatner: "It's all there; maps, pass codes." Eric: "How did you score all this stuff?" William Shatner: "Are you kidding? I'm William Shatner I can score anything."

“I'm as anatomically-impaired as a Ken doll.”

“Wait! Where are you going? I was gonna make espresso.”

“It... could ... WORK!”

“I thought I told you never to interrupt me while I'm WORKING!”

“I am Frau Blucher.”

Henry: "So I comes before the E, except after C?" Lucy: "Yes." Henry: "Okay, and C is that little half a squiggly one, right?" Lucy: "Yes." Henry: "I think I'm getting it."

"Insanity runs in my family..."

Joe Blake: "Lau-tsu says that even the softest of things can pass through a horse like invisible water." Terry Lee Collins: "Thank you for that completely useless bit of information Joe."

"Ah! For the love of god, does no one else hear that infernal ringing? Oh yeah, go ahead and laugh. But, according to the latest research, tinnitus (which is what they call it. That's what I've got in my ear. I don't make this shit up.) is an actual disease."

Phil: "Hey, you're inmates." Joe: "What'd you say your name was?" Phil: "Uh, Phil." Joe: "You think there's something funny about being an inmate Phil?"

"So, I met this girl. And you know, I wanted to impress her. So, I said: You want to see me light my hands on fire?."

Harvey Pollard: "Did you know you could bet on Irish hurling?" Terry: "Hey hey hey, excuse me Harvey. I'm trying to figure out why my partner here, when he wasn't helping improve the Blake family standard of living, managed to spend $200,000." Joe: "I met a very lovely young lady from the Netherlands down in S...

"Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch."

"I think Sebastian, therefore I am."

"I can see you. (Howl)"

"That was irrational of you... Not to mention unsportsmanlike."

"So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ, how irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer, and I've been left outside in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you, I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by without making grand plans for...

"Of course I want this to fail. Of course I want Obama to fail. And after this Stimulus Bill passes I want it to fail."

"It won't help someone trying to flip a house. It won't bail out an investor looking to make a quick buck. It won't help speculators that were betting on a risky market."

"I tell you what I have an idea. The new administration is big on computers and technology, how about this President and new administration why don't you put up a website to have people vote on the internet as a referendum to see if we really want to subsidize the losers mortgages or would we like to at least buy ca...

"We know you're angry. I'm angry."

"I want you to know I'm proud of you."

Woman: "Why don't you start by being honest with me." Michael "I've never told anyone." Woman: "Maybe you should."

Michael: "She'd like to be read to." Hanna: "You never tell me what you've been studying." Michael: "I'm studying a play. You can read it." Hanna: "I'd rather listen to you."

Michael: "When I was young I had an affair." Woman: "She was a friend of yours?" Michael: "A kind of friend."

"I can't live without you. Even the thought of it kills me. Do you love me."

"I was a law student. I remember very clearly."

"We are healthy conscious, environmentally conscious, fit, achieving, international family."

Scott: "I'm not going to force him to do it if he doesn’t want to." Boy: "Yeah, and I don't want to do it and you say I have to do it."

"You read that so well. Congratulations. I did not know you could read."

"I took the GRE and I scored in the 99.99th percentile. Which actually equates to an IQ of around 158."

"Hey, I knew you did theater but this is too much. I was going to drag you up but I just didn’t really want to have to kiss you and I don't want to say but you're a little heavy at the moment. But that's the only reason."

"Has anybody ever fainted here, because I might be the first one."

Steve: "Good evening, I'm Steve Martin." Tina: "And I'm Tina Fey." Steve: "And I'm Steve Martin."

Natalie Portman: "You're chewing gum at the Oscars." Ben: "Okay, I'll take it out. Go ahead you're doing fine."

"Now I asked to be here on this part of the show because I love action movies. Now it's no disrespect to all the other kinds of movies but I happen to love movies that have car chases and explosions and excitement and…what's the word…fans."

"I'm very, very happy."

"Please welcome the guy I've been trying to impress all night with my fake Australian accent, Stephen Spielberg."

"I am but a phantom"

I was born with a pixel.

"I would never want that for her or her kids because it's rough."

"Like I said it's about the kids."

"She needs help. She needs help. It's hard now in days to raise 2 kids let alone 14 kids."

Tom: "I'll do your show, but please save my cat." Jimmy: "Done." Tom: "I don't have a cat."

"I don't like being the receiving end of this, it's cruel."

"But I wish I had said it because it was really funny."

Mel: "But the fact of the matter is that it did not come from my lips. It was falsly atributed to me. In fact it was a regular expression used by the arresting officer. And it was a…I think he coined that phrase. I don't know how it got to the press." JImmy: "He rewrote your dialgoue." Mel: "Yeah." Jimmy: "You don't...

"I'm no Michael Moore because I have facts and a lot less fat so I'm no Michael Moore."

"You guys were in love with Barack Obama from very early on and it showed in every single element of the news media coverage."

"I am all for rigorous questioning. However it should be the same for Barack Obama as it is for Sarah Palin."

"You know Sarah Palin. You know that this is a lie that she's some sort of an idiot or a moron."

"It's very much impossible for us to proceed and we cannot guarantee cooperation from every individual in the room."

"I feel so sorry for my children, for my grandchildren, for my great grandchildren, you know, and everyone else's."

"I have not met them. I don't listen or read whatever it is they say because it is inconsequential -- completely."

"I don't even know the congressional leadership. I've never met them."

"I have the high privelage and the distinct honor of presenting to you the President of the United States."

"I’ve come here tonight not only to address the distinguished men and women in this great chamber, but to speak frankly and directly to the men and women who sent us here."

"But while our economy may be weakened and our confidence shaken; though we are living through difficult and uncertain times, tonight I want every American to know this: We will rebuild, we will recover, and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before."

"I called for action because the failure to do so would have cost more jobs and caused more hardships. In fact, a failure to act would have worsened our long-term deficit by assuring weak economic growth for years. That’s why I pushed for quick action."

"And tonight, I am grateful that this Congress delivered, and pleased to say that the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act is now law. "

"That would be worse for our deficit, worse for business, worse for you, and worse for the next generation. And I refuse to let that happen."

"Our job is to govern with a sense of responsibility. I will not spend a single penny for the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive, but I will do whatever it takes to help the small business that can’t pay its workers or the family that has saved and still can’t get a mortgage. That’s what this is ab...

"The budget I submit will invest in the three areas that are absolutely critical to our economic future: energy, health care, and education."

"Well I do not accept a future where the jobs and industries of tomorrow take root beyond our borders – and I know you don’t either. It is time for America to lead again."

"In Providence we've got a win for Keno on Senior Night!"

"I mix it up throughout the week."

"Got my vanilla wafers, my Tostitos dip. Up here I got some snickers, my royal Danish butter cookies, M&Ms."

"Even in college I didn't receive the credit I deserved. And my first couple of years in the league I didn't receive the credit."

"It's just not where the country is, it's not where the future of the country is. There's an intra-Republican debate: some people say the Republican party lost its way because it got too moderate, some people say they got too weird or too conservative."

"I think it's a disaster for the party. I just think it's unfortunate right now."

"He thinks they got too moderate, and he's making that case. I think it's insane."

"In Louisiana, we took a different approach. Since I became governor, we cut more than 250 earmarks from our state budget. To create jobs for our citizens, we cut taxes six times -- including the largest income tax cut in the history of our state. We passed those tax cuts with bipartisan majorities. Republicans and ...

"I'm sure you guys are aware that President Barack Obama addressed Congress last night in an inspirational speech that laid out his plan to rebuild America. It was a somber but inspirational take on our troubling times."

"Thank you Jimmy. I just want to say I have been reading all the internet hoo ha about how this is supposed to sound like me and I just don't get it."

Jimmy: "Where are you right now?" Kenneth: "I'm in my apartment."

Jimmy: "Okay well we thank you for taking the time and talk to us Governor." Kenneth: "Thank you…wait, I'm not the Governor. I am not him."

"I'm a cool guy; outdoorsy, lumberjack, a Clark Gabel, classy, sophisticated."

Jimmy: "Well I know you're busy Nadya." Nadya: "No I'm not! I'm not busy."

Jimmy: "You know your dad said on Oprah today he said you're 'mentally not complete'." Nadya: "I don't know what that means Jimmy. I am complete."

Jimmy: "Well we're out of time regardless." Nadya: "Wait I want to make one more announcement. I'm pregnant again."

"It's 1997. Folks, Ross and Rachel are back together, we are desperately trying to keep our Tamagatchi's alive and we know the stock market has a couple of primo bubbles ahead of it."

"So lets hit the internet to buy some pets.com on my new iMac. Okay. Oh what's that, these don't come out till 1998? Well lets just say that it helps that I'm a celebrity in the future."

It's Paris Hilton.

"I feel like a car."

"I love the news."

"I will throw up if I see people."

"I'm so high right now."

"I have no idea what's going on."

"I can't remember it all looks the same."

"Yeah I think so."

"It's important."

I'm gonna take you down

I'm gonna take you down

I'm going to win

It is my destiny

I'm ready to go

I'm Ash, from Pallet Town

I'm Gary

I'm ready to go

I'm Brock

I'm Misty

I'm Lt. Surge

I'm Erika

I am Koga

I'm Ready

I'm Sabrina

I'm Blaine

I love a puzzle

I'm Tracy

I'm Giovanni

I told you so

I told you so

I'm ready, are you?

I'm Ritchie

I'm Lorelei

I'm Bruno

In training?

I sensed you'd come

I'm Mewtwo

But I am strong

I am the future

Gladly

I am wretched

I am zerg

Prepare to die

Immediately

Ready to serve

Ready to kill