Women, uh, they don't like me. Except lesbians who, uh, well, when I'm wearing my old glasses, think I'm one of them.

Gina: "Okay, you know that I'm a woman and that I have needs." Michael: "Oh, I don't like the direction of this at all."

"I'm not fat, I'm big boned."

Kyle: "Ike, do your impersonation of David Caruso's career." Ike: "It's my turn..."

"I know I didn't have an anal probe and I know I am not under alien control." (song plays)

Ike babbling

"I want a salsbury steak!"

Cartman: "Oh man, I had this crazy nightmare last night." Stan: "Really, what about?" Cartman: "Well I was standing out in a field and I had this huge satellite dish sticking outta my butt and then there was hundreds of cows and aliens and then I went up on the ship and Scott Baio gave me pink eye."

(Barf noise) Wendy: "Ew." Stan: "Sorry." Wendy: "Hey look, a french fry." Stan: "Cool." Wendy: "What is that?" Stan: "I think its part of a Cheesy Poof." Wendy: "Hey, what's that?" Stan: "That's a, a, a hamburger. That's from like two days ago." (Chef starts singing)

"I made you powered donut pancake surprise!"

Cartman: "Stan wants to kiss, Wendy Testaburger!" Stan: "Shut up fatass I don't even like her." Cartman: "I'm not fat, and you obviously like her cause you throw up everytime she talks to you." Stan: "I do not."

Cartman's Mom: "Hello Eric." Cartman: "Hi mom." Cartman's Mom: "How are you doing?" Cartman: "Well, I'm pissed off." Cartman's Mom: "Here, I made you powdered donut pancake surpise." Cartman: "I don't want powdered donut pancake surprise! All the kids at school call me fat!" Cartman's Mom: "You're not fat, you're bi...

"I would if I could you son of a bitch!"

Ike mumbles

"No way dude. I'm gonna win the costume contest with this sweet Chewbacca costume."

"I don't like Kenny anymore. He just doesn't communicate."

Chef: "Damn Johnson. What the hell has gotten into you?" Johnson: "Piiiiink Eeeeeye." Chef: "Get the hell outta here Johnson, I don't want no goddamn pink eye."

Lady: "You get into my office before anyone else sees you. I have to show you an educational video." Cartman: "I don't want to see an educational video!"

Lady: "Ah Eric, God bless it, what do you think you're doing." Cartman: "Hey he said I can have his pudding. Ask him yourself. (in a different voice) That's right (mumbles something) its ok with me cause Eric is cooool."

Lady: "Come on! We're running late!" Stan: "Oh we're always running late you ugly skank." Lady: "What did you say!?!?" Stan: "I said I can't wait to own a fishing tank." Lady: "Oh, neither can I."

Kyle: "Oh my god, I killed Kenny." Kid: "You bastard!"

Cartman: "Isn't it coooool?" Stan: "No it's not cool!"

"I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese Mafia."

Cartman: "Its the British kid. He's a little limey zombie now!" Chef: "Look out children."

"I said, your family had to put up your cardboard box up for a second mortgage Kenny! I'm talking to you Kenny! Auchung! Poor piece of crap!"

Cartman's Mom: "How about we make you a nice scary ghost costume? Cartman: "I won't want to be a stupid scary ghost."

Stan: "Carman, what kind of costume is that?" Cartman: "Its an Adolf Hitler costume. Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!"

Character 1: "Marty, do you have to put that stuff on everything?" Character 2: "I don't know, it just makes everything taste so, English." Character 1: "Well let's let em drain."

"I'd give you topical medicine but I don't want to touch ya."

"Why? What's the point? No one believes in me, everyone put their money on Satan. My father foresaked me, the town foresaked me, I'm completely foresook."

"Excuse me, I just talked to the bookie at the sports betting bar. I have been forsaken! It seems several bets were changed to Satan this morning!"

Satan: "I have such delightful horrors to unleash upon thee!" Jesus: "Oh yeah?"

"Infidels! I will turn you all into beasts of burden!"

Jimbo: "I want to change my bet to Satan!" Army Guy: "Me too."

"Hey! I had a Poofy Pie in that desk!"

"Oh, I remember, I shoved it up my ass!"

Kid: "I bet I can spit the most on him." Wendy: "Oh yeah? I bet I can spit in his hair." Pip: "Oh nice try, a little higher and you got it."

"Look! It's that guy from the Public Access show!"

Wendy shows off her ability to speak Iraqi

"Oh, hello... I'm Chef!"

"You guys are so immature, you act like eight year olds."

"Wow, I can't believe Miss. Ellen was a criminal Iraqi fugitive."

"Wow, what incredible irony."

"I got the triangle, I got the triangle. You don't, you don't!"

"Ah, ah, I'm scared!"

"I noticed!"

"Haven't you ever been curious about the insanity Barbara Streisand exhibits?"

"Her mother was a jackal, her father was an insurance salesman"

"I want to know where I came from..."

"I'm such a cute little kid, I hope I can get this go-cart started."

"I'm your son, Eric. My mom said you put your who-who-dilly in her cha-cha..."

"Ha, ha, I'm plastered!"

"Yeah... it sucks."

"Oh... nothing, its just... nothing."

A few words from Ike

"Wow man, its like, you go through life thinking you're an individual, ok..."

"First of all, smoking is bad. You shouldn't smoke, and, uh alcohol is bad..."

"C'mon dude. If it was your little brother, we'd help you."

" I know that smartypants. What do you think I am, some kinda idiot?"

"You push and you push and now you know my terrible secret! I'm illegitimate!"

"I just wanna be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of like all the rest of you do to each other."

"I love you guys... screw you guys."

"You want to hear my impersonation of American?"

"Owie! It hurts! Owie! Mommy, it hurts, it hurts!"

"No, that's all lies! I'll be fine."

"That's right Mr. Garrison, the Vietnam War was sticky and icky."

"I'm going to create a diversion using this incendiary device, while Ned will ambush them..."

"So, Bob, so, you just get into town?"

"Cartman! There's an ice cream truck sticking out of your ass!"

"Why is it that everything today has involved things going in or coming out of my ass?"

"I'm scared!"

"I said quiet, or else I kill the bunny!"

"I know that smartass! I was being ironic."

"It burns! It burns!"

"Man, its hot out here!"

"How come you aren't blowing things up? Its summer!"

"They should project the movie on Cartman's ass!"

"I want a 'Fudge Em'!"

"Yeah, I love your salty chocolate balls, Chef!"

Ronnie: We are the butt suckin, shit punkin ass butt... Wheeler: Come on, sit down please, Danny... Danny: I like Ronnie's version better.

Gayle: And you are in the slamma like MC Hamma. Wheeler: Did MC Hammer to go prison? Gayle: Yes he did. Or he came extremely close. He certainly filed for bankruptcy. So don't BS me right now okay. Wheeler: I don't understand, how are we BSing you? Gayle: Exactly. I'm BS proof.

Ronnie's Mom: You boys have fun. Ronnie: His idea of fun is fuckin pottery class yo.

Jay Leno: "What country would you find the Panama Canal." Man: "I have no clue."

"This is kind of something, I'm almost embarrassed to mention it…I'm cleaning out my office today, I find OJ's knife. I had it the whole time."

Jay: "Define this word: inebriated." Man: "You've been promoted." Jay: You've been promoted…congratulations you're inebriated on the job, you get a promotion."

"Last week I made love to an inflatable girl, now I got an inflatable guy looking for me."

"Can you imagine it Stan. A mind... empty, by that... thing."

"I love my work!"

"- I don't interrupt you."

That funkidelic intro music that we all love

"I promise, nobody will ever hurt you again... ever... Mr. Twig are you ok? Mr. Twig?"

"You finally snapped, huh Garrison? Don't you get it, Garrison, its all you. You're Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig!"

"It's about friggin time you show up. You don't want me, you want that imposter Cartman."

"...In my world, you're a skinny white insurance salesman."

"Wow! Really? Hey, I love Aunt Flo!"

"Folks need to understand, I am terror! I am fear! I am - hey look, another holiday special."

"It sucks, just like all of your other books."

"Shotgun! I called it! Shotgun! I called it first!"

"There's going to a lot of bloodshed. And a lot of innocent people are going to die..."

Tweek tells his dad how he feels about things…

"Oh, maybe, maybe its all in my head. Maybe I'm going insane. I'm going insane."

Kyle:"Oh my God!! Look at his leg!" Patrick Duffy:"Hi kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy."

"Yeah, hippie. Go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot anything."

Woman: "Now do you intend to keep having children?" Desmond: "No." Woman: "You're done?" Desmond: "I'm done. I said I'm done."

"I didn't intend to have this many…it just happened."

"I found out about 8 hours ago I was like eating a big sandwhich and they called me on the phone and said I had this job, this is seriously true and I'm thrilled. This is something I wanted to do all my life. I'm estatic."

"I have three rules which I live by: Never get less than 12 hours sleep, never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city, and never go near a lady with a tattoo of a dagger on her hand. Now you stick with that, and everything else is cream cheese." -- The basketball coach in "Teen Wolf"

"It's not how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose, and even that doesn't make all that much difference."

Oh, I love trash! Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Anything ragged or rotten or rusty Yes, I love trash I have here a sneaker that's tattered and worn It's all full of holes and the laces are torn A gift from my mother the day I was born I love it because it's trash Oh, I love trash! Anything dirty or dingy or dus...

John Connor: We're not gonna make it, are we? People, I mean. The Terminator: It's in your nature to destroy yourselves.

The Terminator: The Skynet Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line August 4th, 1997. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug. Sarah Connor: Skynet fight...

"I'll be back."

"It's a question of cost. At 60 or 70 or 80 dollar oil no question about it these technologies can start to compete effectively initially with subsidies but within 3 to 5 years without subsidies."

"Of course say low risk ethanol is an area we think a lot will happen. But we're also investing in directly producing hydrocarbons."

"Well I fundamentally believe that we should get away from food based fuels and move to bio massed based fuels and if you combine that with making engines twice as efficient which is not very difficult because that technology has been stuck in low gear for a long time, you use half the fuel we use."

I'm going to sing the Doom Song. doom doom doo doom doom doom doom do DOOM, doomy doomy doomy

I'm Popeye the Sailor Man, I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. I'm strong to the finish Cause I eats me spinach. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. I'm one tough Gazookus Which hates all Palookas Wot ain't on the up and square. I biffs 'em and buffs 'em And always out roughs 'em But none of 'em gets nowhere. If anyone da...

I saw your face and - Wow! Right then I took a vow That we'd be together, girl, just you and me That's the meaning of eternity I saw...I saw...your face...and wow! I nearly had a cow And when we're together, babe, it's plain to see The cosmic power of our energy

Webby: "Hey, can I help?" Huey: "No way, you're not workin with us." Webby: "I can't play with you, I can't work with you? Jee whiz."

Now I'm takin back the night cause what he did to me you know it ain't right. It was consensual he said - so Kobe, tell me why my ass bled!

"I'm Gay."

Lindsay Lohan's Mom burns Billy.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head fight while carrying more building blocks for the Toy Story 3 sign.

Rex: "I can hardly wait!" Woody: "Other way Rex." Rex: "Oh."

"a little guy in a little car with a big mouth.."

Phil: Well let's just calm down. Stu: You fucking calm down. He drugged us. I lost a tooth, I married a whore. Alan: How dare you, she's a nice lady. Stu: You are such a fucking moron! Alan: Your language is offensive. Stu: Fuck you!

Melissa: Why would you go to Las Vegas. Stu: Cause my best friend was gettin married and that's what guys do. Melissa: Oh really, that's not what you do. Stu: Really, then why did I do it? Huh? Cause I did it. Riddle me that. Why'd I do it. You know sometimes I think that you want me to do what you want me to do. We...

It's funny because he's fat.

I didn't know they give out rings at the Holocaust

Phil: You're not really wearin that are you? Alan: Wearing what? Phil: The man purse. You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys just fuckin with me? Alan: It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a man purse, it's called a sachel. Indiana Jones wears one Phil: So d...

I look like a nerdy hill billy.

She was a good girl If I were a boy even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning And throw on what I wanted And go drink beer with the guys And chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted And I'd never get confronted for it 'Cause they stick up for me If I were a boy I think I could understand How it...

You're beautiful, the way you wear that, share that Have many ladies, but nothing can compare to that smile That style that drives men wild That ring could have Big Daddy walkin' down the isle Proper you a show stopper, girl endure dropper I can see me leavin' Suze and bring it home to mama What you lookin at is pur...

"Do you realize if you were to take that lettuce, dry it and roll it and smoke it and you go ahead and you smoke your lettuce; do you realize that you're going to end up with similar problems than if you were smoking tobacco. It's not the nicotine that kills, it's the smoke that kills."

Peter: Let's meet our second player, Michael Larson. How are you Michael? Now Michael, what do you do for a living? Michael: Oh, I drive an ice cream truck in the summer.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it The taste of her cherry chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it I hope my boyfriend don't mind it"

I liked to be the girl that kissed a girl and all of a sudden pull out an acoustic guitar and say hi, I did this.

I just want to thank everybody here in London and everybody in the UK. I'm so sick right now. But they said I should show up to the Brits because something special might happen - so thank you so much!

"It's unique it's one of a kind it's kind of what i strive to be."

"I'm gonna write white dots on his nose."

It's unique, it's one of a kind. That's why I kind of try and strive to be.

I'm such an overachiever as it is and I always, you know, I've been on the road for a year and so much has happened, it's been almost like this rocket that my body was just at this point where like, sorry going on holiday, bye.

Look, if I only ever get one chance to shine in the world I can say that I did and I went a big big way with lots of glitter.

"It's hard to describe right now, I mean it's life, everything. My family, this team, this organization, this city, this league, everything about this game makes the night special."

"But I love that man."

"I think my team counted on me to stop a lot of the guys who were a danger in the post and I think I did very well. I think I held my ground, I made a big difference I the games and I'm just proud of my teammates, proud of all the work we put in, proud of all the organization, the coaching staff, my family and it as...

"It's surreal to watch this thing count down, see these guys out on the floor carry the day. They did such a good job in the second half, actually in the middle of the second quarter carrying this game home. It's all about them."

"I'll smoke a cigar tonight in memory of Red. He was a great guy, I'll smoke a cigar in memory of him."

"I love LA. We love it!"

I was so sick, I was laying down, Natalie Imburglia was coming in, doing her makeup, I was in the corner with my coat over me like laying down and ah, I had to go to the table and I really didn't think I was gonna win because I think Beyonce was gonna win of course with all the Single Ladies and I won, and ah, I was...

Well I was, I was actually in the shower kinda having a moment to myself and being like, oh, it's today. This is my birthday, bar mitzvah, communion, graduation, wedding day, all wrapped into one, all those feelings.

I started in Gospel music. I started you know, singing at church on Sunday morning and kinda that was my life, church and Oh Happy Day. I sang all the time, that's all I sang was Oh Happy Day.

I would actually suggest, I think that the romper, that's like a onesie is actually going to be big this summer, I hope. I wear them all the time. I've worn them for years, I'll wear them, I'll wear them forever, until I get fat and old.

"I got kicked out in Arizona for not saying a word. You know, it's terrible. And now because of him, my knees hurt and if it costs me my season because of that he needs to be reprimanded."

"No, it's tough right now, it's just very emotional. I can't really, you know, I'm feelin for my players right now more than anything. Like I said I've been in this situation many times, on both sides and it's just tough. You fight back, and you lead all the way through, and then you just don't close the deal. It's ...

"It's over! it's over! The Zips have won the game!"

Vince: "Do you want to face Rock at Survivor Series? Or Stone Cold Austin?" HHH: "You know what I think…" Rock: "It doesn’t matter what you think!"

"Image is everything."

"It's a fumble."

"It's deep and I know it’s not playable."

"I don’t even know who you are anymore."

"I am king of the diamond. This will be a grand clubhouse feast. Bring me the finest meats and cheeses from throughout the land."

"It is good!"

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"I will win the world heavyweight championship styling and profiling."

Edward: "I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore." Bella: "Then don't."

"I don't want to be a monster. My family, we think of ourselves as vegetarians, cause we only survive on the blood of animals. But it's like a human only living on tofu - keeps you strong but you're never really satisfied."

"I feel very protective of you."

Bella: "Why did you hate me so much when we met?" Edward: "I did. Only for making me want you so badly. I still don't know if I can control myself."

Bella: "I know what you are." Edward: "Say it. Out loud. Say it." Bella: "Vampire."

Bella: "You read minds." Edward: "I can read every mind in this room apart from yours."

Edward: "You're not gonna let this go are you?" Bella: "No." Edward: "Well then I hope you enjoy disappointment."

Bella: "I trust you." Edward: "Dont."

Edward: "I'm the wold's most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I wouldn't need any of that. As if you could out run me. As if you could fight me off. I'm designed to kill." Bella: "I don't care." Edward: "I've killed people before."

"About 3 things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him and I didn't know how dominant that part might be that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

Bella: "What if they don't like me." Edward: "So you're worried, not because you'll be in a house full of vampires but because you think they won't approve you."

Bella: "You're really not gonna eat?" Edward: "No, I'm on a special diet."

Katie: "And most colds are transferred from handshakes so wash your with Purel…" Jon: "Okay I'll do that…when I'm not doing the show anymore. I don't have Purel here." Katie: "You should. Al Roker and Matt Lauer are addicted to Purel. I always say you guys would jump in a vat of Purel if you could." Jon: You're not ...