Bill Maher: You know I remember being in New Years Eve party many years ago… Brad Pitt: That wasn’t me. Bill Maher: Yes it was and you were on the floor, not on the floor…no, no I said that wrong. You just happened to be there. You just happened to be there. You were certainly very sober. But you just, oh my, rolled...

"So when folks with a stake in the status quo keep inventing these bogeymen in an effort to scare people, it’s disappointing, but it’s not surprising. We’ve seen it before. When President Roosevelt was working to create Social Security, opponents warned it would open the door to "federal snooping" and force American...

Man 1: They told me I was going to get a vest." Man 2: Don't worry about the vest it will be fine."

"You know if you had a tan all the time you wouldn’t need make up."

"It took a lot of years before one night at somebody's birthday party Nixon went and said you were right I should have been made up that night."

"I was lazy. You know, I was the last guy in the building, first guy out. I know that. You know, I hear everything that people say. And that hurt me when I heard that, but I know it was true."

"I encourage you to love your animals. — whatever animals you have, whether it’s a dog, a cat, a reptile, if it’s a horse. I encourage you to love that animal dearly and with all your heart."

"I was introduced very young, so I didn’t think it was wrong because I’d seen older guys, you know, condoning it and then, you know, doing it."

"I blame me."

"And all because of the so-called culture that I thought was right — that I thought it was cool. And I thought it was, you know, it was fun, and it was exciting at the time. It all led to me laying in a prison bunk by myself with no one to talk to but myself."

"I can’t, you know, describe the feeling. You know, the hurt deep inside, hurt that I never felt before, knowing that I disappointed him, knowing that he’d given me every opportunity to come to him and reach out whenever I needed him. And he cared about me and I took it all for granted."

"I know why. You know, I know why. And regardless of what it was — and why I was driven, you know, by what– you know what was going on, you know — whether it was because of the competition or — you know, whatever it may have been, it was wrong."

"It’s wrong, man. I don’t know how many times I gotta tell, I gotta say it. I mean, it was wrong. I feel, you know, I feel, you know, tremendous hurt behind what happened. And, you know, I should’ve took the initiative to stop it all. You know, and I didn’t. And I feel so bad about that now. And I know, you know, th...

"I deserve to lose it. I deserve to lose the $130 million. Why would a guy who was making a $130 million and, you know, on the flip side, you know, killing dogs or doing the wrong things, why would– you know, he don’t — he don’t deserve it."

"I was scared. I knew my career was in jeopardy. I knew I had an endorsement with Nike and — and I knew it was going to be a big letdown. I felt the guilt and I knew I was guilty, and I knew what I had done. And, not knowing at the time that, you know, actually telling the truth may have been better than, you know, ...

I will fire when I am Goddamn good and ready. You got that?

Goose: This is a great shot Mav, I should be a photographer. Maverick: Cougar, your tail is clear, big ones bugged out.

I'm going to missile lock. Let's fuckin scare this guy outta here. Come on lock up baby, lock up baby, lock up. I got him locked! Bingo!

Charlie: The mick has you in his gun site, what were you thinking at this point. Maverick: You don't have time to think up there. If you think, you're dead. Charlie: Well that's a big gamble with a 30 million dollar plane Lieutenant.

I can see it's dangerous for you but if the government trusts me, maybe you could.

Ice: You're everyone's problem. That's because everytime you go up in the air you're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous. Maverick: That's right, Ice, man, I am dangerous.

Maverick: I feel the need... Maverick & Goose: The need for speed.

Maverick: Started up on a 6 when he pulled through the clouds and then I moved in above him. Charlie: Well if you were directly above him, how could you see him? Maveric: Because I was inverted.

Merlin: What are you doin? You're slowin down, you're slowin down! Maverick: I'm bringing him in closer Merlin. Merlin: You're gonna do what? This is it Maverick! Merlin: I'm gonna hit the brakes, he'll fly right by.

Maverick: I can't reach the ejection handle. Eject. Goose: I'm trying! Maverick: Eject eject eject eject!

"Yeah I had a joystick when I was growing up…mine was attached. It was a first person shooter too, I’ll tell you right there."

"Sometimes I feel literally so old. Your mother and I weren’t online, we did lines. I’ll tell you that my friend. You get 500,000 hits we get 5 hits. And we were in a chat room which was a men’s room stall."

"And people say its ADD, no I think they’re multi tasking. I think they’re actually like this…I come in and I see my son he’s listening to music, he’s downloading mp3 files, he’s also writing. I feel like going, you’re very, very good at that. Suddenly feel like rain man definitely growing much faster than I am."

"I’m just blessed to have an opportunity to be here with this organization. My goal is to come back and get acclimated. Whatever Coach Reid decides on, that’s what I will do. I’m just here to contribute and help win a Super Bowl."

"I understand. I would hope that they would [forgive me]. I committed an act that was cruel and it was unethical. It was inhumane, so I understand to a certain degree but our country is a country of second chances and I’ve paid my debt to society. I spent two years in prison, away from my fiancé [Kijafa], away from ...

"I’m ready to go. I’ve maintained, I’ve stayed in shape and I’ve done all the things to keep up my physical physique. It was hard when I was away but over the last two months I have been able to manage and do things to maintain my weight and my build and hopefully my speed. I’ve tested myself, tested the waters and ...

"I am proud of the Philadelphia Eagles. I know they didn’t do this as a charity measure, they feel like Mike is going to help their football team and be a weapon for them. But they also stepped out to give a man a second chance and I think that’s important."

"I was wrong for what I did. Everything that happened at that point and time in my life was wrong and unnecessary. And, to the life of me to this day I can’t understand why I was involved in such a pointless activity and why I risked so much at the pinnacle of my career. I was naïve to a lot of things. But, I figure...

"I have done a lot of work with inmates and ex-offenders in Tampa for the last thirteen years. The last project I was involved with in Indianapolis, was getting involved with Mayor Greg Ballard there on a re-entry program. We have roughly 4,000 inmates every year that come back into the city of Indianapolis and Mari...

"There was a point in my life when before I was convicted or before the allegations even came out when I knew it was wrong and I felt that it was wrong. Just when I was trying to turn the corner and it was too late, but everything happens for a reason and there is a reason I was sent to Kansas and a reason I was con...

"I don’t think I took a chance. I did what I hope someone would do for me if I made a mistake. When I went into Leavenworth one of the questions I asked Mike was, ‘Where was the Lord in all this.’ He explained to me his spiritual walk growing up and the fact that when he got to the NFL that was one of the mistakes t...

Kramer: Alright, they got one at the Paradise at 10:45. Elaine: No, I don't wanna go to a miniplex multi theatre. George: It's the same movie, what's the difference. Elaine: No, it's not a theatre, it's like a room where they bring in POWs to show them propaganda films.

Kramer: Listen, I'm gonna get a hotdog at Papaya King. George: You won't make it back in time. Kramer: I'm starving, I never had any dinner. Elaine: You can get a hotdog at the theatre. Kramer: I don't want a movie hotdog, I want a Papaya King hotdog.

Ellen: Rusty have you been going through her private property? Clark: Look, I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what - we need money.

I'm making this out for $1000. All you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep $700. All for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.

Vicki: I'm goin steady and I french kiss. Audrey: So, everybody does that. Vicki: Yeah but daddy says I'm the best at it.

I think you're all fucked in the head. We're 10 hours from the fuckin fun park and you all wanna bail out. Well I'll tell you somethin, this is no longer a vacation, it's a quest, it's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun, we're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery t...

I'm proficient in many strokes and I dive, as a matter of fact I could have been in the Olympics.

Audrey: Where's mom? Ellen: I'm under here kids. Go back to bed!

I am talking scorched earth mother fucker. I will massacre you!

Susan: You are such a prude. George: Hey, I am not a prude sweatheart. I swing with the best of them.

Elaine: What about the Bubble Boy? Jerry: Why do you keep bringing up the Bubble Boy? You don't have to mention the Bubble Boy, I know about the Bubble Boy, I'm aware of the Bubble Boy. Why do you keep reminding me about the Bubble Boy?

Jerry: You know, I thought I ate too much of that garlic. Naomi: Yeah me too. Jerry: No, I ate the whole plate. I didn't know those little things were garlic, I thought they were peanuts.

George: I can't face the bubble boy. Susan: What's the matter? George: I just don't react well in these situations. My grandmother died two months early because of the way I reacted in the hospital. She was gettin better and then I went to pay her a visit. She saw my face, boom, that was the end of it.

Bubble Boy: It doesn't matter, there's no moors, it's moops. George: It's moops. Bubble Boy: Moors. Geogre: Moops. Bubble Boy: Moors.

Bubble Boy: What are you lookin at? Haven't you ever seen a kid in a bubble before? George: Course I have, come on. My cousin's in a bubble. My friend Jeffrey's sister, bubble. I got a lot of bubble experience, come on. Bubble Boy: What's your story? Susan: I have no story. George: She works for NBC. Bubble Boy...

"He and I were talking after his diagnosis, and I said, "You know, I think you're the only other person I've met who, like me, is more optimistic, more enthusiastic, more idealistic, sees greater possibilities after 36 years than when we were elected."

"I wanted to say a few words this morning about the passing of an extraordinary leader, Senator Edward Kennedy."

Mrs. Jones: Craig. Tell that little girl to stop playin on my phone. Craig: What little girl? Mrs. Jones: Joy, she keeps callin here and hanging up and I know it's her cause I star 69'd her and she hung up again.

Daaaamn, Ms. Parker finer than a motherfuck. Damn. I'd knock the dust off that pussy.

I had to warn you too many times about my money Smokey. It's the principal of the whole thing. It's principalitiesness.

I know you don't smoke weed, I know this but I'mma get you high today. Cause it's Friday, you ain't got no job and you ain't got shit to do.

Joi: Why you can't call anybody back. And which one of your hoes you messing with has somebody shootin at you. See I don't know why I waste my time on your old stupid ass anyway. Craig: I don't know either. It's over, biatch!

I know you don't smoke weed, I know this, but I'ma get you high today, cause it's Friday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do.

I was just bullshittin and you know this, man!

Peter Venkman: "I didn't get your name." Dana Barrett: "I am Zuul. I am The Gatekeeper." Peter Venkman: "Oh."

Dana Barrett: "I want you inside me." Peter Venkman: "Go ahead! No, I can't, sounds like you've already got at least two people in there already. Might a little crowded."

"What's great about the iPhone is that if you want to know where your ex girlfriend is at any moment, there is an app for that. Or if you want to check her personal calendar so you can accidentally run into her and give her a chance to take you back, there's an app for that. And if you want to set up automatic late ...

"I'm not strong enough."

"I killed him. I killed him."

"I love you, dad. I always will. And I miss you already."

"I remember how my dad would tell audiences years ago, I don't mind not being president; I just mind that someone else is."

"Dad instilled in me also the importance of history and biography. He loved Boston, and the amazing writers and philosophers and politicians from Massachusetts. He took me and my cousins to the old North Church and to Walden Pond and to the homes of Herman Melville and Nathaniel Hawthorne in the Berkshires."

"I’m very fortunate to have multiple moments like that. I’ve had so many of those moments, whether it’s winning championships or having a good time on the road with the guys, having memories that you won’t forget, things that are said and experiences that are shared."

"I didn’t just come in here, get drafted as a rookie, play a little bit, do well and then ‘OK, today is your day.’ I had a different career."

"I think I had moments in my life that were shared in front of these cameras and on that field, whether it was with my kids or coming out of Mass General Hospital, that I’ll always remember for the rest of my life, and all of New England and the fans will remember for the rest of my life, and Heidi was with me throu...

"I’m in a great place. I’m in a great place. I feel great today."

"After 13 years, 13 years of NFL football, 13 years of Patriot football, I’m retiring."

I wipe my own ass.

Sonny: What'd we learn about girls today? Julian: Initiating the conversation is half the battle. Sonny: Bingo.

Sonny: Yeah, when I was your age I could eat anything I wanted, wouldn't gain an ounce. Now, I have a chocolate shake, my ass jiggles for a week. Enjoy the metabolism while you got it. Julian: Metalobism?

Julian: Please don't make me go. Sonny: I'm sorry but I don't know what else to do. Julian: I won't play the kangaroo song anymore.

Kangaroo song plays. Sonny: I can't take this shit, are you serious?

Julian: Is that the guy with the old balls? Sonny: Yeah I think it is.

Sonny: I let him become the smelly kid in class, what the hell's the matter with me. Teacher: Oh yes, I've had some smelly ones before but your son is by far the smelliest. Sonny: Alright I gotcha mam, take it easy.

Mike: I gotta admit, I'm still weirded out when they kiss. Sonny: Why? They're gay, that's what gay guys do. Mike: Yeah, I know but they were like brothers to us back in school. Sonny: They're still like our brothers, our very very gay brothers.

Kevin: Come on, is there really a kid there? Or is this like the time you told me my parents were dead. Sonny: I swear to God he's right here.

Lenny: He'd be better off living in a dumpster than with you. Sonny: I'll be a better father than you! Lenny: That's impossible because all you care about is yourself. Sonny: Yeah, I care about you saving money on this phone call.

"If we could swim they would have never gotten us over here in the first place. We're going back, we're going to swim back."

"Look I need if for inspiration. It's Saturday for God's sake."

"I'm Peggy Olson, and I want to smoke some marijuana."

"I am so high."

Secretary: "You're free to do whatever you want but you're not thinking about your future." Peggy: "The thing is, I have a job, I have my own office with my name on the door and I have a secretary, that's you and I am not scared about any of this."

Secretary: "You think I don't know what you've been doing in there? I don't know what to say." Peggy: "I got nothing to hide."

It's amazing, I cannot get left. There's Big Ben kids, parlaiment.

Flight Attendant: Would you like something to drink? Ellen: No, thank you. Clark: I'll have a Coke. Flight Attendant: Do you want that in the can? Clark: No, I'll have it right here.

You don't want to look like a tourist do you? All the French wear these, it's the national hat fella.

I'm Clark W. Griswold, I'm in food additives and condiments, not preservatives.

"2, 1, the Colts are world champions. World Champions for the first time since 1971. The Colts have beaten the bears 29-17 and the champions of the football world are the Indianapolis Colts."

"Ladies and gentleman please welcome your Indianapolis Colts! And he's at the 40, the 30, no defenders in site. He's on a run, touchdown!"

I can see that it won't be long You grow cold when you keep holding on You know you've changed And your words they lie That's something you can't deny I call, you're not at home You're home, but you're not alone If you wanna leave Then why don't you say Your love has gone anyway [Chorus] I know there's something g...

I'm in denial.

Flight Attendant: I'd be happy to check that for you. Roscoe: Hell no.

Reggie: First it was survival, now it's America's Next Top Model. Bianca: Oh stop it, really? Reggie: Oh hell yeah really. My God, I'll drink your dishwater, bath water, all types of waters, I'll drink all your waters.

And den he be finished. I'm like damn is something wrong with my cakes? I don't know if something wrong with my tasty cakes Scoe.

Wait a minute, 20 grand for your panties? I got some panties. Okay, I got the good panties, I got the thong panties, I got the period panties they might go...

Cause I'm done with you, you crazy ass bitch. You know what, thank you Bianca, thank you so much for lettin me finally see you for the arrogant, sex craze, pretentious, fake ass celebrity wannabe that you are. Thank you Bianca, thank you.

I will cut you.

You wanna chick filet that's what you got, I'm Burger King, I'm a double whopper. You wanna see this dog meat? I don't play this foolishness you're sick.

Roscoe: You better get your butterfinger eatin ass back in the car. I may not hit a woman but I'll beat a bitches ass. Betty: Oh is that what you're gonna do? That's what you gonna do? You gonna beat a bitches ass? What bitch you gonna beat Scoe?

Roscoe: I am the man. Bianca: Say it louder. Roscoe: I'm the man. Bianca: Say it louder. Roscoe: I'm the man.

Coeta Taco Bell, I ain't no what it was. I thought it was a little fur coat with some feet or something that walked over here.

"I’m Richard aka Big Head. I work at the Red House and I’m black. I like pumping irons and pumping furniture into people’s homes.

"I’m Johnny aka Ten Gauge, I work with the Red House and I’m white. I like deer hunting, bass fishing and extending credit to all people."

Man 1: "I’m black and I love the Red House." Man 2: "I’m white and I love the Red House."

"I’m a black women and I love the Red House."

"It’s the Chiefs yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Chiefs yeah! It’s the Chiefs yeah, the Kansas City Chiefs yeah. Kansas City Chiefs, touchdown."

"It’s the Ravens yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Ravens yeah! It’s the Ravens yeah, it’s the Ravens yeah. Baltimore Ravens, touchdown."

"It’s the Bills yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Bills yeah! The Buffalo Bills yeah. The Bills, yeah. Buffalo Bills, touchdown."

"It’s the Falcons yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Falcons yeah! It’s the Falcons yeah, it’s the Falcons yeah. Atlanta Falcons, touchdown."

"It’s the Packers yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Packers yeah! It’s the Packers yeah, the Green Bay Packers yeah. Green Bay Packers, touchdown."

"It’s the Texans yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Texans yeah! It’s the Texans yeah, the Houston Texans yeah. Houston Texans, touchdown."

"It’s the Browns yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Browns yeah! It’s the Browns yeah, the Cleveland Browns yeah. Cleveland Browns, touchdown."

"It’s the Cardinals yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Cardinals yeah! It’s the Cardinals yeah, it’s the Cardinals yeah. Arizona Cardinals, touchdown."

"It’s the Cowboys yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Cowboys yeah! It’s the Cowboys yeah, the Dallas Cowboys yeah. Dallas Cowboys, touchdown."

"It’s the Bengals yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Bengals yeah! It’s the Bengals yeah, the Cincinnati Bengals yeah. Cincinnati Bengals, touchdown."

"It’s the Lions yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Lions yeah! It’s the Lions yeah, it’s the Lions yeah. Detroit Lions, touchdown."

"It’s the Dolphins yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Dolphins yeah! It’s the Dolphins yeah, the Miami Dolphins yeah. Miami Dolphins, touchdown."

"It’s the Jaguars yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Jaguars yeah! It’s the Jaguars yeah, the Jacksonville Jaguars yeah. Jacksonville Jaguars, touchdown."

"It’s the Broncos yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Broncos yeah! It’s the Broncos yeah, the Denver Broncos yeah. Denver Broncos, touchdown."

"It’s the Bears yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Bears yeah! It’s the Bears yeah, Chicago Bears, yeah. Chicago Bears, touchdown."

"It’s the Bucs yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Bucs yeah! Tampa Bay Buccaneers , it's the Bucs yeah. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, touchdown."

"It’s the 9ers yeah, pop open a beer it’s the 9ers yeah! It’s the 9ers yeah, the San Francisco 49ers yeah. San Francisco 49ers, touchdown."

"It’s the Eagles yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Eagles yeah! It’s the Eagles yeah, the Philadelphia Eagles yeah. Philadelphia Eagles, touchdown."

"It’s the Jets yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Jets yeah! It’s the Jets yeah, the New York Jets yeah. New York Jets, touchdown."

"It’s the Patriots yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Patriots yeah! It’s the Patriots yeah, the New England Patriots yeah. New England Patriots, touchdown."

"It’s the Raiders yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Raiders yeah! It’s the Raiders yeah, the Oakland Raiders yeah. Oakland Raiders, touchdown."

"It’s the Chargers yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Chargers yeah! It’s the Chargers yeah, the San Diego Chargers yeah. San Diego Chargers, touchdown."

"It’s the Saints yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Saints yeah! It’s the Saints yeah, it’s the Saints yeah. New Orleans Saints, touchdown."

"It’s the Vikings yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Vikings yeah! It’s the Vikings yeah, the Minnesota Vikings yeah. Minnesota Vikings, touchdown."

"It’s the Colts yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Colts yeah! It’s the Colts yeah, the Indianapolis Colts yeah. Indianapolis Colts, touchdown."

"It’s the Giants yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Giants yeah! It’s the Giants yeah, the New York Giants yeah. New York Giants, touchdown."

"It’s the Redskins yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Redskins yeah! It’s the Redskins yeah, the Washington Redskins yeah. Washington Redskins, touchdown."

"It’s the Titans yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Titans yeah! It’s the Titans yeah, the Tennessee Titans yeah. Tennessee Titans, touchdown."

"It’s the Seahawks yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Seahawks yeah! It’s the Seahawks yeah, the Seattle Seahawks yeah. Seattle Seahawks, touchdown."

"It’s the Rams yeah, pop open a beer it’s the Rams yeah! It’s the Rams yeah, the St. Louis Rams yeah. St. Louis Rams, touchdown."