Dave: "Are you Jewish?" Chuck:" I could be...but no. Half Irish, half Italian, half mexican."

Kyle: "Let me have some candy, Cartman!" Cartman: "Oh, let's see….uh….Nope, I don't have any Jewish candy!" Kyle: "Like you need all that chocolate, fat boy!"

Japanese Groundsmen talk about the Indian's lack of talent.

"One ring to rule them all! One ring to find them! One ring to bring them all! And in the darkness.....bind them! J.R.R. Tolkien's......The Lord Of The Rings! "

"Our old friend, Senator Joe the Biden."

MA: Yes, in French it's called de rouge a levre sur un cochon (lipstick on a pig), or if you prefer in English, Joe the Plumber...it's his life, Joe the Plumber. SP: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too.

JE SUIS LA JEUNE FILLE!

MCCAIN: Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening. My friends, we have — we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly. A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratul...

"John McCain -- as he so graciously said himself the other night -- lost this election. He lost it with your help, your advice, your guidance, and -- yes -- your running mate recommendations. And that is crystal clear to everyone, no matter how hard you try to blame Sarah Palin, or anyone else."

All of it is designed for job growth.

"Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up."

Robbie: "I don't even know your last name". Glen: "It's Gulia." Robbie: "Gulia? Julia's last names gonna be Gulia. Julia Gulia, that's funny." Glen: "Why's that funny?" Robbie: "I don't know."

"You suck! Ya Jack Ass!"

"Oh I was a mess. I was just so excited and so happy. And so grateful."

"John McCain felt obliged to tell you all he was not George Bush."

"John McCain started attacking George Bush's budget and fiscal policy."

"I'm just glad I could be used to get some points across."

We sucked! I'm totally embarrassed and totally ashamed. Coaching did a horrible job, the players did a horrible job. We got our asses kicked. It sucked.... it stunk!

"Just a drink, a martini... shaken, not stirred."

"Jump up in the air and stuff that son of a bitch in there, Chief. "

"Joe, trust me on this. You've made a mistake."

Felix: "You know who Green is and you want to put us in bed with him, you aren't kidding, right?" Tanner: "Yeah, you're right, we should just deal with nice people."

Green: "Sounds like you just lost another one!"

This town deserves a better class of criminal

"I couldn’t believe they were gonna pay me to jump out of airplanes."

"The phone rings. It's the White House. The president would like you to come down and we'd like to give you a trophy for the longest winning streak in the country. No no no. I told them to shove it! These guys are the best there was!"

Joyce Driben and I grew up in Massachusetts actually, I was born in Boston Massachusetts section of Boston called Dorchester and I have a twin sister who is sited. Well depending on which you name you like written I believe optimum prematurity is the current name but I grew up calling it retrolental fibroplasia. Whe...

Japan

"This is just the beginning."

*Singing in Italian*

1. Can you tell me your name, age, the date, and where we are? 2. How did you meet your wife? 3. How did you know she was "the one"? 4. How did you propose? 5. What were/are the best times? The most difficult times? 6. Do you have any favorite stories from your marriage or about your wife? 7. When did you f...

"And ESPN has been so kind to support me in this endeavor and allow me to announce tonight, that with ESPN's support, which means what? Their money and their dollars and they're helping me -- we are starting the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research."

"He would just ah, tell me don't listen nobody, just concentrate hockey, don't go nowhere you know, don't go walk with my friends, I just concentrate hockey, practice, go home sleep, go to bed and again practice."

"There was bitterness, and hats got chopped up..."

"We hope you will join us and see for yourself the progress we are making developing the vehicles of the future."

He said, "Private Hylton, do you think you've ever learned anything since you got in the army?" And, you know, I was just completely stymied - I didn't have time to think about that...Well, my answer to him was that, "I guess I found out what a good home I had before I got here." He said, "That's a perfect ans...

"And I don't want to hurt Bruce, I don't want to hurt any of these guys, I know these guys, these guys have eaten in my home. I'd done book reports with their kids, I sung to their mothers when they were sick. You know, I wasn't there to hurt anybody, I just wanted my personal things."

"Just seems like I was here yesterday. I was."

"Jeeeeeooooorbbbbb!"

"Using not merely the communists … the deluded liberals, the eggheads ... who can become heroes overnight in the eyes of the left wing press if they will join with the jackal pack."

Coach Z: "You got any type of jig you could use up in there?" Strong Bad: "Oh yeah, I got this jig. Come on getting' da boat, fish, come on in getting da boat, fish fish."

"Just the thought of that gave me the jibilies…here they come again, jibilies."

Japanese man 1: "Japanese penis, so small!" Japanese man 2: "...so small..."

"Jails are fucked up, don't believe the hype."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two fifty."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two fifty, oh! That fuckin whore!"

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack burnt off his fucking dick."

"Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. So Jack ignored her flappy tits and licked her asshole clean."

"Why leave anything on your front lawn or on your porch or the side of the highway when you could store all that stuff my way down here at Jone’s Big Ass Truck Rental and Car Storage. Now I know y'all got stuff at your house you don’t need no more you don’t want. You know you ain’t gonna use that printer, why keep i...

"

A song comes on that reminds me of you and I jizz in my pants. The next day my alarm goes off and I jizz in my pants. Open my window and a breeze rolls in and I jizz in my pants. When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of sixth sense I jizzed in my pants. I just ate a grape and I jizzed in my pants.

Character 1: "YIIIEE-HAAA, this place's fucking Saigon, huh??" Character 2: "I was in junior huh, dickhead."

"Say, by the way, can you play Jingle Bells? No, no. I mean Jingle Bells. You know, deck them halls and all that stuff? No, no. You don't get it at all. I mean Jingle Bells. You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls. That's it!"

"Alright now, the whole trick is getting up enough speed and jumping into the wind. You got it? Go ahead."

"Have a happy, jolly Christmas, it's the best time of the year. I don't know if there be snow but have a cup of cheer."

Mom: "They're not kosher." Girl: "You always told me they were bigger in the pants." Mom: "Oh kill me with a knife." Dad: "What are you dating an Italian for? We're nothing like that. I thought you were smarter than that."

John: "What happened here?" Guy: "Judgement day happened."

"Just once I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. Egg nog, a Christmas tree, a little turkey... But no, I gotta crawl around in this mother-fucking tin can!"

"July is National Baked Bean Month, excuse me…"

"My name is William Wayne. I don't know this is so unimportant. I want to add anything that I can add to what he said about the fact that you guys just said on the American side, you know it's so terrible. There is no way to be a leader in Americana except you guys. You got to control it. We haven't any chance."

"Join me and you will have your revenge."

"Oh joy!"

"I dream of Jeannie BLINK BLINK."

Jeopardy wait (thinking...) music.

Woody: "Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?" Norm: "Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nippin at my liver."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be whining, this is my job I'll just live with it."

"Blink"

"Jerk Store would have smoked that guy!"

"Today car alarm thieves continue to run rampant..."

Farrell: "What are we doing?" McClain: "It's a little thing they invented back in the sixties called 'jogging'. You're gonna love it. Come on."

"Just bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best."

"I better eat my Wheaties."

"I think he's just like a little kid except furrier."

"Well I got to tell you it just occurred to me what the student body has been chanting for the last 2 or 3 minutes. It's Dan Ruettiger."

lets put a smile on that face and why so serious

Jack Lengyel: "For those of you who may not know, this is the final resting place for six members of the 1970 Thundering Herd. The plane crash that took their lives was so severe, so absolute, that their bodies were unable to be identified. So they were buried here. Together. Six players. Six teammates. Six Sons of ...

"Utah jumped on them from the get go."

"I'm sorry Eve, I just want to come home."

Frank: "Looks like their trying to get our attention." Horatio: "I don't know but he just got mine."

Man: "Lt. Caine." Horatio: "You help me, and I'll help you." Man: "You're already dead brother." Horatio: "Join the club."

"Jessup run!"

James: "You're faster than the others, but not stronger." Edward: "I'm strong enough to kill you."

"The first round, the Jeopardy! round."

"Joe is the winner!"

"But Joe Senior taught his son about the values that stretched longer than the dollar: the dignity of a hard day’s work; the primacy of family; the dream that anyone should be able to make it if they try; and the simple lesson that when we Americans get knocked down, we always — always — get back up on our feet."

"Let's make sure this election is not the end of what we do to change America, but the beginning. Join me in this effort. Join one another in this effort. And together, mindful of our proud history, hopeful for the future, let's seek a better world in our time."

God of our weary years, God of our silent tears, thou, who has brought us thus far along the way, thou, who has by thy might led us into the light, keep us forever in the path we pray, lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met thee, lest our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget thee. ...

"Well also I would also like to say thanks to my parents. They were always there for me and they did everything for me in my hockey career. I would like to say thanks to the whole Penguins organizations, coachers, trainers and the last thing goes to players because they were great and without them I wouldn't be, win...

"Who do they think they are? The New York Jets?"

"Wait, I think we might be missing the bigger picture here. Now whatever state that he happens to be in, there is a girl that is missing. Her name is Julia Hickson, and he is the only one that knows where she is."

Scully: "This is weird Mulder." Mulder: "Very weird." Scully: "Any thoughts as to why anybody would be growing corn in the middle of the desert." Mulder: "Those could be giant jiffy-pop poppers."

"All that jelly and no toast..."

Joe:"Evil comes from him who evil thinks and evil is." Killick:"No no, Joe here knows a thing or two about evil. From personal experience I'd say."

Sailor:"Well I can't see any women. Just lots of ducks and lizards." Sailor 2:"What? No women? Ain't natural!"

Dory:"Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills... When life gets you down do you wanna know what you gotta do?" Marlin:"I don't wanna know what you gotta do." Dory:"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim." Marlin:"Dory, no singing." Dory:"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love t...

Will:"Where's Elizabeth?!" Sparrow:"She's safe just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for Elizabeth who is in fact a woman."

"Join us or die."

"What's your problem Jumbotron."

"Jack Shephard is our hero."

"He looks at me and says 'Bob, just because you're a fucked up doesn't mean you're not my brother.' Kinda touched me. Ya know he, he doesn't normally open up like that."

Buscemi: "Tarasco Bar is a good place to start. Just try and keep it fucking bloodbath, all right, not like last time." El Mariachi: "That one wasn't my fault." Buscemi: "No, of course not." El Mariachi: "No, they started it." Buscemi: "Whatever."

Henry: "And Jimmy Two Times, who got that nickname cuz he said everything twice, like:" Jimmy Two Times: "I'm gonna get the papers, get the papers."

"Just shut your goddamn pie-hole!"

Ben: "What did he say to make you such a believer." Jack :"Sawyer, Juliet, everyone from the boat, everyone we left behind John said that they would die too if I didn't come back."

Juliet: "Why did you jump off that helicopter?" Sawyer: "I told you we were running out of gas. I wanted to make sure she…I wanted to make sure they got back to the boat. It don't matter now anyway, does it."

"I am not crazy! I'm just a little emotional right now, ok? Ya'll throwing all this stuff at me, man! Look, I mean, after this is over, can I like get a hug from you or somethin?"

"You tell that man, that he's the jam in my jelly roll!"

"Do you really wanna jump? Do you wanna?"

Counter Girl: "Yeah you definitely look familiar." Hurley: "I just have one of those faces."

"Whatever you guys decide I'll just roll with."

"Just a flesh wound."

"The bridge is that way..You're not thinking of…." Bond: "I shore am, boy! Ever heard of Evel Knievel?"

"Ladies and gentleman, John Malkovich."

"…In the Line of Fire, Rounders…Changling…John Malkovich."

"I guess that's why ol Jacko and Anna Lulu didn't ask me to join their revolution."

"Right behind you Jackass."

"We got to find out whatever we can about these Jabrones."

"What's your problem Jumbotron."

"What's Jiminy Cricket doing here."

"I'm pointing my gun at you John Boy."

"Uh, uh uh jungle boy."

"Sure you got a load you need to drop in don't you Jeth Row."

"Whoa you got a little love connection brewing over there java."

"Jimbo."

"Jamal!"

"It's only a matter of time before she gets us Johnny."

"Just kidding, but not really."

"I got news for you pal, you ain't leading but two things right now, Jack and shit. And Jack left town."

Cyrus: "You fly Johnny?" Johnny: "No." Cyrus: "You keep that in mind when you look at her because if your dick jumps out of your pants, you jump out of this plane."