Just promise me that you will never distribute the contents of that jug to any human person.

Bobby: "That is the water that you serve to your players?" Coach Klein: "Uh-huh." Bobby: "It is imperitive that you allow me to be your waterboy." Coach Klein: "I can't hire you. I can't hire anybody with the poorest footba--" Bobby: "You do not have to-- have to pay me. I-I will do it for free. Just promise me ...

Just have the defense run sprints.

Farmer Fran: "(Speaking indistinctly)" Coach Klein: "Okay. Uh, just have the defense run sprints." Farmer Fran: "(Speaking indistinctly)"

Just keep it simple and terrifying.

Richard Bagg: "How bad do you want to be a Delta? Would you walk on broken glass? Let the shards tear into your Achilles tendon causing acute achondroplasia, which could lead to non-congenital dwarfism as you got older?" Gordon: "Just ease up on the medical terms. Alright? Just keep it simple and terrifying." Richar...

Just wanted in

"I remember there was this photograph of one of the groundskeepers next to his Ferrari. Blew my mind. You see shit like that, and it just plants seeds, makes you think it's possible, even easy. And then you turn on the TV, and there's just more of it. The 87 million dollar lottery winner. That kid actor that just ma...

Just washed my hair

"I'd like ta kiss ya, but I just washed my hair..."

Jesus Christ bananas1

"Jesus Christ bananas!"

Jesus Christ bananas2

"Jesus Christ bananas, Some fuckarow this is turning into."

Just talking

George: "What could we get for them?" Dave: "For them?" George: "For the leads." Dave: "What could we get for the leads? I don't know. 10 bucks a throw. 15 maybe. I don't know. For the leads, you saying? Say somebody took them, went to Jerry Graff." George: "Yeah. How many leads do we have?" Dave: "Th...

Jobba-nobba

Beaver: "I'm telling you Jonsey, I don't like this." Jonsey: "Me neither." Beaver: "I don't like this at all. This is turning into a double fuckarow. A real jobba-nobba."

Just cost me

Ricky: "You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, shithead. You just cost me $6,000. $6,000, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it, asshole? You're fucking fuck. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot? Who ever t...

James Brown

"Why am I here? We're gonna play some music for you right now. Here we go. Here's a little James Brown coming your way. Baby, help me, please. (a little "I Feel Good" by James Brown plays.)"

Janitor

"I myself am a master of the custodial arts, or a janitor if you want to be a dick about it."

Jerry Garcia

"For 400 dollars I got Jerry Garcia in a POUCH man."

Jeopardy

"Kenny's butthole was in constant jeopardy."

Jungle

"Devil 666, the mark of the beast, NO, naughty, naughty jungle of love."

Jittering

"Stop it, I'll start jittering."

Jackpot

Peter La Fleur: "Keep your chin up. There's someone out there for everybody." Owen: "You think?" Peter: "Absolutely. You know, in some cases, there's two somebodys for one person. I like to call that the jackpot."

Jeepers

Narrator: "Hey there, Timmy!" Timmy: "Holy mackerel, Mister, you scared the jeepers out of me."

Jokey Joke-Maker

"That's great, go ahead, make your jokes, Mr Jokey Joke-Maker."

Jamie's penis

Cooper: "All right, on the count of three." Scotty: "Here we go. 3, 2, 1..." Cooper: "Ha ha! Look at Jamie's Penis!" Jamie: "Very funny."

Jamie hooks up

"How the hell could this happen? We all go to Amsterdam and Jamie is the one who hooks up. For shame!"

Jamie's hooking up

Cooper: "Jamie's hooking up with another girl? Goddamn it! It's just so unfair. I've been all over the place, looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up..." Cooper and Scotty: "Oh, my god!"

Jesus this, Moses that

"In todays gospel, the lord tells us how we should live, if we wish to attain the splendor of heaven. Or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a whiffle ball bat. Yep, the lord sure did say a lot of hibity jibity bibity swibity. But has he ever really done anything for us?"

Jesuit rebel

"When I discover the identity of this jesuit rebel, I will kill both him and the man who told me."

Judgement day

"It's judgement day."

Jackson's trying to escape

Nathaniel Banks: "I was in bed. I didn't fire any gun. I swear." Officer Palumbo: "Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!" Tarik: "What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here." Officer Martone: "He's trying to break free! Get him!"

Just a coyote

Harold: "What was that?" Kumar: "Probably just a coyote." Harold: "Aren't people supposed to be scared of coyotes?" Kumar: "Naw, that's just 'cause they sound scary, man. In one-on-one combat, either of us could take down a coyote, no problem." Harold: "What?"

Judas is biting

"Judasis biting me!"

Job

Dave: "Now, when I started here. I was promised advancement opportunities, and breaking that promise, to me, is unacceptable. You see, I golf also. You should bring me sometime. So, when I get out of jail, sometime within the next two to five years, I expect you to do the right thing, and give me the position that A...

Jive turkey

"Up yours, jive turkey!"

Jimmy was the kind of guy who rooted for the bad guys in movies.

"See, hits never botherd Jimmy, it was business. But what Jimmy really loved to do, what he really loved to do was steal. I mean, he actually enjoyed it. Jimmy was the kind of guy who rooted for the bad guys in the movies."

Just tell me what I did wrong.

Hitch: "But I love you. What did I do wrong? Just tell me what I did wrong." Cressida's New Guy: "Dude, dude, you're doin' it right now."

Just show me how you would kiss me.

Hitch: "Alright, come on, just show me what you got." Albert: "What-What do you mean?" Hitch: "Just show me how you would kiss me." Albert: "Well, I wouldn't kiss you." Hitch: "I'm not me, I'm Allegra." Albert: "But you're really not, so..."

João Carlos Cheade, presidente da Acif

Joker Laugh

Joker-Why So Srous

José Luiz Said, diretor jurídico da Câmara de Igarapava.

José Carlos Brigagão do Couto

jesuscry

Lies make baby jesus cry

Jack Off Jill - Cinnamon Spider

jive

John Dennis Voicemail for Ryen Russillo

John Dennis: Hey is this, uh, Rotello, or Rotillo or Rodillo or Rozillo or whatever your name is. John Dennis calling, Rotillo[Rusillo], umm, two points you need to understand- number one, I don't know who the fuck you are, or what it is you do. I guess, uh, you're on "The Zone", and um I guess, you're a radio wanna...

Jacklyn Ad 1

Woman: We are talking about our world today. Oh and someone's on the line. Jacklyn: Hi, I’m Jacklyn. Woman: Welcome Jacklyn. How old are you? You sound so young. Jacklyn: I’m 8. Woman: Oh wow. I assume you’re a student, right? Jacklyn: Yes, from Jefferson Elementary and I have a question. Woman: Sure, and what’s you...

Jacklyn Ad 2

This is an ad that brings up the importance of a healthy nutrition.

Jacklyn Ad 3

Jacklyn: Our continents make up 29% of the earth’s surface, meaning that 71% is comprised of water. Man automatically adapts to environmental conditions so why is it that I need to take swimming lessons? Man: Are you ready for kids who eat healthy? Good nutrition can lead to great things. To find out how a healthy l...

Jose Gun Violence Ad 1

Woman: In November 2004 Jose was sentenced to 8 years for committing a gun crime. His wife and 2 sons were left alone. Man: Today I want to talk to you about being arrested. Jose: Well my family has suffered immensely. They’re the ones that really suffer the most for my decisions that I’ve made in my life. Man: When...

Jose Gun Violence Ad 2

Jose Gun Violence Ad 2

Jose Gun Violence Ad 3

Woman: In November 2004 Jose was sentenced to 8 years for committing a gun crime. His wife and 2 sons were left alone. Man: Today I want to talk to you about being arrested. Jose: Well my family has suffered immensely. They’re the ones that really suffer the most for my decisions that I’ve made in my life. Man: When...

Jose and Isabel Ad

Woman: In November 2004 Jose was sentenced to 8 years for committing a gun crime. His wife Isabel was left alone. Man: Where were you when the polcice arrested him? Isabel: I was at the house. I was getting ready for work and my dad was there also. The boys were asleep. Man: Did it scare you? Isabel: It did but most...

José Carlos Brigagão do Couto

Jeudi Saint

Jon Stewart on Goldman Sach's profits

"Does anybody out there have some damn good economic news. A big earning surprise from Goldman Sachs late today. The giant investment firm reported a quartile profit more than double analyst estimates. The earnings were over a billion and a half dollars for Goldman. Wahoo! Recession is over bitches! Wall Street is b...

Jay Leno and Leslie Mann have a chin off

Jay: Now you have another film coming out called Funny People. Leslie: Funny People, yes. July 31st. Jay: Show the poster. Now it’s interesting that poster. Leslie: Yes. Jay: Your face is sort of cut off. Leslie: I know! Look, do you see that. So I said to them that looks great. That’s nice. Why did you cut off half...

Jay Leno does Susan Boyle Impression

Jay Leno does an impression of Susan Boyle after she becomes so famous.

JennyHittinYouUp

Jones' Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage

"Jones BBQ and Foot Massage! Jones BBQ and Foot Massage! Better come down here to get some of this shit. You like to eat, America loves to eat. So why not open up somewhere where America can sit down, enjoy their meal and get their feet rubbed. We'll fry anything you want for 5.99 as long as it's fry-able or edible ...

Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back

Jr.Pac-Man

Julie Chen's Big Announcement

Harry: There’s one other headline that I read somewhere this morning in a popular tabloid here in New York City, The New York Post. Julie: May I? I think I know what Harry is talking about. And what I wanted to announce to all of my coworkers here who I’ve been with for 10 years and to all of you viewers who have be...

Jackie Jormp-Jomp

Jenna: "We can call her Janis Joplin? We got the life rights? It's not Janie Jimplin anymore?" Jack: "Apparently neither name cleared, it looks like your character is gonna be called Jackie Jormp Jomp."

Jenna, I wanna Tupac you

Jack: "Jenna, I wanna Tupca you." Jenna: "Fine, but I have to pee first."

Johnny Sack on Hilton/Miss California Controversy

"Yeah hi guys this is Vince Curatola, Johnny Sack from The Sopranos. How are you? You guys had me on a couple months ago with the Rihanna thing. I got to call you and tell you guys I'm so upset about this Perez Hilton. Going after this beauty pageant girl with regard to her opinion on gay marriage. It's not for or.....

Josh Hartnett 911 Call

Operator: What’s the address of the emergency? Man: 8221 Sunset Blvd. Operator: Okay and the phone number you’re dialing from? Man: The…hotel. Operator: Okay is there a certain room number where the problem is? Man: Its 69 and we’ll have somebody waiting for you there. Operator: Okay sir what’s the problem there? Ma...

Jack in the Box Mini Sirloin Burgers

Way out west. The story told, about a bunch of cowboys, tiny and bold. Ridin tall, tall in the saddle, herdin cows the size of schnauzers but they're cattle. Yippee yi yay, mini sirloin burgers, yippee yi yo, mini sirloin burgers, Yippee yi yay, mini sirloin burgers. Yeah!

Jacoby Ellsbury steals home

"Right handed just brought up from the minor leagues yesterday. Heading home on a steal at home and it works! Jacoby Ellsbury has stole home!"

Jeopardy.docx

Jacoby Ellsbury steals home against the Yankees

Jon Miller: "Heading home at a steal at home and it works. Jacobs Ellsbury steals home. 3-1 Boston. A straight steal of home by Jacoby Ellsbury." Joe Morgan: "And that's not something that should happen with a left handed pitcher up there. Because the catcher can see him coming. But the catcher can see everything do...

Just a few bad apples

"First when they talked about torture it was 'well there's just a few bad apples,' then it was 'okay we did it a couple of times,' then it was 'not really torture,' now 'it works."

Jeffrey Found an Ear

Jeffrey: "Anyway I was at the hospital this morning. And coming home from the field behind our neighborhood, behind Vista. I found an ear." Detective: "You did? A human ear?" Jeffrey: "Yeah I thought I should bring it to you." Detective: "Yeah that's right, let's take a look at it… Yes, that's a human ear all right."

Jake, Jail, And Then Home

Oh I see your priorities, Jake, jail, and then home.

Just A Simply Country Boy

Hell I'm just a simple country boy; there's words in there I can't even pronounce.

John Daly

"I hit the 7 iron like John Daly hits the 3."

Just worked with Avril

"There's this guy. Supposedly he's very hip, very edgy, he just worked with Avril."

Just Lyrics

Alex: "They're just lyrics." Sophie: "Just lyrics." Alex: "Lyrics are important, they're just not as important as melody."

Just do what I say?

Ness: "Wait a minute. Stall him, stall him with what?" Malone: "Just do what I say."

Justice is about harmony

"Justice is about harmony. Revenge is about you making yourself feel better. It's why we have an impartial system."

Just one man

Gordon: "You're just one man?" Batman: "Now we're two."

Jump now!

"You pain in the ass. Listen to me for once. Get your fat ass out here and jump now!"

John Wayne's ass

"What in the name of John Wayne's ass is going on in here."

Just a pawn

"Crane was just a pawn. We need to be ready."

Just moved here

Max: "Just moved here." Jay: "From where?" Max: "Los Angeles...L.A." Jay: "Oh, dude!" Ernie: "Tubular."

Jack in the box

Dr. Evil: "Ow!" Goldmember: "Shizah." Dr. Evil: "Well congratulations numbnuts. You've succeed in turning me into a frickin jack in the box. Get it off, get it off! It's dark! It's dark! Okay, I'm okay!"

Joined the Taliban

"Hey Martin, was it weird when you joined the Taliban being American and everything like that."

Jessica Simpsons boobs

"She doesn't want to talk about her boobs or her father's comments about her boobs."

Just got an e-mail

"Flesh of the stars just got an e-mail."

Just do it already

"Then your Mommy said, "Just do it already!" which was very confusing to Daddy, so I listened to the most literal translation.

Just Drizzling

Oh please it's just, I don't know, drizzling. (Hurricane noise)

Jersey sucks

"Jersey sucks and we are surrounded by morons."

Just Don't Hurt Me

"Take whatever you want! Just don't hurt me!"

J.S.

Tracy: "J.S!" Jerry: "Tracy!" Tracy: "Was sup!"

Jerry I'm sorry

"Ha ha! Jerry come on! You're gonna buy NBC like you got 4 million dollars just laying around…Jerry I'm sorry. Give me two days and I'll come up with something you'll really be proud of."

Japanese porn star diet

"It's the Japanese porn star diet. I only eat paper, but I can eat all the paper I want so…"

Just like the Greeks

Winthrop: "Quitter!" Devin: "Oh god, just like the Greeks."

Josh can do this

"Josh can do this, and earlier today he ate a club sandwich with the toothpick still in it. Jenna can do this, and she was once engaged to David Blaine."

Just lost an eyebrow

"I think you just lost an eyebrow."

Juan Mexico

"I'm gonna find a homeless man, dress him up like me, set him on fire, then I'm gonna start a brand new life in Arizona under the new name Juan Mexico."

Jonathan you're fired

Liz: "I can't fire Rosemary." Jack: "Yes you can, it's easy. Observe, Jonathan you're fired." Jonathan: "What! No! God no!"

Jackie D

Tracy: "Donaghy, you're the only family I need Jackie D." Jack: "You got that right Tre."

Johnny Carson Show

Announcer: "From Hollywood, it's the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. Johnny's guest host tonight is out. Join Alf and his guest, his holiness Pope John Paul II, Dr. J's brother, and Joan of the San Diego zoo. This is Ed McMahon with the NBC orchestra. And now, heeeeeeeeeere's Alfie." Alf: "Thank you, thank you....

Just screaming

Kate: "Morning." Alf: "Morning." Kate: "Aaaaaaaah." Alf: "Aaaah, Willie!" Willie: "What's going on out there." Alf: "Nothing, just screaming."

Justin Timberlake

Master Shake: "Computer! Search for teeth.. and plaque conspiracy.. and Metallica." Meatwad: "And Justin Timberlake!"

Jawbreakers

Master Shake: "Hey, whatcha eatin' there Carl? You gonna show me some love?" Carl: "Jawbreakers. For some reason, I can't get enough of them." Master Shake: "Is that why your teeth are blue?" Carl: "Uh.. No." Master Shake: "Oh. Uh.. Then why are your--" Carl: "Shut up! ...I like candy, bubble-gum or taff-- DAMMIT."

Just Cut Myself

"Ya know..sometimes.. I like to take this knife.. and just cut myself.. (chuckles) see how hard I can do it before I just.. pass out, man."

Jordache

"Oh.. my.. God.. I want you... to contact Jordache, and tell them I'm on my way!"

Juice

Frylock: "Hey, Willie? You up there?" Willie Nelson: "Yeah, come on up." Frylock: "I actually found some mail for you." Willie Nelson: "I just gotta get the light. There we go. Oh, it's just a missing persons thing? Oh wait- Hey, I know this guy." Frylock: "Oh, God." Willie Nelson: "Hang on, he's over here." Master ...

Job interview

Meatwad: "Hey ya'll, what's this old boy doing here?" Frylock: "Don't ask!" Cube: "No, ask. Please." Meatwad: "All right. What ya doin'?" Cube: "I told you not to ask! I'm here for some practical joke--ahem--job interviews. Pass me your phone, I need to make some long distance calls."

Judging by the results

"Judging from the results, I guess maybe I'm not clued in to the girl's psyche."

Just the Hard Way

"Now we can do it the hard way, or, well, there's actually just the hard way… Now this is not going to be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult-content."

Jasmine's Cheer

"It's time to meet this beauty and my geek. My name is Jasmine and I'm here to stay. So if you suck, get out of my way."

Jew girl

Larry: "Oh boy! Look at the Jew girl." Cheryl: "I am so Jewish right now." Larry: "Holy cow!"

Job well done

"Job well done people."

Just got mine

Eric: "He might be trying to get our attention." Horatio: "I don't know but he just got mine."

Join the club

Suspect: "You're already dead brother." Horatio: "Join the club."

Jessop run!

"Jessop run!"

Jagshemash

"Jagshemash."

James Lipton's rap

"Yo you out there now listen to me, just do like me and my bro the MC. Think my friend, consider, reflect, give mad props to the world, translation…respect."

James Bond, James Bond

"Me name is James Bond, James Bond."

Johnny Chase, the monkey boy

"Johnny Chase, the monkey boy."

Jon Stewart on 100 Days of Obama Promo

"So clearly there is one question on everyone's list. Jim, how are the media going to observe this 100th day? Ooo how is the media going to observe, that's a great question, I'm going to go with mindless overkill. 100 Days. What is fact and what is fiction. Promises vs. progress. Medal to the President. What can we ...

Jimmy Kimmel jokes about Swine Flu

Jimmy: "This is pretty good, I don't know if you're aware but celebrities sometimes can be a little bit self observed. I know, I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you but Lisa Rinna who you may know from soap operas and/or Dancing With the Stars was at some even last night and did a red carpet interview with Enter...

Joe Biden on Swine Flu and Air Travel

"I would tell members of my family, and I have, I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places now. You're in a confined aircraft where one person sneezes it goes all the way through the aircraft."

José Antonio Guimarães, diretor do Procon - reclamações CPFL

Joaquim Pereira Ribeiro, presidente da Câmara Municipal - Projeto Visual Novo

Judging his family

"Supreme Court Justice David Souter announced on Friday that he's retiring after 18 years on the bench. One assumes he wants to spend more time judging his family."

Joe Biden doesn't listen to Joe Biden

"In fact just a day after saying he wouldn't go anywhere in confined places like an air craft or a subway because of the swine flu Vice President Biden rode a train from Washington to Delaware. You know what that means, not even Joe Biden listens to Joe Biden."

Jewel Appears

Jimmy On Bristol

Jimmy: "Bristol Palin is of course Sarah Palin's teenage daughter. She brought her baby and her father to the Today Show this morning to promote abstinence, now the baby's name is Trip, but it is Grandpa Palin that has a cute nickname for her." Man: "I know you believe in abstinence but do you believe in that same d...

jonah.MP3

Join lifters

D-d-d-d work out. D-d-d-d feel good! D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d join lifters!

jaseeq.jar

Jackie & Ozzie

Jackie Robinson! Ozzie Smith! I mean, its un... these are the rookie cards!

João Alberto Miras, ganhador do prêmio do IPTU

joker quote by joker-ringtone

Justice in our hearts

"If we are to have faith in justice. We need only to believe in ourselves. And act with justice. I believe there is justice in our hearts."

Jefferson Smith Will Not Give UP

I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine. All you people don't know about the lost causes. Mr. Paine does. He said once they were the only causes worth fighting for. And he fought for them once, for the only reason that any man ever fights for them. Because of just one plain simple rule: 'Love thy neighbor...

Jack in The Box- Mini Sirloin Burgers Spanish Version

jenkins

Florence Foster Jenkins: Worst singer Believe it or not, Florence managed, despite being famously awful, to sell out an entire concert at Carnegie Hall. She had many admirers (among them Enrico Caruso). This has to be heard to be believed. As a particular point of interest, after she recorded this song, she told t...

jones

John Quincy Adams Addresses the Court

"Well, gentlemen, I must say I differ with the keen minds of the South and with our President, who apparently shares their views, offering that the natural state of mankind is instead - and I know this is a controversial idea - is freedom. Is freedom. And the proof is the length to which a man, woman or child will g...

Jim Halpert - LoveFool

Jessica Simpson burps.

Just Do It, Do It!!!

James Harrison on passing invitation to White House

If you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. So as far as I’m concerned he would have invited Arizona if they had won so I mean maybe in the next 4 or 5 years when we…maybe year 6 when we don’t win it I guess. We’ll probably going to try to win about 3, 4 or 5 years get 10,...

jerrymaguire

jerrymaguire2

Jesus and Donuts

Doughnut Man: Hey kids I just thought of something. Did you know Jesus bought you with his own money? Everyone: Money?!? Doughnut Man: The bible said we used to belong to the Devil but God wanted us back so he bought us with his money. Can you tell me what kind of money God used to buy us back? [Doughnut sings] Doug...

Just the wind?

"Just the wind? Just the wind?! It's never just the wind!!!"

Jake and the Fatman Theme Song

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Jeopardy! Theme Song

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Jesse James Theme Song

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Joanie Loves Chachi Theme Song

"Something magic in the way you hold me in your eyes No one ever warned me love just takes you by surprise I don't know what's come over me, you've got my hypnotized when you look at me. You look at me, soft as any touch could be And suddenly, there's magic when you look at me I feel like I'm in heaven every moment ...

Josie and the Pussycats Theme

"Josie and the Pussycats long tails and ears for hats. Guitars and sharps and flats neat, sweet, a groovy song. You’re invited, come along."

Josie & the Pussycats Theme Short

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Josie & the Pussycats Theme, High Resolution

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Jamba Juice

"Nice in New York City today, wasn't it beautiful today in New York City. So nice that Iranian President Ahmadinejad said he was enriching Jamba Juice."

Joy doing volunteer work

"Some things are so amazing you have to capture them on film. Like UFO's or Bigfoot. Or Joy doing volunteer work."

Just a head

Dan: "I used to be a good writer, I used to be Tony. You remember." Tony: "I do remember, now you're just a head." Dan: "A professional clown on television." Tony: "Just a head, just a disembodied head giving sound bites."

Jerry my ex

Dumbledore: "I just received an owl from he who shall not be named." Minerva: "Oh Albus, don't tell me Voldemort has returned." Dumbledore: "No not Voldemort. Jerry, my ex, Jerry Shanks."

Juicy pork chop

Dumbledore: "Oh, check out that little juicy pork chop. I'm not with her by the way." Minerva: "Oh no you didn't."

Jon Bon Jovi!

"Ladies and gentleman, Jon Bon Jovi!"

Johnny Vincente intro

"From Secaucus New Jersey, it's everybody's favorite game show Oh! And here's your host, he's a good guy, Johnny Vincente."

Jane, You Ignorant Slut

"Jane, you ignorant slut."

Janet Reno Boxing: Reno You Box Dirty

Rudolph Giuliani: "Janet Reno, prepare to eat it, Giuliani-style!" Rudolph Giuliani: "Oh! You box dirty!" Janet Reno: "Then how comes my conscience is so clean?"

Jim Caviezel

"They call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval you can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel."

Just Google it

"Don't go to college. I mean, you know, if you don’t know something, just Google it."

Jacko on his backo

"Michael Jackson, or Jacko as he's known in the tabloid press was found on his backo."

Jumping beans in chili

Valley Principal: "Is this the same mad dog Belding who only 20 years ago put jumping beans in the chili? You started it pal." Mr. Belding: "I didn't start it. You started it when you planted poison ivy on our football field." Valley Principal: "That was kinda rash."

Jinkies

"Jinkies,"

Jerry? Gwen? Another Festivus Miracle

Gwen: "Jerry!" Jerry: "Gwen! How'd you know I was here?" Gwen: "Kramer told me." Kramer: "Another Festivus miracle!"

Just scram

"I'm not gonna waste my time. Why don't ya just scram?"

Just as I thought

"Yes, that is just as I thought."

Just one me

"Just one me. The sound of my voice is like no voice that you've heard. Whatever I am, I know I'm one special bird!"

Jesus "El Savior" Christ

"Je-sus 'El Saviorrrr' Christ"

Jizz farmer

"Jizz farmer! Dick sneeze."

Jimbo has to see it

Sharon: "We are flushing the toilet right now!" Randy: "No! Jimbo has to see it so when I tell all the guys how big it was they'll know I'm not lying."

Jump over homeless

Kyle: "Gather 'round and witness the glory as Eric Cartman attempts to jump his skateboard over the homeless." Cartman: "Thank you, thank you."

Jump homeless to get to people on roof

"Alright, alright look. I didn't want to risk it but, I think I know what to do. I'll try to jump all those homeless and get to the people on that roof."

Justice you take

"I've got unfinished business. You go through life being told there's justice, but then you learn the only real justice, is the justice you take."

James Brown have an afro

Philip: "Do you think that you could manipulate me with sex? Ha ha ha." Vivian: "Does James Brown have a perm?"

Jetsons Car

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Jetsons Doorbell

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Jetsons Mail Call

"Mail call."

Job's just a stop gap really

Keith: "This job's just a stop-gap, really. The job's not difficult. I don't take my work home with me. It's pretty brainless." David: "At your level maybe."

Jan Levinson I presume

"Jan Levinson I presume."

Just using the scope

"Nothing to worry about. Just using the scope. Safety is...on."

Just as many rights

Michael: "So older people have just as many rights as younger people." Jan: "Yes, Michael, they do."

Just wave

Pam: "Michael? Ryan's wants to introduce the branch managers in a few minutes, you just have to wave and introduce yourself." Michael: "I'll just wave and introduce myself."

Jan, That's what she said

"Why is this so hard?...That’s what she said. Oh my god. What am I saying?"

Jim Digs Any Type of Moms

Roy: "Hey Jimmy, what do you think of that purse girl?" Jim: "Cute, sure, yeah." Roy: "Why don't you get on that?" Jim: "She's not teally my type." Roy: "What are you gay?" Jim: "Um. I don't think so." Kevin: "Then what is your type?" Jim: "Moms, primarily.Yep, soccer moms, single moms, NASCAR moms, any type of moms...

Just do it

"Put it in the hole and we'll give you the car. You can do it. Just do it."

Juan Valdez has been separated from his donkey.

"Juan Valdez has been separated from his donkey."

Juice Place

Vic: "You hear? A goddamn juice place moving in here?" Patsy: "What Jews?" Vic: "Juice. Jamba juice. Your boss went and sold the building." Patsy:"He sold the building? I got kids in college. Where are my fucking eggs."

Jenny Craig

"Jason Masucci was down in Tampa visiting his mother—thought he saw Vito in a Jenny Craig. Turned out to be some other fat piece of shit."

Jackrabbit is best buddy

Alexyss: "And you can be having orgasms." Other Lady: "Jack rabbit?" Alexyss: "That one of them I know they call, I..I..I knew some girls that was their favorite partner, that was their favorite best buddy to keep in their pocket book."

Japanese It ain't over

It ain't over, till it's over.

jeopardy shorter

Justice is balance

"Justice is balance. You burned my house and left me for dead. Consider us even."

Just fall down

"Have you any idea how many anonymous hench men I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down."

Justice Files

"Justice Files. Which is my favorite show. Right? Of course! You know why I love it? Cause I love justice! And I love files! And when the two come together, I could blow a justice-y load."

Just the People they Elect to Office

"I'm not saying that all Republicans are racist sexist homophobes, just the people they choose to elect into office, to represent them, are."