"I might know someone who would be interested…me I mean."

Eddie: "Pretend that you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch." Jane: "You mean this lying bitch?" Eddie: "Guess it was just wishful thinking."

I'm gonna kill you for that!

"Kyle's color lemonade, that's kinda gay but I can get it for you."

Fogell: "What if I don't feel like it anymore Seth, what." Seth: "Then I'll fucking kill you."

"But I would get killed for pussy."

"Hi this is Kenny Chesney for RADD. There are a lot of things we have no control of in life but that doesn't include drunk driving. Be smart, if you drink don't drive. Think ahead and choose a designated driver. Remember music lives and so should you. A public service message brought to you by the US Department of ...

"Kenny Powers can I help you."

"It's a huge problem. My hometown of Phoenix, Arizona is now the kidnapping capital."

Melissa Block: A new internet phenomenon takes videos from YouTube, recitals, music how tos, random sound clips and mashes them up into new creations. It my start with raw creations like this bass rip in C-minor from a guy in what appears to be in his bedroom. And add an amateur pianist playing Beethoven and a cabas...

"Have you ever dreamed of being a karate master? Well stop dreaming and start chopping with a karate glove. Hi my name is Molly, inventor of the karate glove, and I have one and a half words for you. The karate glove chops through anything. Just put it on and instantly chop through wood, concrete, brick walls, trees...

"Have you ever dreamed of being a karate master? Hi my name is Molly, inventor of the karate glove, and I have one and a half words for you. Chop through wood, concrete, trees it can even chop through these 8 guitars. Visit InventNow.Org to get started on your invention. Anything is possible. Keep thinking. Brought ...

"That's fine too son. Kill as many as you want."

Laura: "Let's get the kids to bed early tonight." Doug: "What time is it now?" Laura: "6:15." Doug: "Kids, bed time!"

"I'm the new Team Snownook patrol leader. Keepin' it real while keepin' it safe."

"Kirk here."

"Kill 'em all!"

"Kill them, kill them all!"

Steve: "Now, come on, Billy. Let's do it, from the top." Billy: "Keep your pants on, Speilberg!"

"Bring the scientists with us. Kill any who resist."

"Keep your eyes on the bloody road!"

Seth: "All right, how much you want?" Greg Weinstein: "Five dimes." Seth: "Jeff." Adam: "You had to do it, didn't you? You gotta make me look like I'm at the kiddie table." Greg: "If the shoe fits kid. Come on." Adam: "fuckin' rich man."

Gay Man: "Hey! Uh, do you guys think you could just try and keep it down some?" Man in Bar: "You guys are at a ten. We could use you at a two." Chris: "You gotta be kidding me." Seth: "I'm sorry about that. Sorry." Greg: "It's the Chelsie army." Broker Steve: "Why don't you just concentrate on your fo...

Seth: "Yes! My first whale. My first account. My book, baby." Greg: "Seth, I hate to bust in on you little victory speech but uh, that's your 40th account." Seth: "That's right, I'm out of the junior broker program. I don't work for you no more!" Greg: "No' that's true. You're out, but that account's mine."...

Jonthan: "It's nice." Alex: "Make sure to secure the door when I am gone. There are many dangerous people who wanna take things from Americans and also kidnap them. Goodnight."

"Oh great, terrific. He decides to keep the zoo open, so you kill him. Brilliant. Well done. Thank you so much especially for shooting him right between the eyes so that it doesn't look like an accident. Because the people at Octopus will know that he was coming here to close us down, so there's our motive fot murde...

"No, I don't think I want to kiss you, although you need kissing badly, that's what's wrong with you... you should be kissed, and often, and by someone that knows how."

"Boom! Knocked you out! Eat it, whore!"

Dante: "So what kind of weed do you want? I got the Incredible Hulk, I got some of the green monster, I got the bling." Alex: "Hey! We go through this every time I come here. I don't care what it's called. I just want a bag of fucking weed." Dante: "Whoa. Chill, bro. You know you can't raise your voice like th...

Kane: "Hey, man. Lookin' back, maybe that lion was a bad idea." Dante: "That's why Dr. Shakalu's hookin' me up with a monkey. I'm gonna teach it tae kwon do." Dr. Shakalu: "(Speaking French)" Barry: "Yeah, a... karate monkey. You know, that's-- that's probably safer." Kane: "Yeah, it makes sense."

Character 1: "? to worry father. You don't know me." Character 2: "Zorro, of course I know you. Zorro, is it really you?"

Kate: "You do keep financial records, don't you, invoices, revenue reports, taxabe income?" Peter: "You kidding me? I have a whole closet full." Kate: "Here?" Peter: "Yeah, I call 'em keepers."

"I don't know if you're familiar with a book about a pirate captain, his name is Moby Dick? He was chasing some big whale. And he had a catch phrase he'd always yell out, 'There she blows!' So I thought, If you could do that, we'd have someone off-stage drench the whole group with water. And you could look at the ca...

"To paraphrase an old joke... Knock, knock. Who's there? It's the New Main Street Singers!"

Jenny: "I heard, two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met this really wealthy French guy, and they spent a month saling the Mediterranean on his yacht. Isn't the most romantic thing you've ever heard?" Cooper: "Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay." Jenny: "It's not gay. I'm a gi...

Candy: "Is it off yet?" Cooper: "No, keep rubbing it."

"You can do it Nicky. Kick him in his hairy balls!"

"Here, kill him with this."

"Now let's kill that fucking band!"

"Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl. And I'm gonna see her boobs."

Kumar: "My name is Kumar." Freakshow: "How are you, Kunie?" Kumar: "And this is Harold." Freakshow: "Hi, Jerald. How are you?"

Sid: "Come on, keep up with me." Manfred: "I would if you were moving!"

Champ: "It jumped up a notch." Ron: "It did, didn't it?" Brick: "Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart." Ron: "I saw that. Brick killed a guy."

"You know, they really should tell you if they're just gonna let komodo dragons run loose around the hotel." Lisa Kramer: "Really."

Buddy: "One second we're fighting and the next second we're laughing and then just a quick ten second kiss." Dave: "I thought you said five seconds." Buddy: "First it was a five second one and then a little break because my beard gave her a tickle. She's cute. and then a ten second frencher." Dave: "You had your cra...

"Come on, let's go find that spider. And let's find your mom to take care of that spider. Honey, we're in the living room. We need you to kill a spider."

"Is... Is it true what they say about you? Kickstand? Really? Um, can I give you my cell phone number please?""

Mr. Frank Shirley: "Don’t forget that report, Bill." Clark: Yes, sir, Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah."

Chef: Yo Kanye, are you sure about this? Kanye: It’s time for me to stop running. I need to believe what people tell me. Let all my fans know I love them but a gay fish just can’t live in the outside world forever. Don’t be sad for me guys, I’m going home! (Uh. Come on.) I’ve been so lonely, girl I’ve been so sad an...

"Old Joe knows how to keep his mouth shut. Count on it."

"And they were frightened and called him the most wild thing of all. And made him king of all wild things."

(Uh. Come on.) I’ve been so lonely, girl I’ve been so sad and down Couldn’t understand Why haters joked around I wanted to be free with other creatures like me And now I got my wish ‘Cuz I know that I’m a gay fish (Gay fish, yo) Mother fuckin’ gay fish (I’m a fish, yo) Girl I am a gay fish (it’s alright, girl) Mak...

Young Melanie: "Why would you want to marry me for anyhow?" Young Jake: "So I can kiss you anytime I want."

Prince: "I am the rightful king of far far away." Gingerbread Man: "The only thing you're ever gonna be king of is king of the stupids!"

Do we know… Mo?

"This is Katsumoto's sword. He would have wanted you to have it. Let the strength of the samurai be with you always."

Felix: "I hear something. Do you hear it?" Oscar: "With our luck, it's the killer bees from Brazil."

Mitch: "What are you taking pictures Phil." Phil: "Are you kidding, this is a Kodak moment. Smile." Mitch: "Oh good, blind him with the flash." Ed: "Phil, let the man keep what's left of his dignity, please."

Phil: "He said he killed a man in a knife fight." Ben: "He said he slit him from neck to nuts."

Mitch Robbins: "Hi Curly. Kill anyone today?" Curly: "The day ain't over yet..."

"Ok, we're back now with Kenny from New Jersey."

Then I killed a man in Reno…just to watch him die.

Don't worry. I can keep this funny for at least ten minutes.

That's right kiss his ass.

"I do sometimes keep a promise."

Prisoner 1: "They are going to fight you." Bruce: "Again?" Prisoner 1: "Until they kill you." Bruce: "Can they kill me before breakfast?"

"Flash - a-ah - king of the impossible!"

"Just hold me two seconds, then drop me so I can kiss the ground."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist! We are just three kindly old spinster ladies!"

"Keeping our word is one of the things that make us better than you."

Austin: "Now your name is?" Fook Mi: "Fook Mi." Austin: "You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"But there's a power greater than your magic, and that's knowledge!"

"Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out."

"Keep moving Sam."

"Your old ass should know better than that."

"Hey Doc Howard, Ben Stone calling. Guess what the fucks up? Alison is going into labor and you are not fucking here. Know where you are? You're at a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco. You mother fucking piece of shit. And you know what I'm going to have to do now? I'm gonna have to kill you."

"Ka-chow."

"Kinky Kelly and the sexy stud, straight from their dirty debut…"

"Church wants you on your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you. A man makes his own way. No one gives it to you. You have to take it. Non serviam."

"I... I never gave up anybody... who wasn't going down anyway. Nobody knows nothin'."

Looks like someone has been drinking the Kool Aid.

"Ka-ching!"

"And our relationship has never been better. We did it on your kitchen table. I…shouldn't have told you that."

"Here's a tip Cerie, decide what you want before you open the refrigerator. You just released enough hydroflorocarbons to kill a penguin. This penguin."

Jack: "What did you tell the President of Warner Brothers?" Tracy: "I told him he could suck it." Jack: "And the President of Paramount?" Tracy: "Told her she could kiss my delicious ass." Jack: "Ha ha ha, and how's that working for ya? Yeah, I thought so."

"Cause I like to keep my material fresh. I like to keep things fresh so much that I wanna take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant."

Tracy: "See? Now you know what I'm goin through." Frank: "You think these other black guys are his prisoners or what?"

"Karate, karrrate, karrrate."

"No Toofer, give in to your heritage. Kill Tracy."

Jack: Kenneth here is gonna be with you 24/7 to keep you fat. Keep Jenna fat, keep Jenna funny. Am I right Kenneth." Kenneth: "It will be just like back home on the pig farm. I'm gonna fatten you up, grow to love you and then my uncles will slit your throat."

Jack: "Devon you better watch out, Kenneth might take you job one day." Devon: "Or your job Jack." Kenneth: "Or his job."

Jenna: Kenneth, I never heard you talk this way." Kenneth: "Your toes look like dried up shrimp." Jenna: "Oh daddy. Go on keep talking. What else don't you like about me."

"Kenneth Parcell is finished. Ha, ha, finished! Ha, ha!"

"Head page Donnie Lawson, the king of sting."

Mary: "What type of model do you want to be?" Gaston: "The one's in every billboard, kinda like Kate Moss." Mary: "You wanna be Kate Moss?"

"If I was Mary Alice I would kick everyone off the show. Except me of course."

"I'm the king! King Carl! Da da da da da! You know I'm your ruler. (Hears Mummy in background) SHUT UP!!"

Master Shake: "Listen to me, Meatwad. Is it hot girl-on-girl action?" Meatwad: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're girls. But this one looks kinda...strong."

"Wait a second.. is that from the '83 tour? Yeah! I saw those guys in the Meadow Lands with Bryan Adams; that was a kickass show! I totally copped this feel off this passed out broad when they were playing 'Urgent'. Every time I hear 'Urgent' on the radio I think of that girl's boobs and..covered in vomit"

Cybernetic Ghost: "Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus: an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dino-bones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so...

Frylock: "Gentleman, the OoGhiJ MiQtxxXA!" Master Shake: "Frylock, come on. Are you really gonna call it that?" Frylock: "Well yeah. I mean, that's the Klingon word for superior galactic intelligence..and that's what this is." Master Shake: "Superior galactic grandma after eating a block of cheese, smoking 3 packs o...

Frylock: "You know, Oog, that is an amazing story, and I cannot thank you enough for bringin' back my second prototype. Now if you'll just excuse me--" Oog: "Me no bring back. Me think it miss something." Frylock: "What?" Oog: "Kick ass fighting games with action missiles." Frylock: "I get it, so you can sublimate y...

Meatwad: (Having Episode) "One! Two!" Master Shake: "My fingers, dammit!" Meatwad: "Three? Four?" Master Shake: "Come on, this hurts!" Meatwad: "K..5?" Master Shake: "K..5?" Meatwad: "Yes, K5. Six. Hey, how you doin'?" Master Shake: "Who're you talkin' to? Come on, I just need one more, will you just?" Meatwad: "Oh,...

"But look, I mean...is he gonna be able to chase us? `Cuz if I woke up lookin' like that, I would just run toward the nearest living thing and kill it."

Master Shake: "Come. Now remember you have no regard for human life, most especially women because they have the organs that you wish that you had so you wanna make a suit from them." Willie Nelson: "But I don't wanna make a suit from them." Master Shake: "Listen to me, that's how it's done. All you concern yourself...

Willie Nelson: "Uummm.. Are we trying to kill him or scare him?" Master Shake: "Killing is scary. Come on, it's Halloween."

"I'm gonna make sure that I kick some butt and win."

Frylock: "Okay... then what's your real name?" DP: "Bros call me DP, short for donkey-puncher, get it?" Frylock: "Yeah.. I do." DP: "Sometimes I'm donkey puncherelo, or D-to-the-P, or Big DP, or uh.. King Donko of Punchstania." Master Shake: "Dude, the player. Dude party! Party Dude!!! PD!!!" Frylock: "No, I need yo...

Rick James: "Now darkness, the tables have turned. Do with him whatever you like." Charlie Murphy: "You motherfuckers take one more step I'm kicking this nigga out the motherfuckin window."

"I've been kicked outta better homes than this. I'll be back you black motherfucker, wide nose havin motherfucker."

"I'm Rick James bitch. Everybody, King Kong ain't got shit on me."

"I'm feeling like a knife fight."

Chuck: "I just wish I knew something real about you. Can't you just tell me just one true thing? Just.. just one thing, like.. like where did you grow up? Or...or if that's too much, I get it. I get it if that's too much. Or what's your name? What's your real name? Middle name. What's your middle name? Can't you jus...

"Keep it real."

Larry: "So I was at the pool yesterday, ah, your son, I saw your son at the pool." Hugh: "Yeah." Larry: "Kid's got some penis on him. Pretty good."

"Hey guys what's up? I figured that because things have escalated to such a crazy magnitude the least I could do would be to address everyone. And, I'll try to make it as eloquent as possible thought that probably won't be the case. First and foremost I want to let everybody know that I am very sorry for everything ...

Here's the thing we started off friends It was cool but it was all pretend Yeah yeah Since you've been gone You dedicated you took the time Wasn't long till I called you mine Yeah Yeah Since you've been gone And all you'd ever hear me say Is how I pictured me with you That's all you'd ever hear me say But since y...

"On April 28th, El Pollo Loco gave away 2 free pieces of flame-grilled chicken, tortillas and fresh salsa. Over 500,000 people tasted the real fire. Now, Kentucky Fried Chicken is giving away a free 2 piece meal of their new 'grilled' chicken. How original. But get this one: Their offer isn't good on Mother's Day. D...

Get it now! :]

"Alright bless your heart man, thank you."

Boy: Right on my arm and that hurt. What gives you the right to strike me right on my elbow? Mom: Dude, the first time you went like that to me I ignored it and you jabbed me again. Boy: I didn’t jab you! Mom: And what I said to you was a word of warning. Boy: I did not jab you and you jabbed me. Mom: And what I sai...

"It's getting me goin' it's getting me movin on...Want my video to my radio."

"Kick his mother fucking ass."

"Just when you think there’s no one around who’s caring, Along comes a friend who offers a hand in sharing, And things start looking fine. Sometimes tears and sorrow are all the things you’ve got And just when you think you’re all by yourself, you’re not."

_

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"But here's what happened OJ goes there and he breaks into a hotel room and there's some guys in there and all hell breaks loose. But now, honestly, in OJ's defense he claims he was only there to kill the maid."

"Uh, number 9. Do I get to keep the plate?"

"Should I save $14,499 and get a kit kat bar?"

"Oh boy, anybody see the opening of the MTV music video awards the other night. Wow! Didn't Kirstie Alley look great."

"The Shi'ites next door ask you to keep the fighting down"

"As we approach high gear along the campaign trail, the key states of Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina, Florida and Tennessee…"

"You know chef and I have known each other a long time."

"A former minister and police officer who entertains children as a Christian clown called Klutzo, is under arrest on charges of traveling to the Philippines to have sex with kids. When reached for comment, Klutzo said [noise]."

Jeff: "Guy gets paid millions of bucks to catch a ball." LeBron: "You threw it at my damn head." Jeff: "Hey Bron Bron, look the adults are talking here okay. You're 22 right? Go sit at the kid's table, have a juice box."

Jeff: "You know we should get Dwayne Wade anyway, at least he's got a ring." LeBron: "Yo man you either fire this guy or I'm gonna kick his ass."

George: "Had to call in sick today." Jerry: "Didn't you call in sick yesterday?" George: "Hey, I work for Kruger Industrial Smoothing: "We don't care, and it shows."

"Oh! You kicked me right in the pussy."

"Eric Cartman? The kid who jumped thirty homeless people on a skateboard?"

"The last few days I have been really sick. I just feel dirty, I feel miserable, it's just hard cause I don't have my bible. And I know that if I could read it and just spend some time with god it would be great. But, I mean, he has me here for a reason so I'm gonna keep fighting."

"This is humongous. I am not a security threat and my middle name is Kurt, not fart."

"Kobe Bryant has a foundation and he is so hot! And he gave his wife the biggest diamond ring. I know he didn't do it."

"He doesn't know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot."

"Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But the fact that he told me his secret and no one else says everything about our friendship. And it is why I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can."

"I'm a Lutheran and Bob is a Unitarian. It keeps things spicy."

"Garbage can be very helpful. Ok, he's a useful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. Look at him."

"You can have your technology jack ass. Look where it got us."

Kevin: "We think it's a straight forward kid napping." Oscar: "Stanley, could you look up accomplices?" Stanley: "Why can't you guys do it?" Oscar: "Cause we're looking up jail time." Stanley: "Fine."

Michael: I kidnapped a kid." Dwight: "You had to what other choice did you have." Michael: "I could have paid for the pizza." Dwight: "Well, yeah."

"I want the house Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the tickling and the giggling."

_

"There I heroic and there is stupid. And you keep choosing stupid."

"These men nuts busy, see they got to keep their nuts busy."

Man: What the fuck do you want? Cop: I want to see your driver’s license. Man: What for, I’m only a block from home, why don’t you let me go? Cop: Look, I just want to see your driver’s license. Man: What the Christ, I got it in here somewhere. It’s in the car, I’ll get it. Announcer: Most people have inner boundari...