"Big relief today. The stock market is up 270. My 401k is now only practically worthless."
"Girls, my heart is available. Look here, it's available. But where are you? I don't see you - where are you?"
"So my idol as a coach was Vince Lombardi, and I read this book called Commitment To Excellence by Vince Lombardi. And in the book, Lombardi talked about the fist time he spoke before his Green Bay Packer team in the locker room -- they were perennial losers."
"Uh, I put a rinse on it. My hair is actually the color of Elvis Presley's when he doesn?t have a rinse on it."
"It's a totally true song cause when that song came out I don't think anyone had uh, in recent years, had uh, accepted that fact that a man should be able to cry when he wants to cry and uh, that didn't bother me professionally and it evidently it didn't bother me me at all."
"We have moved our business model in a completely new direction in line with the most successful companies and competitors around the world. And as a result of our progress we made a profit in the first quarter of this year 2008."
"Tranquility Base here... That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind".
"We've got another 50 minutes straight of music-free commercials coming at ya! Don't you touch that (nonsense words)! "
"Look at how great I'd look. So majestic, yet so wicked awesome."
"You heard enough, of my secrets."
"I'm not your frickin' message service, all right?!?"
"So thereums my book."
"Well Kissless, you're going about it all wrong. Frampton's not going to loosen anybody's lips. If you really want to make out with this guy, you need to go straight to the master of make out rock himself…ME!"
"Anyways, I met some guys here. They're all pretty cool, we hung out, made fun of this one girl, pushed some guy into some mud. We traded addresses and stuff, and they said they were gonna come and visit. You know how that ends up, I'll never see them again."
"I'm not to sure about the quality of this microphone, the Cheat."
"The following program is intended for mature audiences."
Mr. Spindel: "Hullo!" Student:"Hey Mr. Spindel. How's algebra class going?" Mr Spindel: "Whut!?" Student: "You're in for a big surprise tommorrow during 5th period!"
"You know what's sad? Martin Luther King stood for non violence. And I don't care where you are in America, if you're on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there's some violence going down."
"Men are never ready to settle down. Men never settle down. We surrender. Alright I'll marry your ass."
"My ass is killing me."
"Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside-down with a fucking fork up your ass!"
"Mary Mary quite contrary, trim that pussy it's so damn hairy."
"Mary Mary quite contrary, trim that pussy it's so damn hairy, oh!"
Man: "Soylent green is people." Homer: "Mmm, soylent green."
"Made that mistake one time. I was at a party some guy gave me some shit hey man take this, it's fucking mushrooms. I took it, I forgot all about it, ya know. Then a couple days later I found that shit in my pocket. I’m thinking why not? Cause I’m thinking it's like weed, some background shit, l planed my whole da...
"Nobody wants to be the most famous cock sucker of all time."
"It's good to be out here, good to be back in Phoenix. I haven't been out here since July. I was out here for the melanoma festival. Really big turnout this year. Lots of lesions. Good time."
"Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it."
"I got hemorrhoids bad, my ass is killing me. I need help."
"My eyes are going crazy."
Judge Jackie Glass doesn't buy the fact that OJ Simpson did not intend to do something wrong.
"And I was interested…I hadn't heard it before that apparently that at some point he made a comment that he himself made a comment on some tape that he wanted to make sure that we didn't get things from him."
"So that’s why she went with Dusty. She wants a sensitive guy. More like the old me. Well if she wants Mr. Rodgers, then I'm gonna show her the biggest pussy she's ever seen."
"Jesus. It's like the Michael Bolton starter Kit… Showtime."
Bond: "Dry Matrini." Bartender: "Oui, monsieur." Bond: "Wait… three measures of Gordon's; one of vodka; half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice, and add a thin slice of lemon peel."
Vesper: "You know James, I just want you to know that if all that was left of you was your smile and your little finger, you'd still be more of a man than anyone I've ever met." Bond: "That's because you know what I can do with my little finger."
"'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house, I could hear something stirring; it was my husband, that louse. I screamed down the stairs, 'Jack, get back to this bed,' but heard not a word from the weasel I wed. So I slipped on my housecoat and stockings with care, but except for those items my body...
Look at you guys! (laughs) Fighting the rat race, wearing uncomfortable shoes, angry all the time. Life is not all about making money.
Maybe she's on the can taking a shit?
Just to be clear, we're not making out - that would be social suicide.
"And he must -- and he will be -- measure his progress the same way I do. Are we creating good jobs instead of losing them? Are incomes growing instead of shrinking?"
"If we're going to send him somewhere it should be the most horrible, most miserable place on earth…Scottsdale."
"If you see my Gremlin, tell her I ended up getting laid when I got a mustang."
(explosions) "Oh Christ, gonna need some more FBI guys I guess."
"Mr Takagi, I could talk about industrialization and men's fashions all day but I'm afraid work must intrude and my associate here has some questions for you. Sorta fill in the blank with questions, actually."
"Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!"
Lucy Van Pelt: "Linus, you've got to get rid of that stupid blanket, and here, memorize these lines." Linus Van Pelt: "I can't memorize these lines. This is ridiculous." Lucy Van Pelt: "Memorize it and be ready to recite when your cue comes." Linus Van Pelt: "I can't memorize something like this so quickly. Why shou...
Lucy Van Pelt: "Here he comes! Attention, everyone, here's our director." Snoopy: "Whoooooooooooooooooooooo." Charlie Brown: "Man's best friend."
Rudolph: "It's terrible... It's different from everybody else's!" Clarice: "But that's what makes it so grand. Why, any doe would consider herself lucky to be with you."
"Mush! Mush! MUSH!!"
"Open up. Isn't a fit night out for man nor beast. Here's the man and here's the beast."
"Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!"
"You must believe that on Christmas Eve I will pass you by. I'll dash away in my magic sleigh flying through the sky."
The Internet: you can use it for work, play, or just to explore. Do you wish you knew how to use the internet? Well now, you can become a master of the internet. Hi, I'm Dale Cossenican Jr. Did you know that in a matter of months, not only will all your friends, loved ones, and neighbors have the internet, ...
"Mu hah hah."
Darth Vader: "He's as clumsy as he is stupid." Mr. T.: "Shut up fool."
"This is a multiple choice answering machine message. No one can take your message because we are A)On another line B) Taking a meeting C) Taking a lunch D)Being abducted by aliens or E) all of the above. Here comes the tone."
"Ole, ole, ole… Mexico!"
"Merry Christmas, bitches!"
"The only thing Professor Hinkle can do is make a jump for it."
"And so I put the magic eggs into my hat. Abracadabra to coin a phrase. And voila, the eggs have turned into... messy, messy, messy!
"Stay in here much and I'll really make a splash in the world."
"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."
Woman: "I am Farnooj, would you be the man for me?" Carl Allen: "I guess so."
Seinfeld music splash
"But are you still master of your own domain"
"You little Monkey"
"Mary Hartman theme."
"My circuits have melted."
"Talk to me... Make me happy!"
"Max Headroom Opening."
"A mistake any half witted derranged computer..."
"Missed it by THAT much."
"You are a meathead."
"Marcia Marcia Marcia!"
"It's a festive time of year. You get more viewers, you et more fans, you get more presents!"
"Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. And a Happy New Year."
"This occurs on a molecular level. You can't control it."
Ren's maniac laugh
Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Pinky: "I think so Brain but me and Pippi Longstocking what would the children look like."
Rocky:"And here he is, that Master of misinformation, Mr. Know it all" Bulwinkle: "Hi Yo culture fans."
"Care to chow down on my meat and two vegetables (SLAP)"
If anyone can find the rest of the mechwarrior sound files, and has a way to get them on my phone id really appreciate it!
"My regret in all of this is that we didn't know how troubled this person was. And if I could have gone back in time and known what she was going through I wish we could have spent time trying to help her. But we genuinely didn’t know."
Sam: "Hey, what's happening Norm?" Norm: "Well, it's a dog eat dog world Sammy, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."
Man: "What's up Norm?" Norm: "My nipples, it's freezing out there."
"Meant to do that!"
"Oh that's mean of ya, meaner than a sack full of snakes."
"The things I do for money."
"BYUK! My lips touched dog lips!"
"Maybe I didn't go to college, but I'm not stupid."
Mr. Ed sneezes
"Well, Tim, you are probably just responding to the male urge to …"
"Son of a…What the hell's gotten in to you? My thing got stuck in my zipper and I got piss all over my pants!"
"May I present, my cunning plan..."
"Make love and be merry, for tomorrow you may catch some disgusting skin disease."
"Yep, but they have one great redeeming feature - their wallets. More capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on."
"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia"
"Missed it by that much"
"Maybe - Twice as sweet as No, half as good as Yes."
"Listen little girl, you just go on and mind your own beeswax, hah."
"Ah no, my worst nightmare involves being covered in frogs."
"How may I, in all servitude, be of assistance?"
"Well, you've got all the answers, don't ya Miss fix it"
"Dream on Mamasita"
"What happened to my eggs over easy and my crispy bacon?"
"The females embark upon nature's most brutal test: The March of Shame."
"And their faces are smeared with the decorative colors used in their mating dance."
"Mornin' ladies, my goodness don't you look happy. Must be cuttin' somebody up pretty good."
"Make it so."
"Then again, another wise man said 'If you can get more money, screw your friends.'"
Brain: "I will accept nothing less than mahogany!" Pinky: "There is no substitute for Diana Ross!"
"I need the secure packaging of jockeys. My boys need a house."
"My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this."
"My name…is SU-ZIE!!!"
Lion-O: "Let's find the megacondenser, I'm saying that too fast. Let's find the megacondenser, still going too fast." Snarf: "What's wrong Lion-O?" Lion-O: "Oh fuck, here it is again." Snarf: "What, what's here again?" Lion-O: "That thing, that mega thing." Snarf: "Want me to say it?" Lion-O: "YES!"
"I'm on a Mexican…whoa-o, radio."
"Oh Moses smell the roses."
"My legs…they were like noodles."
"May cause panting and loss of fur?"
"Mira Sorvino. Think she'd go out with me?"
McClane: "Are you Matt Ferrell? Mathew Farrell?" Farrell: "No, he actually doesn’t live here anymore." McClane: "Of course not. Who are you?" Ferrell: "My name is Daisy Duke. Got a lot of shit for it when I was a kid, please don't add to it."
Gabriel: "Mai talk to me. What's going on?" McClane: "Mai? Oh yeah, little Asian chick, likes to kick people? I don't think she's going to be talking to anybody for a really long time. Last time I saw her, she was at the bottom of an elevator shaft with an SUV rammed up her ass."
"I'll tell you one thing. Men are bastards. After about ten minutes I wanted to cut my 'own' penis off with a kitchen knife."
"I do not want to spend Christmas with Ms. Granola Suicide and her spawn."
"Do nothing! He's mine to finish!"
"Life is a series of choices. What you eat, how you look, whether you do drugs or not. You know, cocaine, crack. If you make a wrong choice, all of the other decisions are made for you."
"Mentos, the fresh maker."
"It's Michael Jackson's Thriller, and you can see it and hear it with the new talking Viewmaster. Start your own Viewmaster video collection. Thriller in 3D from Viewmaster."
"When you open the door, will your mystery date be a dream or a dud?"
"MTV set course for unchartered regions seeking new music where no channel had dared to go before. You discovered Stray Cats, Duran Duran, Def Leppard, Adam Ant, A Flock of Seagulls, ABC, Eurythmics, Men at Work, Loverboy, Madness, Missing Persons, Thomas Dolby, Culture Club, The Fixx U2, Saga, Billy Idol. What woul...
Man 1: "Hey you don't watch that, watch this." Singer 1: "Hang on girl I want you to..." Singer 2: "We gonna rock on down to Electric Avenue then we'll take it higher." Bono: "Two hearts beat at one." Man 2: "The world's first and only 24-hour video music channel, in stereo. MTV, Music Television."
Singer: "Fresh goes better. Mentos fresh and full of life. Fresh goes better. Mentos fresh and full of life." Announcer: "Mentos, the fresh maker."
"When the clock strikes half past 6 babe. Time to head for golden lights. It's a good time for the great taste. Dinner. At McDonald's it's Mac tonight. Come on make it Mac tonight."
"Hang on a second, my mom said to make sure I look good this time in the school pictures."
"Mentos, the fresh-maker."
"McDonald's y'all. Feel like something hot n' spicey? We love to see you smile, baby."