"Apparently, being human involves more than just two arms, two legs and the occasional major orifice."
"Well I don't mind reading, it's reading books that I hate."
"Well the Big Giant Head's got to have a merit badge for that."
"You made a nice comment about the size of my package."
"I'm all messed up inside mama..."
"I have a magic foot!"
"You've got to have more sex!"
Alex: "So tell me, uh, how exactly did you and Seth meet?" Molly: "Oh, (clears her throat) at a Memorial Day party thrown by a mutual friend, it was a sunset cruise around Catalina Island." Alex: "That's so romantic." Molly: "And I had to go to San Francisco on business that night, so Seth offered to drive me ...
Michael: "Joey! Come o-- I gotta get to school. Oh, hi, I'm Michael." Bobbie: "Mmm. Have a seat."
Cartman: "Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!" Cartman's Mom: "Well then I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with mommy tonight."
Mr. Garrison: "Hm guess you'll have to take your seat Kyle. Kyle: "Dammit!" Mr. Garrison: "Okay Mr. Hat, why don't we talk to the children about Mr. Columbus's uterus. Mr. Hat? Oh great, now Mr. Hat's all pissed off." Kyle: "Fuck Mr. Hat." Mr. Garrison: "No, no no, fuck you."
"Moo moo moo moo."
"Haha! Mr. Hat yelled at you."
Mrs. Cartman sings a Halloween Carol
Stan: "You're here to fight Satan?" Jesus: "This fight has been ordained since the beginning! My children, this is the most crucial and serious time of all history."
"Are we making love now?"
"Here is a black and white photo of Miss. Ellen with our leader."
"Bebe, I need a makeover."
"Wendy, there's nothing between me and Stan."
"That mean old substitute isn't going to stop until she takes everything from me, Bebe."
"Well, did you notice the mole on the back of her neck with the hair growing out of it?"
"Yeah man, someone's got to pull this monkey out of Wendy's ass."
"Uh-oh, Chef's moving in on Miss. Ellen."
"Principal Victoria introduces the new substitute to the kids..."
"What's a multiplication table?"
"Oh boy, I'm going to need some more smack."
"...On a small pissant mountain town in Colorado called South Park"
"What would we use a marble sack for?"
"She will become the most threatening thing known to mankind - Mecha-Streisand!"
"Maybe this will help jar your memory?"
"My mom always said there were no monsters, but there are, aren't there Chef?"
"Well, Ike, you can tell Cartman that it's my triangle."
"Day's never finished... master's got me working, someday master set me free!"
"No kitty, this is my corned beef and cabbage."
"He was the most beautiful charming piece of ass I've ever seen in South Park."
"Oh chief, I want your hot manchowder."
"Haven't you ever heard of a menage au three?"
"Has that marijuana made it back up here yet?"
Mr. Garrison mellows out a little.
"Ok, but first let mommy give you a kiss."
"Let's focus our discussion first on marijuana."
"Marijuana is bad."
"Let's get married and have a honeymoon in India."
The boys do their Mr. Mackey impression
"Uh, is this my house?"
"The Booktastic Bus driver tells the boys about the 'magic of reading'."
"All units. All units! Report to 254 Avenue de los Mexicanos. Possible hostile situation."
"...it certainly is a thrill seeing your cheery face again. What seems to be pissing you off today."
"Maybe he did touch some children now and then, but c'mon, its Michael Jackson... Michael Jackson!"
"Yeah, I didn't want to do it, Jesus! They made me do that!"
"I only did it because he molested me!"
"Don't worry about it Montel. We all want to touch children sometimes, its only natural."
"This week's ratings are through the roof! We're up to twenty people!"
"Certainly! And would you like another muffin as well?"
"Please... call me muffin!"
"Sorry Mayor, I couldn't find the little man in the boat."
"Let's play Mozart's Symphony #5!"
"He's a two timing whore. From now on children, you'll all be learning from Mr. Twig."
Cartman mocks Wendy a bit
"Even though a few independent films are great... most of them suck ass."
"I take it you're part owner of this whole Mr. Hooey story, right?"
"...you're at about 7 right now, we need you at 3, ok?"
"Now all we have is a town covered in shit. This is much better."
Woman: Hello la policia. Operator: 911, police fire and medical. Woman: Hello, yeah wait a minute. Yeah this is…I’m calling from a McDonald’s. I’m just calling because they have a problem with some customers they’re…. Operator: They’re doing what? Woman: The customers…they complain about the food and things like tha...
Man Calls 911 For Missing Orange Juice from McDonalds: Operator: 911 do you need fire, medical or police? Man: Yeah, just police. Operator: And what’s the problem? Man: Um, we’re out here at a McDonald’s. Operator: Which McDonald’s? Man: The one on…highway. Operator: Okay, and where on…highway. Man: It’s on 198…hi...
Operator: 911 do you need fire, medical or police? Man: Yeah, just police. Operator: And what’s the problem? Man: Um, we’re out here at a McDonald’s. Operator: Which McDonald’s? Man: The one on…highway. Operator: Okay, and where on…highway. Man: It’s on 198…highway. Operator: So you’re in… Man: Yeah. Operator: Okay...
"Last week was a rough week. I sat my kid down and I told him all about the birds and the bees. He told me about my wife and the butcher."
The class agrees that they want to volunteer at the planetarium
"You know that nothing is more important to me then you... (Vrrooooom!)"
"You're the most important thing after me, my happiness, and my new romances."
"Mr. Hat is a two timing whore, and now we learn from Mr. Twig!"
The memorial moos as it is revealed to the crowd
"Ming Lee" offers some of her wares..."
"Ok kid, you won. You get to choose between the Barbie pocket mirror or the Bon Jovi toothpick."
Cow: "(Ding) Moo! Moo!" Cow: "Moo?"
"This can't be... this can't be right... MR HAT!"
"If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit. Here, look at the monkey!"
"Cartman just needs to put more into it! Dance better Cartman!"
"Mr. Loaf... we are selling candy bars for our dying friend."
"But we hate Mr. Twig... Mr. Twig sucks!"
"I can never make it up to the families I destroyed. But at least I can make an example..."
"So how can Mr. Hanky be here, and at another mall at the same time?"
"90 marshmallow... 91 marshmallow,"
"Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!"
"Where is it? Move it!"
"These boys should learn how the corporate machine is ruining America."
"...that smooth aroma and mild taste are what makes Tweek coffee special..."
"Quit being so melodramatic, Sanchez... Jesus Christ!"
"Next is issue 37-D... Missing underpants."
"They said it's like a military operation. He's going to be there at 11:15 in the morning and you must be there to meet him and give him the tour. I'm there, we're all there spiffy and ready to go. At 11:14 all the lights in the building…no windows, it's a studio so total pitch blackness. 30 seconds later I hear, he...
??? ????? ??? ??? ???? ???? ?? ???????....
Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team, If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out, At the old ball game.
John Connor: Did you call *moi* a dipshit?
I once was king — that day is gone; I've been dethroned and stoned by the uncaring throng. They're ringing down that curtain now — I guess it's time for my last bow. Life was a gas, but that gas has passed; I've gone from top of the pops to the back of the class; Auf Wiedersehen, ad...
Announcer: "The police often question him just because they find him interesting. His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body. His blood smells like cologne." Most Interesting Man in the World: "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Stay thirsty, my friends."
Billy Bush: "Has a political thing woken inside of you since this? Or not really?" Carrie Prejean: "You know what's funny Billy? My sister' is a second lietenant in the Air Force and she is a gay rights activist and she's been to many many rallies and just went to one, she was in my hotel and she said sis I am not o...
Billy Bush: "Monday on Access Hollywood."
"How much could he mean to you if he left you here unprotected. But I can't help myself, you're so mouth watering."
There's a brand new dance that's sweeping the nation. Got a mini chicken sandwich that's a taste sensation. Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich. Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich. Mini Buffalo Ranch, Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich.
Operator: 911, what is your emergency? Man: I’m having my dinner… Man: Hello. Operator: Hi, who am I speaking to? Man: This is Andrew Mizsak. Operator: Hi, we received a 911 call. Man: Yeah, but its okay now. Thank you for the call back. Operator: Okay well what was going on sir?
Mike Tyson: I can feel it comin in the air tonight, do the chorus line guys, oh Lord. But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, one more time guys. Alan&Stu&Phil: Oh Lord.
Alan: Counting cards is a full proof system. Stu: It's also illegal. Alan: It's not illegal, it's frowned upon - like masturbating on an airplane. Phil: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too. Alan: Yeah maybe after 9/11 where everybody got so sensitive.
George i think we should listen. Oh very well...
Couldn`t have happened to a bigger scumbag.
"Initially set out to be a musical because it was sort of my pitch for a musical because I was approached by a couple of people by doing something and I was excited about doing it having growing up listening to musical theater but I think I got about half way into the writing process and it just seemed to work so mu...
"We talk about Bryant and his forth title, Fisher as well. These two will join Shaq and Duncan as most championships among active players."
"Coach Phil Jackson again congratulations; 10 NBA championships more than any man ever."
Chet: A couple of things, did you know they gave me a list of things that I can’t talk to you about? Did you know that? Miley: They gave you a list of things you’re not allowed to talk to me about? Chet: Yeah, they want me to focus on the tour, focus on The Climb which is a great song. Listen, first of all there is...
"You know this is the most courageous group of guys I've ever been around and, uh, just very disappointed."
"You make your bed, you live in it."
"Mexico wins it! Mexico wins it!"
"My name is Evel Knievel. I'm a professional daredevil."
"… the first homerun he ever hit in Wrigley Field."
"We got more fat ass officials in college basketball with pants two sizes too small for them. They look like they are almost reformed prostitutes…"
"Marlins win! Give me another beer!"
"...Cause we're the Miami Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, Miami Dolphins Number 1."
"Gentlemen as you know, the Ultimate Warrior, fuck it!"
"… a sense of domination in certain situations…"
"Meet the Mets, meet the Mets, Step right up and greet the Mets."
"Meet the Mets, meet the Mets, Step right up and greet the Mets. Bring your kiddies, bring your wife, Guaranteed to have the time of your life. Because the Mets are really sockin' the ball, Knockin' those home runs over the wall. East side, West side, everybody's coming down, To meet the M-E-T-S Mets, of New York to...
"I think this is a typical Colt move…"
"Well seeing as the Rock is the people's champion, and the people consist of the millions and millions of Rock's fans."
Announcer: "The Buick Open, the American Express World Golf Championship." Phil: "Alright alright that's enough."
"Yeah one more thing, I didn't appreciate Reggie Bush saying that be was upset the Bruins beat SC so he took it out on the Niners. Just take your loss as a man."
"Meet the Mets, meet the Mets, Head for the park and greet the Mets. Hot dogs, green grass all out at Shea, Guaranteed to have a heck of a day. Because those Mets are really rockin' that ball, Hittin' those home runs over the wall. Long Island, New Jersey, Brooklyn, Queens, Uptown and Down, Let's Go Mets: that's the...
"Meet the Mets, meet the Mets,Head for the park and greet the Mets. Hot dogs, green grass all out at Shea."
"New York, New York, New York, New York, New York, let's go New York, watch the Mets rock, watch watch the Mets rock.. Meet the Mets."
"Move your body, it's your birthday, yeah."
"Master of his domain. A 3 run shot."
"Greg Vaughan. Mojo. Big Mojo. Solo shot."
"Oh you won't disturb me, I'll be in my room masturbating."
"Because of the HIV virus that have, I will have to reitre from the Lakers."
"My family we're different from others of our kind, we only hunt animals - we learn to control our thirst. Then you, your scent, it's like a drug to me. You're like my own personal brand of heroine."
Bella: "You know, your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash." Edward: "I only said it would be better if we weren't friend, not that I didn't want to be."
"The hot chick's best friend is the most feared enemy of the d-bag. Armed with…stopping self-esteem and a razor sharp common sense."
"Now it's time for the most sacred of the douche rituals, March of the A-holes."
"I think the name for my style would have to be summed up in one word and that would be fresh."
"He made Alex…A-Rod a pervert too by saying that he knocked up a 14 year old girl…oh I thought she was 18…"
"It's moving', it's grovin', it's changing direction. There's so much going on."
"Give people the opportunity to get the best most ripped abdominal area they ever had."
"Doing Core Synergistic you're going to prevent injury, you're going to make yourself less vulnerable and you're going to be a hell of a lot more durable."
"But it is entirely appropriate for me to be following the president of the United States. Of course he cannot follow me because I am the most dynamic public speaker of our generation. As your an tell you can feel the energy at this very moment."