"And there is nothing wrong with my tits!"
Well see that's the thing, I'm not really a watch and see kinda girl. Am I, Jake?
People need a passport to come down here.
Jake: "She blew up the bank." Andrew: "And that made her a hero?" Jake: "Well, notorious, anyway."
"Well I didn't have that much craft back then Romeo, just a little native ability."
"Never count me out until the fat lady divorces me."
"That's enough time, 30 minutes, hell I'm not that fucked up."
Detective: "How do you think this looks?" Oscar: "To you, it looks terrible. To my mother, she wouldn't be all that upset."
"I hope you won't be offended by my saying I hope to God that I never see either of you again."
Roy: "My inner child needs a spanking?" Molly: "Yeah, no Roy, no Roy."
Alex: "(singing) I've been living with a shadow overhead." Sophie: "There'll be no more rhymes until I'm fed."
"There is some comfort in the emptiness of the sea. No past, no future."
Algren: "Every soldier has nightmares." Katsumoto: "Only one who is ashamed of what he has done."
Arlene Berquist: "You're crazy!" Phil Berquist: "That's right - not having sex for TWELVE YEARS will do that to a person!"
"I'm not good with ropes, I can't even take the string off a bakery box."
Ness: "Never stop, never stop fighting until the fight is done." Capone: "What'd he say? What'd you saying?" Ness: "I said never stop fighting till the fight is done." Capone: "What?" Ness: "You heard me Capone, it's over!"
"As long as he keeps the bad people rich and the good people scared, no one will touch him."
"For your own sake, there is no turning back."
Batman: "Nice coat." Homeless Man: "Thanks."
"I do what I do to keep thugs like Falcone behind bars, not in therapy."
Klytus: "Who are you?" Flash: "Flash Gordon. Quarterback. New York Jets."
Arborian Boy: "I am now of age, Green Father. I ask for the test of manhood." Arborian Elder: "Choose your passage, into this world, or the next."
"I knew you were up to something, though I confess I hadn't thought of necrophilia."
"Nice confession. l commend you."
"Ming's not unbeatable. With all his men, he couldn't even kill Flash."
Ducard: "Ninjitsu employs explosive powders." Bruce: "As weapons?" Ducard: "Or distractions."
Bruce: "I'm not heading back at all." Alfred: "You don't like it there?" Bruce: "I like it fine. They just don't feel the same way."
"Amusing. But pointless. None of these people have long to live. Your antics at the asylum have forced my hand."
"No one can save Gotham."
Rachel: "Crane?" Scarecrow: "No, Scarecrow!"
"Dr. Zarkov! There's no sun! It's 8:24 in the morning, and there's no sun!"
Hawk man: "With respect, the man who rid us of Klytus should not be deserted." Vultan: "Will you shut up!"
"My father has never kept a vow in his life."
"Whoa! I love the costume! But what are you supposed to be? A New Kid On The Block?"
"I'm a New York City girl. It's a little too quiet around here for me."
"Not you Scotty, not you Number 2, not you Frau, not you Goldmember, not you guys back there, not you hench man holding wrench, not you henchman arbitrarily turning nobs making it seem like your doing something."
"Nice potty mouth dirtbag!"
Alison: "Don't ask her about her about her sister and her nose job." Ryan Seacrest: "No plastic surgery questions."
"And once he does that into them once, they're never soft ever again."
"He accidently activated his navigation system."
Sam 'Spike' Witwicky: "I'm never giving you this Allspark." Megatron: "Oh, so unwise."
"There will be no bumpin', no cheatin', no spittin', no bitin', no road rage, no mamin', no oil slickin', no pushin', no shovin', no backstabbin', no road-hoggin' and no lollygaggin'."
Luigi: "My friend Guido, he dream to give a real racecar a pit stop." Guido: "Pit stop!" Lightning: "Uh, the race is only one lap, guys. Uno lappo! Don't need any help. I work solo mio." Luigi: "Fine, race your way." Lightning: "No pit stoppo. Comprendo?" Guido: "Okay."
Alison: "Ow." Female Doctor: "That's not your vagina. That's your asshole."
Oh, okay I see, you think this has nothing to do with you.
But what you don't know is that sweater is not blue, it's not turquoise it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean.
The girls need new surf boards or boogie boards or something for spring break.
Elias: "Yeah right, what do you know?" Randal: "I know you're a huge fucking nerd of Potsie-like proportions, and no chicks dig nerds. Especially nerds that are into Lord of the Rings."
"Hey, there is only one Return and it's not of the King, it's of the Jedi."
Dante Hicks: "You wouldn't want to be with a girl with an oversized clit?" Randal Graves: "No, 'cause the next stop's a guy with an undersized dick."
Costello: "Fucking rats are wearing me thin." French: "Francis, it’s a nation of fucking rats."
"I haven't needed the money since I took Archie's milk money in the third grade. To tell you the truth I don't need pussy anymore either. But I like it."
"It's this - no one gives it to you. You have to take it. "
"No ticki, no laundry!"
Costigan: "Is there something you just wanna go ahead and ask me? Cause I'll give you the fucking answer, alright? Frank look at me, I'm not the fucking rat, okay? I'm not the fucking rat." Costello: "Start with you agreeing there is a rat."
"If these chinks want to nuke Taiwan any time in this century, they better shape up and show me one million dollars. What we generally do in this country is one guy brings the items, the other pays him."
And that's my problem because… Oh wait, no, it's not my problem.
There's nothing in this whole closet that will fix a size 6 I can guarantee you.
Oh you must be the new Emily.
You must be in desperate need of hard liquor.
I must have done something right; I'm not a psycho.
I'm on this new diet. It's very effective. Well, I don't eat anything, and when I feel faint, I eat a cube of cheese.
Andy: "Turns out I'm not as nice as you thought." Christian: "I hope not."
Christian: "Wait don't tell me the boyfriend is gone? I am very very sad." Andy: "Please you're not sad at all." Christian: "No not even a little."
I'm not your baby.
"No I have not."
"No he cannot."
"No I did not."
"This is not working for me Jack."
Jack: "She needs to lose 30 pounds or gain 60. Anything in-between has no place in television." Liz: "I can't believe I missed you."
Jenna: "What, you never pretended to be a bride when you were a little girl?" Liz: "I did, I just never romanticized it." Young Liz: "This is my husband, Sol Rosen bear and this is his son Richard from a previous marriage." Liz: "And then he cheated on me with a lamb."
Tracy: "I seen the way you was looking at Seinfeld. You used to look at me like that. What, am I not a big enough star for you anymore." Kenneth: "I am not even gonna dignify that with an answer. Especially after I picked out all these throw pillows for in here and you didn't even notice."
"This is a time of new beginnings for me Lemon. And of course that means new opportunities."
Liz: "We need to fire Lutz." Pete: "What why? What happened?" Liz: "He called me the worst name ever!" Frank: "What did he call you?" Liz: "I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it." Pete: "Fat camp?" Liz: "No." Frank: "Mouth hooker." Liz: "No." Frank: "Monster bitch." Pete: "Hatchet face." Liz: "No. It..."
"No more jewelry with my name misspelled, and no more sexually explicit sky writing and no more white boys throwing up in my damn foyer."
Kenneth: "Then you should know that you're never gonna dunk this basketball. Also that Oscar you have is made of chocolate and that lady you European kissed last night, was actually a gentleman." Tracy: "Okay, that's enough."
Tracy: "It's the story of Thomas Jefferson. Only thing, we're gonna do it like Norbit where I play all the parts." Toofer: "That's actually hilarious." Tracy: "It's not a comedy, it's a drama."
"Your name sounds Jewish. You must be important."
"Look at my belt. This is the notch I had to make last week. This is the notch I'm using now. I'm back to the factory made notches."
Guy from Court: "How do you know it's not your child?" Tracy: "Cause I remember the girl and it's impossible. I never got out of my car and she never got all the way out of her toll booth."
Tracy: "What's the verdict doc?" Dr. Spaceman: "Good news! You are not the father of that child."
Devon: "You're going down." Jack: "No Devon, I don't do that."
"You do anything you wanna do, except no dog fighting, okay. That seems to be the one thing that's off-limits these days."
Jenna: "Here's what we're gonna do. You've probably never seen breasts before. So I'm gonna lean over this desk and you're gonna give me a new page jacket." Donnie: "Please, I breast fed till I was eleven. So I've forgotten more about a women's chest than you'll ever know."
"Aren't you the man who told me to live every week like it's shark week? And that nothing's impossible except dinosaurs? Don't give up on life sir."
Jonathan: "Liz, your grandmother is in Jack's office. You better do something." Liz: "Nana Lemmon, that's weird. Oh no, Rosemary."
Liz: "Is that guy carrying a gun?" Rosemary: "But don't worry, he's not a cop."
"New synergy, does that sound odd to anyone else? Does that sound like news energy?"
"Yeah, non dairy creamer, yum. Mmmm."
"I've called this meeting to say that downtown is no longer safe. So in short, we need to pick some new restaurants and night clubs."
"No feet?!" Merle: "Yeah, that's right ass. No feet."
Master Shake: "He pushed me." Frylock: "He pushed you out of the way of that truck!" Master Shake: "Listen, he's in a better place." Frylock: "He's in the grill of the truck!" Meatwad: "He was my best friend!" Master Shake: "Yeah? Well then you should know something. When he was pushing me, he mentioned something ab...
"One look at Niels Bohr's atomic model makes it abundantly clear that there is a way to pass through solid matter. So in summation, we can have our daily tea-party in the fifth dimension."
Carl: "If I wasn't a little loaded right now, I'd say you're uh.. lookin' for a.. come closer here. Lookin' for a brain.. is that right?" Frylock: "A brain?! No. NO I'm not. Why?" Carl: "Hey, it's Carl here.. your buddy. You don't have to lie to me. 'Cause if it's a brain you want.. I'll get ya a brain." Frylock: "R...
Master Shake: "I'm gonna have to blow this thing apart." Frylock: "Wait, wait a minute Shake. Look, just-just calm down, all right? It's not that serious." Master Shake: "But my scheduling! I need to access my database and see if I'm on schedule! I don't know!" Frylock: "Look at me Shake. Look at me. Come on, please...
"Carl, don't refer to her as a babe please. She is a Chechnyan prostitute, and you will address her as such."
Master Shake: "Can you tell these are coconuts because they spray painted them and they looked really good when I lef--" Meatwad: "Nah, you lookin' good boy. Them professional nostrils. Something about you.. I can't put my meat on it, but you seems smarter..in the nose area." Master Shake: "Well, thank you I am."
Master Shake: "Oh my God, my head. Who're you?!" Meatwad: "Back away from her, she's psycho. Unless you're ready to settle down and have you some youngin's." Master Shake: "I can't commit to that! I'm young, I'm hip and I'm single! I'm a tiger out there. You don't put a leash on a tiger! Plus that's not female. Look...
Meatwad: "Is that what I think it is?" Frylock: "It's an NST: a neuro-speech transmitter." Meatwad: "No, huh uh. It's my BNCS. My brushed nickel colander, stupid. Now take them wires off there and give it back. I need to drain my spaghetti." Frylock: "Meatwad, you don't cook, you sleep in this thing." Meatwad: "Shut...
Master Shake: "Okay, now this time we're going to cross the street the hard way." Meatwad: "The hard way?" Master Shake: "Long ways!" Meatwad: "All right.." Master Shake: "I'll keep score!" Frylock: "What are y'all doin'?" Master Shake: "Oh, great! Geek patrol on alert!" Meatwad: "Sound the nerd alarm." Master Shake...
"As you can see, it's fully furnished. 2-0, no bathroom and that is by design. We don't want people to mess things up with their waste, ya know what I'm sayin'?"
"Nicole's basket was not the basket that I thought it was gonna be. It was like pretty much the exact opposite of what I thought her basket was gonna be. I don’t know."
"As soon as I saw the guy, I thought, I hope none of the geeks are hoping to hook up with a beauty because their chances just plummeted."
"Reversing the world of Beauty and the Geek…no bueno."
"Even I've heard of Three 6 Mafia. They won an Academy Award. These people are not armatures."
DP: "You see like a.. little naked dude out in the street anywhere?" Frylock: "Yeah.. I think he's dead." DP: "Are you serious? Well, when he wakes up, make him drink."
"I think it's just gonna be anyone. No one is save, except for those people that are safe."
"Boston was a natural stop for Nate and Jenny Lee. After all, it is home to Harvard and MIT, turning out geeks by the giga-flop."
"I have this theory since I've never worn deodorant I don't like need it so...Every once and a while people will say like 'You stink' but for the most part, no."
Rick James: "Charlie there's a new joke goin around, have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?" Charlie Murphy: "What?" Rick James: "Slap!"
"They should have never gave you niggas money."
"Dave Chappelle come on down, you're the next black comedian to get his own show!"
"For centuries people have turned to one man for the answer to lifes greatest mysteries. That man is Negrodamus."
Jenny Lee: "You have an old school Nintendo machine." Geek 6: "Sort of, yea. It's actually a machine I took apart and put a computer in. So that I could hook it up to my TV." Jenny Lee: "That's sweet!"
Mike: "Uh, Andre, you are sitting next to a bunch of smurfs." Andre: "I am." Mike: "That's not normal." Andre: "No it's not, but ya know."
"Just prior to meeting the beauties, I was feeling a form of nervous excitement. Uh, somewhat akin to I imagine jumping out of an airplane."
"I never did that when I was dating. Admit that I wasn't a cool guy. Now I didn't give a shit. I just said I'm not a cool guy. That worked, I'm not a cool guy, I'm gonna use it all the time."
Owner: "Mr. David, there is no table." Larry: "No table? How come, what do you mean no table." Owner: "We chose Cheryl."
Larry: "He's kind of a slam, bam, thank you mam kind of guy, right." Nurse: "No not really at all. No slammin', no bammin', no thankin the mam. He was a little short-lived was the problem."
"N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestle's makes the very best.. Sooooooooooorrry."
"You're not givin your fucken kidney. What if one of the kids needs a kidney one day? You're gonna give a kidney to Richard Lewis?"
"N-E-S-T-L-E-S. Nestles makes the very best. Sooooory."
"Oh you got a nice pair of eyes among other nice pairs."
"You don't spend $1,000 on cloths, that you're never gonna wear."
Ali G: "Is Disneyland a member of the UN?" Boutros Boutros Ghali: "No because Disneyland is not a independent state."
Alexx: "He died hours before this accident ever happened." Horatio Caine: "So our accident is not an accident at all."
Alexx: "What's going on Horatio?" Horatio: "Alexx, Miami has a new breed of criminal."
Alexx: "It's a stab wound." Horatio: "Alexx, that just narrowed us down to one."
Cheryl: "He invented, it doesn't matter, underwear that doesn't have a fly." Larry: "No fly zone?!" Cheryl: "No fly zone." Larry: "That is the dumbest company. What a stupid…I've tried that underwear it is so idiotic. You have to drop the underwear to pee, okay."
Martine: "You just can go one, number one right?" Larry: "Number one, I'll be done in two seconds." Martine: "Okay, hurry up, number one!"
Larry: "Your son, his penis." Hugh: "Wait, what are you saying that for?" Larry: "Hey, it's...it's a compliment, what's the big deal?" Hugh: "What's the compliment?" Larry: "How's it bad? How's it bad? He's got a nice big penis so what?"
Ali G: "So me idea is what?" Donald Trump: "To make a drip proof icecream." Ali G: "No, but that's a fuckin brillian idea."
"Me idea is to come out with just like these ice cream gloves, that make the ice cream not go on your hands and make it all well sticky."
"Normally to get to see a girl naked, you need to take her out to a 3 course dinner at KFC, buy her 4 Bacardi Breezers and tell her you love her."
"No you you you, no you you, all the time to the other one with the beard who ain't that good."
Jeff: "I have more food experience than you my friend." Larry: "Oh let me tell you something okay. I never got laid a lot but that doesn't mean the guy who got laid more than me appreciated it."
Larry: "On the way back I'm gonna drive." Cheryl: "Why?" Larry: "I don't feel I have a personality in this seat. No really. I feel very…dull."
"In Kazakhstan we think USA very technology very good and now I see is very primitive."
"I’m not going to engage in hypothetical's of that sort. I feel confident that that nuclear arsenal will remain out of militant hands."
"And so I will do whatever is required to keep the American people safe, but I am absolutely convinced that the best way I can do that is to make sure that we are not taking shortcuts that undermine who we are."
"Never been with a guy that didn't want to fuck me again in the morning."
"No way I'm gonna be on a 70 foot screen looking like an underwater Elton John."
Drama: "And now that it's actually airing." E: "The show is great Drama, just relax." Turtle: "It really is Drama. This is comin from someone who's never liked your work."
"But not so much for you."
"My name is Sam Donaldson and I got a message for you, news ain't just for the white man, it's for the bros and sisters too."
"Namaste campers, rise and shine!"
Vince: "He's a nesting creature, what's the big deal." Drama: "Cause it's not natural for a male, is the big deal."
Turtle: "And no need for a raincoat." Drama: "Yeah it's like flag day." Turtle: "Except it's a week."
"Hey today was President Obama's 100th day in office, 100 days. Isn't that amazing? Think about it, George Bush was President for 8 years never came close to spending 100 days in office. So we're way ahead."
"And you know they're saying non essential air travel, forget about nonessential air travel that's what the government is saying. And here is an example of nonessential air travel, it would be flying Air Force One really low over New York City. There's nothing wrong with me, there's something wrong with your set."
"Some happy news as you may have heard the White House has a brand new puppy. I believe his name is Arlen Specter."
Tracy: No one should get preferential treatment. Liz: I agree, exactly. Tracy: Not black comedy superstars, not Hispanics, not Indians, not whatever this guy is and not women Liz Lemon.
Ok, so now I'm one of those "constituents". I'm thinking… thanks a lot, bastard, you think I got it easy? You jerk! Who the hell you think you are down there in Louisiana, Mr. freaking Governor who don't need no additional unemployment money. No, idiot! You GOT a job! It's me that can't find work and that's wo...
“Gov. Palin, she’s not here tonight, she pulled out at the last minute. Somebody should tell her, that’s not really how you practice abstinence.”
"Our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all, we have a lot in common. He is a person of color. (Laughter.) Although not a color that appears in the natural world."
"They instituted a ban on Quality Intimate time..."
Chris: Zachary and I wanted to come out tonight and address the long time fans of Star Trek. Zachary: We understand that you are concerned about the way that we are handling your beloved franchise. But don’t worry we’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that this film fits in flawlessly with the established… Chris: A...
I like sugar and I like tea but I don't like niggers no sireee! There's two known things that'll make me puke thats a hog eating slop and a Big black spook!
Jimmy Dugan: Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which team do you play for? Evelyn Gardner: Well, I'm a Peach. Jimmy Dugan: Well I was just wonderin' why you would throw home when we got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second base and we lost the lead because of you. Start using your head. That...
No love you'd call real
Boy: Grandma, my teacher says if grandpa was a girl that’s okay you can still be married. Announcer: If we change the definition of marriage… Girl: God created Adam and Eve, how so old fashioned. Announcer: …our kids will be taught a new way of thinking. Boy: He should have created Anna and Eve. Boy: If my dad marr...
"Nancy Reagan lied. You can't just say no. Come on."
David: "No gays in Iran, that's why you have to go all the way to Turkey for a facial. That's..." Paul: "Hey, we're here all week." David: "That's why you have to go Jordan to look at drapes." Paul: "Hey!" David: "That's why you have to go to Syria to get a decent perm." Paul: "Ho!" David: "That's why you have to go...
"Here's some good news. Finally some good news coming out of Hollywood. Michael Jackson is getting married. Congratulations. That's right. Michael is 49, his wife is 40 so the difference is, well not nearly enough."
"A taco bell, listen to this, a Taco Bell in Mississippi closed down because a guy found a snake in his food. That's right. The good news is, no more rats."
Tony: "No matter who they play, the chances the Rockies sweep the world series?" Tony: "This is either a 100% or 0%. There is no in between."
"This was a nice effort by you, but once again you're seeing this so incorrectly."
Mike: "Alright, no time for TV Tone" Tony: "No time for TV?" Tony: "No." Tony and Mike: "Because there's no baseball anyway."
"I don't see why Torre would manage any place that didn't begin with these two words: New and York."
"And they wouldn't take me on Top Model because I'm too short."
Amy: "Are you wearing makeup?" Bill: "I'm wearing makeup for men, it's not noticeable. It says so on the box."