"Stiiiing, you're stinglehoffer, makin copies, whomistingster, stingatola, sting!"
"Sloppy Joe, slop sloppy Joe yeah, sloppy Joe slop sloppy Joe yeah."
"Ah you know that Saturday Night Live show? Ah it got way worse. Oh yeah, it's just sad, they got that fat guy screamin all the time. Come on, pull the plug on that freakin thing ah."
Slater: "Let's put snapping turtles in Valley's swimming pool." Zack: "Hmm, bad idea. Last time we did that their swim team set a world record."
Jessie: "I just do not approve of that kind of behavior." Slater: "Well then send me to my room mama."
"Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You? We got some work to do now. Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You? We need some help from you now. Come on Scooby-Doo, I see you... Pretending you got a sliver But you’re not fooling me, cause I can see, The way you shake and shiver. You know we got a mystery to solve, so Scooby Doo be r...
Jerry: "You're still trying to gget that free sub?" Elaine: "Hey! I have spent a lot of time, and I have eaten a lot of crap to get to where I am today. And I am NOT throwing it all away now."
George: "So, attractive one day - not attractive the next?" Jerry: "Have you come across this?" George: "Yes, I am familiar with this syndrome -- she's a two-face." Jerry: (Relating) "Like the Batman villain?" George: (Annoyed) "If that helps you." Jerry: "So, if I ask her out again - I don't know who's showing up: ...
"Okay, see ya later pal!"
"Now, what might I show you, sir?"
"Ah ah, sorry 'bout that."
"Gee that sounds kind of interesting."
"Stay with us folks. Things could break any minute but right now, uh, back to our regular program."
News Anchor: "We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story." Kermit: "Oh hi ho, Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street news."
"Oh I'll never get it, I'm sorry, Ludwig.Oh."
"Stop -- boring."
"Believe me... She's out there."
"It's the single ones who always throw the wild parties with all the girls."
Carrrie: "Why did I have to go straight to the negative and just pick at it?" Miranda: "Because you're in a relationship. All women pick. It's in our DNA. It's our little way of showing that we care."
"Same old same-old."
"He saw me naked ... Your boyfriend saw me naked!"
"Boy, you should've seen your face."
"I just felt like you weren't being very sensitive about my feelings."
Aidan: "Shut up?? Shut up??" Carrie: "Yes, shut up!" Aidan: "Shut up? You're tellin' me to shut up?" Carrie: "Please just shut up! I am so sick of hearing you talkin', talkin', talkin', all the time! Don't you ever just shut up??"
"I'm just saying size has nothing to do with it."
"Snug as a bug in a rug."
"I just don't want to do something here that I'll be sorry for later."
"Sweet!... So sweet!"
"Here we are, face to face a couple of Silver Spoons. Hopin to find, we're two of a kind making a go, making it grow. Together, we're going to find our way. Together, taking the time each day. To learn all about those things you just can't buy. Two Silver spoons together. You and I together (We're going to find our ...
"Look, you score a lot higher than him. There's no question who the better one is."
Kyle: "What makes you so high and mighty you can buy me out." Stan: "Don't put this all on me Kyle." Cartman: "Oh my god this is so awesome."
"What are you doing?! The video crowd is starting to boo."
Clyde: "They did it!" Jimmy: "Oh my sweet Jesus."
"Asshole, shit, shit, cock!"
Thomas' Mom: "It's okay Thomas, they understand." Thomas: "I want to go!" Thomas: "SHIT FAG!"
"Good morning Principal Victoria. Shit balls!"
"Of course if you want to be Sgt Buzz Kill once again and spoil my fun because you're jealous you didn't think of it first, well go right ahead Kyle."
"If I could say 'ass pussy' to the counselor, I would be SO happy."
Mr. Garrison: "When we multiply a negative number by another negative…" Cartman: "Shit! Asshole!"
"Thanks everybody. Suck my balls!"
"It'd be a shame if we tracked you down and you 'shot yourself'."
"Please God, don't make me embarrass myself on national television. You must see how this is somewhat your fault right? Please, I need a miracle."
Thomas: "Shit!" Man 1: "Oh god I'm so turned on right now."
Thomas: "I'm just gonna slip into something more comfortable. Cock!" Man 1: "Okay. Cock! Don't take to long."
Thomas: "Stupid shit!" Man 2: "Score!"
Chris: "Take a seat right over there." Thomas: "Suck it, asshole licker, dick fart."
"You totally saved my ass Kyle. You must really care about me."
"Stan go call your Uncle Jimbo. I'm gonna stand guard."
"Why are men so obsessed with how big their crap is."
"Is it over Randy. We all saw that crap you took. That was no fluke. There's something inside you that made you able to do it."
"If he doesn't crap in Zürich it shouldn't count."
"I see the crap now. I can't say for sure but I'd say it's about 14 Courics."
"Look at the crap I took all those years ago. Bono is now almost 6 feet tall and over 80 Courics in weight. No matter how you look at it he is still the record."
"Tell me about it! I can't even stretch at a normal gym without some guy trying to stare down my vag!"
"Oh stop giving me that look. Scissoring me with your eyes."
Hobo: "Spare some change?" Cartman: "Ah dude, he smells like Kenny's house. Get outta here!"
"In the mean time. South Park citizens are being advised to stay indoors and protect their change."
Stan: "You son of a bitch. You didn't solve your homeless problem. You just sent all your homeless to South Park." Guy: "That's right, yes."
"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, with dreidel I will play."
Boat Ride Singers: "We're all gay, and it's okay 'cause gay means happy and happy means gay. We're not sad anymore, cause we're out the closet door. It's okay, hey, to be gay!" Big Gay Al: "Sooo, what do you think Stan?" Stan: "This kicks ass! I'm sorry I tried to change you Spark, I just didn't understand." Boat R...
"Oooh, I'm gonna decorate the house for Halloween, with scary ghosts and bats and creepy crawly things."
"War is hell My brother's dead in my house ,In war, war is hell. It's hell for you and me."
Commerical: "I love Cheesy Poofs, you love Cheesy Poofs If we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs, we'd be…" Cartman: "...lame."
Cartman: "I love Cheesy Poofs, you love Cheesy Poofs If we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs, we'd be lame. I'm talkin' Night-Court-in-it's-fifth-season lame-aaaahh!"
"She works hard for the money So hard for it, honey She works hard for the money, so you'd better treat her right She works hard for the money So hard for it, honey She works hard for the money, so you'd better treat her right"
Liane: "Over the meadow and through the woods," Liane and Cartman: "To Grandmother's house we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh Through white and drifted snow." Liane and Cartman: "Over the meadow and through the woods, To Grandmother's house we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh" Kyle: "...
"Time to go to work, work all night Search for underpants, hey! We won't stop until we have underpants Yum tum yummy tum day!"
"Soaring so high above the world, Never thought I could be so free. I'm one with the birds, and magic is all I see."
Actors: "1800's, Alabama! What a great place and time! We're so happy that we live in 1800's Alabama 'cause it's sunny and there is no crime!" Jeffrey: "Now to the refrain!" Actors: "And in this little town in 1800's Alabama there's a family by the name of Keller! Their daughter's deaf and mute and blind as a bat, a...
Kids: "Helen Keller, Helen Keller, blind as a bat. She can't hear us speak. What's up with that?"
"Just look at all these little families Newfound couples in a happy home. It takes me back to another time When I had a love of my own. [holds in his hands a signed portrait of Mr. Slave] Love, love lost long ago, it was special then, it's over now. Love, so darn frail, you know? It shriveled and died. I don't know ...
"I was just standing here. Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet Then John Travolta come and now, John Travolta in the closet too. Please Tom Cruise and John Travolta come out the closet! But then I calm myself down, and I pull out my gun! If Tom Cruise and John Travolta don't come out the closet, I'm gonna cap t...
"Getting nervous Kyle? When that leprechaun shows up, you must suck my balls. Don't forget I have a signed contract from you."
"Gentlemen, the terrorists appear to have complete control of our imagination. It's only a matter of time before....Our imaginations start running wild."
"Say what you want about Mel Gibson, but the son of a bitch knows story structure."
"We all gotta laugh at ourselves once in a while. I do it all the time!"
Fish: "Oh, brother! This guy stinks!"
Spock: "I'm on the surface of the destroyed barbarian planet, now captain." Kirk: "Destroyed? What do you see Spock?" Spock: "The surviving inhabitants are in a dreadful condition.The 20th Century Earth disease called hard-drug abuse." Kirk: "A tragic find, Mr. Spock." Spock: "As a Vulcan, I find the use of hard dru...
"I believe that Dave is going to shoot himself in the foot. He's not a good leader because he's the most irritating person the planet. He's just so patronizing."
"A word of warning. Some of the images you are about to see… are awesome."
"Stephen Colbert, bring it on."
"But really let's face it, all other days bow down to the 25th: Christmas. It's the only religious holiday that's also a Federal holiday. That way Christians can go to their services and everyone else can stay home and reflect on the true meaning of Separation of Church and State."
Carlton: "You wanna handle this one big guy, or shall I?" Philip: "Shut up Carlton." Carlton: "Good call."
"Okay, I think I speak for everyone when I say, ew."
"Oh Kermit, I am so embarrassed. I forgot everything out there."
"Have you seen the scene? Even when you know what it is, you don't know what it is."
David: "Okay, well that's about it from yours truly. Thanks for taking all that I've thrown at you, I'm spent. But, um, I am now gonna like a banana and split. He got it. Okay, um, before it's over promise me you'll remember one thing." Woman: "Um, yea I think to dedicate..." David: "You stopped it. No don't stop th...
"How is Elaine she left you yet? Alright then. She has left him, I forgot about that."
"People say I'm the best boss. I go oh, we never worked at a place like this before you're such a laugh, you get the best out of us. Se la vie. If that's true. Excellent."
"You wanker, you're such a sad little man."
David: "Her dad's not only a copper but a really big bugger isn't he so hands off." Ricky: "I got something she can take down to evidence." Keith: "Do you want to receive some swollen goods?" Gareth: "Wouldn't mind escaping up her tunnel." David: "Get out. Get out I mean it."
Gareth: "In this room I have special…" Tim: "Needs?" Gareth: "No, in this room I am a special…" Tim: "Needs child?" Gareth: "No, and that's not even funny."
Joan: "What you doing in so early? Shit the bed?" Tim: "No! No, I haven't done that for weeks."
"Same shit, different say."
Tim: "So... you've dug your foxhole, and you've pitched your tent, right? They've discovered your (you're) camp, and you're lying there, and they've caught you with your trousers down, and they've all entered your hole without you knowing." Gareth: "No, 'cause I'd be ready for them." Tim: "You'd just be lying there ...
Finch: "Come on spit it out. As your boyfriend said last night." David: "I was going to say that." Finch: "Yes but I don't have a boyfriend, you do."
Tim: "Gareth are all of these going to be about war?" Gareth: "No I got loads of. I got one on tennis, one on the Suez Canal, loads. OK, question 3, which canal links the Mediterranean with the Red Sea?"
"Spaceman came down to answer some things, The world gathered round from paupers to kings, I’ll answer your questions, I’ll answer them true, I’ll show the way you know what to do, Who is wrong and who is right? Yellow, brown or black or white? The spaceman he answered “You’ll no longer mind... I’ve opened your eyes...
Gareth: "Who’s been thinking of leaving?" Dawn: "I have." Gareth:" Well that's just stupid, you’ve got a job here for life." Dawn: "Yeah, actually I don’t want to spend my life answering phones in some crappy sub-branch paper merchants." Gareth: "Dawn, work hard enough, and you could be answering those phones in hea...
"She's not a lesbian Gareth. I think I would know if a bird living under my roof would like to roll around with other women."
"Slough's nightlife is incredible; it's got two nightclubs, it's got Chasers and New York, New York. They call it the nightclub that never sleeps. That closes at one. There was, oh my god, a themed nightclub called Henry the Eights. This was incredible. It had the Anne Bol-inn, this is true, as you went into the loo...
"I.D. badges are long over due. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Could you imagine if I was deranged?"
"I know exactly what he's talking about. I spread mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious but they smell like death."
"The Japanese have this thing called Shiatsu massage where they dig into your body very hard and it is very painful and apparently some people throw up. But the next day they feel great."
"There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays, I'll probly give the money to them."
"No no no no no, this is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor, totally smashed."
Jim: "Is it me or does it smell like updog in here?" Michael: "What's up dog?" Jim: " Nothin much, what's up with you?"
"Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin and yes I know it's January I am not an idiot. But if you do your spring cleaning in January guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything."
"Hey! Know what we can do? Spread out a blanket in the break room, have a little picnic, order some za…talk about you know who."
"They took my card away because I spent $80 at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related right?"
"Nice! She's so hot."
"Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend this movie, Portrait of a Prostitute something. Secrets of a call…More Secrets of a Call Girl."
"I'm sick of it Jim. I'm sick of this place."
"When Jan and I had satellite, we used to watch a reality show called Survivor Man. And it was interesting because it was about a guy who would go out in the middle of no where and just try not to die, try not to get eaten by an animal or be overexposed."
"And the other is something inappropriate or horrible or both. What else, he only sings the high harmony to Happy Birthday. And he is a very big believer in surprise parties. Maybe even arguably possibly to a fault."
"Skip around the room. Skip around the room. We won't…okay alright. Don't do that, you're gonna break something."
"One day Michael came into the office complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then."
Angela: "I have to visit the alchy." Dwight: "Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what? I bet she cracked it at home. Jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp." Angela: "I wouldn't put it past her."
"Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. No, wait - don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make."
"I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little studious."
"That should scare you, it scares me."
"He's back and he's with a beard. He has facial hair. Look at him. All grown up and no place to go. Hello Mr. Sonny Crockett, I'm Tubs."
"What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless."
"I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Shruit lived to be a 101. My grandpa Manhime is a 103 and still puttering around down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel Visa was protested by the Shoa Foundation."
Michael: "You smell that?" Dwight: "Dry-rot?" Michael: "No Dwight, that smells like good business to me."
"Sweet ride, American made."
Meredith: "Hey! There he is." Jim: "Hey Meredith. How you feeling?" Meredith: "I never thanked you for coming to the hospital." Jim: "Oh please, it was my pleasure- well we all came, so." Meredith: "I really appreciate you coming... I'm singling you ouuuut."
Kelly: "That's from Ryan? Does it mention if he's seeing anybody?" Michael: "No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight." Stanley: "Yes please let us know."
"It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for 13 of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me two plaq...
"I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows. Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them."
"You better say good bye to Pam. Say good bye to Pam. Good bye! I love you."
"I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for he."
Pam: "The Pizza by Alfredo guy is here." Michael: "You don't have to say it like that." Pam: "I said it normal."
Dwight: "I've seen this kid before. He's one of the kids that sneaks onto my farm and steals my hemp." Delivery Kid: "Yeah I know that guy. He's that farmer that grows really crappy weed."
Delivery kid: "You're such a loser." Dwight: "What did you just call him?" Delivery kid: "A loser." Dwight: "What did you just say?"
"So Angela is stubborn as a mule. She's giving off fairly strong vibes that she's not interested."
Dwight: "I'm just scaring him. Now the trick is to make him think you're going to do something to him." Delivery Kid: "I can hear you, man." Dwight: "Shut up! Or I'm gonna punch you in the throat!"
Kevin: "So are you jealous because there's another girl around?" Pam: "No." Kevin: "She's prettier than you, though." Pam: "That's very rude of you to say Kevin."
"Steak! Where's my steak!"
"You are incorrect. I was recently scrubbing my room of memories and I didn't see it there."
"No one asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull?"
Pam: "I don’t know if I really see you two together." Andy: "Really? Well maybe you should look in the smart part of you brain."
Pam: "What's going on, why do you have a second job?" Michael: "I don't have a second job. Maybe I'm having an affair with Suzanne Sommers."
Oscar: "Jan is smart." Michael: "She poses."
Jan: "Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease. Your debt follows you around the world electronically." Michael: "I'll stay off the grid."
"Showcase Showdown coming up!"
Silvio: "Say fuckits Paulie." Paulie: "What?" Silvio: "That's how they say nothing." Paulie: "Fuck that, this is how I say nothing."
Paulie: "Fuck you and this bullshit. Because that's what this is you know. Satanic black magic. Sick shit." Guy: "I'm asking you to leave sir." Paulie: "Fucking queers."
"Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun."
"I'm supposed to be turned on by you beating up your brother-in-law on your 47th birthday?"
"Woke up this morning…"
"Woke up this morning…"
"Eeb, eeb eeb."