"You got to look at the whole picture. When you got two girls and a guy in a room together. Boy, that's something else. That's fucking holding and hugging. Friendship and helping. Teamwork at its very best my friends."

"Landlord's in the crib going through his shit. What are you doing in my house? Ah. Where's your sink, I came to fix it. It's in the kitchen. I thought it was in the drawer. I'll fix it tomorrow when I come for the rent."

"You'll be walking down the street and you'll see a bunch of black dudes walking, not just any old black dudes, we're talking 'thugs'. And in the group, they got one, or two, sometimes as many as three white guys with them, you ever seen that shit? Well let me tell you something about those white guys. Those white g...

"I'm talking about that, you ever have that social pressure where you meet somebody who is fake and they make you fake. Like, hey how are ya doing? Fine how are you. I don't even talk like that."

"What we understood, was simple. Terrorists don't take black hostages."

"During an episode of The Simple Life. Which is a show that glorifies these 2 rich giggling cunts."

"The terrorists hate our freedom. You know what? I hate our freedom. Little old me, I'm an American. That's all we've done with it? We're assholes. We are fucking awful. The terrorists hate our freedom. Terrorists hate liberty. They hate freedom. They're freedom haters. We're freedom lovers. Shh, don't tell anyone. ...

"Watched Terms of Enrearment. Don't play dumb. Don't, it offends me. Bang the Nun Slowly. I think it's a remake. Your Ass Licked Part. That one's scary a little bit. There's one with midgets. Itty Bitty Gang Bang. I'm not sure if that was worth $7.95. It's a write off. Awww Schindler's Fist. So usually ... I don't ....

"I mumble a lot on stage. I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend and I say something he won't hear me. He'll say 'What?' I'll say it again, and he'll say 'What?' But really it is just some significant shit that I'm saying, but now I'm yelling: that tree is far away!"

"This is Frank. Frank Rizzo. Open your fucking ears, jackass."

"My name is Tarbash, the Egyptian magician."

"It's hard times, these fuckers gotta buy, I need dough like anyone."

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the Muppet Show! It's time to play the music! It's time to light the lights! It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight! It's time to put on make up! It's time to dress up right! It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight! Hey - did you know that Georg...

"But some poor tourist walking down the hallway or worker at that hotel could have been hurt. That is why we have rules in the state of Nevada that say you can't take back your own property by force or anybody else's property by force."

"When you take a gun with you and you take men with you to show in a show of force that's not just a hey give me my stuff back that's something else. And that's what went on here."

"Then after the event all of a sudden a realization hits and there are phone calls made. There was no gun. There was no gun. There was no gun. Mr. Simpson made those phone calls. There was no gun."

Buddy: "The best way to spread christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear." Jovie (Zooey Deschanel): "Thanks, but I don't sing." Buddy: "Oh, it's easy. It's just like talking, except lounder and longer and you move your voice up and down."

"Cause I felt that they were wrong. They had internal orders and they had internal (inaudible) some of these things that were both garnish able and things that were not garnish able."

"I was the first guy that volunteered to do it. And I heard on the tapes they thought I was stupid for doing it."

"You know, my kids had pictures. My oldest son is married now and has his own family and he wants the picture in the Oval Office with Gerald Ford when he was 5 years old. Stolen. All of these things were gone."

"All the rest of them, when they found out, they volunteered. 'Come on let us go.'"

"When I first started this trial and I talked to the jury when we had the whole panel in, I stated to the group that if this was -- if they were here because they wanted to punish Mr. Simpson for what happened previously, then this was not the case for them."

"What matters to me is that the state brought charges, a trial was conducted, and evidence was heard, testimony received, the jury deliberated. They reached a verdict. And I have to respect that verdict as well."

"I see this as the system working."

"The jury sat and listen. The evidence was overwhelming. They deliberated and this was their decision."

"He committed that crime and it's time he paid for it."

"You know what he got what the judge obviously thought was fair and I'm going to trust what she did was right and I think she did."

"There's never closure."

"The fact is I think the time for posturing is gone, the time for partisanship is gone, we have to address this very, very seriously."

"It almost looks to me like you hope that with that target coming down on us you're going to get us to do and just throw the money out there and say go ahead, do with it as you will."

Mike: "The jig is up, Run!" Samantha: "You son of a bitch!" Chris: "Samantha, you're here. Shit!"

Chris: "Please god!" Jamie: "Uh ha, stud muffin, getting it on in your love truck was hot, Ugh!" Chris: "Wait a minute, that’s not what I wrote. This is Tim's yearbook." Jamie: "Chris?" Chris: "Oh my God!"

Chris: "It's cold out here." Jamie: "Yeah it is, it's like the south pole." Chris: "It's like the deep south pole, if there was one, there isn't though."

"Yeah well Jamie doesn't date nice guys. She puts them in the friend zone and then tortures the shit out of them."

"…Christ, I miss the Cold War."

M: "I knew it was too early to promote you." Bond: "Well, I understand double 0s have a very short life expectancy... so your mistake will be short-lived."

"It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus... up in that tower, letting his hair down... so that the Three Wise Men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there's six more weeks of winter."

"The only good cat is a stir-fried cat."

Moe: "Hello." Curly: "Hello." Larry: "Hello."

Think of it like the holocaust: Never Again.

Jack: Can I ask you a question? High School Mulch Company Owner: Sure! Jack: Are you happy? High School Mulch Company Owner: Well, I got a boat, good friends and a trampoline - you tell me.

"During his time in Congress, he held more than 2,500 town-hall meetings so he could hear directly from constituents."

So now I jizz in my pants. Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a slut. This is your fault, you were rubbing my butt. I'm very sensitive some would say that's a plus - now I'll go home and change.

"No, they're vamp. They wear plastic fangs and drink clamato juice."

Goth Kid: "We aren't vampire kids! We're freakin' Goth!" Kid: "Whatever Dracula. Why don't you turn into a bat or something."

"More preppy straight A students turning into vampires, what the hell is going on?!"

"They aren't Goth! They're douche little vampire kids!"

"Forget it. It's over, alright. There's too many of them now. We can't stop them. Let's face it, the freakin' vampires beat us."

"December 4th 2008. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York, This is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart."

"Obviously this isn't each, this is for the 3 of you. There is a recession."

Major Grant: "Now you're the wrong guy, in the wrong place at the wrong time." McClane: "The story of my life."

(explosions) Character 1: "Oh my god." Character 2: "That is toast."

"That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

"No, no, no! Listen, all of you! You've got to take direction, you've got to have discipline, you've got to have respect for your director!"

"Buy! Buy! Buy!"

"Who am I?! The name's Yukon Cornelius, the greatest prospector in the north."

"Observe the bumble's one weakness... The bumble sinks! Ha ha!"

Yukon Cornelius: "This fog's as thick as peanut butter!" Hermey: "You mean pea soup." Yukon Cornelius: "You eat what you like, and I'll eat what I like!"

"Never knew the bumble snow monster yet who turned down a pork dinner for deer meat."

Mrs. Claus: "Eat, Poppa, eat." Santa Claus: "How can I eat? That silly elf song is driving me crazy." Mrs. Claus: "You're gonna disappoint the children. They expect a fat Santa."

Santa Claus: "Ho, ho, ho…" Mrs. Claus: "Now that's my Santa." Santa: "Thanks momma."

"See the basic problem for the US economy is we have too much consumption and borrowing and not enough production and savings. And what's going to happen is the American consumer is basically going to stop consuming and start rebuilding his savings especially when he sees his home equity evaporate."

"This is just getting started. It's not just sub-prime. This is a problem for the entire mortgage industry."

"Foreigners around the world have been lending us money for years. They're now finding out that we can't afford to repay. This is going to be an enormous credit crunch. The party is over for the United States. We cannot continue borrowing to live beyond our means and consuming foreign products."

"The worst is yet to come. The fundamentals are not sound, they're awful. If the fundamentals were sound we wouldn't be having these problems."

"Stay away from the financials. They're toxic. They're not cheap they're expensive."

"I think Peter is just totally off base and I don't think it's going to be…I mean I just don't know where he's getting his stuff."

Ben Stein: "Sub prime is tiny. Sub prime is a tiny, tiny blip." Peter Schiff: "It's not tiny and again it's not just sub-prime. It's the entire mortgage market."

"I think volatility is gonna be here until we can look at the books at major financials so that means until the next round of earnings but I think the worst is over."

"We have more volatility to go. At least through September."

"The big banks, the central banks still have plenty of big guns to fire. They'll fire when necessary. The worst is over."

"You see all the toys Santa brings are made by these elves. Seems elves have that certain knack for toy making."

"The cave of the Abominable Snow Monster."

"Nice around here isn't it. I call it Christmas town, better known as the North Pole."

"Hispters flipsters and finger popping Daddies knock me your lobes."

"Twelve."

"Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That tickles."

I have a feeling that this is not legitimate!

Too bad, too bad, too bad!

This is showcase number 1

"Mary had a little lamb, its fleese was white as snow…"

"The following program is close captioned for the thinking impaired."

"Ten hut."

"Soon there was a spark. And in almost no time the splendid fire was crackling away."

"Santa had arrived, but was he too late."

"But when they got inside a terrible site met their eyes."

"They were too late."

"I must get that hat back! Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!"

"Now I've got you! And the minute you’re all melted, that hat will be mine!"

"I'll only stay inside for a minute. Besides I've been meaning to take off a little weight anyway."

Traffic Cop: "Alright didn't you see that traffic light?" Frosty: "What's a traffic light?" Traffic Cop: "Up there on that lamppost." Frosty: "What's a lamppost?" Traffic Cop: "Oh, you want a ticket, wise guy?" Frosty: "I'd love one. To the North Pole, please."

"Trim up the tree with Christmas stuff like jingleballs and woowooplucks. Trim up the tree with googooguns…"

"The Grinch hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. Oh, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or maybe his head wasn't screwed on just right."

"But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small."

"All the windows were dark. No one knew he was there. All the Whos were out dreaming sweet dreams without care... when he came to the first little house on the square."

"Mr. Grinch, you're a three deck with sauerkraut, toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce."

"Then he slunk to the ice box. He took the Whos' feast. He took the who pudding, he took the roast beast. He emptied the ice box as quick as a flash. Why, the Grinch even took the last can of who hash."

"They'll sing and they'll sing and they'll sing, sing, sing, sing!"

Grinch: "These stockings…" Narrator: "He grinched…" Grinch: "...are the first things to go."

"Yeah, sure, why not. That'd be great. I’d love that."

"The world's a playground. Somewhere along the way everyone forgets it."

"47 Million Dollars?!?! I'm the CAT!"

"Stop it! You're talking CRAZY!"

"Tiny Toons theme"

The Swedish Chef opening theme

The Muppet Show Theme

"And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for these darn kids and their dog!"

Scooby Doo Theme

"Two men, one woman, trouble."

"Several Suits pending against me from the teen chat line..."

"The wise man who knows that there is much he does not know... I know."

"Hated it!"

"Oh thank you master!"

"De Plane! De Plane!" "De Plane De Plane

"This is Max Headroom, and I'll be back in a minute."

"Tattoo exclaims THE PLANE THE PLANE."

"This is Carlton your doorman."

"The Shadown knows."

"Twilight Zone Opening."

"Bill Nye the science guy."

"The Outer Limits."

"This here's a true story that we just made up."

"Oh Oh! Looks like there going to be trouble"

"You're the boss"

"Oh No! He's overdosed on TV!"

"Tiggers's song"

"Dudley Dooright theme"

"Suppressing the urge to throttle Sherman."

"Opening Theme."

"She was trouble with a capital T."

"Her real name isn't even Tamara La Boink."

"We take them on their word that they didn’t know that this person was as troubled as she was."

Dr. Whatley: "Happy Chanukah, Tiffany." Elaine: "This place is like Studio 54 with a menorah."

"Then all of them vanished. A terrible darkness fell over the town. No rain and no sun, no hope to be found."

"I bet you tell that to all the Princesses."

"A trip to the castle was his chance to explore in his search for adventure."

"The rats have taken the princess."

"Come on! Try being brave!"

"The bad guys are winning. Right now we have our hands full."

Woman: "You're a mess. Three bullets." Spirit: "Three through me." Woman: "Last night you were 20 minutes from the morgue, now look at you."

"She got a thing for the bling."

Coach: "Cheers. Yeah, just a sec. Is there an Ernie Pantuso here?" Sam: "That's you coach." Coach: "Speaking."

Norm: "You can't go sneaking out nights on somebody you love. Woody, you have to believe that truth and --" Carla: "Norm, it's Vera." Norm: "I'm not here -- honesty are the cornerstones of a ..."

Norm: "Guys, uh, listen, I'm having a slight problem with the damn bird, alright?" Diane: "What color is it now Norman?" Norm: "Well, I think we're moving into the Earth tones." {musical interlude} Carla: "This better be good news Norm." Norm: "Look, uh, I'm sorry guys, the little pop thing won't pop out, there...

The Cheers Theme Song

"I don't make monkeys, I just train them!"

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

"Why don't you take a picture, it will last longer."

"Uh oh, I know that tone of voice. We aren't getting dinner for a looong time."

"Hey ah, it sounds like you're tryin' to keep a secret from the Fonz, it makes me feel like you're not a true friend."

"He spends a lot of time alone."

"I'm ashamed of my talk show."

Character 2: "Pikachu, THUNDERSHOCK. Now!" Pikachu: "Pikachu!"

Jerry: [sung, poorly, to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme song] When you're walkin' down the street... Jerry: [singing] ... and you see a little ghost... Jerry: [singing] ... whatcha gonna do about - [more out of tune] Jerry: Ghostbusters? Mike: What? What is that? Jerry: That's the Ghostbusters theme song. Mike: ...

The Broccoli Song

"Son of a..that's gonna leave a mark!"

Harry: What's that sound? Marv: That was the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs. Harry: Oh.

"The Black Adder!"

"The Black Adder gives you his word."

"The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!"

"The Black Adder is a venomous reptile, and women are his prey."