Johnny: That's great. That's true? This really happened? Ah no. Tony: No, wait. Charlie believes it.

Charlie: Man, this place is really gettin' depressin', Tony. Tony: That's an understatement, let me tell you.

Benton: Yeah, Chetarsi. He knows Chetarsi means Sammy. Sammy: Sounds like somethin' dirty. Haha. Charlie: What are you lookin' at? Johnny: What are we doin' with these faggots? Throw them out.

Teresa, I had a dream last night about you and me. I gotta tell you this. We're in this room and we're both naked.

And there's this huge white bed and you're lyin' on it and I'm standin' over ya. And we're just about to make love and I come. The only thing is, I come blood.

This could be fatal. You're going.

Tell her I insisted.

Ted: What's gotten into you? You're supposed to be calming me down. Gleason: Ted, I've got cancer.

The minute I cash out, I cash in. You two have to buy me out.

Third, you're going to build a wing at Sloan-Kettering and beat this thing.

When we stop for gas, we call up Cooter, and we tell him to put a pig in the road, right.

Car drives away the hook will pull out the whole chassis.

Yeah, well, that's what happens when you're humping the livestock, hillbilly.

Cop: Listen, the reason why I stopped you is your tail light is out. Driver: Stopped me? Sir, you hit me. Cop: That's because your tail light is out, and we couldn't see you brake.

Tall and tan and young and lovely.

Then Sterling, he didn't even show up.

You dragged me out and made me sit with that disgusting man with his disgusting wife.

Dr. Tuskin: Those bad dreams are still inside you. Regan: There's nothing wrong with me.

Luke: Is that bad? Katie: That means vomit.

Oscy: There! They're doing it! Benjie: I don't believe it! Oscy: Well, you'd better believe it 'cause one day your turn's gonna come, and you better know what to do.

Then I just have good news. We're giving a presentation this Friday on Chevy's top secret new car.

Sarah: Bozo. Carter: Sorry? Sarah: The dog's name is Bozo.

Roger: They designed it with a computer. Michael: So they're scared. Don: They run another agency in at the one yard line. They're terrified.

Today, wherever I look, I see only evil. God has fallen silent.

This code you live by is about family. It's the very reason you weren't even in the game.

Phyllis: That's Mrs. Harding. Sarah: Hardwicke. Phyllis: Who gives a shit?

Then you can jump from the balcony and fly to work like Superman.

They're integrated with these hypnotic strobes to bring the two altered states into synchronization.

That time in the room. Try and remember Father Merrin just before he died.

The flames. They're, they're getting bigger. We've got to put the fire out.

Dr. Tuskin: Take it easy. It's probably some post-flashing. It's an aftereffect of the hypnosis. Father Lamont: No, no, no, no. No, you've got to help me.

I've been figuring. Them guys don't think that I'm wise, but they was trying to get me drunk. They don't know me, do they, Harry?

Julio: I'm saying Stevie skipped out. Ramundo: Then why don't you just say that? Don't get so fucking complex! Julio: I'm not complex, you're complex!

Wooly: Should we move in? Edgar: Oh, stay put, they're not gonna kill him. They're just having a little fun. Wooly: They're gonna beat him to a pulp. Edgar: I think that's a reasonable assumption.

There's nothing you can put your finger on. I tell you, there are strange forces at work here. For instance, there's this messiah business.

And there's a wild man in the desert named John who drowns people in water. There's a carpenter's son who goes around doing magic tricks. Miracles, they call them.

That is the mistake the Germans always make with people they try to destroy. There will be always someone else.

There are many things a man will do, but betrayal for a price is not one of yours.

I prefer the suspect alive, but if anything goes wrong, don't hesitate. Take him out, no matter what.

They used you to get to me. And, I might add, quite effectively. Here I am.

The math on this is extremely problematic. You have information. I need it.

Yo, man, you like little kids, right? That's my little boy in there. I can't let nothin' happen to him.

Lisa: The Bronx Zoo? Uh, try upstairs in the nature section? Customer: No, it's not about nature. It's about baseball.

Phyllis: Did you get my pills? Carter: Yeah, these are some pretty serious tranquilizers you got here. Are you sure it's safe to be taking these all at once?

Bronx Zoo? There's no place... Like home.

Alvin: Five percent? Man, five percent is bullshit! Edgar: Two million dollars is bullshit? Alvin: Oh, th-that's-- five percent is two million? Oh, well, yeah, I see.

The boy is still alive. He, he frightened Pazuzu.

Anyways, we should get going because they still gotta buy me food and amuse me with witty anecdotes and impressions.

Father Lamont: That's it. Regan: That's where Father Merrin fought Pazuzu.

They'll put me in a big Ziploc bag and take me to the morgue.

Dorothy: This is it. Hermie: I can go further. Dorothy: Oh, there's really no need. Hermie: Ok.

Okay, I think the answer to your question depends on whether you have, like, a learning disability or you're just an average moron.

There was an accident, uh, a wind. What he say? A devil wind. And a monk fell to his death.

Carter: You know, that's the first time in my entire life I've ever been punched. Lucy: How was it for you? Carter: It hurt. I'm not a fan.

The big wind raised mighty dust, and the body was never found. They searched all over, everywhere.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy and it's chaotic and it's never-- it's never, ever, the thing you'd expect. It is okay to be scared but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole.

Trying to kill my, my soul.

The key factor is the brushing of the wings. When it is dry, the grasshoppers go their own way.

The power. It's getting nearer. Can't you feel it? The power is immense.

The wings! The wings are brushing me! The wings, they're brushing me! I must! I must! I must!

Diane: They're all criminals and creeps. Chris: Bankers. Diane: Exactly.

Alice: To play golf with Mr. Peabody. David: Peabody, what Peabody? Alice: The Alexander Peabody who represents Mrs. Carleton Random.

David: There, you see? It's a circle. Susan: Well, of course it is. Do you think it would roll if it were square?

David: The most important corporation lawyer in New York is waiting for me over on the first fairway. Susan: Then it's silly of you to be fooling around on the 18th green.

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There is rebellion in the wind. It will be crushed.

Two people were condemned with me. My mother and sister, even though they were innocent.

The man who saved me, Divine Emperor, to return and serve you.

This ring of my ancestors would have gone to my son. So now it is yours.

Teresa: You know, there aren't any, uh, mountains in Manhattan. Charlie: Tall buildings. Same thing. And I like you.

That is a pity. Think of it! To break his pride, to humble this tribune before the very people he's degraded. Just think. His defeat and humiliation at the hands of a Jew!

There are many paths to God, my son. I hope yours will not be too difficult.

The day they took you away, they imprisoned him. They tortured him. When they were sure he was hiding nothing, they let him go. Ever since then, we've been living here.

Though I hoped it, I didn't believe it.

The stone that fell from this roof so long ago is still falling, only this time you won't be sent to the galleys. This time you will be destroyed. You will die.

Teresa: You help yourself first. Charlie: Bullshit, Teresa. That's where you're all wrong!

Giovanni: Y'know his whole family has problems. His cousin, uh, the girl who lives next door to you... Charlie: Teresa. Giovanni: The one who's sick in the head. Charlie: No, she, uh, she's got epilepsy.

That's what I said, she's sick in the head. Her mother and father came to me for advice. She wants her own apartment. What am I gonna tell 'em? Lock her up?

Mario: Charlie, uh, why don't you take a look around the place if you want? Charlie: That's okay, I've been in and outta this place about 50 times already. Giovanni: Well, maybe you missed something.

Charlie: Tonight, Michael, at the party, the three of us, we get together and we knock some sense into his head. Okay? Michael: All right, Charlie. Charlie, you know I don't like bein' taken advantage of.

Charlie: Look, I'll give ya 20 bucks to hold ya for now. Michael: What, are ya kidding? Twenty dollars doesn't pay the interest for two hours.

Charlie: The fuckin' truth is you're more involved than anybody. Michael: What do I look like, a jerk? On next payday I'm comin' down here to Tony's.

Amen, I say to thee. Thou will not come out from it till thou hast paid the last penny.

This is a classic case of a dysfunctional family. You should really consider some help, some therapy.

Take him wherever he wants to go.

This business is rigged.

Don: Damn it. Ted: That's what I said. Sorry about that.

Throw the map out the window and hit the road, Jack.

Don: That's good. Ted: No kidding.

The Star of David, to shine out for your people and my people together, and blind the eyes of Rome.

Messala: This is the day, Judah. It's between us now. Judah: Yes. This is the day.

To the best of these, a crown of victory. The race begins. Hail Caesar!

To hack the legs off me. Not yet. Not till I've seen him. I don't receive him with half a body.

Triumph com, triumph complete, Judah. The race won. The enemy destroyed.

Think, Judah, think! It will tear them apart if they see you.

The young rabbi from Nazareth. They're wanting his death.

This is where your search has brought you, Balthasar. He gave me water, and a heart to live. What has he done to merit this?

Johnny: So I was figurin' that the next logical thing to do... now don't get mad! Charlie: Oh yeah? How? Johnny: How you get. Charlie: You know a way out of this? Johnny: Yeah. Yeah, I know- Charlie: Well, let me hear this one. Johnny: Talk to your uncle.

Take it stupid, I'm doin' it for you! Come on. Come on. Carryin' on, huh? Cut it out, will ya?

'Cause you know that's what you are, that's what I think of you, a jerk off. He's smilin' like he's a jerk off.

Cop: Typewriters, transcripts, is there anything missing? Secretary: The key to the ladies room.

Jaime: This is Math 1-A. Student: I don't need no math. I got a solar calculator with my dozen doughnuts. Lupe: The bus is exact change, no big deal.

Molina: That was a premature bell. Student: Premature bell? I thought we weren't supposed to discuss sex in class. Molina: All right, Sit down! Stop talking!

I'm El Ciclone from Bolivia. One-man gang. This is my domain.

I'm a tough guy. Tough guys don't do math, tough guys deep fry chicken for a living. You want a wing or a leg, man?

You ever dig a hole? The sand that comes out of the hole, that's a positive. The hole is a negative.

If you don't have the ganas, I will give it to you because I am an expert. Today is Monday, tomorrow is Wednesday, Friday is payday, the weekly test.

He can have mine. Today is my last day.

And the only reason why you are still alive is because I am allowing it, so shut your mouth!

Tracy: Alan. This is an intervention. Doug: We drive you there today and I promise you will come back a changed man.

Yeah, that's the point. It's funny.

Doug: We're all here to tell you about an awesome place called, New Horizons. Alan: That does sound awesome.

They wanted our ideas and a big agency, so we gave them both.

There isn't a man in the country with my reputation. So why don't those fellas respect me?

This is a recording. You've dialed the right number. Now please hang up and don't do it again.

Ooh. That man sure likes telephones.

Trash is where you find it. You gotta follow the fleet.

Look, Vince, the brave ones don't come home. You stay scared.

The 11 of us cats against this one little city? We're an overlay.

There's only one thing you love, Danny. That's danger. Cliff-hanging. You could never love a woman like you love danger.

I got to listen to all this. They're rotting my brain.

That's the Beverly Hills police for you, the best in America. They protect us night and day.

Boys, I want that you should think of this as a full-fledged battle. Leap into it and with the same high-type hearts that carried you across the Rhine river and, other historical places.

Just think-- think how proud all the big brass in the Pentagon would be could they but know that their labors made all this-- this beautiful operation possible.

Yeah, the only time he gives me a thought is when he needs something.

That's a beautiful job you boys pulled. A real work of art.

Duke: Sweetheart, this job was cooked up by Jimmy and his soldier boy pals. Mrs. Restes: Oh we-- well, that's ridiculous.

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Chase: Black rubber. Batman: Try a fireman. Less to take off. Chase: I don't mind the work.

This won't hurt a bit. At least, I don't think it will.

Two years working in the same office. He was like my father, my brother, or a cousin that visits all the time.

Chase: My opinion: this letter writer is a wacko. Bruce: "Wacko?" Is that a technical term? Chase: Patient may suffer from obsessional syndrome with potential homicidal tendencies. Does that work better for you? Bruce: So, what you're saying is this guy's a total wacko.

Grayson: This is a Vincent Black Knight. They only made like a hundred of these. Bruce: A hundred and one, actually. She's my favorite. Grayson: You've got two of them.

Alfred: "The eight of us go forth, not back, to protect our king from the foe's attack." Bruce: Chess pawns.

I've dedicated my life to helping strangers I've never met, faces I've never seen. Well, the innocent aren't faceless anymore.

I was scared at first, but only at first. The figure in the dark was my destiny. It would change my life forever.

I'm afraid they've taken Dr. Meridian. Master Dick has run away. The cave has been destroyed.

This is your captain speaking. Please return to your seats. We will be experiencing turbulence.

That was for my mother! My father! My brother! And this is for me!

I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question. But thank you for playing.

There is no way for me to save them or myself. This is all one giant death-trap.

Thank you for giving me a new dream.

Bruce: Thanks, everybody. Keep up the good work. The factory looks great. Fred: All right, everyone! Back to work! We'll discuss this later!

Jerry: Why not? God: Because. Jerry: That's no answer. God: Sue me.

There's no room 2700 in this building. There's no 27th floor here.

God: That's why I showed up. Too many non-believers. Jerry: But I, but I read in an article th, that religion is on the upswing.

Jerry: Uh, that's just an expression. God: I'm more than that, and I want you to spread the word.

Jerry: Y,y, you want me to tell people that, that I've spoken with God? God: Yes. Jerry: They'll put me away.

Jerry: D,do you actually expect people to, to believe. God: That's, that's your job.

God: Top 10 time on KGOD. What is it, Jerry? Jerry: That guy on the motorcycle thinks I'm a nut!

That's why I came, to tell everybody I set the world up so it can work, only it's up to you.

This isn't even how I sound. I'm talking like this only so that you'll understand me.

Why don't you and I take a few days off and go on a little holiday?

Jerry: The, then you don't care? God: Of course I care. I care plenty. But what can I do?

The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets. Before that, I think you have to go back to the Red Sea.

Tell you the honest truth, I thought about it for five days and did the whole job in one. I'm really best under pressure.

Y, yesterday he was, he was just a voice on an, on an intercom and, and then he was on the radio.

This, this water that I'm dripping all over here is water that he made! This, this is holy water!

Well, this reporter would like to hedge his bets on the outside chance that God did make this appearance and that he just might be tuned to ABC.

Reporter: That he exists? Jerry: Yes, and that he would like us to, uh, cherish and nurture each other, as opposed to killing one another.

Reporter: This is Mario Machado with the man who talked to God in Tarzana. Jerry: Uh, and it, uh, the second time. The first time was in Los Angeles. Reporter: I stand corrected.

Summers: Think someday you can handle a store as manager? Jerry: I, I'm sure I can. Summers: Good.

The founder and principal stockholder of Food World is a man devoted to prayer.

They wanted to know if you could get their test answers from God, and could he do anything about their Little League team?

It's for you. The producer of The Dinah Shore Show.

He's given us everything that we need to make our life work, to make the world work, and that he's watching us.

What this is, this is a sketch artist from the Los Angeles Police Department, and he's an expert, uh, and very adept at, at making a sketch from a description.

Jerry: Th, th, they're horn-rimmed glasses. They're not, th, th, they're plastic ones, you know? Dinah: Where would you suppose he would get his glasses?

Dinah: This is what, uh, God looked like to you? Jerry: Well, I, he, he's sort of captured the sense that, uh, I guess.

That painting of me by Michelangelo, that's a picture. And he did it laying flat on his back.

God: The ball is rolling. Jerry: Yeah, right over me. God: Don't be a malcontent. I'll watch over you.

The police had to take our kids to school today because they thought it was safer.

Jerry: That's awful! Bobbie: Yes, that's awful. You want to hear awfuller?

Telegrams, notes in the mailbox, in the doorways. Today, they even put one in the dog's mouth.

This is from the university. I, I've been invited to appear before a theology group. They want to verify the miracle.

This, this will give me credibility and God will get his word across. It'll help me keep my job.

It strikes me, as one who has actually heard his voice, that you have virtually no prerequisites to make direct contact with the Almighty whatsoever.

Silverstone: There are 50 questions. Jerry: 50? You want me to get God to take a quiz?

There are questions there that you could not possibly answer.

God: They forgot the ketchup. Jerry: What, what? Come in! God: Hey, they're playing our number.

God: They made sure you couldn't answer. The questions are in the ancient tongue of Aramaic. Jerry: Is that what that is?

They've figured out so many ways to talk to each other, that finally nobody can.

The Divine Truth is not in a building or a book or a story.

The man who said there was no room in the inn was my son. And so is the one who charges $11 for steak in this one.

Jerry: That's very profound. God: Sometimes I get lucky.

That what is here are some of my very best ideas, and I want everyone to try very hard to make sure it doesn't all go down the drain.

To show God how you love him with all of your heart and soul?

Those of you who haven't come up before, I'm going to ask you to come up for God.

The Reverend Willie Williams is on the road for God to the tune of 100,000 miles a year.

The idea that he'd line his pockets in this pursuit is the unkindest cut of all!

Bobbie: They're just going to kill you today, Jerry. Jerry: Ah, we'll see. Bobbie: We're going to lose everything you've worked for.

Judge: This is most irregular. Jerry: Your honor, he's. God: I'll take it from here.

Judge: There's nothing miraculous about good slight-of-hand. God: Have you ever seen this one?

Think about it. Try. And try not to hurt each other. There's been enough of that.

This, uh, this, uh, court is now recessed.

That's all there is. Not one word of what I assume, we all assume we heard.

Then I must also rule that on the basis of the evidence, or, uh, or rather the, um, uh, the lack of it.

That as much as we all may think that what we saw here today was real, that God did not, in fact, appear here before us.

Gotta hand it to you, Rico, the old bean's working all the time.