Teenager: We shot you in the balls, cunt nugget. Zack: Well, it's my job to get shot in the balls, so... Oh, they're gone.

We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell one inch at a time.

What's up? I'm Kenny Powers, I'll be your new PE teacher till Coach Booth's back is fixed. Yeah, I'm famous. La-di-da, big fuckin' deal.

Student: When you did steroids, did it make your balls shrink? Kenny: Think that's funny? How about I show you my balls right here and you can tell me if they shrunk, huh? No, for your information, I have full-sized balls.

Well, that's just great. That's just fucking great! Did you get that?

What the fuck you mean? Kiss my Armani ass. Know what I did for this team? I take your fuckin' life.

What happened to all the ashtrays in this town?

Driver: What is it you got there? Can I see? One of those men gave you that? Benicio: They told me not to lose it. Driver: You want me to keep that for you?

Bernie Rose: Where's the money now? Driver: It's in the car. Bernie Rose: Come on.

Why the hell do you think my father put me in charge, you bullheaded moron?

Sermon by Rev. Randy Kanipe

What the hell?

Well that's not exactly some shit you just forget.

Kenny: Now, then. I think your body is awesome. You got great tits, but I'm a little concerned about your bill of health. I'm gonna insist upon you using some sort of protection. I got a dental dam in the glove compartment of my truck. You can just grab that. Tracy: What the fuck's a dental dam? Kenny: It's a ru...

Ashley: Why don't you throw that on? Kenny: What's this? Ashley: That's an Ashley Schaeffer BMW polo. Put that on. Kenny: Right now? Ashley: Yeah, right now. Kenny: No offense, but I kind of think the all-black is more indicative of the Kenny Powers rebel persona.

Ashley: Who in their right mind wouldn't wanna see the Kenny Powers give us a little display of that God-given talent! All right! Who wouldn't wanna see that? Kenny: Well, the thing is, I didn't even warm the old whip up. I got all this Polynesian sauce all over my fingers for eating these goddamn egg rolls. I wou...

Kenny: Where were you? I told you to wait in the car. Why is there silver shit all over your face? Clegg: I was hanging out with those dudes in the parking lot. Kenny: Doing what? Giving RoboCop a blowjob?

Jay: Well maybe you already answered this, but why exactly are we here? Zed: Son? Jake: Second Lieutenant Jake Jensen. West Point. Graduate with honors. We're here because you're looking for the best of the best of the best, sir! Zed: What's so funny, Edwards? Jay: Your boy, Captain America over here. "The be...

What's up, pops?

You will dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MIB Special Services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on, you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You will not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted... to leave no lasting memo...

We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.

Beatrice: You here to make fun of me too? Kay: No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of. May we come in? Beatrice: Sure.

Jay: Kay, why don't you let me handle this one? Kay: What? Jay: Look all we gotta do is go in and get a cat. It's not that hard. But if you go in there, you're gonna lay your Jack Webb on her, start flashin' your brain ray. She gonna wind up with leukemia or some shit. Woman's a doctor. She don't need you flashi...

Edgar: Where do you keep your dead? Manny: I don't have any dead. Edgar: Where? Manny: I-I don't know. Uh, th-the city morgue?

White people are crazy.

Kay: We'll use pulsar level five with the sub-sonic implosion factor. Jay: What? Kay: Just shoot the damn thing on the count of three.

ringtone

Sean: Where we going? Leigh Anne: Home.

Who died and made him Bear Bryant?

Leigh Anne: Would you like to see him? Denise Oher: No. Not this way... It's Williams. His last name's Williams. Couldn't even remember who the boy's father is.

Leigh Anne: What's going on here? Michael: Blended spice just scored.

Who'd have thought we'd have a black son before we knew a Democrat?

Alton: What you got in there, a. 22? Or a Saturday Night Special? Leigh Anne: Mm-hm. And it shoots just fine all the other days too.

Quintus: People should know when they are conquered. Maximus: Would you, Quintus? Would I?

Classic Jingle circa 1981

You were driving. Because you're my assistant. And that's what my assistant does. He drives me around when I get shit-hammered.

Dustin: What's all this junk doing here? Kenny: Dustin, this "junk" is the answer to all our prayers, man. I'm gonna sell this Kenny Powers memorabilia, and we can make millions. Dustin: Millions of dollars? Toilet seat, Kenny? Kenny: Well, this toilet seat is a collectors item. It's valued at over $2000, I ha...

Dustin: Who's gonna buy this shit? Kenny: Oh, well, excuse me for being a businessman, Dustin. Maybe you could learn something instead of just criticizing. Just stay good at what you're doing, which is, I guess, being poor.

Kenny: We're square on the truck. But now I'm gonna need you to do something else for me. And you can't fuck this up. Clegg: Whatever you want, Kenny. Kenny: I need you to score me some juice. Clegg: You mean, like, from the store? Kenny: No, motherfucker. I'm talking 'roids. Don't act like you don't know ab...

I Don't know why you are being such a condescending bitch? I'm trying to make my life better.

Watch it, ass blood!

Brothers, what we do in life... echoes in eternity.

Falco: Where do you stand, general? Emperor or Senate? Maximus: The soldier has the advantage of being able to look his enemy in the eye, Senator.

What would you have me do, Caesar?

Then, listen to me. Learn from me. I wasn't the best because I killed quickly. I was the best because the crowd loved me. Win the crowd, and you'll win your freedom.

Cassius: On this day, we reach back to hallowed antiquity, to bring you a recreation of the second fall of the mighty Carthage!... On the barren plain of Zama, there stood the invincible armies of the barbarian Hannibal. Ferocious mercenaries and warriors from all brute nations, bent on merciless destruction, conque...

Commodus: Rise. Rise. Your fame is well deserved, Spaniard. I don't think there's ever been a gladiator to match you. As for this young man, he insists you are Hector reborn. Or was it Hercules? Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name? You do have a name. Maximus: My name is Gladiator. ...

Commodus: What am I going to do with you? You simply won't... die. Are we so different, you and I? You take life when you have to... as I do. Maximus: I have only one more life to take. Then it is done. Commodus: Then take it now. They tell me your son... squealed like a girl when they nailed him to the cross. A...

I may die in this cell tonight, or in the arena tomorrow. I am a slave! What possible difference can I make?

"I AM A CHAMPION!!"

Whitney Houston09Greatest Love Of All～Whitney Houston(The Deluxe Anni. Ed-Remastered)|MYFA ~ http//myfayevouritemysinablogcom

Harry: We're rescue training down below. You vented the methane in 5, right? Tom: I know my job, Harry. Harry: Like fuck you do, Hanniger. Just 'cause your daddy owns the mine doesn't mean you know shit.

Hey. Hey. We don't-- We don't have to go in there, Tom, if you don't want to go.

Ben: Eloquent, Sheriff. You make us look like an inbred mining community. Axel: We are an inbred mining community, Ben.

Whitney Houston01All At Once～All at Once|MYFA ~ http//myfayevouritemysinablogcom

What the fuck do you want? What do you want, motherfucker?

Riggs: What'd you do, Tom, huh? What did you do? Tom: I didn't do anything!

Wait here.

Axel: Where can I find Sarah? Nurse: Well, Sheriff, she just checked out. Axel: What are you talking about? Nurse: About ten minutes ago. She left with that nice Tom Hanniger.

Axel: Where are you? Sarah: Axel? I crashed the car in the woods by the mine. Axel: Are you okay? Sarah: Yeah. I think so. Axel: Oh, God. Okay. You go to my dad's old place, all right? Okay. You hide. I'm on my way. Sarah: All right.

Jay: And will somebody please explain to me why I have a dead Tricrainasloph going through passport control? Men in Black Autopsy Agent: That'd be my fault, Sir. I'm very sorry, Sir. Please don't neuralize me, Sir. Jay: What is that supposed to mean? Men in Black Autopsy Agent: Nothing, sir.

Ben: We missed you at the funeral. Of course, your father missed you long before that. Tom: Oh, he could have found me if he wanted to. Ben: You know, he'd kick your ass if he knew you were selling the mine. Tom: It is what it is, Ben. Ben: Bullshit. That mine is Harmony's life blood, Tom. We're talking fami...

We who are about to die salute you.

Charlie: We get pulled over. Susanna: An accident? Charlie: Uh, pulled over... woo! Woo! Susanna: What is pulled over? Police?

Plankton: What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool. And you know why? SpongeBob: Because you cheated? Plankton: No, not because I cheated, because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a-- A kid. A stupid kid. Ha, ha, ha. SpongeBob: I guess you're ri...

Frank the Pug: What do you want me to do? Jay: Sniff around.

Susanna: Which half? You crazy! Charlie: It runs in the family.

Dr. Bruner: Where are you, son? Charlie: It's not important. What matters is who I'm with. Dr. Bruner: You have to bring him back, Mr. Babbitt. Do you understand me? Charlie: It's no problem whatsoever. It'll be $1.5 million, I'm not greedy, I just want my half.

Charlie: What's it going to be Ray? What's it going to be? Raymond: This is a very dangerous highway. Charlie: How am I going to get to LA? Raymond: Course driving your car on this interstate is very dangerous. Charlie: You want to get off the highway will that make you happy? Raymond: Yeah. Charlie: Yea...

Charlie: When I was a little kid and I got scared, the Rain Man would come and sing to me. Susanna: Rain what? Charlie: Oh you know, one of those imaginary childhood friends. Susanna: What happened to him? Charlie: Nothing, I just grew up. Susanna: Not so much.

Well, it's mud, blood and beer or sweet Jesus. Great. Turn that shite off.

Juno: Wakey! Wakey. Rebecca: I feel like roadkill. Give me five minutes. Juno: Five minutes.

Sarah: What do you think did that, Sam? A bear? Juno: What is this, Nature Detectives? It could've been Bigfoot for all you know. Come on. Rebecca: Stop poking it with a fucking stick.

Gruff Man: What do you want? Ace Ventura: HDS, sir. And how are you this afternoon? All righty, then. I have a package for you. Gruff Man: Sounds broken. Ace Ventura: Most likely, sir. I'll bet it was something nice, though.

We just lost 2 goddamn quarterbacks in one half of football because our line couldn't pick up a backside bandit on max protection.

Mr. Shickadance: What's all this pet food for? Ace Ventura: Fiber.

Charlie: Who took this picture? Raymond: D a d. Charlie: And you lived with us? Raymond: Yeah. 10961 Beechcrest Street, Cincinnati, Ohio. Charlie: When, uh... When did you leave? Raymond: January 21, 1965. Charlie: You remember that? Raymond: It was thursday. Very snowy out. 7.2 inches of snow that day...

Charlie: What are you looking at that for, Ray? I just spent a couple hundred dollars on a little TV and now you're watching a dryer. Raymond: I don't know.

Lenny: Charlie where the hell have you been? I've been sitting by this phone for three hours. Charlie: I had some things to do. I was just buying some clothes. Lenny: Charlie we are in serious trouble. Serious trouble and you're buying clothes. Charlie: Just take it easy. Take it easy. I'm in Tucumcari. I'll ...

Warning: assholes are closer than they appear.

Iris: What exactly do you guys do here? Raymond: We're counting cards. Iris: You're counting cards? Raymond: We're counting cards. Iris: Uh-huh. Raymond: We're counting cards. Iris: What else do you do? Raymond: We're counting cards. Iris: I know that you're counting cards. What else do you do? Ray...

Charlie: Where'd you see this first? Raymond: Dad gave me a book on baseball trivia. Charlie: Dad, huh? Raymond: Yeah. Charlie: Guess it didn't read as funny. Raymond: Definitely not.

Charlie: Blueberry Pink caddy, whole wheat, peachy keen, beernut, rocky road, buckwheat, how about buckwheat, bellybuster, blueberry. What kind of pancakes do you want Ray? Raymond: Pancakes. Charlie: Yeah, but what kind? Raymond: Pancakes.

Well, actually, he was quite good. Pet detection is a very involved, highly scientific process.

John Mooney: I can see that you're disappointed. Charlie: Disappointed? Why should I be disappointed? I got rosebushes, didn't I? I got a used car, didn't i? What's his name... what'd you call him? The uh... John Mooney: Beneficiary. Charlie: Right, right, Beneficiary he got $3 million, but he didn't get the ro...

Charlie: We're not flying, we're not on the interstate. I'm on some shit secondary road. I gotta make up some time. I gotta get to Los Angeles. I should have been there this afternoon. My business needs me. I gotta make up time. Raymond: Definitely watch TV but you have to be in bed at 11:00. Lights out. Charlie...

This is a good one. We don't go out when it rains, this is a real good one. I hope you appreciate this because my business is going down the fucking toilet. I should be in L.A., instead I'm in the Honeymoon Haven motel in Bumblefuck, Missouri because you won't go out when it rains. Mystifying. Fucking mystifying.

Charlie: What are you looking at, Ray? Ray the ducks are over here. What are you looking at? Raymond: I don't know.

Melissa Robinson: Would you like an ashtray? Ace Ventura: Mm-mmm. I don't smoke. It's a... disgusting habit.

Raymond: 'Course, we have pepperoni pizza monday night for dinner. Susanna: Pizza? You got pizza in the institution? Raymond: 'Course, Monday night's Italian night.

Frank the Pug: What do you want me to do? Jay: Sniff around.

We are the gods now.

We did something exceptional today. We were under pressure, and we did it.

Well, I was always a star. Y'all just didn't know about it yet.

Tony: We gotta talk about some basics. Willie: You getting ready to yell at me, right?

When I look at them pictures, the trophies and stuff, it just makes me sad. It's like a room full of ghosts. When I'm done with this game or the game is done with me, I don't wanna be no ghost on the wall.

What's the matter, Beamen? Forgot your invisible juice?

Willie, you're just too volatile for me. I'm a simple girl. I like simple things. Truth be told, I didn't even like football. I liked you. I'm sorry.

Riddle

Sgt. Maj. Rawlins: What about you there, buck? Whereabouts are you from? Pvt. Trip: I'm from around Tennessee. Ran away when I 12 years old, I ain't never looked back. Pvt. Sharts: Wh--? What you doing since then? Pvt. Trip: I've run for president. I didn't win though.

Col. Shaw: What do you wanna do? Pvt. Trip: I don't know, sir. Col. Shaw: It stinks, I suppose. Pvt. Trip: Yeah. It stinks bad. And we all covered up in it too. I mean, ain't nobody clean. Be nice to get clean though. Col. Shaw: How do we do that? Pvt. Trip: We ante up and kick in, sir. But I still don't w...

Pvt. Trip: Wait, no. See, that's my space, nigger. I sleep better close-up on that door. Cpl. Searles: If you don't mind, I'd prefer a space with more sufficient reading light. Pvt. Trip: Oh, I like it when niggers talk good as white folk. Cpl. Searles: I'd be happy to teach you. It would be my pleasure. Pvt...

Pvt. Sharts: Wonder when they gonna give us the blue suit. Pvt. Trip: Ain't give no blue suit to no black soldiers. Blue suits for the whites. Pvt. Sharts: Well, we soldiers now. Pvt. Trip: Where you from, field hand? Pvt. Sharts: South Carolina. Pvt. Trip: South Carolina? Well, you ought to know better th...

Lord we stand before you this evening to say thank you. We thank you, Father for your grace and your many blessings. Now, I run off and left all my young'uns and my kinfolk in bondage. So I'm standing here this evening, Heavenly Father to ask your blessings on all of us. So that if tomorrow is our great getting-up m...

Maj. Forbes: Why do you treat the men this way, Robert? Col. Shaw: How should I treat them? Maj. Forbes: Like men?

Why the hell do you think my father put me in charge, you bullheaded moron? He could've made you general manager, but he didn't, did he, Tony? You know why? Because he knew you didn't have the guts to do it after he was gone.

Hades: We have an enemy in common. Zeus. Calibos: Zeus. Hades: My brother.

Solon: Who was that? Perseus: I don't know. Let's ask him.

Perseus: What, don't you ever smile? Draco: When I spit in the eyes of the gods......then I'll smile.

Perseus: Who are you? Zeus: Well, you can call me Father... if you wish.

Lt. Lois Einhorn: What the hell is he doing here? Ace Ventura: I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

We live... we fight and we die... for each other, not for you. Tell Hades I'll see him soon.

Ozal: We can fight anywhere... but not in the underworld. Yeah. Kucuk: Good luck, fisherman.

Perseus: We all heard what the witches said. But we can prove them wrong. I need your help. Eusebios: It wasn't the gods that saved me up there. Ixas: If you believe that we have a chance. Solon: I never liked Argos much anyway. Io: I know the way. Perseus: Then we go to the underworld. We kill Medusa.

Melissa Robinson: What ring? Ace Ventura: The 1984 Dolphin AFC Championship ring. I find the ring with the missing stone, I find Snowflake. Melissa Robinson: How are you going to do that? Ace Ventura: Simple.

Perseus: What is this? Solon: Just leave it!

Walk In The Promise

We're the men in black, we have a situation, and we need your help.

Who talks like that?

Why do you think you're so comfortable here? Just about everybody who works in the post office is an alien.

My wife and I went to Las Vegas. We saw Siegfried and Roy fly a white tiger around a room. Your act is nothing special, junior.

We need the deneuralyzer.

Jay: The deneuralyzer. In a few moments, transverse magneto energy will surge through your brain, unlocking information hidden deep and dormant that could hold the key to earth's very survival. Kay: Okay. What's that thing? Jay: The deneuralyzer.

Jay: W-wait, man, what you doin'? Kay: I always do the driving. I remember that. Jay: Wait, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What you remember is, you used to drive that old busted jawn. See, I drive the new hotness. Old and busted. New hotness. Old, busted hotness.

Newton: Yes. Gentlemen, before I play the tape, one question: what's up with anal probing? I mean, aliens travel billions of light-years just to check out our... Jay: Boy, move.

Whatever. You come to my country, you take my money, and don't even have the grace to learn how to speak my language!

Deirdre: What were you doin' back here? Sam: Lady, I never walk into a place I don't know how to walk out of. Deirdre: Then why are you gettin' into that van? Sam: You know the reason.

Spence: What can we infer from your charming Irish lilt? Deirdre: Oh anything you like.

Sam: What do we know about them? Are they French? Where are they from? Who are they? Deirdre: All you need to know right now is that they're very unpleasant.

We going north? We going south?

Larry: Who's this girl work for? Spence: Well, she works for our "betters." It seems that's what we're meant to know.

Vincent: You want to back him up? ...What would I profit from your death? Sam: Well, you'd have the money. Vincent: I have the money already.

Spence: Okay. Sam: You aren't going in there? Spence: Yeah, I'm going in there, and so are you. Sam: Why am I going in there?

Vincent: Why did you take this job? Sam: My friend, I need the money. Vincent: That's what this is, you know? Money. Sam: Yeah, but who are our employers? Vincent: You're right.

Deirdre: The team isn't ready. Seamus O'Rourke: Whatever the team is, you do it now. The Russians have decided to bid. We need to move now.

Sam: What's in the case? Deirdre: That information isn't necessary. Sam: Is it heavy? Is it explosive? Is it chained to some unlucky bloke's wrist? We're gonna have to chop it off? I mean, what is it? Deirdre: All right.

Jay: Worm guys, give me some cover fire. Worms: Too scared. Can't move.

Lt. Lois Einhorn: What's the point, ventura? Ace Ventura: Only this. Aaaaahhhh...aaaaahhhh...aaaaahhhh...aaaaahhhh...aaaaahhhh...aaaaahhhh!

Jay: You pointin' at somethin'. What you... you got... excuse me. The astronaut. Kay: Jay. Jay: Okay, all right, now he's pointin'... h-he's, like... he's like... who would stack pizza boxes like this? A pizza box stacker that's not stackin' pizza boxes. He's leaving clues. It's an arrow. Kay: Jay Jay: You're...

Jay: Why didn't you tell me? Kay: Would you have let her go?

Frank the Pug: Hey, listen, partner, I may look like a dog, but I only play one here on earth. Jay: Whoa! Whatever. Wipe your mouth.

We are who we are. Even if we sometimes forget.

Kay: Weird, huh? Jay: Yeah, you're smiling.

Gregor: It would be nice to do something. Sam: We are doing something. We're sitting here, waiting.

Vincent: What do you want for Christmas? Sam: My two front teeth.

Where is Gregor? Gregor fucked us.

If we had the money to buy the case, we wouldn't have hired you to steal it, would we?

Well, everyone's your brother until the rent comes due.

What's the color of the boathouse at Hereford? What's the color of the boathouse at Hereford?

Sergi: Where do I know you from? Vincent: Vienna. Sergi: Of course!

Kay: Hey. How ya doin'? Jay: Hey. I'm good, man. Good. Kay: We've all been there, kid. The girl is gone and it hurts. You wanna talk? Jay: No. No. Kay: I can help. Zed: Still sulking? Jay: No. Zed: Hell, you miss her. It happens to all of us. There was this hot, young thing I knew once, and when our bo...

Kay: When you get sad, it always seems to rain. Laura: Well, lots of people get sad when it rains. Kay: It rains because you're sad, baby.

Jean-Pierre: Who were these people? Friends of yours? Sam: I wouldn't hurt a friend. Jean-Pierre: Was that my question? Sam: That's right.

Well, you better be sure, because once you get inside my head there's no turning back, baby.

Ace Ventura: Where is he now? Melissa Robinson: Last I heard, he went back to his hometown in Collier county. Ace Ventura: Re--heh heh heh-- eally.

Well, at the end of the day, we're likely to be punished for our kindnesses.

Sam: Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt. That's the first thing they teach you. Vincent: Who taught you? Sam: I don't remember. That's the second thing they teach you.

Vincent: What was in the case? Sam: I don't remember. Vincent: Lesson number two. Sam: Keep in touch.

Sam: You aren't going in there? Spence: Yeah I'm going in there, and so are you. Sam: Why am I going in there? Spence: Why? To protect me! Sam: There is no protection there. If it's a come on we're fish in a barrel. What are you doing? Why do they want you in there? What are you, crazy?

Mr. Finkle: What do you know about Ray Finkle? Ace Ventura: Soccer-style kicker. Graduated from Collier High, June 1976. Stetson University honors graduate, class of 1980. Holds two NCAA Division I records, one for most points in a season, one for distance. Former nickname, "The Mule." the first and only pro athle...

Mrs. Finkle: Would you like some cookies? I just baked them. Ace Ventura: Yummy.

Ace Ventura: Oh, boy. Mrs. Finkle: What a sports nut, huh?

What does it feel like to raise a white child when your own child's at home being looked after by somebody else?

What? Shut that goddamn door.

Jolene French: Well, if it isn't "Long Haul" Skeeter. We didn't ever think you'd leave Ole Miss. Skeeter: Well, it does take four years, Jolene.

Skeeter: Well, good for fair Fanny Peatrow. Constantine: Eugenia, your eggs are dying. Would it kill you to go on a date?

Skeeter: When I'm chopping onions, how do I keep tears out of my eyes?" Aibileen: Shoot, that's easy. You tell her hold a matchstick between her teeth. Skeeter: Is it lit? Aibileen: No, ma'am.

Miss Skeeter... what if you don't like what I got to say... about white people?

When you're serving white folks coffee, set it down in front of them. Don't hand it to 'em, 'cause your hands can't touch.

And don't hit on they children. White folks like to do they own spanking.

Well, it's a real Fourth of July picnic. It's what we dream of doing all weekend long. Get back into they house, polish the silver. And we just love not making minimum wage or getting Social Security. And how we love they children when they little. And then they turn out just like they mamas.

Lt. Lois Einhorn: What's wrong, Ace, want me to read you your rights? Ace Ventura: Maybe later.

When I find Snowflake... I'll deliver Marino.

We living in hell. Trapped. Our kids trapped.

Lord, have mercy. Women better hold on they husbands tonight.

I'm entertaining. Why don't you go around back. Wait in the kitchen.

"What you done put up in this?" "She said, 'My shit.'"

William: What's the matter, Hilly? Get off of me! Get off! Ouch! Stop hitting me!

My boy, Treelore, always said we gonna have a writer in the family one day. I guess it's gonna be me.

We will offer pride and dignity to those who have known only degradation.

What's the matter, Dan? Aren't you having fun? I just love Super Bowl Sunday. Don't you, Dan? A magical afternoon, where dreams are made... Aah! And crushed.

Lt. Lois Einhorn: What would you know about pressure? Ace Ventura: Well, I have kissed a man.

What you wouldn't read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino, whom he blamed for the entire thing.

Dr. Arliss Loveless: Mister West! How nice of you to join us tonight and add COLOR to these monochromatic proceedings! Capt. James West: Well when a fella comes back from the dead, I find that an occasion to STAND UP and be counted! Dr. Arliss Loveless: Miss East informs me that you were expectin' to see General...

Dr. Arliss Loveless: Mister West! How nice of you to join us tonight and add COLOR to these monochromatic proceedings! Capt. James West: Well when a fella comes back from the dead, I find that an occasion to STAND UP and be counted! Dr. Arliss Loveless: Miss East informs me that you were expectin' to see General...

What's said is said.

Sarah: Ow! It bit me! Hoggle: What'd you expect fairies to do? Sarah: I thought they did nice things, like... like granting wishes. Hoggle: Shows what you know, don't it?

Guard: Well, the only way out of here is to try one of these doors! Guard: One of them leads to the castle at the end of the labyrinth, and the other one leads to... Guard: Ba baba boom! Guard: Certain death! Guards: Ooooooooooooohhhhh!

Sarah: Help! Stop it! Help! Helping Hand: What do you mean "help"? We are helping. Different Helping Hand: We're Helping Hands. Sarah: You're hurting! Helping Hand: Would you like us to let go? Heh-heh... Sarah: No! Helping Hand: Well then, come on, which way? Sarah: Which way? Helping Hand: Up, or ...

Mr. Finkle: What do you know about ray finkle? Ace Ventura: Soccer-style kicker. Graduated from Collier High, June 1976. Stetson University honors graduate, class of 1980. Holds two NCAA Division I records, one for most points in a season, one for distance. Former nickname, "the mule." the first and only pro athle...

Woodstock: What's the password? Ace Ventura: New England clam chowder. Woodstock: Is that the red or the white? Ace Ventura: Oh, I can never remember that. White? Yes.

Well, can't promise you much action. Just having the coloreds around seems to have scared the bejesus out of the Rebs.

Wagner mounts a 10-inch Columbiad, three smoothbore 32-pounders, a 42-pound carronade, a 10-inch coast mortar, and four 12-pound howitzers, plus a garrison of about a thousand men.

Ace Ventura: [German accent] When are we getting this work done with all the shouting? We through with the shouting! Reporter #1: Who the hell is that? Melissa Robinson: That's, uh-- Ace Ventura: Heinz Gatzsmellvat. I am trainer of dolphins. You want to talk to the dolphin, you talk to me. Reporter #1: What ...

Lt. Lois Einhorn: We'll find the porpoise. Ace Ventura: Whew! Now I feel better. Of course, that... Might not do any good. You see, nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth, and a triangular thoracic fin, while the bottle-nosed dol...

Ace Ventura: Want to take a look inside? Come on. Come on! Go ahead. Snoop around. Mr. Shickadance: [Sniff Sniff] Ace Ventura: Well? Are you satisfied? Mr. Shickadance: [Sniff] Just don't let me catch you with an animal in here, that's all. Ace Ventura: All right. Take care now. Bye-bye, then. L-oser.