Well, there's something you don't see every day.
We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft is okay. He's a sailor. He's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the particle flow through the gate. Dr. Peter Venkman: How? Dr. Egon Spengler: We'll cross the streams. Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad! Dr Ray Stantz: Cross the streams... Dr. Pe...
Dr Ray Stantz: Are you okay? Louis: Who are you guys? Dr Ray Stantz: We're the Ghostbusters. Louis: Who does your taxes? Dr Ray Stantz: You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual. Louis: I know! Dr Ray Stantz: You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the T...
Dr. Egon Spengler: We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue. Louis: Okay.
I think I should tell you, we may be up against supernatural creatures.
Chosen One, I'm the Chosen One... Why...? Tibet... Why can't somebody choose me to go to the Bahamas?
Wait a second. Now look, I hear it's really cold in Tibet, and I don't like the cold. Why don't we just stay here, me and you stay here, all weekend long under the covers, and watching television, sweating, smiling and everything?
William: Hey Doc! How many does that make, 25? Doc: Five. William: We'll call it ten, Ten even, how'll that be?
Chandler: Well, thanks for your help. The Old Man: He thinks I helped him!
Chubbs: My God son, what the hell are you doing? Happy: 364 more days till the next hockey tryouts. I gotta toughen up.
Happy Gilmore: I figure a guy your size, why didn't you play a normal sport, like football? Chubbs: My Momma wouldn't sign the permission slip. Thought it might be a little too dangerous. Happy Gilmore: Oh yeah, good call.
Wanda: Well, here's some poetic justice, sir, Castor Troy is dead. Buzz: He got killed, trying to escape from Erewhon.
Castor: Where's his body? I want to see his body. Wanda: It hasn't been recovered yet. Castor: It hasn't been recovered yet?
Welcome home, baby.
Castor: While we're talking, do you have protection? Jamie: What, you mean, like, condoms? Castor: Protection. Next time, let Karl take his pants down. Slip this in his thigh, twist it, so the wound won't close.
William: Pat Garrett. Pat: That's right. William: What are you doing in here? No one's supposed to come in here. Pat: Going back to Louisiana for family business. Wanted to see the boy who'd become such a sensation.
We had some good times, didn't we?
William: What about Alex? Pat: He's gonna die. Tomorrow. He and his wife at his house. Murphy knows he's coming back to Lincoln tomorrow. They're gonna wait till he's home and go pay a visit. William: What time are they expecting him? Pat: Supper time. I figure you were the only fellow with the pluck to get up so...
What a predicament!
Will someone please tell me what planet I'm on?
Susan: We can't just stay here and hope that the good Lord saves us from an all out... Alex: I'm sick. I can't go to old Mexico.
Happy Gilmore: Where are you going with those clubs, punk? Happy's Waterbury Caddy: Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy! Happy Gilmore: Oh, I'm sorry about that. Let me carry these, alright, they were my grandfather's, they're pretty old. Happy's Waterbury Caddy: Well, what should I do then? Happy Gilmore: I don't ...
Where were you on that one, dipshit?
What a shot by Happy Gilmore! Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?
Happy: Hey. Where's my check? Official: Well be mailing them out next week sir. Happy: Oh, no, no. I want nine now. Official: I don't have any checks to give. Happy: Well that guy got one, right? Give me one of them big ones, I don't care.
Happy: What do you mean by "behaving"? Virginia: No swearing, no throwing clubs... and especially no hitting other players. Happy: Oh good, you mean no fun.
We gotta show these guys they've finally met their match.
Happy: What do you think? Slightly downhill? Otto: And slanting left. Happy: No, no it just seems that way 'cause you only got one shoe on.
Virginia: I thought we were going to be just friends. Happy Gilmore: What? Friends listen to "Endless Love" in the dark.
Announcer: We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last. Bob Barker: I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar. Happy Gilmore: You better relax, Bob. Bob Barker: There is no way that you could h...
We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know... and we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. Everyone's, "You gotta check out one of these shows. " And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse. We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome... and it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be,...
Happy Gilmore: What the hell is the matter with you? Shooter McGavin: Well, Real Estate speculation is a hobby of mine... Ah ah. You lay another finger on me, I burn the house down and piss on the ashes.
What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this y...
Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man. This is hog shit.
Well, fuck you people, and fuck you, you and you... fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay?
We're gonna have to get you some punani.
We are going to steal... Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. Hey. Dave, listen up, please. Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon!
Shooter! It's great to hear from you! Want to go to Sizzler and get some grub?
When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. And then I got older and I got more and more nervous because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying.
What? I'm just walking.
Grandma: Who are you waving at, Happy? Happy Gilmore: Nobody, Grandma. Let's go home.
Everyone seems to be coming around... Well I'm not Doug!
Jim's Dad: You know what? Here. Just give me this, please... Jim's Mom: Oh, my God! Jim's Dad: And let's get this... Ohh! Okay, okay. Let's, uh... What the hell's the matter with this thing?
We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No.
When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud.
Welcome to Stifler's Palace of Love, fellas.
What the fuck are you doin' here?
Well, if you want to get her in the sack, I mean, just tell her you love her. That's how I was duped.
Well, this is the... this is the, uh, female form. And they have focused on the breasts, uh, which are used primarily to, uh, feed young infants... and, uh... and also, uh, in foreplay.
Jim: It's not what it looks like... Jim's Dad: Well, we'll just tell your mother that, uh... that, uh... we ate it all.
We got it!
And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay?
Wow. That totally worked! I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating.
We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas.
Cal: Would you fuck him? Paula: In a New York minute. Cal: You would fuck him? Paula: Absolutely.
Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? I've never even met you. So why don't you back the shit off, all right? And stop with the inquisition.
So, tell me, Montel why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Qaeda?
What do I have to do for you to have sex with me? Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I'll dress up like Thor. I'll dress up like Iron Man.
We're selling cookies so, you know, we can have a better future.
Trish: What does this look like? Andy: A vagina.
Wow, this is graphic.
When your son is born, is he already on parole?
Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man?
Paula: When I was a little girl, I developed early. By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at. Can you imagine that? Andy: I don't want to, no.
Jim: Why else have we been friends with Stifler all this time, right? Finch: We were friends with Stifler?
What? You don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... Sex Ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cause I'm gettin' kinda antsy.
Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Jim: Michelle! Michelle.
Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr. Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading.
Adam Shadowchild: Well, a wise man said, "You have to spin a good yarn before you can weave a great dream. " Graeme: Who said that? Adam Shadowchild: I did. I just said that.
Graeme: What do you think you're gonna dream about? Clive: Oh, the open road. High adventure. That kind of thing. Graeme: Mmm. Clive: You? Graeme: Wonder Woman. Clive: Please don't. Graeme: Okay.
Gus: What is this, some kind of gay bar? Pat: No. Just a place where you can get a bite to eat and maybe share a close encounter. Jake: Yeah. It sounds like a gay bar.
What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts?
Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry.
"What a wicked game to play..."
Was that Klingon? You psychotic nerd!
Let me see this. What is this, nerd porn?
Clive Gollings: What if we wake up and find him inserting a probe into our anus? Graeme Willy: Well apparently they don't do that. Paul: Anyone want one of these? Yeah? Anyone?
State Trooper: Where are you boys from? Clive Gollings: ...England. State Trooper: I heard about England: no guns. Graeme Willy: Not many... Clive Gollings: No, not really, just... farmers. State Trooper: Well how are police supposed to shoot anybody? Graeme Willy: Well they don't... Clive Gollings: T...
Graeme: Why would Jesus want to shoot Charles Darwin? Ruth: Because of his blasphemous theories. Are you men of God?
We're men of science, you know. We believe in the establishment of a biological order through the maelstrom of physical and chemical chaos.
Graeme: But she's seen you. If we leave her, she's going to call the police! Paul: Who gives a shit? No one's going to believe this God bothering Cyclops. Let's just dump her on the road! Just roll her up in the rug.
What? That's actually small on my planet.
When I first got here, first time I saw a human, I puked.
Ruth: Excuse me, I have to get to my friends. Gus: Oh. I got a friend down here that would love to meet you. Jake: Me, too. Ruth: Well, as much as I would like to meet your penises, I'm in a hurry, so excuse me.
Well, I am planning on doing a lot of kissing and fornicating so you'd really be helping me out.
Kate: Why do I have this T-shaped uterus? Dr. Manheim: Well, probably has something to do with medication that was given to your mother when she was pregnant with you. We used lot of drugs back in the '70s which we now know can cause infertility. Kate: Infertility?
Dr. Manheim: Well, I don't want to assign a number to it. Kate: What would you assign it? A color, a nickname, a locker?
Caroline: Well, how much longer are you gonna put your body through this? Kate: Look, I know for years I said I didn't want one, but I just woke up one day, and I felt like every baby on the street was staring at me. Caroline: Katie's coming out of the mommy closet.
What if that had been poop?
Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course.
We could do it in the butt, if you want to.
Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. Gru: Who's Debbie? Miss Hattie: Your wife.
Megan: Don... Don: Hey, let me ask you something... When did music become so important? Megan: It's always been important.
Beth: When I was little, I tried to make my father give one money and he wouldn't. He said, "We couldn't take care of everybody." Pete: I guess we're supposed to get used to not seeing them.
When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like Annie.
Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know.
Why are you so old?
Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't.
Peggy: Why can't you tell Don? Don: Tell Don I still want to be an actress? Peggy: Do you?
Well, you can't keep lying to him.
Well, I can't explain it, but I felt better failing in that audition than I did when I was succeeding at Heinz.
Pete: Why do they give you a glimmer of hope in the midst of rejection? A little thread to hang on to... A misplaced word, a suggestion of the future. Under a court of law, it would look like an accident, but it's not. Harry: So we're not talking about Megan and we're not talking about Trudy.
Pete: Why do they get to decide what's going to happen? Harry: They just do.
Margo: What are those? Gru: They are my cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them, and keep them away from me, please.
Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in ...
Jessica: No offense, but you're talking about a post-high school, long distance relationship. And you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. Vicky: That's not why we're going out. Jessica: What do you expect him to drive to Cornell for? Milk and cookies?
Band Member: We're here for the party. Stifler: What party? There's no party... Weird. Try the house down the street.
Paul: What was it like? Clive Gollings: Well... she was 'furry' nice!
Paul: Why are we holding hands? Clive: So we look like a family. Paul: Yeah, the fucking Friedmans.
Wait a minute, Doc. What are you talking about? What happens to us in the future? What, do we become assholes or something?
Well, you're the doc, Doc.
Chaffee: We're also expensive. Our fee is $100,000. Kate: It costs more to have someone born than to have someone killed. Chaffee: It takes longer.
Kate: Well, I am the vice president of development for Round Earth Foods. Angie: So you take over if the president is shot?
Carl: What, you don't get down with rap? Kate: Boy, somewhere in there I have an old Salt-n-Pepper CD.
Hey, I gotta say. When I first thought about Angie carrying someone else's baby, I felt weird about it. Then I thought, "Oh, my God, "if my wife's gotta have sex with someone else's husband to do this... "
That's the song! When they play Red Red Wine, you gotta be the 103.7th caller.
Carl: Would you grab my smokes? Angie: You know you're not supposed to smoke in front of me. I'm trying to quit.
Haggard: What do you think that girl was talking about last night? O'Reilly: Holy shit! Spaceman balls! Haggard: Yeah. And who has spaceman balls? O'Reilly: Buzz Aldrin? Haggard: Be serious.
Well, that settles it. We're all fucked.
Tara: Oh, it's okay. You're real. That's all that matters. I was right. Paul: Mmm hmm. Tara: And all those folks that said I was crazy? Well they can all just go fuck themselves.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Well, what do you know? The geek shall inherit the Earth.
Who dumped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet?
Who delivered the medical-school cadavers to the alumni dinner?
Flounder: What is my Delta Tau Chi name? Bluto: Dorfman, I've thought long and hard about this. Your Delta Tau Chi name is... Flounder. Flounder: Flounder?
We have an old saying in Delta. "Don't get mad, get even."
D-Day/Bluto/Flounder: Whoaa Ohhhh Ahhhhh...
What did you do, human sacrifice?
Otter: We... are gonna die. Pinto: Boon, we're the only white people here.
Pinto: What are you majoring in? Brunella: Primitive cultures.
Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Flounder: Will that work? Otter: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
Hoover: Will you tell those assholes to shut up? Boon: Hey! Shut up you assholes!
Boon: What happened? You look grotesque! Otter: Well, some of the Omegas did a little dance on my face. Bluto: Who was it? Otter: Uh, it was Greggie and Douggie... and some of the other Hitler youth.
Well what the hell we supposed to do, ya moron?
Bluto: Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! Otter: Germans? Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Who's got the beaucoup dolares today?
Stacy Hamilton: What can I get you? Ron Johnson: How 'bout a meatball sandwich... a medium Coke... and your phone number?
What do you mean "better in bed"? You either do it or you don`t.
Stacy Hamilton: When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out? Linda Barrett: A quart or so.
Rat: Well, what am I supposed to do? Go up to this strange girl in my biology class and say... ''Hello. I`d like you to take your clothes off and jump on me''? Mike: I would.
Mike: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude. Rat: The attitude? Mike: Yeah. The attitude dictates you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays. I mean, whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. When you got that, then you have the attitude.
Brad: You got your sliced tomatoes, shredded lettuce, secret sauce. Arnold: What`s the secret sauce? Brad: Thousand Island dressing.
Brad: What`s the secret sauce at Bronco Burger? Arnold: Ketchup and mayonnaise. Brad: Gotcha.
Billy: Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember. What's today? Frank: October? Billy: It's nudie-magazine day!
Watch out, butler! Ooh, you're a quick one.
What do you mean? Hey! Men have died... trying to obtain this valuable information, you know.
Welcome to the Cafe '80s, where it's always morning in America, even in the afternoon.
Stac, what do you care about Mark Ratner for? I mean, he's a sixteen year old usher in the movie theater. You have dated older guys... you work at the best food stand in the mall... and you are a close personal friend of mine.
What's wrong, McFly? You got no scrote?
Relax. Just be cool. Attitude, remember? Where'd you get that out of the hamper?
Who`s his tailor?
Woke up in a great mood. I don't know what the hell happened.
What Jefferson was saying was, Hey! You know, we left this England place 'cause it was bogus; so if we don't get some cool rules ourselves pronto we'll just be bogus too! Get it?
Linda: What do you think? Stacy: Ahh... Linda: I have another version where I call him an asshole.
Brad Hamilton: Why don't you get a job, Spicoli? Jeff Spicoli: What for? Brad Hamilton: You need money. Jeff Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
Stephen, Age 12: What a geek! Brian, Age 7: I'm not a geek! Stephen, Age 12: You're doing it wrong! Brian, Age 7: Shut up. Stephen, Age 12: You're doing it wrong!
Well, you've certainly matured.
Stephen 'Bull' McCaffrey: Well, what do we got here? A fireman's costume, huh? Where'd you rent it?
Brian: What the hell's goin' on? What was that, goddamn it? What's happening? Bull: Slow down, slow down, it's jumpin' floors to us. OK, now relax, put your mask on. It's gonna be the real deal.
Billy: Where's my Snack Pack? Juanita: You've got a banana. You don't need no Snack Pack. Billy: You know I like Snack Pack. Why can't you give me a Snack Pack?!
What you did was drop the ball, Probie.
Grindle: That Stephen, man. What goes through that guy's head? Never wears his mask. Making us take it on in the first room like that. This shit's happening too often, man. Could've flashed. Should've flashed! Axe: Yeah, but it didn't. Stevie knows. Grindle: The guy's lucky.
Jennifer Vaitkus: We're starting to get the feeling your office is dragging out this case... to embarrass the alderman because of his fire department cutbacks. Shadow: Alderman, I have a very uncomplicated job: to decide if a fire is arson or not and if so, to catch the son of a bitch doing it. And if my investiga...
Billy Madison. A buffoon. And yet a threat to my eventual takeover of this company. A menace. And what do we do with a menace? We eliminate it. We eliminate Billy Madison.
Oh, Veronica Vaughn. So hot. Want to touch the heinie.
Juanita: Poor Billy. Billy: I'm so depressed. Juanita: Want me to take my shirt off for you? Billy: No, thank you. Juanita: OK, baby. But remember, the offer is on the table.
Where's that fucking guy buy his shoes, anyways? Did you check those out? They're like fucking butter.
We're gonna go on a date. You, me, Jack and Frank are gonna go around puttin' shit on people's doorsteps and we gonna sets it on fire.
Watch where you're going, crazy drunk pedestrian.
Biff: Who's gonna pay for your cosmetic surgery, Lorraine? Lorraine: You were the one who wanted me to get these... these things.
Doc Brown: Well, it's all in the past. Marty: You mean the future? Doc Brown: Whatever.
Margo: We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake!
Jackson: Stephen, Stephen, what about that dumbass brother of yours? Bull: Wait a, wait a second. Jackson: Saving a mannequin. In mean how fuckin' stupid can a guy get?
Why don't they trust me anymore, huh, Brian? Really, the guys just don't trust me anymore.
Was that before or after you noticed... you were standing in a lake of gasoline, you idiot?
Oh yeah, you're Dennis' kid. Well, why don't you go find a corner to hide in? I'll get to you later. I don't wanna have to deal with you now.
Who are you calling butthead, butthead?
Ronald: Shadow. Shadow: Remember this? Remember this, Ronald? Remember who it belonged to? Ronald: Mm hmm. Shadow: What did you do to that little girl, Ronald? Ronald: It's not fair, Shadow. Shadow: What did you do to that little girl, Ronald? Ronald: I burned her. Shadow: You burned her... What do you...
Shadow: What do you do to old ladies, Ronald? Ronald: Burn them.
Well, that's very nice. Thank you very much. Now, why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
Alderman Marty Swayzak: When are you gonna find the guy who's doing this, Don? Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale: Don? Alderman Marty Swayzak: Don't you have any leads at all? Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale: No, Marty, I don't.
So... whoever did this, really knows the animal well, don't they? They know him real well but they won't let him loose. They won't let him have fun so they don't love him. Now who doesn't love fire... and is around trychtichlorate all day long?
Lt. Stephen McCaffrey: Who's your brother Brian? Brian McCaffrey: You are Stephen.
Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale: Let's go. Brian McCaffrey: Where we going? Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale: Pest control.
Brüno: In! Autism. Aus. Chlamydia. Why is autism so cool at the moment? Woman: Because it's funny. Brüno: Great.
Diesel: What? I'm not coming. Brüno: Why not? Diesel: Because you out. You humiliate me. Brüno: I'm so sorry I humiliate you. Diesel: Okay. Gotta go. Brüno: Bye, baby, I love you. Diesel, I love you. Diesel.
Lorraine: Well, yes, it's me, Marty. Are you all right? Marty: I'm fine. I'm fine. It's just that you're so... You're so big.
Gru: What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you!
Marty: Where are we? When are we? Doc Brown: We're descending toward Hill Valley, California, at 4:29 p.m. On Wednesday, October 21, 2015. Marty: 2015? You mean we're in the future. Jennifer: Future. Marty, what do you mean? How can we be in the future? Marty: Jennifer... I don't know how to tell you this, b...
Agnes: Why are you wearing pajamas? Vector: These aren't pajamas! This is a warm-up suit.
Marty: Wait a minute. Cubs win World Series. Against Miami? Terry: Yeah, it's something, huh? Who would've thought? 100-1 shot! I wish I could go back to the beginning of the season, put some money on the Cubs. Marty: I just meant that Miami... What did you just say? Terry: I said I wish I could go back to the...
Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Margo: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pajamas!
He's gay. What kind of a man teaches kindergarten? He's obviously gay.
Welcome to Astoria... the single-parent capital of America.
Now we're going to do something extremely fun. We're going to play a game called... "Who is my daddy and what does he do?"