Lowell: What's the matter? Detective John Kimble: I have a headache. Lowell: It might be a tumor. Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor!

We did it! Come on, girls, let's go!

Kimble: I had a great time. O'Hara: Ja, me, too... Well, Kimble, I think you scored.

Dominic: What you doing in there? Kimble: I'm lost. Where is the dining room? This house is huge. Dominic: Follow me, silly. Kimble: Whew.

Miss Schlowski: What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch? Detective John Kimble: It felt great.

Joseph: Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina. Phoebe: Well, you taught them the basics.

Eleanor Crisp: Where's my grandson? Detective John Kimble: I don't know! Eleanor Crisp: Where's... my... grandson? Detective John Kimble: Go to hell! Eleanor Crisp: That's exactly where you're going, you son of a bitch! Phoebe: You're not so tough without your car, are you?

Raoul Duke: We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like: I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive. Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and scre...

We can't stop here. This is bat country.

Jesus, did I say that, or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?

We're your friends. We're not like the others, man. Really.

Well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere.

We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions!

Dr. Gonzo: We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit. Raoul Duke: Jesus Christ, we will, man. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture.

We can't afford any distractions!

Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.

Kimble: What are you looking at? Kindergartener: Ha ha ha!

Who is your daddy and what does he do?

Doc Brown: What's wrong, Marty? You look like you've seen a ghost. Marty: You're not far off, Doc. Doc Brown: Great Scott!

We always talk about our goal in pounds, but that's not all it is, is it? Thank you, Betty.

Well, Michael, when a man hates another man very, very much, sometimes he wants to know that something is his, even if in the end he has to give it up.

Why don't you ask Joanie? She's a professional something.

What are you doing here? You can't be here.

Pete: Why are they picking them? Don: I don't know and I don't care. Pete: Maybe that's the problem. Don: You were the one who talked to him for an hour. I thought he was your best friend. You obviously made no impression. Pete: He's a rat bastard. Don: You know what? Don't wake me up and throw your failur...

Peggy: You are not loyal. You only think about yourself. Roger: Were we married?

Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest.

We are doomed.

What are you doing in there, huh?

Andrew: What do you want? Richard Detmer: When I say open that door, you open the door. You got it? Finish your goddamn homework.

Wow. Way to put an analytical psychology spin on this barn party, Matt.

Karen Detmer: Who's the audience? Andrew: Just the millions of people that are watching at home. Karen Detmer: Do I look awful? Andrew: No, no, no, Mom. You look... You look great.

Where in the hell...

What you looking at, girl? Stay in school!

What? What?

Matt: Ignore us. Steve: We're just... Mormons.

Andrew: Abracadabra! Steve: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Matt: Andrew, shit! Steve: What the hell did you just do? Matt, stop the car! Stop! Stop!

Matt: What did you do? Why did you do that? Andrew: I didn't mean to. I didn't... Matt: Shit! What the hell is wrong with you? Look at this!

We have to think a little bit more. We can't just do things. We have to think first, okay?

Martin, it's all psychological. You yell "Barracuda!" and everybody says, "Huh? What?" You yell, "Shark!"......we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.

We have broken history! I mean, I'm talking about since the caveman times. Uh, the Egyptians, the Wright brothers.

Matt: Why Tibet? Steve: Tibet? Andrew: Yeah. I don't know. It seems really beautiful, you know, with all the... Matt: Mmmm whoowooowooo... Andrew: Will you shut up? Shut...

Matt: I know it sounds weird. I just wanted you to know that. Casey: To know that you're cool. Matt: Wow, I really screwed this up. Casey: Not as much as you might think. Matt: Really? Casey: Good-bye. Matt: Casey... Casey: I gotta go. Bye.

All right. Who wants some? Who's next, huh? How 'bout it? Who wants some, huh? Who wants to have a little? You. You want some more? Huh? You want a little? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya want some more? Huh? Huh?

Marty: Well, my ca... horse broke down and a bear ate my boots and I just forgot my hat. Maggie: How could you forget a thing like your hat?

Doc Brown: What idiot dressed you in that outfit? Marty: You did.

When I was 11, I had diphtheria. I was quarantined for three months. So, my father brought this telescope and put it next to my bed so I could see everything out the window.

And guess what. You made it. Whoo-hoo! Isn't it beautiful?

Who are you supposed to be? Clint Eastwood?

Dr. Gonzo: The truth. Raoul Duke: Truth? Dr. Gonzo: We're going to Vegas... to croak a scag baron named Savage Henry. Raoul Duke: It's true. Dr. Gonzo: Why, because I've known him for years, but he ripped us off. Raoul Duke: And you know what that means... Dr. Gonzo: And you know what that means. Savage ...

We know what you're up to, man.

Dr Gonzo: Guy Lombardo. He's in the Blue Room with his Royal Canadians. Duke: Why? Dr Gonzo: Why? Why what? Duke: Well, why should I pay my hard earned dollars to watch a fucking corpse?

Will you read us a bedtime story?

What? What? ...What the fuck did he say to me?

Dr. Gonzo: When's the thing going to stop? Raoul Duke: Stop? Dr. Gonzo: Stop it! Stop it! Raoul Duke: It's not ever going to stop, man!

And we're considering a letter we got from a fella who said we oughta take a pig up with us for good luck.

Now, we can do one of two things here. We can either scrub Mattingly and go with Swigert or we can bump all three of you to a later mission.

What was I doing out here? What was the meaning of this trip? Was I just roaming around in a drug frenzy of some kind? Or had I really come out here to Las Vegas to work on a story? Who are these people, these faces? Where do they come from? They look like caricatures of used car dealers from Dallas, and sweet Jesus...

We can't go across that road. We don't want Daddy to get our germs and get sick in outer space. Right?

Jim: Well, hey, that looks like Marilyn Lovell. But it can't be. She's not coming to the launch. Marilyn: I heard it was gonna be a hell of a show. Jim: Who told you that? Marilyn: Some guy I know. Jim: You can't live without me.

Musician: Whaaats the trooouble? Raoul Duke: Weeeellll, all this white stuff on my sleeeeve, iiiis LSD...

With a bit of luck... his life was ruined forever... always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all his favorite bars... men in red woolen shirts... are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.

And that, I think, was the handle. That sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go ...

What's the matter? You raised in a barn? Shut the door.

.

Raoul Duke: Well, they've nailed me goddamnit. I'm trapped in some stinking desert crossroads called Baker. I don't have much time man, the fuckers are closing in! They'll hunt me down like a fucking beast! Dr. Gonzo: Whoa, getting a little paranoid? Raoul Duke: I need a fucking lawyer immediately! Dr. Gonzo:...

Raoul Duke: Well? What are your plans? Dr. Gonzo: Plans? Raoul Duke: The child in the bedroom. Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane.

Hold on, man. What if I just jump on you and beat the dog shit out of you? Would that make you feel any better, you filthy bastard?

Dr. Gonzo: Hello? Hi Lucy, God bless. Yeah it's me. What? I don’t know, I taught that bastard a lesson he'll never forget. What? No, not dead. But he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah, I left him out there. I stomped him. I pulled all his teeth out. Raoul Duke: I remember thinking Jesus, what a terrible...

Oh, ah, Debbie. Thank God. Oh, Debbie. Hmm? Look. What kind of addict would need all these coconut husks and crushed honeydew rinds? Would the presence of junkies account for all these uneaten French fries? These puddles of glazed ketchup on the bureau? Maybe so... but then why all this booze... and these crude porn...

What kind of rat bastard psychotic would play that song right now, at this moment?

We'd abused every rule that Vegas lived by. Threatening the locals, abusing the tourists, terrifying the help. The only chance now, I felt... was the possibility that we'd gone to such excess... that nobody in the position to bring the hammer down on us... could possibly believe it.

We're all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled the '60s. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America, selling "consciousness expansion"... without ever giving a thought to the grim meat hook realities that were lying in wait... for all those people who took him ...

What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole lifestyle... that he helped create. A generation of permanent cripples... failed seekers... who never understood the essential old mystic fallacy of the acid culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force... is tending the l...

The store was closed... but the salesman said he could wait if we'd hurry. But we were delayed en route when the Stingray in front of us killed a pedestrian.

Jim: What did you do? Jack: Nothing. I stirred the tanks.

We got a wicked shimmy up here.

Whoa. Wrong book.

Well, that was worth the price of admission.

Alex: Wait, this isn't New York! Melman: Well, how do we move through Europe without attracting attention?

Motorcycle Cop: Whatcha got in the trunk? J. Frank Parnell: Oh... You don't wanna look in there.

Kevin: Feeling 7UP, I'm feeling 7UP It's a crisp, refreshing feeling Crystal clear and light America's drinking 7UP and it sure feels right Feeling lucky seven. Otto: Kevin, stop singing, man. Kevin: I wasn't singing, guy. Otto: I'm standing right next to you, and you're fucking singing. Cut it out. Kevin: ...

We just lost the moon.

We've got 15 minutes, Freddo. It's worse than I thought.

We've had to learn how to fly all over again, but we are doing better up here now.

EECOM Arthur: We confirm shutdown, Jack. Lunar module now in control. Jack: Roger that, Houston. This is Odyssey signing off.

We are not losing those men!

When you go into the shadow of the moon and the moon is between you and the sun, you see stars that are more brilliant than anything you've ever seen on the clearest nights here on Earth.

Gene: What do you mean, "everything"? John: With everything on, the LEM draws 60 amps. At that rate, in 16 hours the batteries are dead, not 45. And so is the crew. We gotta get them down to 12 amps.

We never lost an American in space. We're sure as hell not gonna lose one on my watch. Failure is not an option.

We just put Sir Isaac Newton in the driver's seat.

Well, don't you worry, honey. If they could get a washing machine to fly, my Jimmy could land it.

Rebecca: What are you doing out here? Lane: Uh, business. Go back to bed, dear. Rebecca: What are you looking for? Lane: Go back to bed this minute!

Roger: What's the hurry, Harry? Pete: Are you drunk?

Gru: What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story.

Gru: Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading!

Paul: We reject the material world in favor of the recognition of one's true identity. Young Man: I don't understand what you're saying. Harry: Paul?

Harry: Paul? Paul: Harry Crane, as I live and breathe. Harry: What the hell happened to you?

Pete: What ghost visited you, Ebenezer? Don: Pete.

Jim, we're gonna get that power-up procedure to you. We're gonna get it as soon as we possibly can. Ken Mattingly's in the simulator right now.

Ken: We know they have some power left in the LEM batteries, right? John: Yeah. Ken: We have an umbilical that provides power from the command module to the LEM. John: It's backup for the LEM power supply. I'm listening. Ken: So reverse it. Reverse the flow and see if we can draw these four amps from the LEM ...

We got her back up, Ken. Boy, I wish you were here to see it.

Jim: What is that? Jack: Oh, I was getting a little punchy, and I didn't want to cut the LEM loose with you guys still in it.

We're gonna be broadcasting from a hot tub full of scotch.

Harry: Where the hell do you watch it? Paul: Through the window of a Pizza Parlor on MacDougal.

Peggy: Well, if you really wanna help, be honest with him and tell him he needs to write a better script. Harry: I think it was really hard for him. Peggy: Then he shouldn't be doing it.

Jaguar Salesman: What brings you in today? Don: We got tired of waiting for a cab. Thought we'd buy a car.

With all due respect, sir, I believe this is going to be our finest hour.

Harry: What do I do about the script? Mother Lakshmi: Tell him the truth. That always works.

There are six weekends between now and the pitch. We are going to spend them all here. We will celebrate Christmas here. We will ring in the New Year together. And in the end, we will represent Jaguar and it will be worth it. Every agency on Madison Avenue is defined by the moment they got their car. When we land Ja...

Sheila: But what of the things that we've shared? What of all the sweet words that you spoke in private? Ash: Aw, well... Well, that's just what we call "pillow talk," baby. That's all.

Welcome back to the land of the living.

Cowardly Warrior: We must flee! Wiseman: It is written, Arthur. It has been foretold. Gold Tooth: They'll take our souls. Cowardly Warrior: I'm afraid! Gold Tooth: They'll swallow our souls. Cowardly Warrior: I don't want to die!

When I go up there on 19, I'm gonna take my entire collection of Johnny Cash along.

Welcome to Super Fruity. What can I get you?

Angie: Well, I peed on one of those stick thingies, and it said yes. Kate: Angie, that is just the greatest news! That's just unbelievably great.

Kate: What if the baby's a hermaphrodite? Caroline: What? Kate: A chick with a dick. I heard it happens to about 2% of babies. Caroline: Well, that's crazy. That would mean that 10 people from our high school were hermaphrodites.

Kate: What you eat, the baby eats. What you listen to, the baby listens to. Oscar: If you listen to DMX, the baby comes out going "Grrrrr!"

Angie: What is this? Kate: Water. Angie: It's horrible!

What we have here is our Boo Boo Buster No-Slam Door, okay? Watch how this works. You can just slam it. It bounces right back. So you can put your fingers right on in there, and it wouldn't... Not you, it'll only work for baby fingers.

Wake up, partner. It's time for birthing class.

Welcome to The Birthing Center. In this birthing class, we are going to help you new mommies and daddies, and our mommies and mommies, lesbian lovers...

Kate: What is that smell? Angie: I'm dying my roots. I was just trying to get some highlights. Kate: So many chemicals! Angie: You're a brunette, you don't understand! Kate: You're a brunette! Angie: I was blond when I was a kid! I'm clean. I'm clean!

We used to work at Blimpie together when we were 16, and sit and eat pickles in the back. He waited a whole month before he touched my boobs. Then he went to the University of Scranton, and I never heard from him again. He was my Justin Timberlake.

Carl: We were supposed to forge the test, send her the ultrasound picture in the mail, and then cash the checks. One, two, three. Angie: The ultrasound looked like a squirrel, by the way. Carl: 'Cause it was a squirrel. That's all I could find on the Internet.

Gru: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Dr. Nefario: Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually.

What are you girls doing back there?

We gotta find a way to make this fit into the hole for this using nothing but that.

Well if I had a dollar for every time they killed me in this thing I wouldn't have to work for you, Deke. Well, we have two days. We'll be ready. Let's do it again.

Jim: We're not gonna go bouncing off the walls for ten minutes because we're just gonna end up right back here with the same problems! Try to figure out how to stay alive! CAPCOM: Aquarius, this is Houston. Jim: Are we on VOX? Fred: No, we're not on VOX. Jim: Yeah, Houston, this is Aquarius. Go ahead.

Otto: What do you want? Bud: Wanna make ten bucks? Otto: Fuck you, queer.

Otto: What happened to your old lady? Bud: My old lady? Oh, shit, I forgot all about her. Well, she'll take the bus. She's a rock.

Where you going, asshole?

Otto: Wow. That was intense! Bud: Repo man's always intense. Come on, let's go get a drink.

Duke: Wasn't that Otto? Debbi: Otto who?

Otto: Watch it, motherfucker. Lagarto: Hey, fuck you, pussy. Punk!

Ken: We know they have some power left in the LEM batteries, right? John Aaron: Yeah. Ken: We have an umbilical that provides power from the command module to the LEM. John Young: Right, it's backup for the LEM power supply. John Aaron: I'm listening. Ken: So reverse it. Reverse the flow and see if we can d...

CAPCOM: Aquarius, watch that middle gimbal. We don't want you tumbling off into space. Jim: Freddo, inform Houston I'm well aware of the goddamn gimbals! Fred: Roger that, Houston. Jim: I don't need to hear the obvious. I've got the frapping eight-ball in front of me! INCO White: Andy, we're on VOX. CAPCOM...

Jim: We're all out of whack. I'm trying to pitch down, but we're yawing to the left. Why can't I null this out? Fred: She wasn't designed to fly attached like this, our center of gravity is the command module. Jim: It's like flying with a dead elephant on our back.

Evil Ash: Well, my dear, say hello to the boys. Deadite: There's a sight for sore bones. Sheila: I may be bad, but I feel... good.

We've broken through! The castle is ours!

What's your problem? I mean, girls might like you... if you lightened up a little bit.

Possessed Witch: Who the hell are you? Ash: Name's Ash. Housewares.

Miller: Where did all these people disappear to? Otto: The past? Miller: That's right. And how'd they get there? Otto: How the fuck do I know? Miller: Flying saucers.

Well, the least you could do is give me a blow job.

We're just the mules. Entiendes?

Miller: John Wayne was a fag. Plettschner: What did you say, Miller? What? Miller: John Wayne was a fag. All (Except Miller):The hell he was!

Angie: Well, at least he's not a grade-A dork like that guy. Kate: Oh, my God, Scott! Angie: Who? Kate: That's my ex-boyfriend, Scott, that I told you about. Why is he here? Angie: You went out with him? Kate: I did. Angie: Why? Kate: He's beautiful. Angie: Where? Look at his mustache! Kate: I know!

Angie: What are you doing here? I told you to stay away from me. Carl: You think you're getting this payday without me?

What am I supposed to do, Oscar? I can't cash that check. I can't take any of Kate's money. But I am gonna stay here until I figure out what to do. I don't know anything about being a mother.

Kate: What did he say? Angie: The secret of success. Kate: And? Angie: He said "Have a big penis." Kate: No, he didn't. Angie: Yeah, he did.

Angie: What am I supposed to do? Tell her today, in front of all of her friends and her family? Oscar: No, no, no. Wait till the child is, like, nine years old, and then tell her, like my first ex did me.

Angie: When's the best day to tell someone horrible news? Oscar: Yesterday.

Kate: What are you saying? Angie: We took a test as soon as we got home, and the procedure didn't work. And I was real, you know, horny, because of all the hormones. So we did it.

What Ms. Ostrowiski is trying to say, Your Honor, is that what she did was wrong. It was extremely wrong. Cool it, you're my lawyer.

Why won't you bitches help me?

We need some olive oil to rub on my taint.

Well, Oscar's bringing you a change of clothes, and Mom is here, in case you die.

Leila: What if he's innocent? Agent Rogersz: No one is innocent. Proceed.

Otto: Bud, listen to me, you're sitting in a car worth $20,000 dollars. Look, if we turn it in, we'll take the money, we split it 60/40, you and me. Bud: Who gets the 60 kid? Otto: Well, I don't know, I figured, since I found the car first that... That you get it.

Great. We'll talk about the Middle East and maybe an idea of an exit strategy. Maybe she has a good pitch. Should I ask her about Korea? Maybe have her point it out to us on a globe?

Jack: We were wondering aloud to one another whether or not you would be good for on camera. Alison: What'd you decide? Jill: They... They decided that they like you, and they would like to put you on camera. Alison: Really? Jill: I know. I was so surprised, too.

Jill: We would just like it if you go home and step on the scale and write down how much you weigh and subtract it by, like, 20. Alison: Twenty. Jill: And then weigh that much.

Debbie: Pete'll watch the kids? Pete: Yeah! We can watch Taxicab Confessions.

Andrew: Why do you have to insult everybody? Bender: I'm being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference.

Bender: Why'd you do that? Claire: 'Cause I knew you wouldn't. Bender: You know how you said before how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity? Claire: Were you really disgusted about what I did with my lipstick? Bender: Truth? Claire: Truth. Bender: No.

Wait, I very rarely look cool. This is a big moment for me. Just take it.

Leila: What about our relationship? Otto: What? Leila: What about our relationship! Otto: Fuck that! Leila: You shithead! I'm glad I tortured you. How can you leave me? I'm the one who is supposed to be in that car!

Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusuf Islam?

Alison: What? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Ben: You think that's gonna stop him from hitting on her? It's not.

We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.

Ben: What time is it? Alison: 7:30. Ben: Why the fuck are we awake? Let's go back to sleep.

Andrew: What did they do to you? Allison: They ignore me. Andrew: Yeah. Yeah.

Ben: Will you tell him he's an asshole for me? Alison: No. Ben: Someone needs to. Like who gives a shit? Alison: Well, I hope a lot of people, actually, because that's what my job entails is making sure people care what he has to say.

Ben: We had fun, right? We should hook up again. Alison: I'm gonna give you my card 'cause that'll be the best way to... Ben: Well, I mean, if you want to contact me, I don't have a cell, right now, because of payment complications. But, I mean, you can e-mail me at the web page. I check it. It's just Ben at fle...

Brent: We should put this on YouTube. Alison: Shut up. Brent: This is hilarious.

Why is that door closed? Why is that door closed?

Ben: Why the fuck didn't you stop me once we started? Alison: I don't know! I couldn't tell that you didn't have one on! Obviously, I was drunk! Ben: Was your vagina drunk? Did you think it's the thinnest condom on earth I have on?

What is it you seek?

Conan: What gods do you pray to? Subotai: I pray to the four winds... and you? Conan: To Crom...

Well, you do look a lot like your sister. This is gonna be cold. And you're next. Okay, there is the cervix and the uterus.

Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use them, man?

Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. I wanna congratulate you for being on time. Claire: Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention but, um, I don't think I belong in here. Vernon: It is now 7: 06. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. Ponder the...

Wealth can be wonderful.

What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance! I salute you.

What, am I not skanky enough for you? You want me to hike up my fucking skirt?

Priestess: What do you see? Conan: Um... infinity.

Where is the Eye of the Serpent? Rexor says that you gave it to a girl. Probably for a mere night's pleasure. What a loss.

What is steel compared to the hand that wields it?

Valeria: What else does he say? Subotai: That in the back of the mountain there's a gorge. Many caves. A good thief could get in there, steal the princess, and be off before she's missed in the darkness...

Who gave you the will to live? I am the well spring from which you flow.

When I am gone, you will have never been. What will your world be without me... my son?

Herb: I always feel like someone should go the extra mile. Pete: We're open to anything your heart desires.

Ken: Was that what I think it was? Pete: Yes, it was.

Alison: What do you think of him? He's funny, right? Ben: Fetch. All right, bring it back. Debbie: He's playing fetch with my kids. He's treating my kids like they're dogs.

Well, we wanted to be in the car business.

Well, I was gonna watch Carson and cry myself to sleep.

Joan: You're here early. What can I do for you? Pete: Nothing.

Where do you get this stuff?

Pete: What would it take to make you a queen? Joan: I don't think you could afford it. Pete: This was an act of desperation. I hope I haven't insulted you. That's all that matters to me. Joan: I understand.

Why would a woman buy a man anything for Valentine's day?