"Greetings everyone, and welcome to Football Pro 99."

"1, 2, 3, Fore!"

"Mama mia."

"Thanksgiving came shortly after the worst terrorist attack in our nation's history. The war in Afghanistan has just begun."

Welcome to your Doom

Sam: "What are you up to Norm?" Norm: "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

Neil Patrick Harris: "What does the P.H. stand for in N.P.H.?" Kumar: "Uh..." Harold: "Patrick Harris." Neil Patrick Harris: "No, common mistake. Poon Handler." Kumar: "Oh."

"So I look forward to working with President Elect Obama as we face these enormous challenges that we have."

"What about, whaaaaatttt abouttttttt. What about blowjobs?"

"America cannot solve these crises without the world and the world cannot solve them without America."

"Afghanistan is where the war on terror began and it is where it must end."

Whatcha talkin bout Willis?

"I don't know what the hullabaloo is."

"What you talking about Willis?"

"As Dick said, I'm a very emotional, passionate man. I can't help it. That's being the son of Rocco and Angelina Valvano. It comes with the territory. We hug, we kiss, we love."

"He walked in and he just walked back and forth, like this, just walked, staring at the players. And he said, "All eyes on me." And I'm reading this in this book. I'm getting this picture of Lombardi before his first game and he said "Gentlemen, we will be successful this year, if you can focus on three things, and ...

"The ability to be able to work hard for your dreams to come true, to become a reality."

"Like maybe 14 or 15 I uh, know I want to be a superstar and I want to play NHL because you know, hockey was uh, it's my life and it's my dream was playin in NHL."

"I remember my first game, I scored two goals and after this, I want to score goals all the time."

"My wife was killed in a motorcycle accident and my children in a home fire."

"I also want to reinforce the need for Chrysler Financial to receive immediate assistance from TARP as their continued vitality is a critical assumption in our plan."

"It used to be that we operated regionally. European cars for Europe, Asian cars for Asia, American cars for the US market. Now we are leveraging our global assets, innovation, technology and scale to deliver world class products for every market."

"Watchmen are…over."

"We can save this world."

George Shea: "Ladies and Gentleman of Brooklyn and the world. In second place, with 63 hot dogs and buns, Takeru Kobayashi." Paul Page: "Chestnut has done it!" George Shea: "However in first place, in first place, with 66 hot dogs and buns, Joey Chestnut." Paul Page: "Kobayashi is down. Chestnut is the new champ...

What you say?"

What the hell.

I'm trying.

"No, dick, it's wigglytuff."

Darth Vader: "What is thy bidding my master?" Emperor: "It's a disaster, Skywalker we're after." Darth Vader: "What if he could be turned to the Dark side?" Emperor: "Yes, he would be a powerful ally, another Dark Jedi." Darth Vader: "He will join us or die." Vader and Troopers: "We got death star.(Death Star) We go...

"Its not required you sign your email crapfully yours, or with a bunch of carp, or crap in the time, crap is so great, everything is crap my middle name is Craperson. You know, you could just put sincerely, or yours truly is another good one."

"That concludes today's sentencing, we are adjourned."

"Okay so tune in next week, where my guests will be Lemmy from Motorhead and the guys from Croakus."

"Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams, Strong Bad."

"1,2,3, email me, 1,2,4, email me more."

"So on a scale from one to awesome, I am super great."

"So, until next time, send me a little email and I'll give you a little crap."

"Okay, so until next time, everybody email that guy, what guy, ME!"

"Can't nobody say that Strong Bad never did nothing for the peoples."

"Who put the ween in Halloween? I dunno probably you. You frickin' weirdo."

"So okay, until next time, keep sending me your questions, and I will keep making fun of your punctuation and spelling. I mean answer them."

"Okay, so tune in next time, same Strong Bad time, same Strong Bad channel."

"Remember kids, take your vitamins, pretend you're hilarious, and always, always email Strong Bad."

"Okay, so until next week, everything is awesome, and uh…hey big guy. You know, I was just kickin' the Cheat. It was a little joke, you know I got the people watchin' at home, I was trying to be kinda funny for 'em, with the joke."

"All right, so until next time, send me more question, SEND ME MORE QUESTION."

"But now in foreign lands, they've been known to drink not so cold ones, room temperature ones, and even warm ones. But where I come from, it's cuh-hold ones."

"Do you take off your wrestling mask and boxing gloves before you go to bed? Sincerely, Abdey DeLaruse, San Diego CA. Well that's a stupid question Abdey. Do you take off your face and hands before you go to bed? And if so, are you some kinda robot? And if so , what kinda powers do you have? Do you use them for goo...

"Okay, until next time, keep sending me your questions and I will make fun of you, I mean answer them."

"Okay, so until next time, nobody no best then me."

"So as you can see, they're all really nice, and hot, and very web savvy. So you don't have chance with me sugar bob, you might as well stick with Daniel over here. I can't see you doin' any better."

"All right, so until next week, send me some good ones, you know, good ones."

"Okay, so until next week, send me some emails and I will more than likely flip you off."

"No you can answer emails like a true Strong Bad."

"Women are like the police. They can have all the evidence in the world, but they want the confession."

"Hold on everybody here it comes…"

"Washington, Washington, Six foot eight, weighs a fucking ton. Opponents Beware, Opponents Beware, He's coming, He's coming, He's coming. Let me lay it on the line, he had two on the vine. I mean, two sets of testicles, so devine. On a horse made of crystal He patrolled the land. With a mason ring and schnauzer And ...

"Washington, Washington, Six foot eight, weighs a fucking ton. Opponents Beware, Opponents Beware, He's coming, He's coming, He's coming."

"Did I mention he has four nuts? Well he also had four dicks! If you took off his boots, you could see the dicks growing off his feet. I heard... that motherfucker had like, thirty god damn dicks. He once held an opponent's wife's hand, in a jar of acid, at a party."

"What's up San Francisco? I like your city. It's beautiful, tolerant place. I didn't seen much. My friend call me and was like Dave having fun in Frisco? Seeing the sights? No. Wanna go see Alcatraz? What kind of nigga in his right mind wants to visit a prison for recreation? I got friends in jail I don't visit. I d...

"Remember when crack was going on? White people were looking at DC from Virginia with binoculars and shit. Well that looks dangerous. Not yet."

"A black man would never dream of talking to the police, high. That's a waste of weed."

"Dave come on with the voting. I'm trying to talk to you about fucking my wife and you're asking me all these personal questions."

"Call down for a wake up call. The guy answers 'He's like, yo what's Up?' What's up G? Not really a formal greeting. Yeah I'm looking for a wake up call around 9:30. Well, we don't have a wake up call per se. We have a bus that comes by around 6 you'll hear. I'm looking for more of the 9:30ish area. And he goes ok s...

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."

"What's up their, fruitcake?"

"Now I hear Mr. Glantor[sic] he says oh Mr. Simpson was just stupid. He didn't really mean to do anything wrong. That is not really evidenced by what transpired here."

"We've talked about it, Beardsley and I the next day, and, uh, Bruce and I hugged, have talked about it. His kids called me the next day. We've apologized to each other."

"I wanted my daughter, who, Miss Brown gave her mother's wedding ring. Stolen."

"The judge asked us to respect the verdict in the criminal case. We had to do that. We disagree with it but we had to respect it."

"What we have is satisfaction that this monster is where he belongs, behind bars."

Chris: "Go on, make a move, make a move!" Jamie: "What's on your mind?" Chris: "Bush. President Bush. The first family really."

Chris: "Excuse me, um. This, this, this isn't gonna work for me." Rhonda: "But this is what you always order." Chris: "Yeah, 10 years ago when I was a whale."

Chris: "What?" Mike: "Little problem… OK, she's got a bit of a headache, it's not that bad. Ha!" Chris: "Oh my god! What happened to her?"

Le Chiffre: "You changed your shirt, Mr. Bond. I hope our little game isn't causing you to perspire." Bond: "A little. But I won't consider myself to be in trouble until I start weeping blood."

Vesper: "I can't resist waking you. Every time I do you look at me as if you hadn't seen me in years. Makes me feel reborn." Bond: "If you had just been born wouldn't you be naked?"

"(conk) Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo, nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. (bonk) Ooh!"

You're telling me that you don't have the confidence to face a bunch of whittling, jug bowing, IHOP monkeys?

"But while I know rebuilding our economy won't be easy and it won't be -- happen overnight."

Whisper in my ear that you want some more and I jizz in my pants.

"Well my friends, Abraham Lincoln over here was wondering if you would like to come and work for me."

"I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adroit, cooperative not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi didn't see it that way so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life."

"Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?"

"Gee, do they still make wooden Christmas trees?"

Charlie Brown: "Rats!" Lucy Van Pelt: "You've been dumb before, Charlie Brown, but this time, you really did it." Lucy Van Pelt: "What a tree!"

Schroeder: "This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play." Lucy Van Pelt: "What kind of Christmas music is that?" Schroeder: "Beethoven Christmas music." Lucy Van Pelt: "What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great."

Charlie-In-The-Box: "Halt! Who goes there?" Yukon: "Us of course. Who did you think?" Charlie-In-The-Box: "Oh well then that's okay."

"We're all misfits!"

"And when you have the economy 70% consumption you can't address those imbalances without a recession."

"Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. You can't fire me, I quit. Seems I don't fit in."

"And I'm very worried. Christmas Eve is only two days off. And without your father I'll never be able to get my sleigh off the ground."

"Well folks, as for the rest of the story, he went down in history."

Coach Klein: "Gatorade." Bobby: "H2O!" Coach Klein: "Gatorade." Bobby: "H2O!" Coach Klein: "(Singing) Water sucks, it really, really sucks! Water sucks, it really, really sucks!"

"Win or lose, this war ends tonight."

What is Silverio going to end up with here? I would guess 35 - yes, 35 cents.

70 cents and to it we are going to add, oh, this is not going to work

Let's find out - what is the first item up for bid?

Edwin, I'd like to have your bid on those clocks!

"Whiiiipppppp."

"Whipppp..."

"Who's your daddy?"

"Oh. Ah. Ohhh. Ahh."

"I'm gonna have to open a can of whoop ass on you now."

"Now Professor Hinkle was just about the worst magician in the world."

"Frosty the Snowman had hurried on his way but he waived good bye saying don't cry I'll be back again someday."

Boy 1: "Oh Frosty we don’t care what grown ups say. We know you did come to life." Girl 1: "We know Frosty, we just know."

Logan: "I want new ones." Man: "And what do you want them to say?" Logan: "Wolverine."

"Welcome, Christmas, bring your cheer. Cheer to all Whos far and near. Christmas Day is in our grasp so long as we have hands to clasp."

Woman: "Excuse me can I…" Carl Allen: "Absolutely! Was I chewing gum before?"

Norman: "Carl Allen has reported for duty." Carl Allen: "I'm not a soldier Norman."I'm having a little get together at my place. We are Sparta!"

"Scooby Do! Where ARE YOU?"

"Weren't you listening?"

"What the hell are you staring at?"

"Whooo Whooo Whoo Whoo."

"The world of tuna is under represented on the internet."

"Peace on earth - what a crock!"

"WRONG!"

"What's wrong with this remote..."

"Who knows the evil that lurks in the heart of man, the shadow knows."

"And now, we must wait."

"Weeooop!"

"Woody Woodpecker laughing"

"Warn us next time you're planning on thinking."

"What Duckman is trying to say... is that we'd love to hear about your case."

"We wouldn't work with them if they were the kind of people that would deliberately do something like that."

"What are you?"

Diane: "Very well, I've arrived at my objective opinion. This is one of the most amateurish, hackneyed, odious pieces of effluvium ever to wash down the pipe. Listen to this dribble. I fly through a puckish arena where echoes dance, where echoes dance, where echoes dance. Sounds familiar." Norm: "Well, you said it ...

"You just won a million dollars!"

"We're going to buddies, we're going to wrestle around"

"No! AANNKKK! Wrong!"

Butthead: "We wanna watch" Beavis: "Ya, come on."