Well, it can't be, but it is.
Who gave you permission to smile?
What the hell is it?
When Pope Benedict asked Giotto for a drawing to prove his worth as an artist, Giotto drew a perfect circle... Freehand.
Whatever it is... It's alien.
Harry: We know what a black hole is, Ted. Norman: I don't know what a black hole is.
If you've ever seen a pacific cyclone, what we call a tornado is just a little fart.
What is wrong with all of you? That doesn't mean there's nothing to learn, to explore. Jesus.
We're all gonna die down here, you know.
Why did you make me think I killed you?
Why don't they know?
Where you going? Use the stairs. This one's full. Get out of here. Get a new shirt.
What are jellyfish doing at 1,000 feet?
We're 160 fathoms down, and now we've got a nutbag down here who can flip out and crack up. You selected the team...
Well, that's something to consider, a stupid alien.
Well, they must have 'em.
What I need, what I need is to take you alive because, you see, my boss, he wants to look in your eyes when you die.
We're not alone. We are definitely... not alone.
Harry: So...? Norman: What happens if Jerry gets mad?
What the hell makes eggs this size? Come on, Norman! Jesus, Norman, let's go!
What the hell is it?!
Ted, the pressure is dropping. We'll be crushed like a tin can.
We're gonna die down here. Pull it.
I don't know, Norman. With all your panic and running around, what have you accomplished?
Well, I guess it's just you and me, babe.
What are you gonna do, write me a prescription?
What makes me nervous, is that after page 87... It's all blank pages.
Norman: What does Harry hate? Beth: Squid.
Norman: What he dreamed... Beth: Happened? Norman: It happened.
We'd better not piss him off.
Scott: Why'd you run out on me? Dr. Evil: Because you're not quite evil enough.
What are you, some kind of freak?
Beth: Jeez, I didn't know it would be that fast acting. Norman: We didn't kill him, did we?
Who have we got today?
Why would the snakes have anything to do with me? I didn't go in the sphere.
Austin: Who are you, baby? Ivana: Ivana.
We're not gonna make it!
We're not gonna die here. Just keep moving.
Why are we inside the spaceship?
Which one of us is doing this?
Where is where, Norman? Around that corner? Down that corridor? And what's there, huh?
We're stuck in the illusion that we can change the future!
It's just like I said all along. We die down here.
We don't gnaw on our kitty.
But when we got our shot, we manifested every mean, distorting, vengeful, paranoid thought you could think of.
We're given the greatest gift in the history of mankind, we're given this magic ball, and it says, "imagine what you will, and you can have it."
We weren't ready, Norman.
We're not. We're not ready.
Norman: Why are you holding my hand? Harry: No, you're holding my hand.
What the heck am I doing, Alfred? This isn't part of the plan.
Whatever it is, it seems to be what this bird was designed to do. Go out into space and gather things like this up and bring it back.
Wait! I feel the presence of... The Schwartz! The Schwartz! Yes. It's coming from somewhere... down... there!
We will not go in there. She will come out to us.
No. 2: We could make trillions. Evil: Why make trillions when we could make...billions?
Lone Starr: Well, we better get going. I wonder, will we ever see each other again? Yogurt: Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs II: The Search for More Money.
When a problem comes along, you must zip it, zip it good.
Would you like to have a suckle of my zipple?
Dr. Evil, welcome to 1969.
Ivana: When did you get the clapper? Austin: November 1964. Dutch East Indies. Shore leave.
Ivana: We play chess. Austin: I guessed wrong.
We've been driving for 2 weeks, 2 weeks straight. I mean, not even straight. I mean, in these zigzags back and forth.
We've tried this before. The security around Powers is foolproof.
What the hell? Goddamn son of a bitch...
Punk: Washday tomorrow. Nothing clean, right? The Terminator: Nothing clean. Right.
President Skroob: What's the combination? Colonel Sandurz: One, two, three, four, five. President Skroob: One, two, three, four, five? Colonel Sandurz: Yes. President Skroob: That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!
Oh, with the actual cam... Well, we're not usually in the practice of helping out the competition.
Louis B. Mayer: All right, your drill bit money... Howard: Yeah. Louis B. Mayer: ...and why don't you put it in the bank. Howard: Uh-huh.
Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!
Lollypop Guild: We represent the Lollypop Guild, the Lollypop Guild, the Lollypop Guild. And in the name of the Lollypop Guild, we wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land.
Look, what I saw out there today made me sick, you know that? Your team has no right being on that field. Look at yourself, "Butterworth." look at that team.
Well, I haven't paid for sex in years. I think a lot of it has to do with, um... getting older and... you know, being more distinguished.
Liz: What the hell are you doing? We had the lead, and now you're putting wheelchairs in the outfield? I mean, you're letting Toby pitch? What are you thinking? Buttermaker: You know, he's your son. Liz: Yes, and he wants to win just like everyone else.
We don't care. We still want the money, Lebowski, or we fuck you up.
Tanner: We got nothin' but a boozer for a coach. Matthew: We can wait till he sobers up. Yeah, right. Ahmad: Nothing else we can do. Tanner: Screw this. I'm taking his wallet.
Johnny Meyer: Thelma, I thought you were over at the Brown Derby with, uh... Trixie. N... no, Theresa. Cigarette Girl: Margaret, yeah. Johnny Meyer: Margaret. Exactly. What happened to Margaret?
Would you do me a favor and just...? Would you just smile for me one time? Just once?
Walter: We're scattering the fucking ashes! Dude: Walter, Walter. Walter: Just because we're bereaved doesn't make us saps. Funeral Director: Sir, please lower your voices.
Dude: What the fuck does anything have to do with Vietnam? Walter: Dude, I'm sorry. Dude: What the fuck are you talking about? Walter: Dude, I'm sorry.
Well, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs.
Dude: Well, take care, man. Gotta get back. The Stranger: Sure. Take it easy, Dude. Dude: Oh, yeah. The Stranger: I know that you will.
Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves. Catch you later on down the trail.
Who knows, among you, there may be a future Eleanor Roosevelt, or a Rosemary Clooney. And among you young men, there may be a Joe DiMaggio, a President Eisenhower or even a Vice President Nixon.
Without something standing still behind the planes... we've got no idea of how fast we're moving. We got no sense of relative motion.
Howard: Well, what's the good news? Odie: There isn't any. Howard: Goddamn it, Odie.
When we get out there, we're gonna yank 'em and tear 'em and rip 'em! We're gonna take 'em and roll 'em around and rip 'em up to pieces! And then we're gonna slaughter 'em. And after the slaughter is over, we're gonna come back here and ring that victory bell.
We have pictures of you so-called mooners. And just because the pictures aren't of your faces doesn't mean we can't identify you.
Well, maybe, if you believe in miracles, Prince Charming will show up again someday. Somewhere unexpected. See you later. Come on, girls.
We have to go to the police. It was self-defense.
What? The old slowly-poison-him-to-death self-defense?
What are you doing?
Wouldn't have to do it if she didn't get us stuck.
Why'd you let her come?
For right now, we have the same problems. So maybe we can work on them together.
What if they don't like me?
Well, I think a brownie for breakfast would fix you right up.
We're gonna wait for him to wake up. Make sure he's okay.
We're waiting for him to wake up. That's it.
Rick: What do you see? Carl: It's our neighborhood.
We squeeze that to 1000, we've got the fastest plane ever built.
Rick: We're eating his food now? Michonne: The mat said "Welcome."
It has been eight months! Where are my Goddamn clouds?
D.A.: With what intention? Andy: I'm not sure. I was confused. Uh, drunk.
When they arrived, you went up to the house and murdered them.
Where did this bottle come from?
We had a problem. We handled it.
We deserve an explanation.
Well, where I get hazy is where the cleaning woman shows up the following morning and finds your wife in bed with her lover riddled with .38 caliber bullets.
But the weak people, the people like me... we have inherited the Earth.
We'll only be gone a short while, ok?
Sally: Where'd you get that ugly thing around your neck? Kylie: The aunts gave it to us. They said it would protect us.
Where is the aspirin?
Burt: Well, what's the last thing you remember? Leonard: My wife.
When I meet someone, I don't know if I've met them before. I have to just look in their eyes and try and figure them out.
We kept getting pushed back deeper into the country. I swear to God I didn't have a choice.
Howard: An additional 1.7 million. We got that much? Dietrich: No! Howard: Well, we'll make it. Take care of that, would you?
Howard: Well, how about nine holes? Katharine Hepburn: Now, Mr. Hughes?
Well, if you're deaf, you must own up to it. Get a hearing aid. Or see my father. He's a urologist,
Also, because I'm what's so vulgarly referred to as "outdoorsy." Well, I'm not outdoorsy. I'm athletic. I sweat.
We build a plane that flies above the weather, we could get every man, woman and child in this country to feel safe up there.
For crying out loud, Jack. We don't want a bunch of damn pencil pushers gettin' in the way of us makin' our plane, do we?
Howard: What does controlling interest in TWA cost me? Jack: Call it 15 million. Howard: That is a chunk of change, huh?
We'll stop now. Not a great day for traveling.
Wolf would have killed me. It was horrible.
What do you know about goodness? Deep down you are wicked.
Lieutenant Ed Traxler: Well... How do I look? Detective Hal Vukovich: Like shit, boss. Lieutenant Ed Traxler: Your mama.
We have the same enemy and the same problem. And that's why you're here. That's it.
We have to go back. We have to. I have to.
We found a prison. The fences can keep 'em out.
Why do you need the guns, Rick?
We're gonna win. You can be there. You can help.
We both started out in the same place.
When I was your age, they would say we could become cops or criminals.
When you're facing a loaded gun... what's the difference?
When the hollow point actually hits the skull, what happens is it mushrooms and when it mushrooms, it peels back.
We have evidence that Dr. Evil has developed a time machine and has traveled back to the year 1969.
Luckily, we, too, have developed a time travel device to transport you back to the sixties.
Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go visit my frozen self.
We've got company! It looks like one of Dr. Evil's assassins.
Austin: Who sent you? Mustafa: You'll have to kill me.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding? Mustafa: Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.
Austin: Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? Mustafa: I spit at the question.
Whoop de fucking do.
We would be cunts. You calling us cunts?
Well, Austin, I think this time you may have finally met your match.
No. 2: What the hell was that? Frau Farbissina: Volcanic eruption!
Why are you pretending to be a cop?
Work hard and you'll rise fast.
You're upper middle class during the weeks, then you're dropping your eyes and you're hanging in the big bad Southie projects with your daddy, the fucking donkey, on the weekends.
So tell me, what's a lace curtain motherfucker like you doing in the staties?
What the fuck have you got me into?
We turned down his claim on the grounds that he wasn't covered for mental illness. His wife got stuck with the bills, and I got a big promotion.
Teddy: Who the fuck is that? Leonard: You don't know him? Teddy: No! Should I?
What do you think that's like for me... To suspect that he might be imagining this whole problem? And that if I just could say the right thing, he'd snap out of it and go back to being normal.
We deal in deception here. What we do not deal with is self deception.
Uncle Ed: Well, you trying to prove something to the family? Billy: When you say "the family," who do you mean exactly? You?
When my mother dies, we don't have any more connection.
You wanna serve the Commonwealth, this is your chance. We need you, pal.
What, you want me to say it? Huh? I'm not a cop, all right?
My girlfriend drinks it when she's got her period. What, do you got your period?
Well, I'm the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit and there's guys you can't.
What are you drinking?
We're going to be rich, Susie.
We're already rich if you ask me.
Andy: Hey, look! The ducks are still here. Elizabeth: I think they must live here, Andy. Andy: That means they're ours. How about that, Elizabeth? We own ducks! We're duck owners.
Arthur Holloway: Well, uh, what team do you play for, Jake? Taylor: The Indians. Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland? Taylor: Mmm-hmm. Chaire Holloway: I didn't know they still had a team. Taylor: Yeah. We got uniforms and everything. It's really great.
What should I tell her? Bad day? In-laws in town?
Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest? Eddie Harris: Crisco. Bardol. Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball.
What's the matter, Sanders? That's a hello you give to a rash.
What's that line of Wilde's? "I like a man with a future, and a woman with a past."
Taylor: Well, then I guess there's only one thing left to do. Dorn: What's that? Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.
Lou Brown: What happened to the new whirlpool we were supposed to get? Rachel Phelps: Revenue problems that have forced us to cut back on equipment. Ooh! Cups still work, though.
What was his name? The departed?
We're not here to solve the case of the missing scumbag. We're here to nail Costello.
Colin: Well, yeah, they don't run Harvard at night, last time I checked. Madolyn: When's the last time you checked? Colin: Before I went to fucking Suffolk.
What, are you saying I'm a virgin?
We offer, through technology, what religion and revolution have promised but never delivered-- freedom from the physical body... Freedom from race and gender... From nationality and personality... From place and time.
Well, you know, I like all the boys under me to be happy.
What you see here are the Mujahedeen soldiers, holy warriors.
Rambo: What are the rules? Mousa: Well, you have to take the sheep once around and then throw it in the circle. Rambo: Why? Mousa: Because there is a circle there.
Who is this terrorist? What makes you so valuable to him?
Zaysen: Who do you think this man is? God? Trautman: No. God would have mercy. He won't.
Zaysen: We do not want to hurt you. Trautman: Somehow, I don't believe him.
Trautman: What do you say, John? Rambo: Fuck 'em!
We have the accused at the scene of the crime, and we have footprints, tire tracks. We have bullets strewn on the ground which bear his fingerprints.
Who says I wanna see you again?
What Freud said about the Irish is: We're the only people who are impervious to psychoanalysis.
Well, if they don't do their jobs, you don't have one.
Madolyn: Wait. You are trouble. Colin: Ah, you don't know the half of it. I'll arrest you right now.
What they're gonna do is come back with some guys and kill you.
Costello: Yeah, that was his problem. Billy: Who said he had a problem?
Leonard: What the fuck are you doing in my car? Teddy: What, your sense of humor went with the memory?
When she offers to help, it'll be for her own reasons. I'm not lying. Take my pen. Write this down. Do not trust her.
Leonard: What do you think I am? I'm not gonna kill someone for money. Natalie: What then? Love? What would you kill for?
I can say whatever the fuck I want... And you won't remember. We'll still be best friends... Or maybe even lovers.
Leonard: What happened? Natalie: What does it look like? He beat the shit out of me. Leonard: Who? Natalie: Who? Fuck, Leonard. Dodd. Dodd beat the shit out of me.
Try as they will, and try as they might, who steals me gold won't live through the night.
We've got no money for this!