Doctor: "Well there's no doubt in my mind Mr. Marsh. You are constipated." Randy: "Thanks for the news flash. I haven't taken a crap in over 3 weeks. The question is why?"

"Tell me where the gold is or you die…slow!"

Judge: "Mr. Broflovski, did you agree to orally imbibe Mr. Cartman's scrotum and testicles?" Kyle: "I.........." Judge: "Is this not your signature on the contract?" Kyle: "I...uh...but...uh...Come on, really? I mean, aren't there more important things going on right now?" Judge: "From what I've been presented and t...

"You're fired."

"Now, here it is - your moment of Zen."

Will: "Hey uncle Phil, you look great man. Eh you look like you lost some…hair." Philip: "Looks like the whole Jackson family could live in those pants."

Ashley: "Hilary, why doesn't anyone want my soda?" Hilary: "Cause your soda's flat."

Carlton: "Will check out the talent. She's cool, she's hot, she's…" Will: "Your baby sister man!"

"Yo baby, you see I noticed you noticing me. And uh, I wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. Baby, you float my boat."

"Your mouth says no, but your fat gut says yes."

Tim: "You're a twat, Gareth. A twat and a knob end." Gareth: "I'm still not listening, so it's not offending me." Tim: "So you won't hear this: you're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock. (pause) You're a cock."

David Brent: "Who else has seen this filth? You haven't even got email, Joan." Joan: "Someone printed it out for me." David Brent: "Who printed this out for Joan?"

Dawn: "Is that originally about Princess Diana?" David: "Originally. But it fits perfectly, doesn't it?" Dawn: "Not the car crash bit." Gareth: "Your relationship with Lee is a bit like a car crash." Dawn: "In Paris?" Gareth: "City of love." Dawn: "You're right. It fits perfectly. Thank you."

"There I am, back of the cab, both of them got their laughing gear around the old single barrel pump action yogurt rifle."

Michael: "You know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst." Dwight: "People love beets." Michael: "Nobody likes beets." Dwight: "Everybody loves beets." Michael: "Nobody likes beets Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like. You should grow candy!"

"Oh man! You are so busted! Ice skates? Shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all!"

"You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real."

"You wanted wilderness, you got it."

Jim: "I'm sure glad you're back." Michael: "You are relieved." Jim: "You have no idea."

Angela: "Any problems?" Dwight: "Well, you left the TV on. And your cat is dead."

Jim: "So what's your strategy for this race." Pam: "Well I'm gonna start fast, then I'm gonna run fast in the middle and then I'm gonna end fast." Jim: "Why won't more people do that?" Pam: "Cause their stupid."

"You don’t know me, you've just seen my penis."

"I am not old, you are old. You are like a hundred."

Ryan: "Scranton suits you." Jan: "Best decision I ever made." Ryan: "You were let go." Jan: "You know what? Love the beard, keep it forever."

"Dude, you are so money, but you don't even know it! But you do."

"Okay if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible."

"Listen up kid! I don't like you. But because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights."

"Yankee swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas."

"Congratulations Bob, you're the coolest."

"You are our winner."

"You're a winner!"

Paulie: "Last time I take a limo to Paris." Christopher: "Like you were ever in Paris, Paulie." Paulie: "I went over for a blowjob. Your mother was working the bonbon concession at the Eiffel Tower. So, did ya hear what I told him? Told him I went over for a blowjob. Your mother was working the bonbon concession at...

Jew: "Don't embarrass yourself any further. Just leave." Paulie: "I'm not embarrassed. You embarrassed?"

Ambassador Blashek: "All of our personal information…" Bob: "What does it matter if the next piece of paper is your obituary."

"You're a duck and your momma's leading the way and you do what she says exactly as she says it."

_

Sven: "Prince Bandor, please. Your sister saved my life when I was on Planet Doom and I will always be grateful for that." Bandor: "Oh, so you're saying the only thing you feel is gratitude. Well I don't doubt your words, Sven, but I do wonder why every time she comes over to talk to ya, you start to blush."

"You're not fast enough to catch me, Lotor. Not yet. And as a punishment, you're grounded. And, stay there."

"They're finished. Yahoo!"

"You are the weakest link. Goodbye."

_

_

"Somebody once told Yogi he looked cool, he told them thanks you don't look so hot yourself."

"It ain't over until it's over."

Gordon: What's the matter with you? Lacy: I can't cook meat chef! Gordon: It's not good enough! You're not good enough! Piss off!

Hey Madam, your tuna's burnt!

Bruce: "You're vigilantes." Ducard: "No, no, no. A vigilante is just a man lost in the scramble for his own gratification. He can be destroyed or locked up."

Bruce: "What's that?" Fox: "The Tumbler? Oh, you wouldn't be interested in that."

Gordon: "I never said thank you." Batman: "And you'll never have to."

"There was once a dream that was Rome. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper, and it would vanish - it was so fragile. And I fear that it will not survive the winter."

"There was once a dream that was Rome. You could only whisper it."

"Yeah baby."

Fook Mi: "Can I have autograph?" Austin: "Of course! Your name is?" Fook Mi: "Fook Mi." Austin: "Oh behave baby. Ha ha ha."

"You're a tripod. Ha ha oh yeah. What do you feed that thing? It's like a baby's arm holding an apple."

"Yeah baby!"

"You failed me yet again, Starscream."

"You want a piece?"

"You rode all the way from Persia for earth and water?"

"Mother! Father! You were wrong! You were wrong! Leonidas you are wrong!"

"Let me guess, you must be Xerxes."

Theron: "I'm simply a realist." Gorgo: "You're an opportunist."

"Moving, eloquent, passionate but it doesn't change the fact that your husband has brought war upon us."

"You fight for your land. Keep them. You fight for Sparta. She will be wealthier and more powerful than ever before. You fight for your kingship. You will be proclaimed warlord of Greece. Answerable only to the one true master of the world."

"You got to dump her buddy. That girl's a prude, you don't want none of that. You want a girl like your Momma."

"You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!"

"I mean you roll it down I'm going to kick it pretty hard. Some guys bounce which is illegal. Either way, I'm gong to wack it. So if you are the pitcher you might as well roll it so you can sleep at night because you won't be a cheater."

"Talk to me you silly freak."

"Yes I do!"

Ronnie: Suck it Reindeer Games. Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck. Ronnie: You white, then you Ben Affleck.

"You've got to get mad."

"Yada yada yada..."

"Yada, yada, yada"

Mary: "You jackass!" Dick: "Yeah, you jackass!"

Michael: "Look, okay. I have to tell you something. Alex isn't real." Seth: "You built her?" Alex: "Get away from me."

Eric's Mom: "You want some cheesy poofs too?" Carman: "Yeah, I want Cheesy Poofs."

I SAID SIT DOWN! Yeah whatever you fat bitch. WHAT DID YOU SAY!? I said I have a bad itch. Oh.

Kyle: "Oh man, I can't just sit here I doubt my stupid brother, I'll come home without him and my dad will start yelling where's you little brother Kyle? You weren't looking out for your little brother Kyle." Stan: "Okay okay, let's ditch school and go and find him. Kyle: "You know he can't think on his own Kyle. B...

"You owe me a wweety pop asshole!"

Cartman: "Are you crazy? I'm the candy master!" Stan: "No, no. You're the assmaster. There's a difference." Cartman: "Hey, I'm not the one who walked around all day looking like Pippi Longstocking."

"Children, since today is Halloween, I thought we should learn something about the great horror writer, Jackie Collins. You see when Jackie Collins first wrote her novel..."

Kyle: "Haha! You look like a pansy!" Stan: "Shut up Kyle."

"Oh, wow... You look pretty cool.. hahaha. Sissy"

Kyle: "Hey dude." Stan: "Oh good you're here. Now let's make sure we got everything. Flashlight?" Cartman: "Check." Stan: "Plastic pumpkin pail?" Kyle: "Check." Stan: "Tasers?" Kyle: "What's that?" Stan: "For shocking people who try to give us granola treats or something." Cartman: "Yeah, granola pisses me off."

Kyle: "Oh man, I can't believe he's gone." Kid: "Yeah, he was too young to be taken from us." Stan: "Dude, you're the one who cut him in half with a chainsaw."

Character 1: "You should be ashamed of yourselves, betting against your Lord and Savior, I am disgusted." Jesus: "Your bet was changed as well. You forsaked me too." Character 1: "Oh right, well…"

"You got in trouble... you got in trouble!"

Character 1: "What the hell, does he think we're all crazy?" Jesus: "You're all a bunch of Judases!"

Jimbo: "We're all with you Jesus, we put every dime we have on you beating that Dark Prince." Jesus: "Thank you for your faith but I think perhaps you don't understand the severity of the situation." Character 1: "You're gonna kick his ass Jesus."

"Yellow MegaMan is only $8.95, so maybe your Mom can put it on layaway and make payments for a year or two."

"Now, as you can see Kenny, you are to get me yellow Megaman. That's because yellow MegaMan is the cheapest one, and I know how poor your family is."

"We were learning about how Yasmine Bleeth was going with that Richard Greico guy..."

"No, not since Yentl"

"Isn't that your job?"

"I wouldn't mind getting a hold of your cookies, Miss Cartman!"

"Yo Pops!"

"You bastard."

"Oh yes sweet... oh yeah sweet! Super sweet! Yes!"

"I don't want to die on this bus with you assholes! You guys suck!"

"Residents have tried everything from firehoses to yelling at it..."

"Your parents are dead? Goddammit, you suck Pip!"

Kara: What did you think of Yahoo before you came? How did you get there? Not a lot of people know what happened. Bartz: No, actually it was in November right after Jerry and I went to a Cisco board meeting and right after the announcement he said gee Carol gosh would you be interested? I said no way, I mean… Kara: ...

Man: "Your word is go." Girl: "May I have the definition please?" Man: "To leave a place, depart." Girl: "May I have the parts of speech please?" Man: "It is a verb?" Girl: "Are there any alternate pronunciations." Man: "The word is go, just freakin' spell it." Girl: "G-O." Man: "Alright."

"Stinky Britches was something I wrote several years ago."

"You bet! Gimme a box of Vanilla Yum Yums and a box of Berry Bars!"

John Connor: No, no, no, no. You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say "affirmative," or some shit like that. You say "no problemo." And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say "eat me." And if you want to shine them on it's "hasta la vista, baby." The Terminator: Hasta la vista, baby. Joh...

"Yo soy Conando."

Stu: Yeah we don't remember. Because some dick drug dealer sold him Roofilin and told him it was ecstasy. Drug Dealer: Rooflin, there you go with that word Roofilin, Roofilin. What the hell is a roofilin? Stu: Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer.

Stu: Fuck those guys. You hear me! That was bullshit, I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car. Phil: They let us go, who cares. Stu: I care. You can't just do that. You can't just tase people because you think it's funny! That is police brutality.

Mam in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack.

Mr. Chow: Why would I come after you guys. He starts screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk. Huh? Phil: I did that? Mr. Chow's Bodyguard: Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm and you wanted to take him home with you. Mr. Chow: Aaaah, fuck you.

Alan: How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me! Phil: Hey bro, you mind puttin on some pants? I find it weird that I have to ask twice.

Crowd: "You do Steroids!" Sean McDonough: "If you can't make it out, the fans chant you do steroids."

"I think you just get better. You just grow as a person, grow as a man and just try to figure out the best way to beat these guys."

You miss your family so much and then you do go on a holiday with them and then at that three day point you're like I need to get outta here.

"You don’t, you don't ride people. He kept talking to me he wouldn't stop."

"You're the man, Tiger!"

"You fucked it up to begin with, now sit there or leave."

" Yes, can."

_

"Your ass didn't know? Your ass better copy somebody."

"Hey baby, you're going to have to ride."

"You don't know how long I've waited for you."

Edward: "I'm just tryin to figure you out. You're very difficult to read." Bella: "Did you get contacts?" Edward: "No." Bella: "Your eyes were black the last time I saw you and now they're like golden brown." Edward: "Yeah I know, it's the uh, fluorescents."

"You're impossibly fast and strong, your skin is pale white and ice cold, your eyes change color and sometimes you speak like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything, you don't go out in the sunlight."

"See I tell you I can read minds and you think there's something wrong with you."

Bella: "I know what I saw." Edward: "What exactly was that?" Bella: "You stopped the van, you pushed it away with your hand." Edward: "Well nobody's gonna believe you."

Jon: "I am in a bad position here." Katie: "Boy you're smooth, you must have been great on your first date with your wife."

"You have to bring it!"

"When darkness had descended all across the land a lone voice in the distance uttered yes! we can! He gave good speechesn ever sweat, he was real good at the internets."

"Most of the reporters in this room probably worked on their High School newspapers, you are nerds. You precede from a different philosophy, not of certainty but of questioning. You are the questioners, the reality testers, the nit pickers that is why you are so annoying sometimes."

“Yo this ones for all the young conservatives. Yo…. one time…. I rep the Northeast and I’m still a young con, Let your voice release, you don’t have to be obamatrons. I debate any poser who don’t shoot straight, Government spending needs to deflate, Your ideas are lightweight, Ya careers in checkmate I frust...

"You fucking lied."

"As I was standing my ground without being violent or physical which I would never do. I told him, you know what I don't need to respect you and you're a fag. You're gay and stop being such a faggot. And then I knew I was going to set him off."

"You brought a snack."

Kirk: Whatever happens Mr. Sulu, if you think you have the tactical advantage you fire on that ship even if we are still on board. Sulu: Yes sir. Kirk: Otherwise we'll contact the Enterprise when we're ready to be beamed back. Sulu: Good luck.

Spock: Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a sub routine in the programming code by changing the conditions of the test. Kirk: Your point being? Counselor: An academic vernacular. You cheated.

Spock: Are you a memeber of Starfleet? Scotty: Umm, yes, can I get a towel? Spock: Under penalty of court marshall I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while travelling at warp. Scotty: Well... Kirk: Don't answer him. Spock: You will answer me.

Scotty: The notion of transwarp beamin is like tryin to hit a bullet with a smaller bullet while wearing a blindfold riding a horse. What's that? Spock Prime: Your equation for achieving transwarp beaming.

"Didn't change things it was another shut out for Spain; yet to be scored on in this Confederations Cup tournament."

John: "Hit the road sport, keep the tip. You ain't getting other people's hats and coats no more either." Woman: "Why did you do that?" John: "Because you're with me now."

"Lose your grip, Lucifer! Lose yourself! You snake!"

"You have no power. Lose your grip! Lose your grip Lucifer! You sex demon, lose your grip! The blood is against you."

"You have no power here! You have no power here! I command you to come out!"

"You didn't want to embrace him but on the other hand you didn't want to pull away either."

"You suck."

"It's obvious that you still need some intense motivation. Feeling that maybe you should consider desire implants."

"You asshole."

"Citizens of the human hive, your leaders have withheld the truth. You are not alone in this universe. We have lived among you, hidden but no more. As you've seen we can destroy your cities at will, unless you turn over this boy. If you resist us we will destroy the world as you know it."

"Oh you have much to learn my disciple."

Starscream: "Lord Megatron I was so relieved to hear of your resurrection." Megatron: "You left me to die on that pathetic insect planet." Starscream: "Only to help spawn our new army, The Fallen decrees it. After all in your absence someone had to take command."

"You're cheatin' heart…she's a super freak, super freak, she's super freaky."

Announcer: In the year 3000. Conan: YouTube, Twitter and Facebook will merge to form one super time wasting website called YouTwitFace. Announcer: In the year 3000.

Anna: "Oh my gosh it's really you. I'm Campbell Alexander, what can I do for you." Campbell: "You've seen my commercials." Anna: "That's why I'm here."

"Sooner or later you have to let go."

Sara: "What is she doing out of the hospital?" Brian: "We're going to the beach." Sara: "If you take her to the beach you're killing her. She's gonna die." Brian: "You better come because if you don't, I want a divorce."

"You'll bounce back…it's one of the advantages of being Sid."

"You see he number on the board, you see the man, Joey Chestnut…wow!"

"Remember Alaska… America is now, more than ever, looking North to the Future. It'll be good. So God bless you, and from me and my family - to ALL Alaska - you have my heart."

Husband: I earned those miles. Wife: Yeah you earned them flying to Denver to meet your whore. Husband: She's not afraid to express herself sexually if that's what you mean. Wife: She's a stripper for God's sake. Husband: She is not. Wife: Her name is Chastity. She is white trash, same as you, hillbilly!

You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!

Jeremy: You bit your tongue. Chazz Reinhold is not a kook. He is a brave and a decent man, he is a pioneer. John: He lived with his mother till he was 40, she tried to poison his oatmeal. Jeremy: Erroneous, erroneous, erroneous on both counts.

You banging the daughter and the grandma. How much jam you got man? Listen man, the family dog live downstairs, I can wake him up if you'd like - his name is snookie.

What were they like anyway? They look pretty good - are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What did you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? You motorboatin son of a bitch, you old sailor you!

Your goddamn negativity, I don't need it. I'm an idea man. I thrive on enthusiasm, don't think take the wind out of my sails, I need ya.

Jeremy: What do you mean what's wrong with me, what's wrong with you. John: No, what's wrong with you. Jeremy: No what's wrong with you. You're projecting. John: Drop it. Jeremy: You drop it, you stop projecting on me. Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood. John: Drop it. Je...