Fletch: You're serious. Chief Karlin: Ask anybody.

Gail Stanwyk: All this goes on the Underhills' bill? Fletch: Yeah, well, I saved his life during the war. Gail Stanwyk: You were in the war? Fletch: No, he was. I got him out.

Yeah. Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo.

Boobie Miles: You wanna know why" you ain't got a girl yet, Water Bug? Chris Comer: Why? Boobie Miles: You got the wrong shoes on, man.

You know God made black beautiful. God made Boobie beautiful, black and strong.

You quit reading your press clippings, all right?

Your husband hired me to kill him.

Teenager: Are you a cop? Fletch: As far as you know. Teenager: Are you gonna take me to jail for car theft? Fletch: Why? Did you steal the car? Teenager: I sure did. Fletch: Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime anymore. There've been a lot of changes in the law.

You know, Mo Green is out of the Tropicana now. My sons, Mike and Fredo, are taking over.

Fletch: You know, what tipped it for me was something your wife said while we were in bed together. Alan Stanwyck: Oh? And what was that? Fletch: Curiously, she said we had roughly the same build. From the waist up, I imagine.

Fletch: You haven't been schooled in the fundamentals. Pick and roll. Gail: Sounds like a fast food chain. Fletch: Reverse stuff. Gail: That I've done.

You're gonna need more men if you expect to get out of here alive.

Lee Christmas: You're not doing what I think you're doing? Barney Ross: Yeah, I am.

You can't let the contents of that safe fall into the wrong hands.

Fletch: Hi. Poppa Kakakis: What's your name, little lady? Fletch: My name? Peggy Lee... Zorba. Peggy Lee Zorba. Poppa Kakakis: You're cute!

Sheriff: You feel like makin' a statement? Fletch: A statement? "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

Bender: You threatening me? Vernon: What are you going to do about it? You think anybody's gonna believe you? You think anybody is gonna take your word over mine?

Oh, you're a real tough guy. Hey, hey. Come on. Get on your feet, pal! Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know, right now, how tough you are. Come on. I'll give you the first punch. Let's go. Come on. Right here. Just take the first shot. Please. I'm begging you. Take a shot. Right here. Come on! Just take o...

You called down the thunder......now, get ready for the boom!

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: And to God, too, of course. After all, he does give us our guidance now, doesn't he? Fletch: Amen! Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: You bet your ass.

Ben Dover: You gotta tag his toe. He got a name? Calculus: Eldridge Cleaver.

Tom Barbour: We reduce the experience to its essence. Fletch: Yeah, a bunch of sweaty drunks chasin' a scared animal. Tom Barbour: You're damn right.!

You haven't lived till you've been on a coon hunt, and after that, you don't want to.

Joe Jack: You own the company? Well, my granddaddy started it, then my daddy screwed Davidson out of his half, and now I own the whole thing. Joe Jack: Harley Davidson, no shit? Fletch: No shit! Joe Jack: Hey, y'all! Ed the Third here owns Harley Davidson! We're the Nazis from Natchez!

Becky: You better get cleaned up. Fletch: Yeah. Particularly my mind.

Peyton: He's a lab assistant. For God's sakes, let him breathe! Durant: You heard the doctor. Ventilate him.

You may bid him Godspeed.

You slept with Isabel?

Roz: Oh, honey, your father thought it would be fun to share stories about our first time. Greg: Really? That sounds like fun.

Come on, man. You know what that cowboy hat on the door means.

Oh, your father and I are throwing an engagement soire for you two lovebirds.

Roz: Well, you know, honey, many unplanned pregnancies happen because the man is such a sexual dynamo and the woman craves his sperm on an unconscious but very powerful level. Greg: Uh-huh. Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. Roz: No? Greg: No. I've been telling you that since I w...

I'm joking, of course. No. The good news is that I know who's behind our little troubles of late. When you retrieved my memorandum, you failed to excise the good doctor.

You truly are one ugly son of a bitch.

You... have... been... a... bad... boy.

You know, you think you know somebody after 25 years and then one day Israeli Intelligence comes to the door.

I know that you're studying my family like the frozen caveman. So I just, I don't want you to be worried, OK? I mean, they're a little quirky but they're really well-intentioned.

It's alright, you'll have plenty of opportunities to make it up to us.

You know, usually a woman calls a carpenter she's lookin' for the old "hammer and nail."

You testin' missiles here, or what?

You seem a little tense. Your shoulders are up over your ears.

You whore! I leave town for 5 minutes, you can't wait to leap into the sack with old Max!

Walter: You look great. Got a date? Anna: Yes, with the Marine Corps Band. I'm starting with the brass, and I'm working my way to the drum section.

You slept in the bedroom. I slept in the living room. Sex would have been a miracle.

Max: You must hate me. Anna: No. I used to hate you. Now I hate Walter. Max: Lucky guy.

You've taken a woman who loves you one of the great women on the face of this Earth and thrown her away. I've lost her too, but I'll get over it because I am shallow and self-centred. But you, you won't because you are complex.

You will suffer terrible anguish for the rest of your life. This is turning out to be a pretty good day.

Walter: You slept with Max, and I don't care. Anna: What? Walter: I don't care. Well, I care, but not enough for us to be apart.

You owe me on this one, you damned old boozehound. One of these days, you're gonna have to get your ass on a wagon and stay there. It's not like I don't have better things to do than climb towers and drag your hairy ass down.

Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say. The Grinch: I'm an idiot! Echo: You're an idiot! The Grinch: Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverbarates off the walls, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it. Echo: You're an idiot!

You don't have a chance with her. You're 8 years old and you have a beard!

Mayor Maywho: Yes, the book also says, the.... the award... cannot go to the Grinch, because sometimes things get the lead pipe cinch. Cindy: You made that up! lt doesn't say that. Mayor Maywho: No, it does. Cindy: What page? Mayor Maywho: Lost my place, but it's.... lt's in here!

Earl: No, you don't understand, Nestor. They come up from underneath the ground and they grab you. Rhonda: They sense the slightest vibration through the ground. Even footsteps. That's how they hunt.

You little ass wipe. You don't knock it off, you're going to be shitting this basketball.

Good, 'cause you have the only truck that can get up that Jeep trail.

Earl: Hey, you sorry sons of bitches. Hey, come and get my ass! Rhonda: Over here, you slime bucket! Come get me!

Melvin: Burt! You asshole! There are no bullets in this gun. Burt: Got you moving, didn't it?

Lou: You can't hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor... because it isn't about the gifts or the contests or the fancy lights. That's what Cindy's been trying to tell everyone. And me. She's been trying to tell me. Mayor Maywho: What is wrong with you? This is a child. Lou: She's my child. And she happens to be right, by the...

Cindy Lou Who: Your cheek's so... The Grinch: I know. Hairy. Cindy Lou Who: No. The Grinch: Greasy? Stinky? Do I have a zit? Cindy Lou Who: No. Warm.

That is not a chew toy! Stop it, Max! Get that out of your mouth! You have no idea where it's been!

You will have long, blonde hair, big green eyes, world-class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up!

Matt Lauer: You've spent $50 million of your own money studying time warps? Dr. Rick Marshall: No, that's adorable. No, taxpayers' money. I don't have $50 million.

Yeah. If you shot a ton of pot at the sun, would it burn up and get everybody high?

Holly: You are not a coward. You're a visionary. This is probably the greatest work of genius in the last 100 years. Chorus Line Playing on Tac Amp: God, I hope I get it! I hope I get it How many... Holly: Is that A Chorus Line?

Well done. You've now just given murderous primitives the power of fire.

What is wrong with you people? That sandpit swallowed us! I mean, can you all please act like this doesn't happen every single day? You're starting to make me feel really stupid.

You're gonna wish you had three hands.

You and I are so smart!

You were riding him like Seabiscuit, mom.

Greg: Yeah, Dom Focker, that's my dad's first cousin. Did you meet his kids, Randy and Orny? Jack: I've met Randy and Orny, yes. Greg: Yeah.

Dina: You look very handsome tonight, Jack. Jack: Oh, well thank you, honey. What are you doing to my ears?

You've been injected with a highly concentrated dose of sodium pentothal, street name "truth serum". You will have no recollection of this in a few minutes. And tonight, for the first time in your life, my young friend, you are going to be honest.

You don't like me? It's OK. I don't like your little red outfit. Makes you look like a little demon baby. Maybe I'll get you a pitchfork for Christmas, huh? So we can put you on a can of Underwood ham.

Will: He's about to tap that ass. Rick: Would you shut up? He's not about to tap that ass. You're right. He's totally tapping that ass.

Dr. Rick Marshall: Oh, Jees! Would you grow up? Holly Cantrell: Oh, my God! Dr. Rick Marshall: Yes, he pooped me out! Will Stanton: Ugh! And now you guys are friends? Dr. Rick Marshall: While I was snaking my way through his bowels, I don't know, I... I must have dislodged some sort of intestinal blockage. A...

You were deuced out by a dinosaur. That is incredibly cool.

You've got soul.

Y'all don't give a shit about me! I gonna need a sponge bath.

If you’ve been successful, you didn’t get there on your own. You didn’t get there on your own. I’m always struck by people who think, well, it must be because I was just so smart. There are a lot of smart people out there. It must be because I worked harder than everybody else. Let me tell you something — there are ...

If you’ve got a business -- you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.

You don't want to mess with me, man!

You're gonna have to think and act just like a tight butt white man with a 401K plan and a country club membership.

Lori: Doug? Honey, are you all right? You were dreaming. Doug? Was it about Mars? ...Is that better? Douglas Quaid: Hmm. Lori: My poor baby. This is getting to be an obsession.

Come on, baby. You know you're the girl of my dreams.

Douglas Quaid: Ever heard of Rekall? Harry: Recall? Douglas Quaid: They sell those fake memories. Harry: Oh, "Rekall, Rekall, Rekall." You thinking of going there? Douglas Quaid: I don't know, maybe. Harry: Well, don't. Douglas Quaid: Why not? Harry: A friend of mine tried one their "special offers," nea...

You are somebody. You're the man I love.

Lori: Listen to me, Sweetheart. Those assholes at Rekall have fucked up your mind. You're having paranoid delusions. Quaid: You call this a delusion?

Quaid: Excuse me, what's that? Burly Miner: You mean the Pyramid Mine? I used to work there until they found that alien shit inside. Quaid: Well, it's a rumor isn't it? Burly Miner: Ha! Think so?

Tony: You got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Hauser. Quaid: Look who's talking.

Melina: You son of a bitch! You're alive? I thought that Cohaagen tortured you to death! Quaid: I guess he didn't.

You ever fuck a mutant?

You weren't around in the '60s, man. This is how we got things done.

You've insulted me, my wife, my son, our entire way of life. I've sat back and taken it, but now you've crossed the line, sir, and I am gonna have to kick your ass.

Your son has merely been stunned by a less-than-lethal weapon. Remain calm. 50,000 volts of electricity are now passing into your skeletal muscle tissue. Your nervous system has been incapacitated, but you will regain motor functions momentarily.

Jack: You're gonna be a great mom, Pamcake. Pam: Thank you, Daddy.

Rhonda LeBeck: And you two must be Val and Earl. I've heard all about you. Earl: We deny everything.

Yeah, Burt. The way you worry you'll get a heart attack before you get a chance to survive World War III.

You didn't get penetration even with the elephant gun.

Quaid: He's lying. Melina: You two faced bastard! Cohaagen: You can't blame him, angel. He's innocent.

Quaid: You know you're lying. Hauser turned against you. Cohaagen: Uh uh. That's what we wanted you to think. Fact is, Hauser volunteered to become "Doug Quaid." It was the only way to fool the psychics.

You see, it's my body you've got there and I want it back.

You're going to be respectful, compliant, and appreciative. The way a woman should be.

Quaid: Come on, Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give those people air! Cohaagen: My friend, in five minutes, you won't give a shit about the people. Fire it up, Doc! Richter: Excuse me, Doctor, is he gonna remember any of this? Doctor: Not a thing. Richter: Oh, really?

You think this is the real Quaid? It is.

You're gonna make me blush. And you might not see it!

Sistah Girl: You sound like a 14 year old white chick. Undercover Brother: I don't think so, Sister Girl. Sistah Girl: It's Sistah Girl, dude.

You should have run her narrow ass over.

You see what's happening, don't you? You see how we're being corrupted by their hip and now fashion, and their cool slang you can't help but use.

Y'all gonna make me lose my mind up in here!

You ready to play some funky music, white boy?

Undercover Brother: It's all over, man! Mr. Feather: You want some drama? Then bring it.

You mess with the 'fro, you got to go.

Undercover Brother: You know what they say, "Behind every great Black man..." Conspiracy Brother: ...Is the police. Undercover Brother: Na no, no... Smart Brother: ...A bunch of slow white athletes? Undercover Brother: No. White She Devil: ...A cute butt? Undercover Brother: No Lance: ...Probable cause? ...

You know, he does have a point about that Colonel. I never trusted the Colonel! Slaves cooked that chicken! Ain't no white man know about no 16 herbs and spices and giblets!

Phil Weston: Excuse Me. Hey, you didn't need to take up two spots! Obnoxious Hummer Lady: Actually, I do. Look at the size of this bad boy, huh? This is cute, though, huh? You're saving the environment for all of us. Go hemp! Ha ha!

Aaron: You want to tape ourselves having sex for two hours before I go to work? Daphne: Oh, you're so funny. I love you.

Gary: You have a problem with me eating a hot dog, guy? I'm trying to watch the game and have a hot dog. Johnny O: I'll smack him in his head. Gary: No, just leave him alone.

Brooke: Gary? Gary: Yeah? Oh, come on! Really? Brooke: You got three lemons. Gary: What my baby wants, my baby gets. You know that. Brooke: Yeah, but I wanted 12. Baby wanted 12. Gary: Why would you want 12 lemons? Brooke: Because I'm making a 12-lemon centerpiece. Gary: So, no one's actually even eating...

Yeah. Okay, all the talking is really starting to drain me, and now I'm gonna have to watch the highlights later to see what I missed here.

Phil: You don't wanna be the kid who has such suppressed rage that his heart's about to burst through his chest. You don't wanna be the kid that when he thinks about what his dad did to him... I know that kid. I know. That kid lives right here in this house! Sam: Mom! Phil: Oh. Mom!

Phil: May the best man win? Buck: Oh, he will. Yeah.

You're both better different in a different but better way.

Sergio's security guard: You all are fucked! Sergio: He's not wrong. Everyone loves chicken. I'm doing fine. Please, people, help me help you. Y'all need to come up with some brilliant ideas right now.

I got six fucking kids! You know how much money that is to put them through school? You know how many Air Jordans six black kids wear?

Mark: You know, I like to keep my pimp hands strong. You dig, cracker? You feel me? Phil: W... What does that mean? Mark: I really don't know.

Phil: Actually, uh, I, I want you to assistant coach. Ditka: Your assistant coach? ...You really don't know who l am, do you?

You have to mind fuck Aldous Snow. He's a drug addict, Aaron. You have to show him balance. People want to see him fucked up, but they don't want to see him too fucked up. If this is fucked up and this is sober, right here, that's the perfect balance right there.

You can fuck me all you want, but you gonna change that goddamn pink.

Cindy Lou Who: You're the... the... the... the... The Grinch: The... the... the Grinch!

You know, you're so holier-than-thou about being a doctor. You know, just 'cause you're a doctor doesn't make you a good person. The Nazis have doctors, Daphne.

You know, here's some medical advice from your Nazi doctor. Herpes is incurable.

Aldous: Yeah, yeah, right. Hey, Aaron! Have you ever drunk absinthe, like from the 1900s? Aaron: No. Aldous: Picasso drank it.

What you did was very spiteful. But it was also very brave and very honest, and I respect you for doing that, but the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, peppered with hate. Hateful respect.

You are now in the power position. You hold all the power in your ass. He will do whatever you want him to do.

Aldous: You're being selfish. Aaron: I'm gonna clench and sneeze. Aldous: Is it still in? Aaron: I think I broke a rib.

Okay, you know what? You got me. All right? The finches were a bad idea. And l wasn't going to say this, but l think some of them have salmonella. A fair amount, in fact. I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.

Funny, isn't it? You get rich and then everything comes free.

Jonathan: You remember that first strip club I brought you to? Aldous: I do. Fondly. Very fondly.

You're gonna die on your own, old man. You're gonna die and I'm gonna fucking laugh when you die, you old cunt.

You cannot outrun me! I am black!

You know, the three of us could have a threesome. Hypothetically. We've got the utensils.

Sam: Why don't our two new players speak any English? Phil: Because they're ltalian. You didn't know English that whole first year of your life. You had that made up, like, goo goo, gaa gaa baby language. lt was really irritating. Sam: Dad.

Sam: You gotta lighten up. Phil: He started it!

You step on this field, this is all about you. I mean, I'm not gonna be the one staying up late at night, you know, punching a hole through the window or crying myself to sleep or wetting my bed. Okay? That's not gonna be me.

Ann Hogan: Ease up on him. Phil: You just ease up that corduroy jacket or yours.

Brooke: "Yeah, I think I'm gonna get Brooke some flowers." Gary: You said on our very first date that you don't like flowers, that they're a waste of money. Brooke: Every girl likes flowers, Gary. Gary: You said that you don't like flowers. I'm supposed to take that to mean that you do like flowers?

Brooke: You think that I nag you? Gary: That's all you do! All you do is nag me! "The bathroom's a mess." "Your belt doesn't match." "Hey, Gary, you should probably go work out." Nothing I ever do is ever good enough! I just want to be left the hell alone!

You keep it.

Johnny O: You're probably right. She's probably not sleeping with anybody. Gary: No. Not what it's about. Okay. Johnny O: Maybe she's with another guy, maybe she's not. Gary: She's not. Johnny O: I don't know. I'm not Columbo. Okay?

You know, your personal life is your personal life. But you look like shit. And when you look like shit, Marilyn Dean looks like shit, and now it is my business. And when it comes to my business, I don't like anything that's distracting. So, I want you to take the rest of the day off to be sad and then come back to ...

Gary: You know what? Let's just... Why don't we let them decide? Brooke: Gary, don't. No. Don't involve them, okay? That's unnecessary. Gary: What's wrong, Castro? Brooke: Castro? Gary: Well, Castro doesn't let people vote as a team.

Addie: You just had your ex-boyfriend, who you wish you were still dating, voted off the bowling team. Brooke: Well, I had to do that to get him right where I want him. Addie: Where's that? Shirtless in the parking lot?

Donna: Donna Jones. Phil: Hi. Donna: You can call me ''Chief.''

Okay. Be forewarned, muchacho. You're in the show now.

Danielle: You could've even kicked him in the face. Sam: Kicked him in the face? Leigh: You know how to fight dirty. You do that for a living.

You're gonna learn about loss.

Leigh: Besides, maybe this Drama teacher from the college will get her excited about something, you know? Sam: Yeah, about him, probably.

I mean, marijuana, what's marijuana? You and I smoked a little dope in our time.

Yeah, you've got to put up with the bad music and the $15 drinks, but this place is stacked with top-shelf, young, dumb ass. All you gotta do is just separate the weaker ones from the herd.

You can doodle. You can dance. You can bake a goddamn gingerbread house. I don't give a shit. But in my room, I want to relax and watch my highlights in complete surround-sound experience.

Brooke: You're just embarrassed because Richard kicked your ass. Gary: Richard did not kick my ass. What Richard did was attack me when I was half asleep. Brooke: Really? Is that how you see it? Gary: There's a really big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with tr...

Gary: You call yourself an artist? Brooke: Yes! Gary: A three-year-old with a box of crayons could do a better job than this. Brooke: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have the great talent of standing on top of a big red bus and pointing out architecture that other great men have built!

You don't know what suffering is, Counselor.

You need to look at yourselves. Honestly, this isn't how people live.

You're just a fucking junkie. And you're smart, so you make your insanity sound good, but it's bullshit.

You're Aldous Snow, man. You make people happy by doing what you love to do. And that's fucking awesome.

You ever heard of a fucking... A British rock and roll star dying? No, none of them die. Mick Jagger. Keith Richards. Those Led Zeppelin.., Them motherfuckers old as fuck! Fucking Ozzy Osbourne's gonna outlive Miley Cyrus!

You're damn lucky to have her, boy.

Cady: 'Cause I'm just one hell of an animal. Lori: Yeah? Do tell.

You stake out a couple of your goats and hide in a tree.

You know, Leigh, why is it... why is it that whenever I have a private phone conversation, you assume that I'm fucking someone, huh? Why is that?

Sam: Oh. Oh, honey, there's nothing the matter. Danielle: Yeah, I can see, Dad.

You don't have the balls to walk out,...

Leigh: What did you think? You thought maybe I was going to kill myself? Over you? Sam: Who else? Leigh: You pompous ass.

Sam: I mean, you know when you gravitate to people in the same world as you... Leigh: You gravitate to women.

You threatening me? You Threatening Me?

You catch on fast.

You a cop? Or were you a cop? Or were you not good enough to remain on the force? 'Cause, you know that's the feeling I'm getting here.

You can't smoke grass in school.

Well, nonetheless, you can't escape your demons just by leaving home.

Jack Bondurant: You want any more of this stuff? Floyd Banner: As much as you can bring me.

You push yourself trying to achieve the impossible, because you know that when that moment comes that everything you've done up to that moment has prepared you for victory!

Brooke: You've lost some weight. Gary: Well, it's very deceiving, actually. I've managed to become thin without having any real muscle on me whatsoever. Very tough thing to accomplish, by the way. I'm proud of myself.

Ted: Oh! There it is. Annie: There we go. Oh! That feels good. Ted: You know what to do.

Aubrey: What's your name? Fat Amy: Fat Amy. Aubrey: You call yourself Fat Amy? Fat Amy: Yes, so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back.

Yeah. We're on the same page. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, either. Let's just say that. Whatever you wanna... I can do... I'd rather just... I like simple... I'm not like other girls. I'm not like, "Be my boyfriend!" Unless you were like, "Yeah!" Then I'd be like, "Maybe."

You guys are gonna get pitch-slapped so hard, your man boobs are gonna concave.

You're looking like pieces of bacon on a plate. It's disgusting! I smell the fat!

Hey! Hey! If you want to take this class, you're going to have to pay for it like the rest of these bitches!

You have warned me so many times and you have yet to fire me. I think you and I both know that to find and train somebody new, it's gonna cost you time, and it's gonna cost you money, and I don't think you want to spend either one of those. Now....

Jonathan Snow: You never would have made it without me. Aldous: I did make it without you. I made it in spite of you.

You cannot trust anybody, ever. Especially someone you're in a relationship with. 'Cause they're living with you, you don't know who you're sleeping next to. It is scary. I mean, look at him. He may not even be Asian.

Becca: Let's start it again. I'm Becca. Kevin: Rewind. Becca: This is my husband. You don't have a husband... Sorry.

Annie: You read my... You read my journal? Brynn: At first, I did not know that it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad, hand-written book.

Ohh. You're really doing it, aren't you? You're really shitting in the street.

You're making me uncomfortable.

Your hair looks burned.

You know what? It's getting really late. You should probably go. I'm going to miss you so much.

Megan: I just had some thoughts about the bachelorette party. Okay, here we go. Easy-peasy. Vegas it is. Annie: Helen called you, didn't she? Megan: Yeah, she got the jump on you.

Flight Attendant Steve: You have three seconds to get back to your seat. Annie: You can't get anywhere in three seconds. Flight Attendant Steve: Well, you'd better try. Annie: You are setting me up for a loss already.